A/N: Gibbs is in for a surprise, or not. Three chapters more after this one. Read and Review, critiques appreciated. Thanks. Disclaimer: I own nothing, no profit or gain.
A New Set of Rules
Chapter 2
Exactly one hour after the call Gibbs heard the knock at his door. He walked to the entrance, his shoulders tense, his attention focused, ready to engage any threat. Opening the door he stared at the woman standing defiantly before him. The tension drained away, his shoulders dropped and his body relaxed.
Her slender, five foot, 4 inch frame sported tailored gray pants with a matching fitted jacket that accentuated her curves, but did not do justice to the finely-toned body he knew they covered. His practiced eye recognized the indiscernible rise of her jacket over her right hip, concealing her agency issued handgun. Blond hair once long was shorter now, cut just above the shoulder. Her petite lips perched above a sharp jaw she jutted out toward him now with purpose.
Although 20 years his junior her face had aged much more than the four years which had passed since he had last seen her. New and almost invisible wrinkles framed the corner of her eyes, hinting at many difficult professional battles fought. Battles were always accompanied by the hard lessons of pain and loss. Lessons always give an agent the gift of experience. And with the gift of experience comes wisdom, something she had been working on, but was far from mastering, the last time their paths crossed.
She felt different to him now - there was really no other way to describe it - as she stood there with an almost ferocious intent on her face. He clearly saw the hard-won wisdom in her eyes; pearl blue eyes that flashed as she caught his gaze.
During the few seconds they stood staring at each other Gibbs witnessed a myriad of emotions ghost across her face. He prided himself at reading others, of knowing what they were thinking by watching what their faces and bodies revealed. But the conflicted emotions on her face confounded him, making it impossible to discern why this woman had come to him. He found himself confused. Even more alarming, he felt off-balance, a feeling he was not accustomed to and definitely did not like.
"Gibbs," the cautious greeting came from her lips.
"Special Agent Barrett. To what do I owe the pleasure," a hint of sarcasm in his voice.
NCIS Special Agent Erica Jane (EJ) Barrett said nothing, pushed past Gibbs, walked to the center of his living room office and stood waiting for him. He closed the door and stepped up to face her, intentionally invading her personal space in order to rattle her. He needed to do something immediately to throw her off-balance as well, because he didn't know the rules of this game and he needed to level the playing field.
"Long time," he said.
"Yeah," she said, not fazed by his closeness.
"Re-stationed in Rota, right?"
"Yes. Back in Rota."
"What brings you to DC?"
"Director Craig and SecNav. They want me to consider a transfer."
"Nice work, Barrett. I knew you'd do good." His compliment was sincere; recognizing a transfer request initiated by the director was considered a promotion. He caught her brief smile of appreciation, which disappeared just as quickly.
"Where to?" he asked. "Pearl Harbor? Bremerton?"
"DC", she said. "Jenkins retired. Craig wants me to lead MCRT 2."
"Team 2," he said thoughtfully, "good people."
"Yeah," she echoed, "good people."
With their verbal sparring failing to give him the upper hand, Gibbs gestured for EJ to take a seat at the kitchen table serving as his make-shift office desk in the middle of the living room. Seating himself, he continued to study the blond's face. His own expression remained inscrutable.
Finally he broke the silence. "Congratulations. What about DiNozzo?"
Immediately after Tony DiNozzo's name rolled off his tongue Gibbs felt a pang of regret. He knew it was unfair to throw the relationship she had with DiNozzo five years ago in her face. But her answer showed clearly she had been prepared for his rebuke.
"Tony and I talked. He's fine with it and so am I." Her voice turned thoughtful. "Tony still needs to pull his head out of his ass about Ziva. And Ziva needs get her head straight about Tony. They both need to figure this out … before they run out of time."
She continued, "Tony and I were a mistake. Not his fault. It was my fault." Her eyes strayed to the floor between her feet as she finished her thought, her voice quieter, "Things are different now. I'm different now."
Gibbs heard the tone of her voice change slightly as she finished. A hint of sadness, perhaps regret, tinged her words. He felt his balance shift uncomfortably again.
He wasn't sure what to make of the woman sitting before him. Her breathing had become short and shallow, fists clenched and unclenched at her sides, eyes losing their focus and intensity. She was obviously caught in a rip-tide of thought and emotion and he began to suspect why she had brought her turmoil to his door.
"You gonna take the job?" he asked.
"That depends," she replied, bringing her gaze back to his.
He knew she was baiting him to continue. But he was tired of the cat-and-mouse conversation. Instead of taking the bait he decided it was time to put her on the spot, to try another tactic to throw her off-balance, if possible.
"Why are you here, EJ?" he asked. "This isn't about hiring me."
