Chapter 16

Ducky walked out of NCIS late that night. He was in no hurry to get to his home. Some days, it felt very lonely. Today would be one of those days.

"Ducky?"

Ducky smiled. "Jethro. What has you standing out here in the dark?"

"Waiting for you."

"You could have come down."

"Been thinking."

"And? The results of your thoughts?"

"I was wrong about McGee. Something happened to him that I don't understand. Is it too late?"

"That I don't know, Jethro. What brought you to this conclusion?"

"I looked him in the eye...for what I think was the first time in weeks. I didn't know the person I saw."

"Well, we have a couple of days. By Monday, surely, between the two of us, we can come up with a plan."

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Fifteen years ago...

"Hey, Matt, look who returned for another year among his inferiors."

Matt looked back over his shoulder. Sure enough. There was Tim McGee. He stifled a sigh. He'd hoped that, after last year, Tim would find somewhere else to go to school, somewhere with people who were more...like him. MIT obviously wasn't good enough for Tim McGee. He'd made that abundantly clear.

"Yep. I see." Then, he looked more closely. Tim was alone. He had a few bags but no one with him. "Where's his family, do you think?"

"Maybe they're not good enough for him either," Justin said.

"Maybe."

"Hey, Matt, where you at this year, old man?"

"I'm only four years older than you are, Justin."

"And a year behind. Are you sticking with the dorms?"

"Yeah, it's easier. I even got the same room."

"Excellent! We're on the same floor this year! I can bug you for your notes so much easier!"

"You could try taking your own notes."

"Where's the fun in that? Hey, you need any help with your stuff?"

Matt nodded and let Justin grab one of his bags. No one commented on his mangled hand anymore. It was just part of who he was. Still, he paused once more and watched as Tim struggled across the quad toward the building. Alone. There was something really forlorn about him this year. ...but he'd brought it on himself. He turned and walked into the building.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

The cafeteria was packed on the first night before classes began. Matt, Justin and a few others took over one of the larger tables. There were still about five empty chairs, but they were all crowded around, comparing courses and seeing if they were going to be able to have the same study groups as the year before.

Justin looked up and noticed Tim walking in their direction.

"Sorry, McGee. No room," he said with a perfectly straight face, even though he was sitting beside one of the empty chairs.

The others paused their conversations and stared at Tim who looked at them with a deer-in-the-headlights expression...for only a split second before the old superior expression took its usual place.

"I wasn't coming over here anyway," he said and made a beeline for one of the windows. He sat down on the sill and began to eat. Alone. Matt noticed that he had crammed a few of the items into his bag as he left, eating only the main course in the cafeteria.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

There he was. Matt almost wished he could change his major. He and Tim had the exact same classes. ...which didn't make any sense now that he thought about it.

"Hey, Justin."

"What?"

"How in the world is Tim in our classes this year?"

"I dunno. Why are you worrying about it? We ignore him. He ignores us. It's a win-win situation."

Matt shrugged but he was surprised when Tim shuffled into the back corner rather than his usual front-and-center position. Something was different about him this year.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"Hey, Tim."

Tim was sitting on a bench. Alone. Reading a physics textbook. It was Saturday. Most everyone else was enjoying the beautiful fall day. He looked up and Matt again saw that flash of...fear, was it? ...before that same disdainful expression settled on his face.

"What?"

"Don't you get enough of school during the week?" Matt asked, keeping his voice friendly, even as Tim's tone put him off.

"No." He looked back at his book and turned the page.

Matt hesitated and then sat down. Tim stiffened and edged away from him.

"Don't you do anything else?"

"No." Tim didn't even look up this time, but he was tensed as if for a fight.

"Why not?"

"Why are you asking?"

"Just wondering."

"Wonder somewhere else. I'm busy."

"Free country. I can sit here."

