*A/N: Thanks to my lovely beta and awbffe NessiesMomma for beta reading. Thanks to her the rest of this story worked itself out and she's the best for it. The other half of my brain*
*Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or its characters, SM does. I do however want Edward Cullen to spend eternity in my bedroom ;]*
I still had a blissful smile on my face when Jake knocked on the door. He crawled in behind me wordlessly and I felt the bed shift as his body turned away from mine. That was odd. Usually Jake would come in all smiles, wrap his arm around me, kiss my hair, and wish me goodnight. This, this was off.
"Jake is everything okay?" I whispered.
He scoffed. "Yeah, Bells, peachy."
I turned to face his back and nudged his shoulder. "Jake, what's wrong?"
"Is this a game to you? My feelings, do they mean anything?"
"I don't understand." I sat up and pressed my back against the wall.
He sat up abruptly. "Do I just get this part of you, Bella? Do I just get to pick up the pieces he left behind and then when he comes back you go run off and have your happily ever after?"
"Jake, it's not like tha--"
"I heard you on the phone!" he spat.
I blushed deep crimson. "Wh-What? You heard that?"
"Yes! And after that I get to come in here and cuddle."
I frowned. I didn't like seeing Jake hurt. Especially when it was me hurting him. What he was saying made sense. I was in love with Edward, but leading Jake along to keep me mended.
"I'm sorry, Jake. If you don't want to be here it's okay."
His face turned towards mine but I didn't dare meet it. "It's not that I don't want to be here, I just don't know what's going on right now."
"I'm scared, Jake." I began playing with my hands. "I know I play it off that I'm tough and can beat these vamps, but I don't know the first thing about fighting them." A broken sob cracked my through my throat. "I don't want to die."
It was silent except for my quiet sobs. Jake snaked his arm around me and pulled me close to his body and I lost it. I didn't know what was going to happen to me, or if the Cullen's were even going to find another hybrid. We never worked on a backup plan, and they just left me here with my demons. This new life was still so strange and difficult. I missed the easy days where it was me and Jake against the world.
"I said I'd always be here and I meant it." He breathed into my hair. "I'm sorry. Let's get you to bed. I won't leave."
He pushed us back into a laying position with me clinging to him, my head on his chest. I listened to Jake's erratic heartbeat, letting it lull me into a deep sleep.
When I woke, Jake was snoring loudly beneath me. I didn't move, in fear of waking him, but opted to stay here and relish in his warmth. I always thought of Jake as my own personal sun, pulling me through the darkness, even when it didn't hold such meaning. He was my protector, my rock. I looked at him and took note of how peaceful he looked while asleep. He didn't look like the aged boy who had too much thrust upon him when he was awake. I looked at his boyish face and listened to the low snores coming from him.
Jake was good-looking, I knew this, but in a very different way than Edward. Jake had more of the boyish charm, while Edward's looks were more defined and sculptured. I wish I could've known Edward when he was actually seventeen. Was he this peaceful in his sleep?
Jake began to stir slightly and his mouth parted. I watched as his full lips moved with each breath and his arm clung to me like he was scared I would leave him. I wasn't naive enough to know that if I wasn't a hybrid and had never met Edward, Jake was the natural path my life was going, no matter how much I denied it.
"Can you stop watching me, Swan, you're freaking me out." Jake mumbled sleepily.
I blushed and placed my head back down on his chest. "Sorry."
"What are you staring at anyway?" he smirked.
"You know you're sort of beautiful."
He laughed. "Go back to sleep."
I smiled against him and snuggled in closer to his warmth.
I was in Jake's bed, shivering from the outside frigid temperature. We laid there face to face, just looking at each other. He had his hand on my hip and his leg wrapped around mine in a desperate try to warm me from the winter cold that had beaten my body. We laid like this for hours, looking into each others eyes, our breathing heavy. I don't know what came over me, but I realized I could not stare into his deep brown eyes any longer. I stretched my neck up and planted a gentle kiss on his full lips. The kiss grew more intense and I realized I wasn't cold anymore.
I woke up with a jolt and realized I was alone in Jake"s bed. Thank, God, it was just a dream. What possessed me in the dream to kiss Jake? And better yet, why did I enjoy it? I lifted my hand to touch my lips briefly before scrambling over to check my blackberry.
No New Messages.
I pouted. I hadn't heard from Edward all week. This was very unlike him. The whole time he'd been away he found at least one way of contacting me every day, even if it was just a short "I love you" text. I hadn't heard from any of the Cullen's for that matter. It was starting to bother me. What if something happened to them? How would I know?
A light knock sounded on the door, "Bella? You awake?"
Billy. I got up and walked to the door opening it. "Yeah, what do you want for breakfast?"
"You're spoiling us." He smiled.
I turned and grabbed one of Jake's huge sweaters and threw it over me, and then walked past Billy into the kitchen. I found some pancake mix and blueberries and, with Billy's approval, I set to work with it.
"So, where's Jake?" I called out over my shoulder. "He's usually wakes me before he leaves."
"He had to leave early this morning. The female was spotted close to the reservation."
