Faith woke early the next morning, looking around the small apartment and groaning softly under her breath as he head pounded fiercely. She only vaguely remembered the night before, having left the house after the talk with Buffy and the brief talk she'd had with Xander. She grabbed her jacket and took off without a word, wandering the streets until she found a small club that was packed for a Wednesday night. She remembered standing at the bar for all of five minutes before a young couple joined her for drinks. One thing led to another and several drinks later, they ended up at the couple's apartment just down the street.
Even now, with the haze of the alcohol still lingering, she couldn't remember their names. She moved from the bed slowly, quietly, and picked up her clothes from the floor. Her body ached in more than just one way, in good ways and in bad. Old habits die hard. She shrugged as she quickly pulled on her clothes and walked out of the apartment before the couple on the bed she'd spent the night with woke up. The morning air was chilly as she stepped out of the building a few minutes later and it took her a couple minutes just to figure out which direction to start walking.
She wasn't too pleased with herself, especially not after having what she almost had with Robin for that short time she had been with him. It was more than anything she'd ever had before and she knew if he hadn't died, things would have gone a lot differently once they had all arrived there in Cleveland. How different it would have actually been, though, she wasn't so sure. Despite the promises Robin did make her, she wasn't sure she'd have stayed with him for more than a couple of weeks before she was bored and moved onto the next conquest.
It was more than just getting bored; she was scared of any kind of commitment and attachment. It was one of those things that made her skin crawl, made her remember the things her mother used to say to her years back, things that made her believe for so long that she was not worthy to be loved by anybody. Those things her mother had said to her, along with the way her mother just was, had shaped her into who she was here and now. It was especially in this moment when she couldn't even bear to look at herself in the reflection of the store windows she passed without feeling that twisted knot in her stomach.
She shook those thoughts from her mind, not liking the place they took her. It took her deep into the darkness that she was fully determined to conquer once and for all. Once she got most of those thoughts out, along with the thoughts of feeling like she'd betrayed someone besides herself with what she'd just done, she focused on the feeling, that buzz she felt only with Buffy, and let it lead her home.
Home. It felt weird to think it, yet at the same time it just felt right just to know that for once she did have a home; she had a room, a place of her own, and she had people that actually wanted her around now. She walked around to the side door of the house, hoping it'd be unlocked, and turned the handle, sighing out softly in relief when the door opened.
"Good morning," Giles said softly as Faith closed the door behind her. "Late night?"
"Yeah," she shrugged as she slipped off her jacket and draped it over one of the chairs at the kitchen table. "Just had to get out for the night."
"I know you are not a child and do not need to have permission to go out. However, I would appreciate it if you let me know where you are going, especially at night."
"Sorry."
"I am not trying to..."
"I get it, Giles."
"We have no idea what this city is like yet, Faith. We have yet to locate the Hellmouth and find out what has been going on and until that happens we all have to stick close to one another. Is that too much to ask?"
"No," she replied as she walked over to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. "Like I said, sorry and all. I just had to get out of here last night."
"Dare I even ask where you went off to?"
She just smirked as she raised the bottle to her lips and took a sip. She left Giles standing there in the kitchen with a look that crossed between disbelief and disappointment. She knew that look. Her conscience was giving the same look, only this time she wasn't ignoring it like she always had. Part of her redemption was accepting who she used to be, who she was now, and looking forward to who she could become once she got over everything that held her back.
Everyone was already awake and carting down armfuls of books from the rooms upstairs into the living room. Faith took one look at Willow and Andrew as they sorted the books on the floor before she headed up the stairs to her room. The door was wide open and Xander was inside, handing the books from the large bookshelf to Buffy, who placed them into the small boxes on the floor next to her. Faith stood in the doorway for a moment with a bemused look on her face before either of them noticed her standing there. Buffy barely even looked at her as she bent down to pick up the box and walked out of the room.
"What's up with her?" Faith asked as she walked in and sat down on the edge of the bed.
"I have no idea," Xander shrugged. "Been out all night, have you?"
"Sure have. You got a problem with that? Cos I've already had to deal with Giles downstairs."
"No, no problem, just asking is all," he replied, offering her a friendly smile as she pulled off her boots. "Should have everything out in no time. The bookcases aren't attached to the walls from what I can tell so we're just going to carry them downstairs, set them up, and..."
"Xander, I don't care. Just do what you gotta do and do it fast."
