Episode: Minimal Loss
Derek and JJ left to go sit elsewhere as Rossi moved to seat himself across from Hotch. His friend was slouched over, tapping his foot impatiently, hand clasped together in front of his mouth, eyes staring blankly out the window.
"Hotch, they'll be fine."
"They have weapons. The whole sect is armed."
"And Prentiss and Reid have their wits. They know what to do and you have to trust them," Rossi leaned forward, studying Hotch's behaviour.
"Don't start profiling me, Dave," Hotch sighed, exasperatedly.
"Maybe I wouldn't if you'd tell me what you're thinking," He responded slowly. "Hotch, what is this really about?"
Emily could die and all she'd ever think of me is that I go to her for advice. But she means so much more and I'll never get a chance to tell her.
"Hello, earth to Hotch?"
"Sorry, I just... I'm worried about them."
Rossi nodded his head, looking out the window too.
"All the more reason to get them out as soon as possible."
OoOoOoOoO
"Dave," Hotch paused, trying to regain composure. "They've left the choice of hostage negotiators up to me."
"I taught most of the hostage negotiation unit, you wanna recommendation?"
"I'm making you the lead negotiator," He knew it was a longshot, but Hotch had realised on the car ride over that he just flat out wouldn't trust anyone else with Emily and Reid's lives.
"Me?"
"Why go to the students when I have the teacher?"
"Because the teacher is emotionally involved and so is the Agent in Command."
You have no idea, Dave.
"I agree it's a unique situation but we have two agents who could affect the outcome on the inside."
"True, but I can't be objective, I know them too well!"
"This outcome depends as much on our ability to predict the moves of Prentiss and Reid as Cyrus!" Hotch practically hissed out Cyrus' name. Anyone who was going to keep his agents captive was no friend to him. "That's why you're the best man for the job."
"Assuming that Reid and Prentiss are still in a condition to make moves!" Immediately after speaking, Rossi felt a pang of regret for his words. They were the truth. A harsh truth that he knew hit Hotch deeply when he saw the look on his face. He didn't hide it though, which worried Rossi. If he couldn't assume his usual stoic expression, then what was whirling around in his head? He knew better than anybody that if everyone on the team didn't remain unbiased and calm, they would lose their two friends and possibly more.
"I know how bad this is, which is why I want you doing the talking." It was a plea to help him. Rossi wondered why, after so long, a case was affecting Hotch this badly.
"Alright."
OoOoOoOoOoO
"Now, the three child services workers."
"One of them is dead." Cyrus replied, calmly. "It wasn't us."
Hotch's blood turned to ice and his head dropped down. He flashed to thoughts of Spencer, realising that if he had died, it would have been the second time he'd failed him. And it wasn't like he recovered quickly the first time.
And Emily. What if it was Emily? The thought of her lying, dead, while they couldn't go in there to at least retrieve the body made him want to do something irrational, stupid. He wanted to scream and kick something. But instead, he held his head down, trying to hold his feelings intact and listen to the rest of their conversation.
"I need a name, to inform the family."
"Her name was Nancy Lund."
Hotch blinked back tears, his eyes burning. She was alive. He didn't know in what state and he didn't know if he'd be able to get her back soon, but she was alive.
Maybe everything would be alright.
OoOoOoOoOoOoO
No, no, no, no, no, this couldn't be happening. Why would the news report on them being there? Why would they break their cover? Didn't they know they could kill Reid and Emily?
Hotch began pacing back and forth as he watched the clip play before him. Off to the side, Derek kicked a small rock, sending it flying towards the building. Rossi and JJ gave each other looks, quickly turning off the video clip.
"Guys... we have an audio." Hotch's head shot up as Rossi pulled a pair of headphones on. Derek and Hotch did so as well, just in time to hear Emily speak.
"Me. It's me."
For a moment, silence. What had happened? What was going on? Hotch heard the rustling noise, praying that it wasn't the gun he knew Cyrus had. Instead, a collection of painful whimpers and moans from Emily. She was being dragged away. Away from Reid and Cyrus' men.
No, Emily, God, please not Emily.
"I told you not to put me in this position!"
More moans, groans, a harsh slapping sound and a small thud as Emily fell to the ground. It was all Hotch could do not to pull the headphones off and just burst in there. But he knew that if he did that, he'd be signing her death warrant. Guilt rushed through him as he heard a harsh kicking sound and Emily's groan as she fell yet again.
"We gotta go in," There was no maybe about it, he needed to get in there.