Victoria. I froze what I was doing before shaking my head and continuing with breakfast. She had been keeping the pack busy lately, constantly coming close to the Rez and then outsmarting them and dashing into the water. That's where they always lost her, the water. It seemed like she was testing the packs defenses, looking for an opening to me. The only solace I found was that Alice would see it before it happened and I could high-tail it out of here.
Needing to occupy my mind, I set the table and placed the blueberry pancakes on our plates, sparing some for Jake. Billy wheeled himself over and shoved two right into his mouth, moaning. I giggled slightly and we both ate in comfortable silence.
The was a knock at the door and I stood to go and open it. When I did, there stood my father fully dressed in uniform. I wrapped my arms around him, and he patted my back and kissed the top of my head.
"Morning, Bells." He sniffed his nose. "Is that blueberry pancakes I smell?"
I nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah. Come. Eat."
Charlie stepped in and walked towards the kitchen. He patted Billy on the back and I gestured for him to sit while I made his plate. He attacked it the second the plate made contact with the table. Shaking my head, I went to work on my own plate.
"So how have the Black's been treating you?" Charlie asked.
"Good. I'm so grateful they could take me in. How's Sue?"
Charlie frowned. "She's getting better. I'm sorry, again, for how she acted that night."
I shrugged. "It's okay. I'd probably be the same way."
He put his hand on my shoulders. "She'll come around again, Bells. Just… give her time."
"Well, Charlie," Billy spoke, "your loss is my gain. I get fresh cooking and a clean house." Billy gestured around the place. "I don't think it's looked this good since the girls left."
"Who are you kidding? It was a mess then too." Charlie joked.
Billy conceded. "True. True. Still I may need to take a note from you and Sue, teach the boy how to clean up."
"Good luck with that!" I laughed out. "Jake's hopeless."
"Another fact. Man, you Swan's are on poor ole Billy today."
Charlie and I looked at each other and smiled before continuing breakfast. When we were all finished I cleaned the up the dishes after guffaws from both Billy and Charlie, saying that if I cooked I shouldn't be cleaning, but they finally relented.
"So, what brings you here today, Charlie?"
"Here to see my baby girl of course." I turned towards him and smiled. "Plus wanted to make sure she isn't causing you too much trouble."
"Not at all." Billy assured. "She's a part of this family."
"Good. Good." He cleared his throat. "So, Bells, have you heard any news from the Cullen's? I'm sure the pack could use some help."
Thankfully, my back was turned to him and he couldn't see my face fall at his mention of the Cullen's. I quickly gathered my voice to sound indifferent. "No, Dad, haven't heard anything yet. Edward said a couple weeks ago that they think a hybrid might be in South America, so they're concentrating their efforts there."
"Oh that's really good. Hopefully that Cullen boy can get home and cheer my baby up, eh? Jake can only do so much."
I laughed sadly. "Yeah."
I finished with the dishes and Charlie and Billy made plans to go fishing this weekend and discussed normal guy stuff that seemed so far away from my life. I excused myself from the room to shower quickly and get dressed.
When I got out, Charlie was standing up to leave. He strode over to me and hugged me tightly. He told me he loved and missed me, and kissed me on the cheek before ducking his head to Billy and leaving.
Billy and I spent the day lounging around watching TV and reading. We didn't admit it, but both of us were waiting anxiously for Jake to get home. Sometime after noon, the door opened and in walked Jake, shirtless, looking exhausted. I felt my face redden as I found myself gazing at his body, and covered my face with my book. It's only because you miss Edward, I repeated over and over in my head.
Jake smiled sadly at us and strode purposely into his bedroom. I heard loud sounds before he burst out and looked pointedly at me. I lifted my eyebrow at him in question.
"Bella, would you like to come for a walk on the beach with me?"
I nodded and placed my book on the table. Grabbing my jacket, I walked out the door that Jake was holding out for me. We walked in awkward silence, which was weird for us. Usually one of us was animatedly talking or we were at least fooling around. Something was wrong and I could feel it.
We made it to the beach and stood near a piece of driftwood we usually sat and talked on. Jake began running his fingers through his hair, a habit that reminded me of Edward, and pulled at the ends.
"Jake, is something wrong?"
He scoffed. "Is something wrong? What do you think, Bella? Do you think something is wrong?"
"Well," I bit my lip,"yeah."
"I'm so happy you're here to figure these things out for us."
I crossed my arms. "Jake, what is your problem?"
He threw up his arms, "You!"
"Me?" I asked in shock. "What the fuck did I do?"
He looked at me and his demeanor changed. His angered face become soft and composed and he walked towards me gripping my elbows. "I'm in love with you, Bella."
My mouth dropped open as I stared at him. His eyes were serious. "Jake, you don't know what you're talking about."
"I've never been more sure of anything in my life."
"Jake, I'm with Edward. I love him. I'm sorry if I gave you any mixed signals but--"
He held his hand to my mouth stopping me. "It's possible to be in love with two people, Bella. And I know you love me. Not the same way as Edward, but you do. You whisper my name in your sleep. 'My Jacob. My Jacob.' You repeat over and over."