"It would get done a lot faster if you helped," he muttered under his breath, faint yet loud enough for her to hear him clearly. She shot him a look that he let slide as he motioned to the box on the floor next to the bed. "I'm just saying, you know, it would be faster and you'll be able to sleep the whole day away."
Faith groaned loudly as she got up from the bed and helped him with the rest of the books on the shelves. Four trips later, she was helping Kennedy carry the heavy, solid wood bookcases down the stairs, both of them ignoring Giles and Buffy as they told them repeatedly to watch out for the walls. She bit back the snide remarks she wanted to make that if they didn't like it then they should do it themselves. She was tired from the long, restless night she'd had, hungry since she hadn't eaten anything since the day before, and thirsty since the house was hot and nobody had bothered to open a single window to let in some fresh air.
Five hours and several long breaks later, the last of the bookshelves were taken from the rooms upstairs and lined up against the only wall without any windows. The living room looked like a library and it made them all laugh as a sense of déjà vu washed over them all. Even as exhausted as Faith was, she stayed down there in the living room, sipping a cold beer Xander had gotten for her as she sat there with Kennedy on the couch and watched the others try to reorganize the books before they started putting them away.
"This isn't how you thought we'd spend our first day here, is it?" Kennedy asked quietly as they both sat on the couch, slouched down about the same height with their feet propped up on the worn wooden coffee table. "I sure thought we'd be able to sleep all day, wake up for dinner, patrol or whatever, sleep and repeat."
"Missing something in there, Ken."
"Sex?" Kennedy chuckled softly. "Falls into the category of 'or whatever'. Keep up."
"Yeah, whatever."
Their laughter drew a look from Buffy, a look Faith couldn't quite figure out. She looked annoyed and amused at the same time. A little bit of confusion flickered in her eyes before she went back to helping the others put the books away. Faith finished off her beer and stood up slowly as she reached for Kennedy's empty bottle. She headed for the kitchen with Buffy following close behind.
"Were you out all night?"
"Yeah, and? You got a problem with that too?"
"No," Buffy replied, looking taken back at the snide tone of Faith's voice. "Where'd you go?"
"Out. Found a club, drank a little, danced a little," she replied coldly as she took two beers out of the fridge. "What do you care anyway?"
"I was just asking you a question."
"It's never just a question with you, though, is it?" Faith asked as she set one bottle down on the counter and opened the other. "Sorry about reacting like this, B. I'm not so good at the talking deal when I'm not in the mood."
"Its fine," Buffy said quickly as she smiled over at her. "I understand. I just thought it'd be nice to try and..."
"Talk?"
"Yeah."
"Can I be honest with ya for a sec?" Faith asked as she turned to face Buffy. "After all we've been through together and the shit that happened, I really don't know how to talk to you, or what to even talk about with you."
"Am I really that hard to talk to?"
"Honestly? Yeah."
"Oh. Can't we just start over, Faith?"
Faith shrugged as she took a sip of her beer, not knowing if it was even possible for the two of them to start over. There was just too much to work through and they couldn't just forget everything, drop it and move on, could they? It felt like a cop-out to Faith. She knew they had to work through their past in order to move forward now. If they couldn't move past it, they'd forever be stuck in the vicious cycle, never friends, not quite enemies, just there.
"How?" Faith asked softly, their eyes meeting gradually after a few long moments of heavy silence between them. "How can we start over?"
"I really don't know. I just...I don't want it to be like before."
"Neither do I."
"I think we should start by trying to be friends," Buffy said quietly as she played with the hem of her shirt, her eyes falling away from Faith's intense gaze. "I know we've already started, but..."
"But what, B?"
"It's a lot harder than I thought it'd be."
"Yeah, it is. Ever wonder why that is?"
"Every day."
"Seriously?" Faith asked, doubting that Buffy ever thought of the reasons why it was so hard for them to just be friends. "You know what I think? I think we're too different and at the same time we're too much alike. We can't find a common ground cos there is no common ground between us."
"I think you are wrong," Buffy replied as she looked back up at her. "There is a common ground."
"What is it then?"
"Uh," she laughed as she shrugged her shoulders a little. "Slaying?"
"That's all you can come up with? Our common ground is slaying?"
"Well, it's a start, Faith."
"Couldn't think of anything else, could ya?"
"No," she said softly, almost sadly, as she looked deep into Faith's eyes, the gaze lingering for a second too long, that one second more than what would constitute just a friendly look. It got the wheels in Faith's head rolling and she had to put a stop to them. "We'll work on that, though, won't we?"
"Sure."
