A/N – I wanted to give a massive thanks to everyone who has been reviewing/alerting, it's really given me the kick I needed to focus on writing again. I had a bit of a stumble for a while and lost all my words but I feel back on track now, so thank you!

I am throwing a lot at Santana and I do love the angst-factor, I'm covering a lot of ground here and there are going to be ups and downs and hopefully I do everything justice. I will be delving more into Santana's parents and their side of things too as well as the main focus on Pezberry.

And enough of my babbling…

"Sweetie, will you at least sit down? You're starting to make me dizzy."

Rachel let out a loud huff as she continued to pace back and forth across the kitchen, her eyes barely meeting her fathers in a scowl before flicking back to the phone clutched in her hand. True to her word the second Rachel had stepped foot in her house she had been dialling Santana's number to check up on her but apart from that one very short conversation and a brief stop it I said I was okay text Rachel had little else to ease her worries.

"I'm sure she's fine." Hiram tried again, his eyes following his daughter's circular loop around the kitchen, "You did the right thing."

"Did I?" Rachel asked, a hint of desperation sneaking into her question as she kept moving, "It doesn't feel like I did."

Hiram sighed already well aware that his daughter was too preoccupied to listen to him, "She asked you to give her space and you did. She knows you're here for her and I'm sure the multiple voicemails you've left for her prove that."

"But I should have stayed with her." Rachel snapped as she came to a stop and almost slammed her hands down on the kitchen table, "I should have stayed."

"Sweetie-"

Hiram's words were lost on his daughter as Rachel swiftly shook her head; ever since she had pulled away from the Lopez house she hadn't been able to shake the guilty feeling that she was abandoning her friend when she needed her most, "I'm going over there."

Hiram knew it was pointless to argue and if he was honest with himself he had no intention of talking Rachel out of her sudden decision, having listened to Rachel's recollection of events he had been half-inclined to drive to the Lopez house himself, "Your keys are on the hook."

Rachel simply nodded as she quickly scurried out of the kitchen, checking her watch she saw that it had only been and little over and hour since she had dropped Santana home and but over forty-five minutes since she had received her text. It didn't matter though, either way it still felt like an eternity to the singer and she barely managed to pull on her jacket as she wrenched open the door and hurried outside.

With her head dipped down as she fumbled with her keys she didn't see the girl hovering by her car and letting out a tiny yelp she slammed into Santana.

"Holy Streisand!" Rachel jumped as she looked up, her shock instantly melting to relief as she wrapped her arms around the taller girl, "You scared me."

Santana offered her friend an apologetic smile as she edged her way out of the hug, "Sorry, it's just…turns out I didn't want to stay by myself but I-…you're obviously going somewhere I didn't mean to-"

"I was coming to get you!" Rachel stated as she bent down to pick up the bag sitting at Santana's feet, "You saved me a drive, now get your butt inside. Have you eaten yet?"

Santana shook her head as she followed Rachel back into the house, she hadn't even thought about food but now it had been mentioned she realised how hungry she was.

"Breadsticks?" Rachel asked interpreting the grimace on the other girls face as a solid no.

"Yeah that sounds-" Santana began, only to find her sentence cut off as Rachel's Dad appeared from the kitchen.

Hiram shuffled forward awkwardly, his hands twisting together nervously he smiled down at the two girls, "I'm glad you changed your mind Santana."

"I hope you don't mind." Rachel said quickly, "I-I told him what happened."

Santana shrugged, she figured the least she owed the man was an explanation if she was going to be staying in his house, "Its fine."

"Well, I'll leave you girls to it." Hiram smiled though as he edged passed the girls he hesitated. He wished he knew what the hell he was supposed to do or say, Leroy had always been better than him at dealing with sensitive subjects and he was glad that their daughter had taken after his husband, "If you need anything I'll be in the study."

"Thanks Dad." Rachel acknowledged, she could see the discomfort written all over her father as he hurriedly shuffled down the hallway. Watching him shut the door to the study behind him Rachel turned back to Santana, "I'm guessing you have the Breadsticks menu memorised right?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

Rachel grinned as she grabbed the phone and looked to Santana, "Number?"

Reciting the digits Santana perched on one of the chairs surrounding the dinner table and watched as Rachel waited for an answer. It seemed so surreal to be sitting in the Berry kitchen and ordering take out because she couldn't help but feel like her life was simultaneously falling apart and being pieced back together. Her Mom was in hospital, her Dad was avoiding her but she wasn't alone. She wasn't out drinking or trying to find someone to sleep with, she didn't have to lie to Brittany and pretend she was okay or suffer through an evening of awkward conversation with Quinn.