"Jake," I didn't know where to begin. What was I suppose to say to that? No, Jacob, I'm not having dreams about kissing you. I decided to go with as close to the truth I could get. "I don't have any control over what I say when I'm asleep."
His hands went to grip my face. "Give us a try, Bella. Please."
And he didn't wait for a response before crashing his lips to mine. They were hard and unyielding against mine and when I gasped in shock he took that opportunity to push his tongue into my mouth and move it against mine. I started pushing my hands against his chest, but he saw that as me accepting it and intensified the kiss. I decided to just hang there limp in his arms and maybe he would get the hint.
After what seemed like an eternity, he finally released me smiling triumphantly. I just scowled at him before taking my hand and slapping him across the face. Jake's hand went up to hold where I just slapped him, and stared at me confused.
"When a girl is smacking you against the chest, that is to make you stop, not continue!"
"I don't know, Bells." He smiled smugly. "You seem like you enjoyed it."
"Enjoyed it! I was hanging there limp for most of it!" I groaned. "Jacob Black! You are so frustrating!"
"Just admit it, Bella." The sweet smile was back. "You love me."
I shook my head in disbelief. "Listen to me. And listen good." I spoke slowly enunciating each syllable. "I. Do. Not. Love. You!"
His face fell and he looked like he was on the verge of tears. "Fine. What the fuck do I care? Run off with your happy vampire boyfriend and you won't need to worry about me any longer!"
"Jake, you knew I love Edward. What would possess you to kiss me? Could you be anymore stupid? You may have just ruined everything!"
He stepped back from me and refused to look towards me. "You won't have to worry about that anymore."
He turned away from me and I called after him. "Jake! Where are you going?"
He didn't look back and ran, shedding his shirt, before disappearing into the forest. I stood there completely alone, as tearless sobs worked through my body. All I could think of was now Edward wouldn't want me. Edward, who I hadn't heard from all week, and Jake, who left me here alone on the beach.
The fury and heartache built up inside me, threatening to boil over. My hands balled into fists at my side and for the first time since the Cullen's left, I ran.
I didn't know where I was running. I was just letting my feet carry me. The trees whooshed past me, an endless blur of green, and I reveled in the wind blowing through my hair. I hadn't felt this carefree the whole time I spent at the Blacks. I was a caged animal in denial. An animal, who wasn't allowed to grow on her own, to fight on her own, to be on her own. An animal, who needed to be protected. An animal, who was now free.
When I finally stopped running, I looked forward and was met with the Cullen house. It was still here; open, as if they had never left. Looking around me, to make sure no one was following, I made my way to the front door. I opened it slowly, hearing the loud creak, as I was met with the bright living room.
This is the one place we don't have to hide, Edward had said to me.
It was now that I really understood it. Without the craziness of my life surrounding me, I saw the light that filled the room. Turning my arm around in the light, I saw the slight sparkle to my skin that Edward had talked about in the meadow.
I ran my finger along the plush couch and love-seat, remembering all the family discussions that we held here. Family. That's what the Cullen's were to me. My true family, my own kind. Charlie would never understand all this, no matter how much he tried. The Cullen's were more like me than Charlie and Sue could ever be. They welcomed me into their home without a second guess, unconditionally.
I made my way to the piano, where I heard Edward play. Where he first told me my mind was a complete secret to him. How I wish I could let him into my mind and express how deeply I feel about him. I knew he wouldn't want to be with me after finding out about Jake.
Removing myself from the bright room, I made my way up the stairs to my bedroom. The door was shut just as I had left it and I pushed on the door, opening it. It was exactly how I had left it. I walked over and sat on the edge of the bed; remember the last time Edward and I were in here.
I love when I hear you say my name in your sleep…
You're a big part of my life, even with knowing you this short of a time. I don't plan on letting you go…
Bella. I want you to marry me…
I can stay if you need me…
I should've asked him to stay. I need him here with me. If he stayed the whole blowout with Jake would've never happened. I put my face in my hands and took deep breaths before quieting and letting my body relax. It was then that I heard it, the creak of a floorboard.
My body was up and at attention immediately. I was completely alone, in a house in the middle of the woods, where no one could hear me scream. Not that that would stop them. All my senses were heightened as I waited for movement, sound, anything.
I quietly made my way towards the large glass windows. When my back was against the glass, I turned quickly to open the doors and it was then that I felt it.
A sharp needle pressing into my arm. I couldn't react quickly enough as I felt the serum work its way through my body. My body became Jell-O and fell to the floor with a loud thud. My eyes were getting heavy, and I worked with great effort to keep them open. I lost the fight.
"Silly girl," A menacing woman's voice whispered. "You honestly didn't think you could get away from us, did you?"
I heard another set of footprints enter the room. "You did it, babe." A man's voice whispered in awe.
"We did it!"
They laughed a loud cackling laugh, before hands wrapped around me and lifted me over their shoulders. The person jumped and landed before sprinting off into the distance. And the last thing I remember before I slipped into unconsciousness was the loud howling of a wolf in the distance and the vibrating of my phone in my pocket.