"We were doing pretty good on the drive here," Buffy said as she walked over to the fridge and pulled out a beer for herself. "We should probably just lay it out on the line and make a list of things not to talk about."
"There has to be a list?" Faith asked, raising an eyebrow as she tried not to laugh. "Could be a pretty damn long list, B."
"I know. So," she sighed as she leaned against the counter next to her, "no talking about Angel, Robin, prison, uh..."
"Spike?" Faith offered, not knowing what else to add to that list of Buffy's things not to talk about.
"Yeah. Oh, and I don't want to hear about your...sexual encounters. Kind of wigs me out a little."
"Anything else? Cos I'm thinking this is a pretty short list."
"Uh," Buffy shrugged as she looked over at her. "We definitely talk about things that happened before, but not all at once. I just want you to know that...I don't...hate you."
"Yeah, I picked up on that already."
"I never did," Buffy said softly as she looked away, her eyes finding a spot on the floor to stare at as she picked aimlessly at the label on the bottle in her hands. "No matter what we did to each other before, Faith. I never hated you. I tried to, believe me I did. Hate is such a strong emotion and I don't think I could ever truly hate you when I..."
"When you what?"
"Nothing. Forget about it."
"Forgotten already," Faith winked as she picked up the beer from the counter and headed for the kitchen door.
The others were still putting the books away as she handed Kennedy her beer and sat down on the couch next to her. The only sounds in the room were that of Giles instructing the others where to put certain books and the odd groan of annoyance when one of them didn't listen to him. Dawn gave up and joined the two of them on the couch, muttering complaints under her breath over how she thought Giles was being too demanding, too meticulous of the order the books would be kept in.
Everyone was bored out of their minds. It was evident as the silence grew heavy in the room. Faith just clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth as she got up and headed for the kitchen to grab her jacket. Buffy was still in there, still leaning against the counter where she'd left her before. She looked so lost, so deep in her own thoughts she barely even glanced at Faith as she grabbed her jacket and headed for the side door. But Faith then felt Buffy's eyes on her as she opened the door to step out and she left the door open, knowing Buffy would follow.
They didn't say anything as Faith walked around to the backyard and sat down at the small picnic table just under the only tree back there, an elm, or at least that's what she thought it was. Buffy sat across from her, still picking at the label on the bottle as their eyes met in one of those intense gazes that made Faith feel uneasy and a whole mess of other emotions she just didn't dare think about. They were dangerous. She'd had them before, years ago when she'd first came to Sunnydale and met Buffy, and those feelings had caused nothing but trouble for her.
There was no denying that she was attracted to Buffy. Even at their lowest point that attraction had never diminished, it only got set on the back burner, stored away for another time, another place. Nobody knew how she felt, not even Angel, and she was going to keep it that way. Nothing good could come of her deep attraction to Buffy and it wasn't as if those feelings would ever be returned in the same way. She wasn't going to set herself up with the false hope of ever having something more than friendship with Buffy. She was over setting herself up for a fall and she'd vowed over and over again in the last couple of years that she'd never do it again. That she'd never let her feelings for Buffy consume her, drive her beyond the areas she was comfortable staying in.
Flashes of the night before came back to her and she could do nothing to quell it. Too exhausted, too deliciously sore to fight it. What she'd done the night before was the one thing she was used to. It felt routine just to go to the bar and strike up a friendly, flirty conversation with the best looking couple in the entire club. She'd never been with a couple before, but it wasn't as if it'd never crossed her mind. But even now she knew she didn't enjoy it, she didn't want to admit she loved that dull ache between her legs after a night of hot, wild sex with complete strangers she'd probably never see again. She took a long drag of her cigarette and closed her eyes, trying to forget, trying to erase those faded images of the night before, and trying not to fill in the blanks where everything was one big blur.
"Do you want another beer?" Buffy asked softly when Faith downed the rest of her beer, trying to shake her thoughts from her head. "Faith?"
"Hmm?"
"A beer, do you want me to go grab you another one?"
"Why?"
"You finished that one," Buffy pointed out. "Just thought you might want to sit out here with me for awhile, have a couple of beers, and maybe talk to someone else other than the voices in your head."
"Didn't take you as much of a drinker."
"I'm not, but..." Buffy sighed out as she stood up and reached for Faith's empty bottle. "I find it is almost relaxing, that is until there's been one too many and we end up..."
"End up what?"
"Nothing."
"Come on, B. Tell me," Faith teased, hoping to get it out of her. "Until we end up doing what?"
