Chapter 23
Abby came in early. She wanted to try another method before the others came. She hadn't decided what, if anything, she was going to say. ...especially to Gibbs. Abby didn't, as a rule, get genuinely angry at Gibbs. She was miffed on occasion...and she'd been offended a couple of times...but really mad? No.
...and she was really mad this time. If Ziva was being accurate, then they'd been mean and dismissive of Tim for months and he had quit because of that. It didn't quite add up in her head, but it was enough to make her furious and want to be angry.
She set the search running and fumed at her computer.
"I could see something was wrong! Why couldn't they?"
"Wrong about what, Abigail?"
Abby looked back over her shoulder. "You're here early, Ducky."
"I'm located much closer to NCIS than I was. What has you so irate?"
"Did you know that Tim quit?"
"Yes, I had heard that rumor. So it's true, is it?"
"Yes!" Abby said, "And it's all their fault!"
"Well, a lot of it probably is, but Timothy has free will, too."
"And he's gone!"
"By his own choice, Abigail," Ducky said gently. "We may not like it, but if that is what he wants..."
"It can't be, Ducky! It can't be what Tim wants! ...besides, even Vance is worried about although he wouldn't tell me why. Something makes him think that we should find Tim."
"Really?"
"Yes! He told me that I should do a search for him, see if we could track him down...but not go and see him."
Ducky nodded. "I see. It is probably for the best, although regretful that it should be necessary."
"But what good will it do if we find him and then leave him all alone?"
"It is respecting his wishes, my dear. That is important."
"But his wishes are all twisted up right now!"
"Nevertheless, there are limits to how much we can force on an unwilling listener."
Abby bit her lip. "What do I do, Ducky? If I do find him, what do I do?"
"I wish I could tell you," Ducky said. "Much depends on Timothy himself. That is something we can't control."
"Yeah. I know." Abby took a deep breath. "But there's one thing I can do...and I'm going to do that right now."
"What's that?"
Abby screwed up her courage. "I'm going to tell Gibbs off!" Then, she nodded firmly and headed for the elevator. She didn't care if Gibbs wasn't there yet. She'd wait.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Tim fell asleep around the time the sun was just brightening the eastern horizon. It was a dizzying kind of slumber, full of strange and disturbing images that he couldn't quite see, full of sounds that kept his mind from truly resting.
Then...he felt something wet and cold on his arm. He came to consciousness immediately, afraid of the sensation of attack. He actually raised his arm to hit whatever had touched him.
...and then he realized what the feeling had been.
"Jethro!" Tim said, panting in surprise. "Don't...don't do that, okay?"
He wiped at his face and felt the cold sweat beading up on his forehead. As a matter of fact, he felt generally cold all over.
"You hungry?" he asked, not having the slightest clue what time it was.
Jethro blinked at him without reaction.
Tim stared back at his dog, trying to decide how he felt about him. Jethro...the dog who had attacked him. The representation of Abby's period of utter dismissal of his own feelings. ...and yet, Jethro was here. He hadn't abandoned Tim.
"I'm sorry, Jethro," Tim said...but the word felt foreign in his mouth.
You don't owe any apologies! Not to anyone!
Maybe not...but Tim could see that his actions had unnerved his dog who now didn't seem to know how to react around his master.
He looked at his watch. It was just past seven. He'd had only three hours of sleep...if he was lucky. To think, normally at this time of the morning, he'd be at NCIS. He was sure that everyone there would be glad he was gone now...especially his erstwhile team...and Vance. He'd have read everything Tim had decided to do while undercover.
It was the right thing to do! Stop questioning yourself!
"Jethro, you hungry?" he asked again.
Jethro got up and trotted toward the screen door...which was not locked. Tim realized he hadn't turned on the alarm system and since he had spent his whole night outside, that meant that he had completely and utterly failed to be the house sitter Matt had asked for. He'd have to make sure he remembered tonight.
"Why don't we go exploring later on today, huh, Jethro?" Tim asked as he poured the dog food into Jethro's dish. "Maybe that will stop these chills. It's been so hot the last few days. I shouldn't be cold at all." He shivered. "You eat and I'm going to shower."
Jethro licked Tim's hand and then began eating. Tim walked out of the kitchen, but a thought struck him as he walked.
Maybe I can find where the frogs come from...
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Tony found Abby sitting at Gibbs' desk, doing a very good job of taking over his role as the one who glowered at everyone.
"You heard, I guess," Tony said, guessing what she was angry about.
"DiNozzo...come here," Abby said, glaring at him as she stood up.
"What are you going to do to me?"
"Nothing you don't deserve. Come here."
Tony figured that there was more danger in trying to avoid whatever Abby planned on doing than in getting it over with; so he set his bag down and walked over to where Abby stood, towering in her platform boots.
Thwack!
"Ow!" Tony was shocked. Abby had given him a Gibbs slap!
"There. Now, where's Gibbs?" she asked.
"You're not going to give Gibbs a headslap."
"Watch me," Abby said.
Tony could no sooner have not watched than he could have kept from wincing when Abby had walloped him. She could seriously give Gibbs a run for his money.
"Gibbs!" she said, looking past him.
