Jealous Assistant (6.01)
(At Marcy's house)
Monk, Natalie and Marcy were sitting uncomfortably in silence. Marcy was thinking about how Natalie was intruding on her private time with Adrian. She didn't like Natalie a bit, and wanted to find an excuse to get Adrian away from her. Natalie, meanwhile, was thinking the same about Marcy, and treated her as an obsessed, annoying fan who had nothing better to do. She was counting down the seconds to six o'clock. Monk, in the middle of it, was conflicted but aware of the tension between the two women. Adding that to the unconventional house where he was, Monk seriously thought about shutting his brain down for the afternoon.
"Let's play a game. It's called 'Who Knows Adrian Monk the Best,'" Marcy interrupted.
Monk and Natalie looked at each other in bewilderment. Of all things, Marcy proposed perhaps the worst and most crazy idea yet. Even though both of them were reluctant to play, they had few alternatives to passing the hour. They agreed, and Marcy explained the rules. She and Natalie were to draw a question from a hat – which Marcy already made, no need wondering why – and the other person was to answer the question. Monk would be the judge.
Natalie picked first, and asked the question on the paper, "What is Adrian Monk's favorite color?"
Marcy responded, "White, of course." She then picked a question, "Where did Adrian Monk go for college?"
"Berkeley," Natalie replied. She didn't think the questions were that easy, or so normal. "How much toothpaste does Adrian Monk use to brush his teeth each morning?" Ok, judgment reversed.
Marci answered with a grin, which showed her teeth but caused Monk to look away, "Enough paste from the fourth bristle of each end to the other, which comes out to be 1/64 of a whole toothpaste bar." Monk looked at her with surprise but could not deny her response.
"Ok, that's just creepy. Plus, how would you know that exact?" Natalie questioned.
"Of course I know how. What do you think of me, dense? Anyway, do you know how much toothpaste he uses every night?"
"Eh…" Natalie was half-thinking of an answer, and half-trying to tune Marcy out. She was obsessed and totally crazy, beyond any sense of normal. Monk fortunately stepped in, "That's ok. You do not need to answer that, Natalie. Can we go on with the game?"
Shooting a grin of triumph, Marcy took her turn to ask, "How many women have kissed Adrian Monk, besides Trudy or his mother?"
Natalie took a while to count. She remembered Monk telling her about Monica from five years ago, and also when he and Sharona posed as a couple. But there was no way she could remember his whole life before she started working for him. While smothering a grin, she also remembered that Christmas when she kissed him outside her doorstep. That made it…"Three".
"Wrong," Marcy denied, "It's two."
"What! No, it's three."
"Two."
"Three."
"Ok, Adrian, you decide. Is it two or three?"
Monk twitched his neck and thought of the question in mild horror. "I'd rather not think about it. In fact, I'd rather not think about anything."
"Ok, Marcy, you list it out. Which two are they?"
"Fine, Natalie. They are Monica Waters, four years, five months and thirteen days ago, and Sharona, three years, a month, twenty-five days ago. What have you got?"
Natalie rolled her eyes. It had to be Marcy to have remembered the exact dates. "Well, Marcy, I agree with you. But someone else kissed him. You just didn't remember that."
Marcy was confused. She was also angry because Natalie was challenging her, and obviously lying. "Well, then, Ms. Smarty-pants, who is the third?"
Monk and Marcy looked at Natalie. She didn't want to mention that kiss she gave Monk in the snow. It was a special, almost intimate moment that Marcy didn't deserve to know. On the other hand, she felt proud of kissing Adrian Monk, albeit on the cheek, while Marcy didn't. Seeing the tension and inquisitive looks from Monk and Marcy, she told them about that kiss.
Monk was taken aback. He, of course, remembered it well. Even though he cherished the moment, he didn't want to comment on it in front of Marcy. Marcy, on the other hand, wasn't so accepting, "You're lying. Why would Adrian want to kiss you? Besides, if you did kiss him, he must have wiped it off. I mean, you don't count."
"What do you mean it doesn't count? A kiss is a kiss. And I'm proud of it. It meant a lot for me. Plus, Adrian didn't wipe it off. Ask him."
Their attentions turned to Monk who was crouching away in the far corner of the couch. He felt the room closing in on him, rapidly, and with nothing but women's lips and women's kisses on his mind. He also imagined Natalie and Marcy sharpening their claws at each other, ready to pounce at any moment. Claws and kisses. Claws and kisses. All together, closing in…
Monk jumped up slightly and looked at the two women. He was desperate for a way out. He did the easy thing, declare a ceasefire: "Let's stop playing. Marcy, how about if you tell us about the case?"
(Back at Monk's apartment, after opening Marcy's package)
Natalie was removing all the oddities from Marcy's package. "Look, Mr. Monk, it's the hat and the questions of the game we played. Wow, I can't believe there are so many," she commented with irony.
Monk peered at the box. The contents, including his pants which was probably decomposed already, did not excite him a bit. He was planning to call the incinerator and burn the box on the spot, rather than carry the burden of throwing it out.
"Hey, look at this! Marcy drew a big X and, is that what I think it is?"
Natalie held up the infamous "How many women kissed Adrian Monk" question paper, which now had a big red X with a hastily drawn head that resembled Natalie. Monk could see the frayed edges where the pen bore into the paper.
"By the way, Natalie, you were right. It was three. And I did remember the moment when you kissed me on the porch," Monk told her with a wink.
Natalie looked at Monk with surprise. Did Adrian Monk just wink at her? What was that about? Eager to find out, she followed Monk to the kitchen while playing with the dolls that Marcy had sent. She was actually thankful for Marcy, since she could now tease Monk in many ways.
In the kitchen, Monk turned around and asked, "How did you know how many…um…kisses?"
Natalie smiled and pointed to a magnet on the kitchen door. Lined evenly with three others of Trudy was a picture of Monk, Julie and her during Christmas two years ago. She explained that she saw it that morning, and remembered it since.
"That's good, Natalie. Wow. It's a good clue."
"You know what that needs, as a reward?"
Monk looked around uncomfortably. The question was rhetorical. It's just a way of making him do it. He slowly walked up to Natalie and gave her a 'clue hug'. For some reason, he did not feel scared when hugging Natalie; in fact, he enjoyed it. He could get used to giving her more hugs, perhaps encouraging her to be more like a junior detective. Feeling proud of Natalie, Monk gave he a full hug of clues and congratulations.