"Santana." Rachel staged whispered, her hand clamped over the receiver as she waved the other in her friends direction, "What do you want? Please don't say a wheelbarrow of Breadsticks."

Santana chuckled as she stood up and hovered next to the other girl, she could just about make out the voice on the other end of the line impatiently repeating his question, "Lasagne."

"Alright, alright." Rachel grumbled down the phone at the ever helpful man, "One lasagne and…do you guys still have those meatless-meatballs the ones that-"

"They stopped those two weeks ago." Santana answered, "Try the sweet potato and spinach Dahl."

Raising an eyebrow Rachel laughed, "Only you." Rushing the last of the order down the phone Rachel reeled off her final request for as many Breadsticks as the delivery person could carry, her address and of course her name, "Uh-huh, my name…Santana Lopez. That's right, Lopez."

Santana choked back a laugh at the mischievous smirk on Rachel's face as she hung up, "Identity theft now huh?"

"I wants my Breadsticks and I wants them now." Rachel replied, her deadpan exterior cracking as she stuck out her tongue, "And I'm pretty sure using your name just got our order hiked up the list and will probably result in some extra delicious side dishes too."

Twenty minutes later Rachel found out that was definitely the case as she lugged two bags of food in from a terrified looking delivery boy. She wondered for a second if he was going to pass out when Santana appeared behind her and handed over a wad of notes, the boy's expression only relaxing when Santana informed him to keep the change and get off the damn porch.

"Just so you know." Rachel began as she emptied to contains on to the table in the lounge, "I'm pretty much going to use your name every time I order out."

Santana laughed as she sunk down onto the sofa next to the singer, "In that case I should tell you now, I'm banned from the pizza place downtown."

"Castillo's?"

"There was some…unpleasantness." Santana elaborated as she loaded her plate with food.

Rachel blinked but with a shrug she realised that sometimes it was better not to ask and settling back amongst the cushions she dug into her food. From the first mouthful Rachel decided that she was never letting anyone but Santana order for her ever again, "This is so good."

"Right?" Santana agreed, "And you didn't even question its vegan-ness. I'm honoured."

Rachel paused for a moment; she hadn't even thought to quiz Santana over her food which struck the singer as strange because she questioned everyone about her food, with the exception of her fathers. When the family had gone to her Aunt's for a party last year she had spent more time asking questions and reading the back of packets than eating, which turned out to be a good thing once her Uncle admitted he thought butter would be okay.

Taking the other girls hesitation as a bad sign Santana set her own fork down, "It is vegan by the way. Promise."

"Oh, I know." Rachel replied with a smile, "I trust you."

Santana didn't know why those three words made her blush but she found herself lowering her head to hide her now red cheeks, "Thanks."

The two ate in a comfortable silence, the only sound filling the room was the gentle beat coming from the speakers where Rachel had flicked on some background music. It was only when all the food had been demolished and Santana was finishing off the final breadstick that the quiet was broken, "He was never coming home was he?"

Rachel frowned as she turned to face her friend, with a sigh she bit her lip, "I don't know."

Santana scoffed as she tossed the remaining breadstick onto her plate on the table, "I realised how stupid I was being the second I opened my front door."

"It wasn't stupid." Rachel tried to reason.

"It was." Santana stated, her gaze locked on her hands as they fidgeted against each other, "I wanted so badly to believe he would change his mind that I went back to that fucking house. I hate that house; I don't know what I was thinking."

"You're here now, that's what matters." Rachel said softly.

"They didn't clean it up." Santana whispered her shoulders tense as she explained, "The paramedics."

Rachel felt her heart thudding in her chest as she envisioned the scene Santana must have found upon opening her front door.

"She did it in the front room." Santana noted, her eyebrows knitted together in concentration as if trying to work out a puzzle, "My Mom took the pills from her bathroom upstairs and brought them into that room, she even lined the bottles up on the table. She planned it; it wasn't an impulse so…she must have thought about it before, she wanted to succeed."

"I think…" Rachel trailed off, unsure if she was overstepping the mark.

"What?" Santana asked, her eyes watering as she looked to her friend.

"I think she wanted…I think she hoped someone would find her." Rachel exhaled, she knew that Mrs Lopez was the only one who could answer the big questions but to her, the fact the woman hadn't hidden away in the bathroom was the only thing she could focus on, it was the only shred of hope she could offer Santana, "I think there was at least a part of her that wanted to live."

"You really think so?" Santana whispered as she sniffed back her tears.

"I do." Rachel said solemnly, "But I think it's your Mom you need to talk to."

Santana stared down at her lap, her teeth gnawing on her bottom lip she murmured, "I'm so angry at her. I can't help it."

Rachel dipped her head as she inched closer to Santana. "It's okay to be angry."