"Actually," EJ began, "I do have a job for you." She paused for a moment, then continued, "I need you to find someone for me."
He hesitated at the earnestness in her voice. He found himself convinced of her sincerity, although not sure of her motives. He decided to play along and see where this would go.
"Whether or not I take the DC job depends on if you can find this person," she said.
"Look EJ, I don't want to get involved in your personal life. There are plenty of other good PI's around. I'll give you a referral. You don't need me." He stood up, stepping behind her to retrieve the phone book sitting on the end table next to the couch.
EJ stood as he passed. "Wait," she whispered, her hand closing around his wrist.
Gibbs looked at her in surprise. Not surprise from her grabbing his wrist; he had seen her rise, intentionally telegraphing her movement so he wasn't caught off-guard. His surprise came from the jolt her touch sent through his arm, from the clutch of emotion in his chest and from the overwhelming urge to walk away and lock himself in his basement. In that instant his body surged with confusion. Visions and emotions of a summer in Hawaii ten years earlier flooded his memory. The feeling he was losing control of the situation shook him.
He moved his gaze from her hand on his wrist to her eyes and realized EJ must have seen the flow of emotions cross his face, because her own expression turned from earnestness to near panic. But she didn't falter. Keeping her grip on his wrist she continued, "Please, Jethro. Just hear me out. That's all I ask. If you don't want the job after that, I'll leave."
He nodded and she slowly released her grip.
They sat for a minute, uncomfortable silence filling the room. "OK, tell me about your missing person," Gibbs said, trying hard to regain control of his reeling thoughts. If he could just get down to business he could focus and keep his body and emotions under control, at least enough so they would not betray his anxiety.
"I've only spent a short time with him. But he's worth finding again."
"Alright, give me a description."
"Well," she looked thoughtful, "he's complicated … but at the same time, he's not."
"No, EJ. I mean describe him," Gibbs commanded, cutting her off. "What does he look like? Height. Weight. Age. You know the drill," he said impatiently.
She glared at him. "Jethro, you said you'd listen and then decide whether or not to take the job."
"Uh-ha," he acknowledged.
"Then listen until I'm finished. After that you can ask your questions."
He sighed. "Sure. Go ahead." He looked away, not meeting her eyes, not wanting her to see the confusion boiling behind his own.
She paused for a few moments. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her trying to compose herself. Her breath came in shallow bursts again, but this time, more labored. Her shoulders were hunched, her eyebrows scrunched together. She took a deep breath, held it and then exhaled slowly. Her eyes moved away from him to the table in front of her. She set her shoulders, took another deep breath and continued.
"His integrity is something others aspire to. He's compassionate and caring. Smart and funny. He makes a difference. He's important …, to a lot of people. He's important to me," she paused to take a breath.
Gibbs wasn't sure exactly where this was going, but it rang familiar. In one way or another over the past year he had heard the same speech from Ziva and Tony, Abby and McGee, Ducky and even Palmer. It was their stock speech about how he was such a wonderful guy and would he please come back to NCIS. He had thanked them politely and then disappointed them, each one - each time. It was one of the hardest things he had to endure after leaving the agency. And the fact that he heard it over and over again had done nothing to ease his guilt or rest his mind. He was not looking forward to another thanks-but-no-thankstherapy session with EJ.
But so far she had made no impassioned plea for him to reconsider his resignation and return to NCIS and that was different from his polite confrontations with the team. As she continued he realized she was shifting her focus and entering territory none of the team had ventured into before.
"But that's not the part of this man I need you to find. I need you to find the other part of him," she said, her eyes rising to meet his.
He could hear the slight tremble in her voice. In her face he could see fear. He felt her struggling to drop the walls protecting her emotions and he wasn't sure he was ready to hear what she had to say. But he was paralyzed, strangely powerless to do anything now but sit and listen.
"I need you to find the man that loves," she continued, her body tense, her gaze un-wavering. "I need you to find the man who can let someone inside. I need you to find the man who remembers how much he has to give." She was almost pleading now; so unlike the EJ he knew – strong, sometimes arrogant, but always in control.
"I know he's out there somewhere. I know he's capable of love; he loved once before. I know he's strong enough to let someone care about him. I know he doesn't want to be alone."
As she finished Gibbs realized the 'other man' EJ described was another version of him. He sat, speechless, trying to put all the pieces together. His mind raced as the puzzle formed and he didn't believe the picture emerging. EJ was speaking like a woman in love. There was no doubt in his mind. Gibbs knew about love and what it looked like, and EJ looked and talked like a woman seriously in love. But that would mean she was in love with him. And after that summer in Hawaii he thought this was something he would never see.