"We'd be risking the lives of everyone in there." Hotch yanked the headphones off in frustration, wanting to throw them at Rossi and just burst through those doors to save the only person he had ever felt truly understood him.
"Get up!" Cyrus hissed, punching Emily, who crashed into a mirror, effectively shattering it.
"Leviticus 20:30 tells us 'Blows and wounds cleanse away evil," A grunt from Cyrus and a thud as Emily hit something hard.
Hotch gritted his teeth, feeling every ounce of the pain Emily was. A raspy voice came over the headphones. Her voice. It sounded so defeated, yet strong. So weak and yet so powerful.
"I can take it."
"Oh, you can take it?" A slap and then a cry from Emily.
"Wait, wait, listen to what she's saying."
Hotch turned to Rossi, fully intending to scream, "You asshole, I'm already listening to her get beaten while not being able to do anything and you want me to find hidden meanings?!"
"I can take it." There was a hitch at the end of her sentence and all Hotch could focus on was the wavering in her words.
"She's antagonizing him!" Derek's voice, too, had a waiver and Hotch knew that this was messing with him as well.
"She's not talking to him," Rossi's voice was calm, soft even.
"She's talking to us, she's telling us not to come in."
Emily. His Emily. He didn't even ponder the thought, just listened closer, wanting for her to say something more. To say a message for him.
"Pride comes before people," More groans of pain and suddenly nothing. Hotch could feel tears pricking at his eyes as he gritted his teeth. Derek tossed his headphones back onto the table as Rossi pulled the headphones off his head as if they'd stung him.
Emily we'll get to you. If I have to run in there myself and risk my own life, I swear that we will get you out of there.
OoOoOoOoO
Hotch stared at the screen, watching Derek retrieve the small girl. Emily was in there. Emily was probably injured and bleeding and in pain. Hotch gritted his teeth and turned away. She was right there. But they couldn't go in. They had to sit in waiting, never straying from their posts.
Hotch couldn't count all the times he'd mentally promised himself that he'd make it up to her somehow. All he wanted, all he needed was to be able to get in there.
But he'd need to wait just a little bit longer.
OoOoOoOoOo
"I know I can't go in there."
"I'm going," Rossi's voice was soft, accepting of his duty. He knew, without saying, that Hotch was entrusting the two agents lives with him. It was a gesture he was a bit surprised by, having seen Hotch's reaction to Emily's attack. Surprised, but touched.
"If something happens to Prentiss or Reid, I..." He trailed off, unable to complete the sentence.
"You're not alone."
But I am, Hotch thought to himself as he stared down at the compound. He knew that Rossi was profiling his every move, but he didn't care. If Emily made it back safe, he'd proclaim his love for her from rooftops.
Love. He was in love with her. God, how could he be so blind? How could he have ignored the signs he himself was giving off? Unconsciously, he touched the finger that used to bear his wedding ring. Now, only a thin, sallow white tan line stayed.
He felt Rossi move away, leaving Hotch to his own devices. His mind whirled, his breaths soft in the night air. It was closing in on 3 and he knew he should be prepping. But he couldn't. Something was preventing him from tearing his gaze away from the compound; something was forcing him to scan each window over and over and over, searching for a face.
And that something was named Emily Prentiss.
"I love you," He whispered, his voice soft and going undetected by the various people around him.
He only wished he could tell her.
OoOoOoOoOoO
He watched her stumble out of the building, bloodied, bruised and beautiful. He watched her stumble towards him. He wanted to reach out and pull her into a hug, but instead he gazed back at her, their eyes stopping on each other's for a fleeting moment before she turned back to the blaze, calling out for her teammates. He could feel the pain of losing her beginning to ebb away and the bittersweet tears building. But he kept it in.
At least, until that night.
They were scheduled to leave later that day, but nobody on the team except for Emily and JJ (because of her pregnancy) could sleep. Emily tried to stay up with the team, sitting on a couch in the lobby with Hotch on one side of her, Derek on the other. They made easy conversation, Emily slowly beginning to fade so far that she stopped speaking, her eyes drooping shut.
"Prentiss, go to sleep," Hotch's voice was soft, tender. Everyone glanced up, surprised at his tone.
"No, I'm fine..." Her voice trailed off into a huge yawn. Rossi smiled and Derek nudged her foot lightly.
"Hey, Princess, go sleep, ok? We'll all be here in the morning but if you try and keep up this lack of sleep thing, you may not be."