"You want to know the worst thing?" Santana pushed as she gritted her teeth together, "I can't even decide whether I'm more angry with my Mom or my Dad, how fucked up is that?"

Rachel sighed as she looked down, her eyes widening as she saw the way Santana's fists were now clenched together. Reaching over she carefully took the other girls hands and gently pried the cheerleader's fingers away from her palms. She winced as she saw the half-moon crescents imbedded in soft skin, the harsh lines not deep enough to draw blood but enough to stand out long after the nail was gone.

Glancing down at her hands, now encased in Rachel's, Santana closed her eyes, "Sorry."

"I don't want you to hurt yourself." Rachel whispered, her voice barely carrying across the room as she held back her tears and voiced the worry that had been crushing down on her shoulders since the first moment she had left Santana alone, "Please tell me you haven't…"

Santana's eyes snapped open as she twisted her head to look at Rachel, they had never really spoken about it after that first night, mostly because Santana had never felt the urge to harm herself since getting closer to Rachel but she could feel the worry rolling of her friend as they locked eyes, "I…I was going to."

Rachel couldn't stop the sob that escaped, her grasp on the other girls hands tightening slightly.

Santana shook her head guiltily; she couldn't stand seeing Rachel cry especially when it was her fault. Shifting her body sideways she managed to release one of her hands from Rachel and she reached to brush away the hair that had fallen around Rachel's face, taking a deep breath Santana continued, "I was going to but I didn't. I couldn't."

"You-You couldn't?" Rachel breathed her throat uncomfortably tight as she choked out the hopeful words.

Santana shook her head, her eyes glazing over slightly as she remembered how close she had come, she didn't want to cause Rachel any more concern but she needed her friend to understand, "After everything I…I went to the bathroom and I didn't even think about it, it was like I was completely blank. It was only when I was rolling up my sleeve that I realised what I was doing."

"What made you stop?"

"You did." Santana admitted, unable to stop the smile appearing on her face she rolled her eyes at the shocked look on the singer's face and gesturing down to the borrowed sweater she was still wearing she explained, "I know it's just a sweater but it made me think of you, even when I couldn't think of anything else I thought of you and it was enough. I pretty much ran out of the house and straight here."

Rachel tried not to let her emotions take over but it was little use and springing forward she wrapped her arms tightly around the other girl. It took Santana a couple of seconds to react, mostly because she had been thrown so off balance by the unexpected embrace, but even as she fell backwards slightly she wrapped her arms around the singer a smile on her face as she felt their bodies mould together.

Pulling back slightly Rachel blushed as she realised she was now basically sitting in Santana's lap, her arms wrapped around the other girls shoulders as Santana grasped her waist, her delicate fingers holding the diva in place. Sneaking a glance at the other girl Rachel found herself unable to look away and instead found herself being drawn inexplicable closer.

"Rachel…" Santana whispered, her heart beating frantically as the smaller girl licked her lips.

"Santana I-"

"I'm home." The loud booming voice of Leroy Berry rang out through the house as the front door slammed shut.

Letting out a quiet shriek Rachel tried to contain the barrage of curse words flowing through her brain at her father's completely inconvenient timing. She barely had the time to pull herself off a shell-shocked Santana before her father came striding into the room and threw his jacket down on one of the armchairs.

"Hi Daddy." Rachel mustered as she adjusted her shirt and tried to not look as flustered as she felt, "I thought you were going out for drinks after work."

"I did…" Leroy replied in confusion as he gestured to the clock, "It's almost eleven o'clock."

Turning to double check the clock Rachel let out a surprised, "Oh well…would you look at that."

Leroy frowned, his eyes flicking between the two girls he couldn't help but notice the slight blush on both girls' cheeks and made a mental note to mention it to his husband later. The thought of his husband pulled Leroy from his curiosity and back to the present, Hiram had already called him earlier to inform him of the situation with Santana and her family. Leroy had wanted to head home as soon as possible, he had been dialling his colleagues on the work phone to try and cancel while talking to Hiram on his cell. Hiram however had insisted he go, if only to give the girls some space and so Leroy had unwillingly spent the evening half listening to boring stories while worrying about Santana. Looking down at the young girl he offered a warm smile, "How are you?"

"I'm…yeah, I'm okay." Santana stammered as she glanced to Rachel and then to Leroy, "I hope it's alright that I'm here-"

"Of course it is." Leroy interrupted as he leant over and gave Santana's shoulder a reassuring squeeze, "You know you're more than welcome here. Are you going back to the hospital tomorrow?"

Santana exhaled loudly and bowing her head she replied, "Yeah, I didn't get to see my Mom today so I'm going after school."

