My Dearest Morphine
Chapter 4: Plum Blossoms
"I wish that you could stop looking at those books," her morning voice echoed across my reading room. She leaned against the door frame and stifled a yawn.
"I would if I had anything better to do."
"You could take care of the garden. Your beautiful gardenias are dying."
"Exactly," I smiled to myself, "that's why I am reading a book on gardening."
"A book about magical gardening," she frowned in return as she skimmed the title of the antique tome, "just because plants grow better after every time you water them while chanting in some mysterious language doesn't mean that the spell actually works."
"You should trust in these more often," I stated absentmindedly as I dug right back into the book.
Out of rebukes, Kaho walked away dejectedly. I had already memorized her routines: first she would undress of her sleeping robe, and then she would put on her business suit and wedding ring, in an almost systematic fashion. About a minute later, the coffee maker would emit a strong intoxicating perfume that would truly wake her up for the first time that morning.
"Goodbye."
"Have a nice day."
As the car's engine started, I felt lighter than before, free to explore my magical knowledge. I never came to understand why Kaho didn't believe in magic. She lived in it everyday as I performed it every other hour. As a lawyer, she undoubtedly has seen it before in her cases too. It was evident and unquestionable, yet she doubted it. Perhaps she hid her reasons for detesting magic. It did not matter for I had my secrets too.
I strolled to the main halls, then to the living room, where the only telephone was located. Unconsciously, I dialed her number by memory.
"Tomoyo Daidouji speaking," came from the other line, "can you hold for a minute?" she kindly asked before I could say anything.
A one-sided conversation sounded through the phone. I could tell that she was with a patient, a very quiet patient. Exactly one minute later, her voice rang through the line again.
"Sorry," she began, "who is this?"
"Eriol Hiiragizawa."
"Ah," she said, simply.
"Would you give me the pleasure of coming over to my mansion again this afternoon? I'd like to start our one-on-one session before Kaho gets home," I requested.
"I have a patient this afternoon from one to four," she declined. That seemed typical of her.
"Please. The gardenias and lilies are blooming fully today. It is a lovely day."
"Mr. Hiiragizawa," she began calmly, but I could tell that she was growing impatient, "our meeting doesn't need to be situated in a nice setting. Besides, I am not fond of either of those flowers."
I chuckled silently to myself and said, "Actually, I cannot speak as freely when there are no flowers around. Their scent opens my mind. The weather is poor this week so I was surprised that such a lovely day would dawn upon us!"
"If you are trying to be funny, Mr. Hiiragizawa, I would appreciate your attempt at any other time but it's bothersome right now," she said seriously, "we are in the middle of November. Your evergreen garden might be filled with lovely vegetation but even you can't make flowers grow in the winter."
"Of course I can," I reassured her of my abilities. "Which flower would you like to see?"
"White plum blossoms."
"Wise choice."
There was a short pause of silence.
"I will go then, since you insist. See you in a few hours."
As she hung up the phone, my heart was pounding. Finally, I could use my magic. I stared outside the bleak windows and hummed to myself. It was a wise choice indeed although it wasn't satisfying to know that plum blossoms naturally bloomed in the cold. I always preferred a challenge. Slowly, I closed my eyes, envisioning a world of white. When I opened my eyes again, a similar vision came. The evergreens were replaced with rows and rows of white plum blossoms, the petals, soft like butterfly wings, barely clinging to the branches. I let a soft breath of air. The wind began to stir up very gently. Two, three four, petals descended from the sky in a dance. It was indeed a beautiful view.
She was amazed. And I was proud that she was amazed.
The soft white petals seemed to love her hair and tender skin as many clung to each strand and fell into her opened palms.
"I have never believed in magic before," she admitted as she examined a petal closely, as if checking if it was synthetic or real, "but this is enough proof. No one could possibly chop down thousands of pine trees and replant plum trees and make them bloom in two days. I am impressed, Mr. Hiiragizawa."
"Impressed with what? My magic?"
"Well, that too. But I am really impressed with your wife. I am sure that she has seen all of this before, hasn't she?" she looked in my direction for a response but received none. Yet, she continued, "Somehow she still won't believe in your gift. Perhaps she is jealous that she has no magic herself. Perhaps she hates me for the same reason."
"She does not hate you," I assured Tomoyo although I myself wasn't sure of the validity of my statement. "She resents your healing powers."
"That is enough to hate someone, although I assure you that I have no powers. I am merely a good talker," abruptly, Tomoyo paused in her steps. "She does not know that I am here?"
"Indeed," I chuckled to myself as I realized what Tomoyo was implying, "but she is expecting your one-on-one visit with me this week. You don't need to fear her wrath this time."
We walked towards the backyard, where a table and chairs were set up.
