Chapter 15

Vance stood up as Tim entered the office, a small gesture that made Tim feel as though he was at least being acknowledged.

"Agent McGee, please have a seat."

"Thank you, sir." In the presence of the one person who had shown faith in him, Tim felt almost like himself. His goals hadn't changed, but his anger was much less intense in this room.

"I've just received Dr. Nielson's recommendations."

"Yes, sir." Tim felt a surge of anger, but he clenched his jaw and made no comment. Dr. Nielson and her asinine assumptions about his state of mind made his blood boil.

"There's nothing wrong with needing to see a psychiatrist," Vance said calmly. "It's normal after a long undercover operation. Almost everyone requires it."

"I know," Tim said, his hands clenching to fists. He moved them to his lap and tried to keep himself from screaming out the injustice.

Vance gave him a long glance and leaned forward. "Agent McGee, is there anything you'd like to tell me? Anything at all? It doesn't have to leave this office."

Tim smiled...or rather his lips turned up. There was no happiness expressed...because he felt none, only a sense of satisfaction at putting his plan into action.

"Actually, yes, Director Vance. There is one thing I would like to tell you."

"What's that?"

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Jimmy stared at the body of Julia Westin. Two shots. Tim hadn't missed.

"Dr. Mallard?"

Ducky didn't look up from the autopsy. This was not a moment he was relishing, and in fact, he wasn't even sure he wanted to hear what this young lady might have to say. "Yes, Mr. Palmer?"

"What's up with McGee?"

Ducky paused in his slow steady cut down the torso and looked at his assistant.

"In what respect, Mr. Palmer?"

Jimmy hesitated and kind of shrugged.

"If it should not leave this room, it won't."

Jimmy nodded and then said quickly, "I heard him talking to Gibbs."

"About what?"

"I'm not sure, but I've never heard McGee talk like that before. He was all sarcastic and stuff like...well, I don't know what he was like, but it wasn't like McGee. It was...he was really mad."

"Ah. Well, I'm not entirely certain myself. He's not talking to me about it and seems to be playing with his cards close to his chest."

Jimmy snorted.

"Something amusing you, Mr. Palmer?"

Jimmy cleared his throat quickly. "No, Doctor. Nothing."

"Well, then, perhaps we should get back to work. This young lady had her secrets, I'm sure, but she won't share them if we let her lie here forever."

"Yes, Dr. Mallard." Jimmy watched in silence for a few seconds but couldn't resist one more question. "Dr. Mallard?"

"Yes, Mr. Palmer?"

"Is he going to be all right?"

Ducky looked up and then sighed. "I hope so, Mr. Palmer. I truly hope so."

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"I'm resigning from NCIS. I'm sorry but I can't give you two weeks' notice," Tim said, carefully keeping his voice even.

Vance's eyes widened although he gave no other sign of shock.

"May I ask why?"

Tim smiled slightly. "You may...but I can't tell you."

"Can't? Or won't?"

How to answer a question like that? Of course he could answer his question, but doing so would ruin his plans...and he wasn't willing to do that. Besides...that would mean revealing all the things that would be used to break him down. He didn't want that, not now, not with the one person who'd had faith in him. So...he almost lied.

"A little of both, sir. You'll understand when you read my report."

"Is this because of the operation?"

Tim looked away, toward the window. Freedom.

"If so, I'm sorry I put you in that position. I still think that you were the best choice for the assignment, but I would have gone with second best if it meant keeping you at NCIS."

Tim dragged his gaze back to Vance. Inside, he wanted to laugh. How was it possible that Vance thought he was best for the job and yet his own teammates thought him incompetent?

"No, sir. I appreciate you trusting me. I've always wanted to have the chance to go undercover and you, at least, gave me that. Thank you."

"Are you saying that others don't trust you?"

Tim shrugged, although inside he was screaming No! No one trusts me! No one ever trusts me! All they do is look at me as someone who can't even tie his own shoelaces!

"I'm not quite finished with my report, sir."

"If it's vacation time you need, Agent McGee, you've more than earned it."

"It's not that. I'm tired, but that's not why I'm resigning." Tim began to feel a need to get away from the room. He just wanted to finish and get away, but he hadn't finished setting up what was going to happen next. He tried to keep his impatience under control. He felt his whole body tensing up at the continual questions. Why did everyone question him?

"Is it your team?"

"I'd like to tell them myself, if you don't mind, Director Vance," Tim said, suddenly wanting to grin and feeling a return of his ire at the reminder of how he'd been treated. "They deserve to hear it from me."

Vance raised an eyebrow. Tim wondered if he'd tipped his hand, but then Vance sighed. "There's nothing I can do to convince you to stay? Even transferring to another team?"

"No, sir. I've made my decision. I'm quitting, and I'm not coming back. It's what I need to do."

"Very well. I'll wait until Monday to process your request. It will give you the chance to talk to your teammates. If you change your mind..."

"I won't." Tim stood up and started to leave but retained just enough respect for Vance that he paused. "Was that everything, Director Vance?"

"Yes, Agent McGee. You can go." Vance stood up and walked over to Tim who backed up a step or two before remembering that Vance was unlikely to try and hurt him.

I'd like to see him try.

"It's been a great pleasure to work with you, Agent McGee."

No one else would say that. No one ever said that. Not ever. "Thanks for trusting me, Director."

"You've earned it."

Tim clenched his jaw so tightly that his teeth began to ache as he walked out of the office and down to his desk. He sat down at his computer and looked around. No one was there. He went back to his report. He was almost done.