Tim closed his book, grabbed his bag and stood up. "Fine. Sit here, old man. I can leave." He walked away, stopped, turned around, opened his mouth to speak and then turned back and ran toward the library.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Matt came back from Thanksgiving glad of the break and even more glad that Christmas break wasn't too far away.

"Guess who didn't go home for Thanksgiving, I hear," Justin said.

"McGee?"

"Got it in one. Jaya told me that she found him in the library totally zonked on Thanksgiving morning. Looked like he'd spent all night there. You know, if that's what it takes to be as smart as he says he is, I'll take being dumb."

"Yeah, me, too. I'm surprised he didn't go home, though. I mean, he's what? Seventeen?"

"How could you forget with him telling us over and over again how he was so much younger than us?"

Matt laughed, but more and more he was feeling pity rather than contempt. Tim seemed to be a very lonely person. He had watched over the course of the first couple of months of the semester as Tim had made tentative moves toward the same people he'd so firmly put down the year before...and been totally rebuffed by them all. No one had time for Tim McGee and his holier-than-thou attitude anymore. Smart he might be, but it wasn't worth listening to him lord his intelligence over everyone else. He had stopped drawing any attention to himself. He only spoke to the professors, and then only after or before class. Matt had seen him in various professors' offices on occasion, but in class itself, he said nothing. He worked alone in the labs. He shared a dorm, but that was because he had to. His roommate was the one guy no one wanted to share with. It had seemed funny and a case of just desserts before. Now, Matt wasn't so sure.

Still, Tim had rejected all of Matt's attempts to be friendly. He'd heard that a few others had been similarly rejected. Maybe Tim just didn't want to have friends.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

A heavy blast of winter hit MIT at the beginning of February. Students dashed from building to building trying to avoid the biting cold wind and the icy snow. Matt was engaged in a similar dash when he saw someone slip on an icy patch and land flat on his back. He ran over.

"Hey, you all right?"

"I'm fine. I don't need your help."

The voice surprised him. It seemed embarrassed...and afraid.

"Here, let me help you save your papers at least."

"That's not a paper!" Tim shouted as Matt picked up something that was surprisingly hard. "Give it back!"

"Sure, okay. Is that a record?"

Tim's face turned red and he tucked it into his old worn backpack.

"Yeah."

"You listen to records?"

"What of it?" Tim asked belligerently.

"I'm just surprised is all. A techy like you liking something so old-fashioned."

"You get the best sound from records. CDs aren't as good for the old stuff," Tim said, a strangely unguarded moment...and a voice totally different from anything Matt had heard before.

"You got that right. The older songs are made for records, not CDs. Where do you listen to them?"

"In my dorm. ...when Manny's gone."

"Here's your homework," Matt said, handing over a few damp pages...but not before he'd got a glimpse of a red C on them. He didn't make a comment, but he knew Tim saw his wandering eyes. The moment of humanity was over.

Tim grabbed the pages, jammed them into his bag and got up, limping a little but sprinting for the building.

Matt began to walk more slowly in his tracks. So the little genius wasn't doing so well. A few months ago, he would have gone and told Justin and the others and they'd have had a big laugh about it. Now, he was struck more than ever with the fact that Tim was really...really young to be on his own at college. It wasn't just age. It was something more. Tim seemed too young to be here.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

February trudged on and Matt began to feel the stress and burden of all the work he was doing. Even with his friends, it was hard being older than everyone else around him. Sure, twenty-six wasn't that old, but he sure felt old. Still, he was glad that there was something he could do since losing three fingers to the U.S. Army. He'd never fight again, but he could do something. It was just that he was doing a major in computer science and a major in business. It was driving him crazy at the moment, and so when three a.m. rolled around and he was still awake, he gave up on sleeping for the time being and headed out to the common room. It was unlikely that anyone would be there. A few more days and it would be President's Day long weekend. A brief reprieve.

Someone else was in the room already. Tim was sitting at one of the tables, bent over a book as always, but there was something different about him this time. In the light of the lamp by his downturned face, Matt saw tears on Tim's cheeks.