Buffy shook her head and walked back to the house quickly, leaving Faith sitting there with her mouth dropped open slightly and the wheels in her head turning furiously as she tried to figure out what Buffy had been trying to say to her. When Buffy finally came back out, she wasn't alone. Xander, Kennedy, and Willow were with her. A part of her was relieved she wouldn't have to sit out there alone with Buffy. Being alone with Buffy scared her for too many reasons to even think of now.
They were all talking about plans to go out shopping the next day. Giles had, over the course of the morning and most of the afternoon, given in to the pleas coming from Dawn and Buffy over the fact that they all needed clothes and other essentials. Faith just sat there next to Xander, staring over at Buffy and Willow, who were deep in conversation, chattering excitedly as they planned the shopping trip right down to the last detail. Faith rolled her eyes as did Xander and Kennedy; the three of them shared a look and burst out laughing.
It was easiest to get along with Xander and Kennedy out of all of them. She chalked it down to the three of them finding an easy way just to be around each other without any tension and stress like she felt whenever she was around Buffy. Xander was going through a lot and even though he hadn't said a word about Anya, they all knew he spent a lot of time thinking about her, pining over her, mourning her all the while trying to keep his spirits up and that goofy smile on his face.
"I'm going on a beer run," Xander said as he finished off his beer. "You coming, Faith?"
"Nah, I'm gonna sit right here and chill."
"Kennedy?"
"I'm with Faith on the whole sitting right here and chilling thing," she chuckled. "Looks like you're on your own, Xander."
"Fine," he grumbled as he stood up from the bench. "Any special requests?"
"Light beer," Kennedy replied. "Something that tastes a little less like horse piss this time."
"Whiskey," Faith said with a smile, "and lots of it."
"Money is kind of an issue here," Xander said softly as he pulled out the pockets of his jeans to demonstrate that fact. "Cough it up, Faith. I paid the last time."
"Cough what up?" She asked innocently, not even blinking as Xander held out his hand. She laughed as she pulled out a few bills from her pocket, ignoring the look she received from Buffy and Willow as she handed over the cash. "Remember. Whiskey. And no more of this piss you call beer."
"Didn't hear you complaining till Kennedy said something."
"Well, I was waiting for someone else to say something. Got a problem with that?"
"No, no problem," Xander said quickly. "I'll be back in a bit."
"We got him whipped," Kennedy whispered as she moved to sit a little closer to Faith. "Fucking whipped."
"You think?" Faith laughed as she shook her head and pulled out her pack of cigarettes, offering one to Kennedy before she lit one for herself.
Willow gave Kennedy a look that scared even Faith. Kennedy placed the unlit cigarette on the table and blew Willow a kiss. As soon as Willow was back to engaging in the conversation she and Buffy were having, Kennedy turned to Faith and just rolled her eyes.
"Looks like you're whipped too, Ken," Faith chuckled softly, just loud enough for her to hear.
"It's really not a bad thing seeing how it does work both ways. Just watch," she smiled brightly as she reached over for Willow's hand. "You want to go for a little walk, Will?"
"Now?"
"Yes, now," Kennedy said, tugging on Willow's hand as she stood up. "We'll be back."
Buffy and Faith both laughed as Willow allowed herself to be dragged into the house. The two looked at each other as the laughter faded. They were back to being alone again and Faith could almost taste the tension in the air. She thought now that maybe a little alcohol and some fun would help loosen their tongues and let them become comfortable just being around one another. She wasn't one for drinking every day, but the way things were looking that was exactly what would end up happening if they didn't find a way just to be themselves around each other.
"It doesn't always have to be like this," Buffy said quietly, tearing Faith away from her thoughts.
"Be what way?"
"Like this," Buffy gestured between them. "All this..."
"Tension?"
"Yeah. Tension. If that's what you want to call it."
"It is what it is, B."
"What were you thinking about?"
"When?"
"Just now," Buffy said, slight annoyance slipping out as she spoke. "You are always lost in your own thoughts, Faith, and don't try and tell me you are sitting there and not thinking, because your eyes tell a very different story."
"Nothing important," Faith breathed out as she took one last long drag of her cigarette before dropping it into her empty bottle. "Why does it fuckin' matter? It's not like we've ever been big on the sharing what we're thinking about."
"Don't you think we should start? Or at least try to?"
"Why?"
"Because," Buffy sighed out softly as she shook her head. "That is what friends do. They talk about whatever they are thinking about."