There was a strange sound that made him pause...and he realized it was his own teeth grinding back and forth, back and forth.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Abby came running into the bullpen. Tim hadn't come down to see her at all and while she'd tried to be patient, she was done with that. Tim had been given enough time to come and get a hug voluntarily. He needed a hug, even if he didn't see it.

"Tim!"

She came around the corner and the desk was empty. Tim was clearly there somewhere, but she couldn't see him.

"Abby, what are you doing up here?" Gibbs asked.

"Looking for Tim!" Abby said. "He told me that I could hug him today, but he hasn't been down to see me at all. So I decided I'd come up to him instead." She grinned.

"He's not down in your lab?"

"No. He's not with you?"

"He's been working on his report today, and he had to have his debriefing."

"So is he back to normal?"

"Back to normal? Abby, it's been two days."

"Yeah? I know that, Gibbs, but it's Tim, and I don't like to see him like he was yesterday."

"Well, he looks about the same as he did."

"But why?"

Gibbs sighed. "Abby, he was undercover for seven months. He's not going to change back overnight."

Abby nodded and her shoulders slumped. "I didn't like how he looked at me, Gibbs. There's something wrong."

"If so, a hug won't help."

Abby put her hands on her hips and glared. "Don't you see how wrong Tim is, Gibbs? How could you not be worried?"

"He needs space, Abby, not coddling."

"Have you even asked if he's okay?"

"Yes, and he said he was fine."

"...but he's not...and you've got to know that, Gibbs!" She tried staring Gibbs down but finally she sighed. "Let him know I was looking for him, okay?"

"I will."

Abby gave in and went back down to the lab. Secretly, she pulled up the image of Tim from the end of his operation. There was a look in his eyes, something that was so very un-Tim-like. It frightened her. If she only looked in his eyes, she could swear that she was looking at a stranger, not at a close friend.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tim hid from everyone for the rest of the day, until the evening when he could no longer avoid his team. He'd managed to avoid Abby. He didn't want to see her, not again. Something about her disturbed him.

"How nice of you to grace us with your presence, McGee," Tony said. "Where have you been?"

"None of your business," Tim muttered and sat down at his computer.

"You're not finished yet?"

Tim slammed his mouse on his desk so hard that he broke it, but he ignored that. Instead, he stood up and glared at Tony.

"Tony, when you have been undercover solidly for seven months as an assistant to drug dealers, then you can complain about how much I have to report on. Until that day, you can shut up. I'll be done before Monday. I can't go back to work yet anyway; so what's it to you?"

"We are just concerned," Ziva said.

"Whatever. I'll be finished."

"McGee!"

Tim looked back over his shoulder. "What, Gibbs?"

"My office."

Tim shook his head and laughed shortly. "No."

"No?"

"That's right. I said no. I have to finish this report and going onto the elevator to have you stare at me in silence for ten minutes is not going to help me finish my report any faster. What do you want more? To stare or have me finish my work?"

Everyone in the bullpen paused. Tim and Gibbs were only looking at each other, but everyone else was looking them as well. Tim's expression was nothing short of insolent. Gibbs as unreadable as ever. For once, it was in question as to who would back down.

"What? No head slap?" Tim taunted. "No abrupt orders? No mute gestures? I guess you don't know what to do when people don't immediately hop to."

This had been an unexpected development, but Tim was enjoying every minute of it. It was clear that Gibbs had no idea what to do. He'd lose face if he backed down, but he could probably sense that Tim himself wouldn't back down either. Tim let his mouth stretch into a cynical grin and then he sat down at his computer.

"If you decide what you're going to do, Gibbs, let me know. Otherwise, I'll be working right over here."

The mouse was a write-off Tim could see that right away. He had a spare mouse in his desk. Always be prepared, although he knew no one would notice that he had backup ready in case of such an occurrence. They never noticed when he did things right. Only when he did things wrong.

Gibbs said nothing but headed off to wherever he went. To sulk, maybe. Tim chuckled softly to himself and didn't bother to look at anyone. He could feel the tension in the air, the awkwardness. No one could believe that wimpy Tim McGee would stand up to the almight Gibbs.

You showed him. Now, go all the way.

That made Tim pause. He couldn't do that. Yes, it might be nice, even intensely satisfying, but he couldn't do that. He wouldn't go that far.

Why not? He deserves it! Gibbs shouldn't be the exception to every rule!

If I'm really better than Gibbs, then I shouldn't stoop that low. ...and I'm better.

He snuck out of the bullpen an hour later and stayed away until he could be reasonably sure of everyone else being gone. They were. He smiled. The bullpen wouldn't stay empty for long. He had to work fast. He knew he could work fast enough, but one person happening by could ruin it. He sat down at Tony's computer, a few quick keystrokes and he was done. Then, Ziva's. Last of all, Gibbs'. All in all, it took him about twenty minutes.

He hurried back to his own computer, printed off his report, put a copy of it in his desk, along with his badge and gun and sent another copy off to Vance. He was pretty sure that Vance would prefer him gone once he read about all the things he'd done, but he was also sure that Vance would be furious at Gibbs' obliviousness. That would make it all worth it, even if he wasn't there to see it.

He hoped that it would be a public dressing down...although Vance was a lot classier than that.

One thing is for sure. You've left your mark on NCIS. They'll know you're gone!

Tim laughed to himself, grabbed his bag and left the bullpen. He was ready for the weekend.

...but he didn't sleep a wink that night.