"Tim, what are you doing up?"

Tim jumped, hurriedly wiped at his face and tried to sound as arrogant as he always did.

"What are you doing up?"

Matt shrugged. "Stressed out. It's midterm time coming up. I don't sleep well usually."

Tim sniffed. "I'm doing homework. Leave me alone."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing! Go away!"

"It's the common room. I don't have to, Tim. Why are you studying out here?"

"Manny has...company." Another sniff and hurried swipe across his cheek. "And I have to finish this..." He swallowed. "...it's due tomorrow."

"What class?"

"Homological algebra."

"Wow. Why are you taking that? It's not required."

"It's interesting. Go away. I have to finish."

"Oh, come on. I'll bet you have like 150 percent in that class."

"I don't." To Matt's surprise, Tim's lip actually started quivering as he tried not to cry. "I...I failed the last test. I know you saw my homework. I have to get this done."

Matt sat down across the table. "What's going on, Tim?"

"Nothing!" Tim looked up and Matt saw his red eyes.

"Right. You're not crying about your homework, are you?"

"None of your business. What do you care?"

"Easy. I don't like seeing people so miserable...as you obviously are."

Tim head dropped again. "My dad's...in the hospital...again. Mom called me earlier today."

"Again?"

"He's...paralyzed, and it's my fault."

Matt was glad that Tim wasn't looking at him because he couldn't hide his surprise. That the great Tim McGee could possibly have that kind of problem seemed...against type. Tim had all the hallmarks of someone who'd had everything open to him, everything easy, leading him to a feeling of superiority. This broken teenager didn't jive with what everyone had assumed.

"Your fault?"

"Car accident, couple of years ago. On my birthday. I was driving. Hit a city bus. I broke my leg. Dad was paralyzed from the waist down. He's in a wheelchair...and he will be for the rest of his life. He's been having problems with his digestive system, I guess, for a few months."

"You guess? Didn't he have them at Christmas?"

"I didn't go home for Christmas."

"What?"

"I couldn't."

"Why not?"

"I...I couldn't afford to go, okay?" Tim looked up, tears streaming down his cheeks, trying to be angry.

"How much does a bus ticket cost?"

"Too much. I'm here on scholarship, you know."

"Yeah, I know. You told us all...a few times."

Anger began winning over Tim's obvious sorrow. "Look! I don't need your help! Go away!"

"Hey, I'm sorry. Why can't you afford the Greyhound?"

Tim hesitated and Matt thought that he'd clam up again, but after a few seconds he continued, words tumbling over each other as Tim spoke more than he had all year long.

"Because of the accident. We were fine before that. Dad bought the car...I crashed. But...he was in the hospital for a long time. He couldn't work. I was in the hospital. Rehab. Renovating the house so Dad could live there. ...we got sued. Dad went back to the hospital again and again. Mom had to get a job. I work all summer to pay for my living expenses. Last year, there was enough that Mom could help me out with bus fare." He shook his head. "Not this year. I barely have enough to be here. We weren't even sure I could come. We own our house and...and Dad still technically has a job; so we don't qualify for the federal student aid. There's just...not enough."

"So...you're not going to go see him?"

It was an innocent question, but Tim instantly bristled as if Matt had criticized him.

"I just told you I couldn't afford it! Do you think I'm lying? Do you think that I skip breakfast every morning for fun?" He started to stand up, grabbing for his textbook.

Matt grabbed his arm.

"Let go!"

"Tim, wait! Sit down. I was just asking. I wasn't trying to say you should."

For a moment, Tim pulled against Matt's hand but then seemed to wilt back down into the chair.

"Should or not...I can't...not if I want to have even one meal per day." He laughed. "I'm not even old enough for a credit card, yet."

Matt chuckled. "You don't eat breakfast at all?"

Tim shook his head. "Usually I save something from dinner."