"Got some news for you, Twinkie. You and me? We aren't friends."
"Not yet. We won't ever get there if you keep pushing me out"
"I'm not fucking pushing you out!"
"Oh really?" Buffy asked as she raised an eyebrow at her, looking as if she was fully determined to prove her wrong. "Well, you aren't exactly inviting me in either, so that's pretty much the same as pushing me out every chance you get."
Faith breathed in and out evenly as she tried to control the bubbling anger growing inside of her, not knowing why Buffy was pushing all of her buttons. "You are doing the same fucking thing to me. It's what we've always done. Never let each other in, always pushing each other out. Same old fucking song and dance. It's never gonna change."
"You know why it won't change?"
"No, I don't, so why don't you tell me why since you seem to think you have the fucking answers to everything."
"Faith..." Buffy sighed out, still sounding very much annoyed and yet there was a hint of tiredness in her voice. "I really don't want to do this with you. I'm trying to be civilized with you because it's the right thing to do. You're here with all of us, you're a part of us and our lives now, so don't you think you should let us in just a little so that we can be a part of your life too?"
Why, was the question Faith wanted to ask her, but she said nothing as she lowered her eyes and picked at the peeling paint on the table. The mid-afternoon sun was warm, the breeze a little cool, but she felt warm all over as she looked up and saw Buffy studying her intently, waiting for her to speak and looking like she was trying to figure out what was going through Faith's head at that moment.
They had a long way to go to get over everything that was holding them back. They both needed to say all of the things they never said but should have if they ever wanted to move on from that point. Faith chuckled softly to herself, wondering when she started thinking and over-thinking everything. It wasn't like her; then again, her life had changed since she'd been in prison. Too much time alone equalled too much time to think. It hadn't stopped when she got out and it hadn't stopped even after the fight with the First and that feeling deep inside of her, that screaming voice she'd always tuned out before, was telling her it'd never stop until it did.
That ever familiar itch was crawling to the surface, stronger now with the energy coming from the Hellmouth. Itching to seek out the vamps and demons she just knew were crawling all over the city. Itching to fight, itching to kill, and to sate her urges afterwards in ways she knew best and in ways she'd missed doing for years. She knew Buffy was feeling it too. She could just feel it as much as she could see it. That telltale look in Buffy's eyes mirrored that of her own, only the urges she felt were drastically different. A non-fat yogurt different. It made her laugh, yet again, and she allowed her eyes to wander over to meet with Buffy's, smirking at the oblivious look on Buffy's face.
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing," Faith chuckled as she shook her head.
"Seriously, tell me what the hell is so funny, Faith."
"Just thinking how we're both feeling the energy here, feeling a little antsy and agitated, itching just to get out there and slay."
"That's funny how?"
"Cos the urges we feel after," Faith drawled out as she continued to pick at the paint. "So much the same, yet so drastically different."
"How different?"
"Non-fat yogurt different, unless...you pulled that stick outta your ass while I've been gone and no, I'm not counting the fact you did the nasty with Spike, cos...ew," Faith said as she pulled a face, and then quickly continued before Buffy could say a word, "and yes I know that Spike is on that list of things not to talk about, I just had to..."
"Point it out," Buffy finished for her with a roll of her eyes.
"So, have you?"
"Have I what?"
"Moved on from the non-fat yogurt craving afterwards? Pulled that stick outta your ass and found the fun? Shall I go on?"
"No."
"No to what?"
"To all of it," Buffy sighed as she looked down at her hands in her lap. "How come you always think of slaying as fun, Faith? It's not fun. It's so far from it."
"You gotta start thinking differently, B. Sure it's not fun, but you gotta find the fun in it wherever you can," Faith replied, offering a friendly smile as Buffy looked up at her. "You know, newbie vamps are fun to smack around a little especially when ya come across the ones who are confused as fuck, letting that bloodlust drive them. It's fun to play with them for a little while before ya dust 'em."
"I guess."
"You guess? Jesus, B. Looks like I'm gonna have to take you out, find the fun one night, and show ya what you've been missing since you've been called."
"We've been there before," Buffy reminded her. "Honestly? I didn't find it all that fun. Slaying is just a job, Faith. It's our destiny. We have no other choice. How can something like that be fun?"
For once she just sat there and considered things as she came to the realization that Buffy was right at the same time that she was wrong. Buffy looked back down at her hands in her lap and Faith took that moment just to look at her. It was hard to read Buffy, she always knew that, but she knew there was something bothering her, something stressing her out, and she wasn't sure how to ask Buffy just what it was. She'd meant it when she said she didn't know how to talk to her and right then and there she wished it was different between them.