"You're going to school?" Leroy asked in surprise, "I could call Principal Figgins if you want, I'm sure he'd understand if you took the day off.

"I want to go." Santana reasoned, "I need the distraction, I can't sit around and think about what's happened all day. I'll just can't."

Leroy smiled, "If you're sure…but if you change your mind the offer stands and if you need anything else I'm right here."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." Leroy stated as he clapped his hands together, "Right, I need a shower and then I need to sleep. Girls, try not to stay up to late I know there's a creature feature special on but no late night marathons, okay? Not after your all-night zombie party."

Rachel rolled her eyes but agreed, "Okay, goodnight Daddy."

"Night baby girl, night Santana."

Both girls bid their own goodnights as they watched Leroy pad out of the living room. Rachel shifted awkwardly in her seat as an uncomfortable silence fell over the room and she could see Santana mirroring her actions as she too shuffled along the couch. However before Rachel could say anything Santana sudden pushed herself to her feet, "So…I um…I should go to bed. Night."

The cheerleader was so quick on her feet that Rachel didn't even have time to form a thought before Santana bolted out of the room and from the sound of it, took the stairs three at a time to propel herself upstairs as fast as possible leaving the singer with her mouth open in surprise.

Rachel blinked as she tried to process what had just happened; her normally logical brain could only come up with one course of action and so she found herself hurriedly following in Santana's path as she too bolted up the stairs. She didn't even stop to knock as she pushed through the door to the room that they had set up for Santana. She wished she had paused though because as soon as she shut the door behind her she came face to face with Santana and she really could have used some time to come up with something intelligent to say.

"Ray, what are you doing?"

Opening her mouth to reply Rachel found herself at an uncharacteristic loss for words, all her advanced vocabulary and wit disappearing as she managed to stammer, "Actions speak louder than words right?"

Santana frowned, "Wha-"

Leaning forward Rachel wrapped one arm around Santana's waist and used the other to lift her hand and cup the other girl's cheek as she pulled her forward and brought their lips together. It was a gentle kiss, hesitant at first and for a second Rachel panicked as horrible doubts flooded her mind. What if she had misread the situation? What if Santana didn't feel the same way? Just as she was making a mental list of all nearby exits she felt one of Santana's hands ghost across her leg as the other girl reached out to take her hip and pull her closer. Rachel sighed happily as she felt Santana's other hand wrap firmly around her as she deepened the kiss.

Rachel wasn't sure how long they stood like that, each clinging to the other as they melted together. It was only when oxygen became an issue that they were forced to part and even then as they reluctantly separated Rachel couldn't help but draw Santana in again, tiny kisses dotted along the other girls jaw.

"I've wanted to do that for a really long time." Rachel admitted with a grin as she leant back in Santana's protective embrace, "You have no idea."

Santana blushed as she smiled, "Oh I think I do."

Knowing Santana had been waiting too made Rachel smile even wider and she didn't hesitate as she whispered, "Can I stay in here with you tonight? I promise not to steal all the covers."

"I'd like that." Santana murmured as she dropped a kiss on the top of Rachel's forehead, "We should probably get ready for bed then."

"Does then mean we have to let go?" Rachel joked as she looked up at Santana, "If it does, I'm voting against it."

"You'd drop your whole evening routine for me?" Santana grinned as she grudgingly let go of Rachel who instantly pouted.

"I'd fast forward it yes." The singer replied as she watched Santana grab a clean pair of sweats and a black tank from the chest of drawers.

Walking back over to the singer Santana smiled and just because she could she drew Rachel into another kiss, her hand cupping the singer's face she pulled back, "Then fast forward it, I wants to get my cuddle on."

Rachel grinned and stealing a quick peck she darted out of the bedroom and across the hall to her own, she heard Santana head straight to the bathroom and chuckled at the speed of the footsteps. By the time Rachel had pulled on her pyjamas, visited the bathroom and made it back to Santana's room she found the other girl already buried deep within the duvet. Easing the door shut and flicking off the light Rachel padded over to the bed and slipped in under the covers, an appreciative moan slipping from her lips at the warmth waiting for her.

"I think we just set world record pace." Santana chuckled as she waited for Rachel to get comfortable.

Lying on her back Rachel smiled as she felt Santana drape an arm across her stomach and shifting slightly she eased an arm around the cheerleaders shoulders to draw her closer. Her smile grew as she felt Santana rest her head on her chest as she burrowed against the singer's smaller frame, "I'll inform the appropriate authorities tomorrow."

"I expect nothing less." Santana joked, a loud yawn hijacking the rest of her sentence she tightened her embrace on the girl beneath her, a content smile on her face as she felt Rachel's hand running through her hair, "Night Rachel."

"Goodnight Santana."