Chapter 42

Two weeks later...

"Ready to go, Tim?" William asked.

"No." Tim was sitting on his bed, his bagged packed on the floor. "I don't feel ready."

"Change can be hard sometimes, but I think you're ready."

"Thanks."

"Besides, it's not like you won't be seeing a lot of us anymore. You'll be back tomorrow, in fact."

"I know."

"Come on, Tim. That horde of people waiting for you outside might decide to storm the battlements."

Tim smiled. He knew who would be there because he had told them who he wanted to be there. He felt guilty that he had excluded Abby, but he still didn't feel as though he could face her. Not yet. Maybe...maybe after. After what? He didn't know...he just knew that he wasn't ready to face Abby.

"Deep breath and stand up," William urged.

Tim nodded and stood up. He grabbed his bag and walked out, with a last glance at the room he was leaving behind. There was no sign of anything personal in that room. No sign of the sleepless nights, the fears, the rages, the moments when he had threatened to make them all regret...something he couldn't define. It was just an empty room. The only thing he was taking with him that he hadn't brought was the teddy bear. He had tried to give it back to Dr. Lewis but he had insisted that Tim keep it. It was safely hidden from view in his luggage.

He followed William to the main entrance. Tim hadn't come to this point in the entire time he had been at the hospital. He had pretended that there was no entrance. All that existed was the hospital itself and the property around it. Now, that was no longer true. There was life outside the hospital. He paused at the door.

"Go on, Tim. We'll see you tomorrow."

Tim nodded once more, took a deep breath and stepped forward. The doors opened automatically. Then, the outer doors opened automatically as well and Tim stepped out into the world. He had only seconds to digest the momentous event before his welcoming committee swarmed him.

The first to reach him was Sarah who had recently returned from England. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly.

"Tim! Tim! I missed you. I really missed you!" she whispered.

Tim hugged her back for a few seconds before gently removing her arms.

"I missed you, too, Sarah."

"You look...different," she said softly.

"I am different...but I'm better than I was."

Sam rolled over. "So...who are you going to ride with, Tim?" he asked, smiling. "You have your choice."

Naomi hugged Tim quickly and smiled in silent understanding when she let him go. Tim looked around, feeling slightly overwhelmed. Ducky, Matt and Judith were all standing back a little while Tim greeted his family. Then, he noticed that Matt and Judith weren't alone.

"Is that Christopher?" he asked.

Judith came forward. "This is Christopher. Do you want to hold him?"

Tim hesitated.

"He won't break. I promise. He's even asleep; so you won't have to worry about him crying...like we do."

Tim took the tiny baby in his arms and smiled at him. "Any regrets?"

Matt shook his head. "Not a one. I could stand having more sleep, but I wouldn't trade this for the world."

"He's cute."

"He's perfect...and he's a little monster," Matt said. "But we love him."

Tim looked as the sleeping infant, laying so securely in his arms. ...and he felt tears come to his eyes. He handed Christopher back to Judith...and then shook his head.

"What is it, Tim?"

"I'm not ready. I can't go," he said and then began to turn back to the hospital. To his surprise, Ducky was there, smiling in understanding.

"Wait, Timothy."

"I'm not ready, Ducky."

Ducky looked beyond Tim and smiled. "Sarah, would you mind going on into the hospital and asking if Dr. Lewis can come out here for a few moments?"

"Okay."

Tim watched Sarah go back where he wanted to be. He stared over Ducky's shoulder.

"Timothy, life has to go on."

"Not yet."

"Yes. Now. If not now, when?" Ducky put his hands on Tim's arms and slowly turned him back to face his friends and family.

"Another time."

"You are not a plague on the world, Timothy."

Dr. Lewis came out less than a minute later. He must have been waiting inside. Tim was a little embarrassed for acting just how they had expected him to act, but he wanted the safety of the hospital. Nothing could get to him there if he didn't want it to. He didn't have that control out here.

"Tim, you're having second thoughts?"

Tim turned around to face Dr. Lewis.

"I can't go ."

"Yes, you can. Remember? We talked about this. What are you doing?"

Tim remembered now. They had sat together and gone through every reaction that Tim might have to leaving the hospital. This had come up.

"Hiding."

"And the solution?"

"Trust."

"Exactly."

Tim managed a sheepish half smile and turned back to those who had come to see him.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Naomi said. "We understand...as much as we can possibly understand."

"This is just the first step, Tim," Dr. Lewis said. "There's no rushing but holding back when you don't need to is just as dangerous. Let go and step forward."

Tim looked down at his bag on the ground. At least he still had everything he'd had before.

"Okay. Let's go."

Together, they all walked away. Tim rode with Ducky over to Matt and Judith's home where they had a sort of muted celebratory dinner. Tim looked around the table at everyone who was there. He was glad they were there, but not too long before, there would have been a number of other faces here. Abby...and them. Jimmy would have been there, but had a night shift and couldn't make it. Tim figured that he probably didn't mind missing it. Sarah probably would be happier missing it. As for the others...they had seen him so much worse that it didn't matter. He was greatly improved.

After the dinner, they talked for a while and then went their separate ways. Naomi and Sam would be staying in a hotel overnight and then heading back to Ohio. Sam had classes to teach and Naomi had work as well. Sarah had some last meetings with her advisor, but she'd be heading off to graduate school in not too long. Tim said good-bye to Matt and Judith...and got in the car with Ducky. He'd be staying with him for a few weeks.