"I thought once we came here that...and this feels stupid to say, but...I thought maybe things would change," Buffy mused as she slowly lifted her eyes to look over at Faith. "I thought it'd be easier. Nothing is ever going to be easy, is it?"
"No, it's not. I got over that trauma years ago, B. It's not easy to accept that things are always gonna be fucking hard, but you gotta accept it one way or another if you expect to ever just live," Faith sighed as she pulled out another cigarette and she tried to still her shaking hands just long enough to light it. "Look at it this way though. You don't have to go through this alone. Got me here now and Ken to share the burden with, then don't even get me started on all the girls out there that suddenly have superpowers."
"You're right."
"What was that?" Faith teased, watching as the small smirk crept over Buffy's lips as she fought to keep it away. "Did you just say I am right?"
"Yeah. Don't let it get to you. Probably be the only time you are."
"Ouch."
Buffy shook her head and laughed. It was a genuine laugh, and Faith couldn't recall the last time she'd actually heard it. It made her smile and it was one of those smiles that rooted itself deep down and worked its way up and out. It was also one of those smiles she'd gone far too long without doing and it felt good. Really damn good. The friendship that was slowly building between them would bring a lot of different things to the table, one of them being the fact that around Buffy she wanted to do nothing more than to try to be a better person. Wanting to be a better person around Buffy wasn't completely new, but she hadn't felt that way in a very long time.
They sat there in complete, utter silence until Xander had come back from the store. Faith had pulled a branch off the tree and had been carving it for a good hour before he'd come back. They sat out there until the dusk began to fall and then the three of them went inside to find Willow and Kennedy cooking up a storm in the kitchen. Nobody'd had a home cooked meal in...well Faith wasn't sure how long it'd been for them, but it felt like forever and a day for her. She knew it'd been awhile, too long, since they'd all had decent food and in the last week all they'd eaten had been greasy food at roadside diners.
Faith grabbed the bottle of whiskey off the counter, looking over at Xander and giving him a small smile, a silent thank you for picking up what she'd asked for. She grabbed a couple of small glasses and sat at the table with Giles, Buffy, and Dawn. She poured them each a glass, aside from Dawn, and raised her glass a little before taking most of it back. Buffy just raised an eyebrow at her and at how fast she'd downed the alcohol. She just stared right back at Buffy, silently challenging her to keep up with her, glass for glass, shot for shot.
With every drop that rolled over her tongue, she tried to forget what had happened the night before. It left a bitter taste in her mouth and her whole body wrenched with disappointment in herself. Again with all the new feelings, the new thoughts. She was getting used to it all, though. In fact, she knew by the third drink, despite the fact the alcohol was probably loosening up her flow of thoughts, that she was embracing this newer part of herself with open arms. She was on the path to redemption and she knew the first person that needed to forgive her was herself. She would, in time. She knew it would happen but it wouldn't happen overnight.
Nothing was ever easy. Nothing ever would be, not unless she made it that way.
Never once did she take her eyes off of Buffy as the two of them drank half the bottle by themselves before the dinner Willow and Kennedy had made was ready and on the table. Buffy could barely eat as she sat there swaying slightly with the alcohol coursed through her body. Faith could only reach out and place a hand tentatively on her shoulder to stop her from swaying, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze before pulling her hand away. She felt the warmth she always felt around Buffy, but didn't let it drive in deep as she usually let it. She let that warmth wrap itself around her and it felt good. Everything about it felt way too damn good.
They all ended up in the living room together after they'd eaten and cleaned up. Faith sat alone in one of the armchairs, Giles in the other, and the rest of them sprawled out on the two couches. She had the bottle of whiskey in her hand and was taking small, gentle swigs every so often. Her eyes locked with Buffy's and she knew she was feeling something lingering there between them over the distance and the sound of soft chattering among the others. Whatever it was, she could see in Buffy's eyes that she felt it too. The alcohol they'd both consumed had left them unguarded for once.
And Faith was scared. She was more scared than she'd ever been in her life and all because of what she thought she saw in Buffy's eyes in that split second before Buffy turned to talk quietly to Willow.
She was scared because what she thought she saw was something deep, something real, lingering there. Something she'd never seen aimed at her before. She shook her head and laughed to herself, wondering why she'd even think Buffy would love her. The alcohol was definitely messing with her head.