The shimmer of unshed tears in her eyes caught his attention. She clutched her hands together to control the trembling that had finally hijacked her arms. Her voice was choked and hoarse. But she didn't stop, didn't flinch. He could see she had crossed her invisible point of no return. There was no turning back for her now. He realized the risk she was taking and committed himself to let her finish, if not out of respect for her courage, then for his own selfish need to know where this was going. He felt his expression soften as he began to understand how difficult this was for her. She must have noticed the change on his face because her voice claimed more confidence.
"Jethro, I need you to find this man for me. I've shared joy and pain with him. I trust him. I believe in him," her voice cracked. "I think you know him … and I think he trusts you."
Gibbs' felt the knot in his throat tighten. The pinch in the pit of his stomach continued to expand, threatening to engulf him in panic. But he held her eyes and they compelled him to do what had always been most difficult for him - to sit still and feel.
Tears flowed freely from her eyes now, down her cheeks, dripping onto the table, forming tiny pools by her hands. Her voice was raw and strained, her breath ragged.
"I'm different now," she said. "I loved this man a long time ago. But I was young and didn't know enough about myself to fight for him then. Six years later I had another chance. But I was angry and afraid. Angry at his rejection and afraid of not being enough for him."
EJ rubbed the heels of her hands roughly into her eyes as if she could push the tears back inside, not concerned with the tracks of smeared makeup wandering down her cheeks. She set her jaw and continued with a new-found focus.
"I'm tired of being afraid. Too many people have left. Too many people have died. There've been too many empty days - and nights. If I'm going to come back here I need a chance - just a chance - to have him in my life. And I know I'll be enough for him. If that isn't possible, I'll stay in Rota."
"Jethro, please find this man and deliver my message? You're the only one who can!"
He sat silently, his eyes on hers, unable to look away. His breath was shallow and harsh while hers was starting to relax and deepen. Emotion surged over him washing away any stable thought or feeling. His mind raced to find solid ground, some idea to grab onto, something to make sense in a world where everything important had just changed. He knew he had to say something, do something. The woman in front of him had just turned his world upside down. But his mind still whirled and speech failed him.
EJ sat quietly, regaining her composure, never taking her eyes off his. She reached across the table and gently placed her right hand on his left. Her touch seared his skin and he involuntarily jerked his hand away. Startled by his own reaction he sat for a moment, looking at her hand on the table. Then he looked up at her. She didn't advance again, but neither did she retreat. Her face was determined and her resolve had steeled. He stood up, turned and walked into the kitchen trying to calm himself and get a grip on his emotions.
He stepped over to the sink, placed his hands on the counter and leaned forward, his head down. His reaction just now surprised him, caught him off-guard. He was not one to get so rattled as to lose all composure. Yet, he had literally walked away from the situation because he didn't know how to handle it. He was truly light-years away from his comfort zone.
The minutes that passed seemed like hours as he stood hovering over the sink struggling with the whirl-wind of thought and emotion that would not calm. He heard her steps, stopping a few paces behind him. He didn't turn.
"Jethro, I know that me being here is, well …," she paused, trying to find the right words, "… difficult. But I also know my feelings are not a surprise."
She stepped up behind Gibbs gently placing her hand on his shoulder. This time he didn't pull away. "All I'm asking for is an opportunity to talk to this man - nothing more. I don't expect you to tell me now whether or not you'll take the job. I know you need to think about it."
He continued to look down at the sink, shrugging his shoulders under her hand.
"The problem is," she continued, "Director Craig wants my answer this afternoon. I'm scheduled on the 1400 hours shuttle to Andrews where I'll take a 1500 hours cargo transport flight to Rota. That's why I couldn't see you tomorrow, or even this afternoon. I am so sorry my fear kept me away until the last minute. I know this isn't fair to you. It's not easy for me either. I almost didn't come after I called you this morning."
Gibbs felt the familiar and stable ground of anger welling up inside him. As it grew he became focused, alert, back in control. When he turned to face her, her hand dropped from his shoulder.
"Goddammit, EJ," he said, his voice tense and controlled, but his anger boiling just under the surface, "What the hell do you want from me?"
She didn't cower, didn't hesitate. Her answer was immediate and clear, "nothing … ," she said, "… and everything."
Her voice hardened as she continued. "Jethro, I know this isn't easy for you. If you talk to this man, and if he's afraid, tell him I'm 'all-in'on this deal; I'm holding nothing back. Then ask him if that's enough. Tell him that whatever decision he makes, I have no regrets."
"I left my card with my phone number on the table. If I don't hear from you by this afternoon, I'll know you've decided not to take the job."
EJ sighed and her face softened as she looked up at him. Her hand reached out and gently brushed the fabric of his jacket lapel, lingering there for an instant. Then she turned and walked out of the kitchen. A few moments later he heard the front door close softly, the sound crashing against him.