"Oh, no," Tony muttered to himself.
"Abby, I'm busy," Gibbs said. "Later."
"No, Gibbs! Now!" She walked over to him and Tony winced as he heard Abby make contact with the back of Gibbs' head.
Thwack!
"I can't believe that you let all this happen! It was wrong! It was stupid! ...and you're supposed to be smarter than that, Gibbs! I can't believe you!"
There was a moment of silence. Then, another...
Thwack!
"There! I'm finished," she said and then promptly started crying and ran to the elevator.
Tony wasn't sure he dared turn around. He heard a soft sigh.
"Is this about McGee?"
"Yeah."
No other response. Gibbs walked around to his desk and sat down. Tony tensed as he logged in, wondering if they'd hear that voice again.
Nothing.
"Tony?"
"Yeah, Boss?"
"You and Ziva will be working with JAG today, helping them sift through all the information from the undercover operation and see what will be needed for the trial. They want to start building their case right away."
"On it, Boss." Tony headed to his desk again, finally able to move. "Boss?"
"Don't ask, Tony," Gibbs said and then grabbed the files Vance had given him the day before. "Don't ask."
"Right, Boss."
Gibbs headed up the stairs and Tony sat down. It felt like all of NCIS had been shaken apart by Tim's departure. It was silly because, while the MCRT was an important aspect of the day-to-day operations of headquarters, they were hardly the be all and end all of the place. ...and yet, people were tiptoeing around the bullpen, as if they were afraid they'd be next. Everyone seemed to know that Tim had quit, that he had left in some sort of fury and that it had taken the rest of his team by surprise.
As he waited for Ziva to arrive, he began really thinking about what had happened. Tim's fist connecting with his nose had come totally out of the blue. Okay, Tony could admit that what he'd said had been in poor taste, but it was no worse than he'd usually said, and Tim had never punched him out before. ...but in that moment, it was almost like he had been a total stranger. The look in his eyes, the tenor of his voice. Everything was like Tony had been interacting with a stranger...with Thomas Allen McKay instead of Timothy McGee. ...and yet, Tim had never shown any real connection to Julia before. Sure, they'd had sex, but beyond that?
But now that he thought about it, it didn't make sense for Tim not to be bothered by that. Tim was the gentleman, the one who opened doors for women, not because he saw them as lesser beings but because he saw them as people to be respected. Having sex with a woman just to get on her good side so that he could use her connections should have bothered Tim. A lot. ...but except for that first time, he hadn't shown any sign that it had.
The elevator dinged and Ziva walked off it.
"It doesn't make sense," he said to Ziva as she approached.
"What does not make sense?"
"McGee."
"What do you mean? I think he has been very clear."
Tony looked up. "No, not that. Everything about this undercover op. McGee should have been having a really hard time, but he didn't. Except at the very beginning when anyone would have had some trouble. Why didn't he?"
Ziva leaned against her desk. "Perhaps he was better than we thought."
"No...no, it doesn't have anything to do with being good at undercover stuff. It has to do with who McGee is. He's not the kind of guy who would have been able to deal with all the junk he had to do without some problems...but he never showed it. Not once."
"Maybe he did...and we were too wrapped up in our own perceptions to see it."
"He was only mad at us."
"Yes. Without cause it seemed. Maybe he was angry that we did not see his problems."
"That doesn't feel right."
Ziva shrugged. "I did not say it was certain. I was giving ideas." She stood and walked around to her computer. She logged in, but Tony saw her moment of trepidation, fearing that the dreaded login screen would reappear.
It didn't.
"That worried me, too," he said.
"What?"
"Logging in."
"I was not worried."
Tony just laughed. "Gibbs wants us working with JAG today."
"Very well. Has he said anything about replacing McGee?"
"Not to me, but he had the files Vance gave him in his hand."
Ziva looked over at the empty desk. "I do not want another person sitting there."
Tony shrugged, trying to pretend it didn't bother him. "Gibbs will find a way to get him back. It's McGee. He belongs here."
"Tony, this is not something you can pretend will work out!" Ziva said, her voice tight with frustration. "McGee quit! He hates us now! Do you really think that everything will just go back to normal? It will not!" She picked up her bag and sighed. "It does not even matter if he does. If he comes back, it will not be to work with us."
"Why do you say that? Where else would he work?"
"With people he respects."
"McGee respects us," Tony said...before realizing that was a pretty stupid thing to say in light of yesterday's events.
"Yes, so much that he has not spoken one word to either of us that was not saturated with disdain. Face it, Tony. We lost his respect and he has no interest in letting us get it back. We have work to do."
Tony watched her stand and walk back to the elevator. When she reached it, she looked back.
"Are you coming?"
"Yeah. Just a second." He looked at his computer screen...and noticed something. It was small, in the corner where he didn't normally even look. He clicked on the icon and brought up a text box.
"Hey, Ziva. Come here."
"What? Do we not have to go?"
"Yeah, but look."
Ziva came over and looked over his shoulder.
"I think you're right," Tony said. "He won't be coming back."
Ziva said nothing.
The message Tim had left said it all, really.
I should have let her kill you.