Sam hugged Tim good-bye and left him with a quote.

"'Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.' August Wilson."

"Thanks, Dad."

"I love you, Tim. No matter what."

"I love you, too."

Then, they all departed.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

It was late, and Ducky was heading to his bedroom when he noticed that there was a light on in Tim's temporary quarters. He paused, debated briefly as to whether or not Tim would welcome the interruption and decided that he would. He knocked on the door.

"Come in, Ducky."

Ducky smiled to himself and opened the door.

"How are you doing, lad?"

"Okay," Tim said. He was sitting on the bed...with a green teddy bear in his arms.

"What is that?"

"Dr. Lewis gave it to me. He said it would help me sleep."

"And does it?"

"Sometimes."

"May I speak with you?"

"You already are," Tim said, smiling a little.

"True enough. May I continue?"

"Yeah." Tim shifted on the bed so Ducky could sit down beside him. It was the things like that which gave Ducky the most hope. Those little human gestures. "Ducky?"

"Yes, lad?"

"I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"It's great that you let me stay here, but..."

Ducky could see what was coming. "Timothy."

"...I couldn't ask my parents to stay. Sarah really doesn't want to deal with me like this...and..."

"Timothy."

"Matt and Judith have Christopher now. He's a handful, I know. He's not sleeping through the night yet. I just...I didn't have anyone else."

"Timothy, I know. I don't mind in the slightest."

"Are you sure?"

"Completely. I am flattered that you would wish to stay with me."

"You've been so...so understanding, Ducky. You had no reason to be. I was as rude to you as I was to everyone else. I invaded your home. I wasn't nice to you."

"I know, but there were extenuating circumstances, and you are now so much improved over your past behavior that I am willing to overlook it."

Tim nodded.

"Timothy, relax. No one is expecting you to change overnight, and I know that you have a lot to work through even now. If you give yourself the time, you can make it. Be patient with yourself."

"I'll try, Ducky."

Ducky leaned over and looked Tim in the eye. "That's why you'll make it."

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Gibbs was finally satisfied with the smoothness of the plane. It had taken quite a while to get it to the necessary straightness and smoothness. He was happy with the result, however. He added the plank to the growing pile of smoothed and sanded wood. He would have to sand it again once he'd completed the assembly, but this way, he knew the thickness of all the boards.

One more step completed.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

The nightmares didn't go away quickly, but they began to fade. Even when they occurred, they were less likely to wake him screaming in terror. Tim took a taxi to the hospital every morning and Ducky picked him up in the evening, except on those days that saw him working late at NCIS. After two weeks, Tim began to realize that he wasn't doing anything for Ducky while he was staying there. He started doing chores around the house...quietly and unassumingly. Ducky made little comment on it. He said thank you...and that was all that was needed. After three weeks, Tim started to think about what he was going to do with his life now that he was no longer crazy nor working at NCIS. It was the first time he'd really thought about the future in almost a year.

By the time a month had passed, Dr. Lewis decided that Tim no longer needed to spend all of every day at the hospital. He cut it back to daily sessions...leaving Tim a lot of free time.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Jamie toasted everyone in the bar, showing off her engagement ring at every opportunity. Tony and Ziva watched her with amusement.

"I did not think Jamie knew how to be giddy," Ziva commented.

"Apparently, she's been storing it up to let it out now."

Then, she saw them and headed over.

"Hey! You made it! I'm glad! Have a drink! This is my fiancé, Nathan!"

"Nice to meet you," Tony said sincerely. "You'd better treat her right. I carry a gun."

"...and I do not need one," Ziva said...but then she smiled and held out her hand.

He shook it but looked a little wary.

"They're just kidding, Nate," Jamie said. "They haven't killed any of my friends yet."

"That's a relief."

Jamie then dragged Nate off to meet someone else and Tony watched them go...his smile slipping from his face. Ziva noticed.

"Ducky told us that he is doing well."

"Yeah. I'm glad."

"I miss him, too."

Tony nodded and then the smile returned and he began to mingle with the group. Ziva took a breath and did the same.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Two weeks later...

"Ducky?"

"Yes, Timothy?"

"You usually beat Abby to NCIS don't you?"

"Yes, often. Moreso now that the sun is rising later."

Tim smiled.

"I need to talk to her...if she'll let me."

"You think she won't?"

"I've been avoiding her for months, Ducky. Abby would be totally justified in hating me now."

"She may be slightly put out, but I think she will also be happy to see you. I have kept her apprised of your progress, but she herself said that she would let you make the first move."

"Then...could I get a ride to NCIS with you?"

"Certainly. Will you...be coming inside?"

Tim shook his head. "No, Ducky. I won't be."

"Are you certain?"

"Yes. I can't face them, Ducky. I just can't. Even now...after all this time...thinking about them makes me angry. That's not why I'm going there."

"Very well. Is everything ready for your move?"

"Yes. I've spoken with my new landlord and the moving truck is ready."

"Mr. Palmer offered his services if you would like an extra pair of hands."

"Really?"

"Of course."

"Then...yeah...I'd appreciate it."

"I will pass on the message. This house will seem empty without you here, Timothy."

Tim smiled. "It's been nice having someone watching out for me, Ducky. I can't tell you how much I appreciate everything you done. You've sacrificed a lot for me."

"It was all worth it."

"Thanks, Ducky."