"What about lunch?"

Another shake.

"Not ever?"

Shake.

"Can't you get a job?"

"No. I don't have time! I'm taking a full course load, as many credits as my scholarship allows and...and I'm sitting in on a bunch of others so that I can...get ahead...in case I can't come back...and why would they hire a teenager when there are college students everywhere around? ...and..." He looked at his textbook. "...and I have to finish my homework. It's all I have...and I just can't get it."

Finally, Tim actually started to cry, wrapping his arms around himself. Matt noticed for the first time the dark circles under Tim's eyes, the sunken hollows of someone who was used to carrying a bit more weight. In short, he was a perfect picture of misery. Matt wasn't sure what to do. There were too many things Tim had said that he couldn't help. Then, his eyes fell on Tim's homework. He reached out and picked it up. Tim reacted instantly, snatching it back.

"That's mine! Leave it alone!"

"I just want to help."

"Yeah, right."

"Tim, I'm not even in that class. Why would I steal your assignment?"

Tim subsided and didn't answer.

"I took this last year. Let me see if I can see where you're going wrong."

"What makes you think I'm wrong?" Tim retorted.

Matt smiled. "Because you failed your last test and you're getting C's on your assignments."

Tim managed a weak smile.

"Let me look."

Almost timidly, Tim slid his page across the table. It was crumpled now, but Matt simply smoothed it out and scanned the problem set Tim had been attempting.

"Oh, you should be using the Mayer-Vietoris sequence here. That's your problem."

"Mayer-Vietoris?"

"Yeah. You have to have learned that."

"Yes...but..." Tim pulled the page back and looked at the problems. Matt saw the moment the light came on. "Oh. I see." Tim began to write at a furious pace. Matt was surprised to see the speed with which he worked. It seemed that Tim really was pretty smart. Tim asked no questions. He worked in silence for another hour before he finished the set.

"Understand now?" Matt asked.

"Yes." Tim closed his textbook...and then pulled out another one.

"I think you should probably go to sleep, not study."

"I'm behind. I have to catch up."

"If you fall asleep in class, you only fall further behind, you know."

Tim smiled.

"Come on, Tim. Take the time to sleep. It won't kill you."

It took some cajoling, but eventually Tim did close up all his books and allowed Matt to force him back to his dorm. Matt didn't say anything, but if Manny was still in there, he planned to kick him out. ...but the room was empty when they arrived. Tim dropped his bag on the floor and kicked it under the bed to get it out of the way. He didn't bother to change, choosing instead to lie down and close his eyes. He was asleep before Matt closed the door.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"Come on, Matt! Time for our one Tim-free class!"

Matt laughed good-naturedly but then looked around. "Where is he?"

"Oh, he's still asleep," Manny said from his spot on one of the chairs. "He didn't even move when I turned on my music this morning."

"The genius is asleep? No way!" Justin said.

"You mind if I go check on him, Manny?" Matt asked.

"Go ahead. I don't care. The wunderkind might."

"We're going to be late," Jaya warned him.

"I'll make it!"

Matt ran to Tim's room. He knocked. No response. He opened the door and there was Tim lying on his bed, dead to the world. His snoring at least let Matt know that he wasn't actually dead. Quickly, he searched under Tim's bed, pulled out his homework and ran. Tim never stirred.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"You searched through my bag!" Tim shouted as he ran into the cafeteria. The lunch rush was just ending, and what noise there was quickly faded away as Tim began to rant. On the surface it was almost comical. Tim was tall but gangly where Matt was slightly shorter but with a lot more muscle. Matt stood up.

"Tim, I didn't steal your homework," he said calmly.

"I should have known you weren't really trying to be nice! I knew it! You were just–"

"Tim, I handed it in for you so you'd get credit for it."

"Handed it in? What do you mean?"

"Tim, it's lunchtime. It's after noon. Your class is over."

