Episode - Lauren

The hospital had that same antiseptic smell to it, filling Hotch's nostrils and clogging his mind with blurred images of Emily, bruised and bloody. A twinge of pain licked up his side as if he could actually feel her pain. For a moment he paused in front of her room, staring at the window that peered into the tiny private room and gave Hotch a direct view of Emily's face as she lay there.

She was awake, of course. Not even a table leg to the chest could stop her. Awake and reading what looked like a Vonnegut book. Hotch smile in spite of himself, pushing the door open and walking over to Emily's side. He sat when he realised that she was so entranced in the book that she hadn't even noticed him come in, studying her features and noting how, even in an ugly hospital gown and with bandages everywhere and bruises colouring her body like paint stains, she was beautiful.

"Good book?" Emily jumped in her spot, whipping around to face Hotch and consequently wincing in pain.

"Ow. Yeah, I got it as a present from De-" Emily stuttered to a stop, looking down at the book with a look of such pained longing that Hotch reached out, taking her hand in his own.

"How are you? And I don't just mean physically."

"How would you be? I'm alright considering everything but I don't know how I'm supposed to continue after this. I mean, Doyle's still out there. What am I supposed to do?" Emily pleaded softly, the book falling to the side, forgotten. Hotch ran his thumb over Emily's hand and spoke gently, the plan sounding painful upon his tongue.

"We- I realised that if Doyle thought you had actually died then it would buy us time."

"Ok, sure, but how do we do that? I mean, I can't just continue living my life and still pretend to be- Oh." Emily faltered and Hotch raised his head to look at her and figure out what she thought of his plan.

"So... I'd die. For as long as it took."

"We can get you passports and money. Anything you need, really. We'll pass it off as medical and funeral expenses."

"Hotch you've already done so much..."

"And I'm not about to let you die just because I want you to stay."

"But I will be dead," Emily smirked. Hotch didn't return her smile, instead choosing to run his hand through his short hair and continue.

"So are you alright with this?"

"No," Emily's reply was swift and predictable. "But... if it helps you guys stay safe then I'll do anything."

Hotch nodded wearily and leaned back, hand falling from Emily's as he took everything in.

"You look like you haven't slept in a long time." Emily observed as Hotch straightened up in his chair.

"I haven't. Death does that to a person. "

Emily opened her mouth to respond but found she had nothing to say. Instead there was silence for a few minutes as the two tried to process everything. Emily was the first to break the silence.

"You didn't just fly all the way out here to wherever the hell I'm being sewed up just to ask me if I'm ok with dying."

"No, I didn't. I came to say goodbye."

"You flew all the way out here just to say a goodbye?"

"Not just a goodbye," Hotch leaned down, hand running faintly over the bruises that decorated Emily's face. She ignored this, reaching up with as much strength as she could muster and pulling Hotch down, meeting him in the middle, lips touching with such familiarity that it jolted Emily back to each time this had happened. The kiss, in itself, was no different than any other but just the fact that this was goodbye kept them both hanging on until the last moment.

"I... have to go. The team can't know why I've been gone so long."

"I understand. " Emily tugged him down one last time, ignoring everything screaming that it was a bad idea.

Again, the whispery voice spoke up in the back of Hotch's mind, telling him to say the 3 words over and over.

I love you I love you I love you

"Emily, I-"

"I know. Goodbye, Hotch."

Closing his eyes, Hotch turned and left the room, instincts crying out for him to go back. But he had to leave. He couldn't stay any longer.

Slow and Steady – Of Monsters and MenSlow and