"Oh, what a lovely sight!" she exclaimed as she paced herself to one of the chairs. She turned to face the gardens in amazement and sighed in contentment.
It was a lovely sight indeed. The soft breeze blew into her wavy hair and the previously caught plum blossom petals began untangling themselves and following the breeze. Tomoyo Daidouji held a form of beauty that I couldn't understand at the time. I had never seen it before from anyone else. Perhaps it was because I was always acquainted with older people. She had this innocence to her beauty, a bendable beauty that had not yet matured into the kind of beauty that Kaho possessed. It was devoid of any grace or sophistication; instead, it was full of fresh possibilities and imaginative endings. It was youth.
And then, I realized that perhaps, I had that too, hidden in me somewhere. We were of the same age, both with a unique role in society. If we had met in another life, we could have been good friends; we could have went to the amusement park and prepared for festivals. Maybe that's why her name called out to me. Fate never made me take unnecessary steps before. Meeting and getting to know Tomoyo Daidouji was supposed to be a part of both Kaho's life and mine.
"Where do you want to begin, Eriol?"
I suddenly snapped my back from the scene to her in surprise. No one had ever dared to call me that before. It was always been Eriol Hiiragizawa, Mr. Hiiragizawa, or Hiiragizawa. Never… just Eriol. Not even my dying mother dared to call me by that. I suppose that even to her, I was an elder. But somehow, it sounded it right from her, as if when she addressed me as her equal, I could share so much more with her.
"I don't know," I replied.
"Let's talk about Kaho, then," she suggested. "What do you love about her?"
"Her understanding of me," I said after a bit of contemplating. "She always understands me even when I hide things to myself. It seems like she knew what was on my mind the first day that I met her."
"That means that you've been together before, in a previous life. Perhaps close friends, lovers, etc.. You two must already have exchanged parts of your auras because you were so close. That's why she's able to understand you and vice-versa."
"Yes, I know," I smiled sincerely, "but how are you going to explain that to Kaho? She doesn't believe in any of this."
"Which brings up a good question," she smiled back, as if playing a game, "Why does Ms. Mizuki hate magic? Is she jealous of your powers? Has she ever expressed desire to acquire power too? Or maybe it has been part of a forgotten past."
"I don't know," I admitted.
"It never bothered you before?"
"No, and if it did, I never sought to dig deeper."
"I'm sure that it was brought up in conversation sometime," she said, as if correcting my mistake. "You seem to perform magic very often. I'm sure that she has questioned you about it once or twice in the last two years."
"No, not at all," I shrugged slightly, "she simply lets it slide. We talk more about the present and future, not about the past. Magic is always in the past."
"But if magic defines who you are and Kaho doesn't like it, then she doesn't love you as you," Tomoyo explained seemingly logically.
"But for her, I am wisdom and she loves me for that."
"You sound unsure yet you know that it's true," she stated, as if reading my thoughts. "Why?"
"Maybe," I paused, looking down to my knees as I shifted in my seat, "just maybe, I would like her to love every part of me. But it's not necessary. We're fine right now."
She stared at me with a strange expression, a disbelieving and almost mocking expression, as if she was asking me 'can you believe that you hear yourself talk this ridiculously?'
"Why did you call for my help if there was nothing wrong?" she asked almost rhetorically.
"Sorry," I muttered unconsciously. I was still unsure why I had called to her in the first place. Kaho and I could have fixed the problem eventually. It would take years but eventually, everything would work out.
"No need to apologize," she put her gentle smile back again, "you wanted to share your experience. It relieves you of your emotional burdens. I am here to listen and help. Having a third party is always helpful. I'm glad that you came to me. You could have chosen couples counseling but that wouldn't have done much good for you."
I was sure that she had already told me that at some other point, reassuring me that of her services and how she was going to be there for me. Even without examining my problem in depth, she had already made me feel relieved just by being there. It was that day that I knew that there was someone else than Kaho out there, someone else who could understand me, a different me. And that reassurance was the greatest I've felt up to that point in my life. Tomoyo Daidouji and I shared a link, an unexplainable link of magic that Kaho would probably never understand.
Author's Notes: I'm trying to make the names work… playing around with the usage to show how the characters feel about each other but sometimes I just get confused too. I forgot to edit out a "Ms. Liang" in the last chapter – thanks to ami for pointing it out.
I know that it's still moving relatively slowly right now so I want to keep you guys pumped up :P Syaoran and Sakura are coming in after chapter 11.
Big "things" are coming up in chapter 5/6, 7, 8… Gosh. Um. Yeah, basically, this is the last "boring" chapter. In Chapter 9-ish, the second part of the plot is starting. drumroll
Please review, it's the only thing that keeps me updating!