The rant ended as suddenly as it had begun, but everyone was staring at the two men. It was preternaturally quiet. Tim's face went bright red and he ran out. Matt sighed and moved to follow him.

"Why are you bothering, Matt? He doesn't want anyone's help or anyone's company."

"He's having a bad day. I'll be back. Don't eat my fries!"

He found Tim trudging through the snow, not toward any building but toward the river. He had a coat, but no hat, no gloves. The snow had stopped but that had allowed the wind to feel even colder.

"Tim, wait up!"

Tim didn't. He began to walk faster instead.

"Tim, hold up a minute!" Matt jogged until he came level. Tim was obviously ashamed, not just embarrassed...and almost afraid, it seemed. "I didn't wake you up since you needed the sleep. I'm sorry if I should have."

"My mistake," Tim whispered.

"Where are you going?"

"To think."

"Think? You have to do that outside?"

"Leave me alone."

"You're going the wrong way."

"No, I'm not."

"Yeah, you are...because you need to pack a bag."

Tim was surprised enough that he finally stopped. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm going to give you a ride to see your dad. It's the long weekend. We can drive to Ohio in a day, easy. You can hang out for a couple of days and we can come back."

"No! No, you can't do that!"

"Why not?"

"Because...it's too expensive. It's too far. There's class tomorrow. Electrodynamics."

"I already talked to Professor Jorgenson."

"You what? No! I can't miss class!"

"Tim, you told me that your dad is in the hospital. You haven't seen your family in months. That's more important than school. Heck, a lot of things are more important than school."

"I don't have anything else. I can't fail."

"Missing one class won't make you fail."

"It could...and I can't."

"You need to go home more than you need to go to Electrodynamics."

"I'm still behind. I have to catch up."

"I can't figure you out, Tim. Don't you want to see your family?"

"It doesn't matter," Tim said. "I'm here to go to school. I have to finish it."

Matt laughed incredulously. "Is that how you see it? You can't do anything but school?"

"I can't afford to do anything else."

"You don't have to do things that cost money."

"No, you don't understand. If I fail...if I get kicked out...I don't have anything else to offer! No one likes me. I'm incompetent in everything else. This is all I have."

"No, you're wrong. You have a family, Tim...and that's important to keep. Let me give you a ride."

Tim turned away from him, and Matt figured he was going to say no, but he just stared out at the river.

"Okay."

"Great! I checked the weather already. If we leave now, we'll get there really late, but we should have good weather the whole way."

"I can't drive."

Matt paused but then rallied. "That's all right. You can keep me awake while I drive."

Tim wouldn't look at him, but he headed back toward the dorms. Matt went back to the cafeteria and told his friends that he'd be gone for the weekend.

"Why are you doing this for him?"

Matt sighed. "Justin, his dad's in the hospital."

Everyone fell silent.

"He hasn't been able to afford to go home. He can barely afford being here at all. I'm giving him a ride so that he can see his dad."

"Do you need money for gas?" Jaya asked.

"We could raid the kitchen for snacks," Justin said with a mischievous grin.

Matt considered. He wasn't too well-off himself although in infinitely better straits than Tim. Still, it wasn't as though he could ask Tim for money.

"If you guys wouldn't mind contributing a few bucks, that would be great."

In five minutes, he was leaving the cafeteria with nearly a hundred bucks in his pocket. There had been enough people in the room and a quick collection plate had resulted in a large number of dollar bills, some fives, even a couple of twenties. Whether they liked Tim or not (not), he was still a classmate facing turbulence at home. That mattered more than personal grievances.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Abby knocked on Tim's door, intent on getting in to Tim. ...but there was no answer. She had tried calling him, but no answer. Tim's car was down in the parking lot. There were no lights on in the apartment. She had checked.

She tried pounding on the door, but no one answered. Nothing was happening in there. Something was wrong, but no one was inside.

"Tim, please, open up! Please?"

No answer.