Tony closed the box, sent the icon to the recycling bin and then walked with Ziva to the elevator. As the doors closed, he couldn't help feeling that something had been destroyed during that operation...but the worst part was that he had no idea when it had died. It was like living alongside a corpse for months and not noticing it was dead.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Tim and Jethro went exploring that day. There were wild areas all around Matt's property, places that begged to be examined. Tim found the place where the frogs probably had come from. He could see why they left. It was a small marshy area. Smelly, full of stagnant water, pond scum and bugs. The pool probably looked like a vast improvement...but...
...but they keep dying there. Why would they try to go back to something that has killed so many?
He looked at Jethro who showed very little interest in going further.
"Why do they do that, Jethro? It makes no sense. Why are they so stupid?"
Jethro looked up at him and whined. Then, he nudged at Tim's legs, pushing him away from the marsh and back to the open fields. Tim knew what he wanted. Jethro wanted the ball Tim had in his pocket.
"Okay. We'll go."
Tim started to pick his way out, but he heard some croaking frogs. He stopped. For no reason he could articulate, he turned around.
"Stay here," he called. "It's not worth coming out! The marsh is better!"
Jethro barked at him and Tim looked back.
"Right. I'm coming."
He was tired, but he'd been tired for a long time. If he kept staying up, maybe he'd get so tired that the dreams would stay away.
You're such a weakling. Face the dreams like a man! They're just dreams. They don't mean anything. You shouldn't be crying about bad dreams like a baby. Grow up.
Jethro barked again.
"Coming, Jethro."
Tim walked away from the marsh and the croaking frogs.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Abby didn't see anyone from upstairs for the rest of the day. She had work to do; so it didn't much matter. Besides, her eyes kept filling with tears at random moments and she didn't like that. It felt like everything was falling apart. That stupid operation. If it hadn't been for that, everything would be normal. No one would have left. No one would be missing. It would be business as usual.
She wouldn't have had to give Gibbs a head slap.
The sun went down when she finally got a beep from her search for Tim.
"Aha! I knew you couldn't hide from me, Tim! I'm too good!" Abby said triumphantly. She looked at the map, at the dot blinking in Maryland. It looked like the middle of nowhere, but the phone seemed to be in use, and she could see the information. Same phone, different data. He'd changed the SIM card.
"Gotcha."
"Got who?"
Abby quickly clicked off the monitor and turned around.
"You always know when I have something, Gibbs."
"What do you have this time?"
"I found Tim."
"Where is he?"
Abby sniffed as she felt tears in her eyes again. "It's none of your business, Gibbs. Not anymore."
"Abbs..."
"No! It's not! You didn't care before! Why should you care now?"
Gibbs didn't rise to her bait. "Abby, where is he?"
"Maryland."
"That's a pretty big state."
"Vance didn't think we should go and just invade his privacy, Gibbs. You don't need to know where he is because you shouldn't go and talk to him."
"I need to talk to him, Abby. If I'm going to make up for the last few months, I need to start now, not later...when it's too late."
Abby shook her head. "It's already too late, Gibbs. Tim quit. He hates you all. He's avoiding me...and I didn't even do anything! So...it's too late. He doesn't want us around anymore."
"Do you really want to leave it like this, Abby?"
"No! ...but it's not up to me."
"Maybe not, but until McGee is off the employment roster, he's a member of NCIS and on my team. That means he's still my responsibility. Where is he?"
"What you did wasn't right."
"I know."
"Are you going to get him back?"
"I don't know."
Abby sniffed again.
"Can I come?"
Gibbs smiled and shook his head. "This time, it needs to be between McGee and me."
"Okay." Abby turned around and brought up the map. "Here he is." She quickly wrote down the address. "I don't...wait..."
She quickly typed the address into a search.
"I know where he is," she said in surprise. "He has a friend who lives out there. From MIT. I've never met him, but Tim's talked about him before. His name is Matt. That must be where he is. ...at least he's not alone."
"Thanks, Abbs."
"I'm going to have to tell Vance. He's the one who asked me to find Tim. Not you."
"I don't care if you tell Vance," Gibbs said. "I'm worried about McGee."
"It's about time," Abby said angrily.
Gibbs nodded and smiled. "I know. Thanks, Abbs."
Abby watched him leave and then wrapped her arms around herself and hoped that, somehow, things still could go back to normal.
...but she couldn't help but fear that it was an impossible hope. Things could never go back to normal again.
Tim was gone.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
It was late when Tim finally returned to the house. He felt his body start shaking again. He fed Jethro and made a sandwich for himself. He only ate about half it and threw the rest away.
Then, he trudged up the stairs and fell onto the bed without changing. He just kicked off his shoes.
...but before he fell asleep, he remembered the pool cleaner. He wouldn't slack on the job. It was such a simple thing to do that he should be able to handle it.
He patted Jethro on the head and forced himself down the stairs and out to the pool. After lowering the cleaner to the bottom, he found himself wondering if the frogs would listen to him.
Tim laughed to himself at the idiocy of the thought...but he sat down on the chair, again prepared to watch and see if they came.
He'd been sitting out by the pool for over an hour when he heard someone opening the front door.