Emily rolled her eyes, but stood, swayed, then toppled down suddenly into Hotch's arms.
"Hey," He murmured softly, a small smile turning up the corners of his mouth. It disappeared as he stood up, sliding his arm around her waist. Hotch was practically carrying her to the elevators as he mumbled out a quick goodnight to the rest of the team, his attention diverting back to Emily almost as fast.
The elevator ride was made in silence, Hotch having to shake Emily slightly when they got to their floor, seeing as she'd dozed off. They made their way down the hallway in silence, Emily trying to protest as she realised he was taking her to his room. Hotch silenced her by running his thumb along her lips, gently pulling it up to the bruise that circled her eye. Emily stared up at him as his face creased in worry at the sight of her injuries.
"It's not that bad," She whispered as Hotch opened the door to his room, pulling her in by the waist.
"Sure, sure. Go sleep, Emily. I have some shirts in there if you don't want to wear what you are."
"But this is your bed, I can't just-" She was silenced again by Hotch stepping over, running his hand over the side of her face.
"You scared me today, Agent Prentiss," He whispered, his voice close to cracking. "God, you scared me so much. I... thought you were dead."
"Hotch, I'm right here. Don't worry, I'm not leaving."
"But you weren't here. You were in there and you were..." He sucked in his breath, not realising as his forehead dropped down to rest on hers and his hands went around her waist. "I had to listen. And when it went quiet, Emily, I just wanted to run in there and kill the son of a bitch who did that to you. You are never allowed to do that again, Agent Prentiss, do you hear me?"
She exhaled slowly, the breaths soft against Hotch's neck. "I know," the words were whispery against his skin and he had to almost physically fight the urge to not kiss her. "I'll try not to die on you again."
"You should sleep, come on, you're still pretty shaky."
So they walked together down the small hallway and into the room. Hotch made sure she sat down on the bed before he pulled the shirt off her. It wasn't sexual, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't notice her creamy pale skin, her breasts covered by a bra that Hotch had no desire to remove. He pulled an old t-shirt from his suitcase, sliding it down over Emily's body. Carefully, aware that she had more injuries, he slid her pants off as well, tugging at her shoes and socks, trying to ignore the fact that he was currently running his hands down her legs and she wasn't even saying anything.
Standing up and sitting beside her, Hotch saw why. Emily was slouched over slightly, eyes closed, sleeping. Hotch smiled gently and pulled her up onto the bed, arranging her slowly so that she was lying under the covers. Pausing for a moment, Hotch threw caution to the wind and changed quickly into a t-shirt and boxers, sliding in beside her and wrapping an arm around Emily's waist. Leaning forward, Hotch pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, murmuring the three words he realised she would never hear.
I love you.
OoOoOoOoO
"We should wake them."
"But they look so CUTE."
"Those're the pregnancy hormones speaking."
"We'll be down in half an hour, let Emily sleep."
JJ and Derek's eyes widened and they stepped back quickly as Hotch spoke, his voice gravelly with sleep.
"Sorry, we just... the plane's leaving pretty soon," Derek bit his lip awkwardly, trying to think of a better reason for walking in on Hotch and Emily sleeping together.
At least they were both clothed.
"We'll go now. Sorry for waking you," JJ quickly pushed Derek out the door as Emily began to stir.
"What time is it?"
"About half an hour before we have to leave for the jet."
"Oh. Why are you here?"
"Well this is my room..."
"No, I mean-"
"I know what you mean," Hotch smiled down at her, noting for the second time how beautiful she was. "You fell asleep and were having nightmares." It wasn't a complete lie, she had kicked a bit in the night.
"Sorry, did I hurt you?"
"Emily," Hotch's voice was laced with laughter as his fingers danced through her hair. "You're covered in bruises and you're worried if I'm hurt?"
"I guess so. Can you grab my clothes?"
And with that, the two of them pulled out of bed, getting dressed, showering and finally stepping to the door. Hotch frowned at the door, looking around for Emily and eventually finding her standing in front of the large window.
"Hey, we should go," He spoke, his arm going immediately around her waist. The sun was beginning to rise as he spoke and Emily leaned on his shoulder lightly.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" she sighed. "Despite everything, it really is beautiful."
"Yeah, it is," Hotch replied. But he wasn't looking out the window. He was staring down at the woman in his arms, tugging her closer to his body and inhaling the scent of her hair. "Some might even say perfect."
My Fault – Imagine Dragons
