Harper dropped her eyes as her cheeks flushed.
"That's a good thing," said Reiben flashing his white teeth in a smile.
"You don't want your sister to be anything like me. Trust me," sighed Harper taking her hand off his face.
"Why?" asked Reiben.
Harper sighed deeply. She knew this topic was going to come up eventually, but she thought she was going to be telling Wade or Jackson or maybe even Miller, but definitely not Reiben.
"My family is… well… not the best," Harper said dodging the question as best she could.
"Everyone's family has problems," said Reiben looking sideways at her.
Harper snorted causing Reiben to jump then give her an odd look. She laughed at his expression then said, "oh my family didn't have problems. We had ocean's of issues."
Reiben looked at her expecting to hear the rest of the story. Harper looked at her hands as memories she had struggled so hard to keep dormant, rose to the surface. They were threatening to break free as Harper arose and muttered something about needing air.
Reiben stared after her wondering what he had said. He thought about following her but decided against it. At least for the time being.
Harper hit the outside of the barn just as the tears started to flow. She slid down to sit in the wet grass and covered her face with her hands. Luckily it had stopped raining and the stars were shining. The moon was casting odd shadows across the field and trees as Harper sobbed. After about twenty five minutes the tears still refused to stop. Harper finally lifted her head, rubbing her eyes. She took a deep breath and looked at the sky.
The first thing her eyes landed on was the north star making the tears start all over again. As her second round of tears poured down her face, she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. Harper whipped her head around to stare up a Reiben. He was kneeling next to her.
"I'm sorry if I said-"
But Harper didn't let him finish. She threw her arms around his shoulders and cried into the hollow of his neck. She felt his arms snake around her back and one hand cup the back of her head, gently stroking her hair.
"Shhh," he whispered. "It's ok. Whatever it is."
Harper pulled her head away from his neck and looked at him with watery eyes. She suddenly felt very close to Reiben. For the first time since she had decided to become a soldier, she felt like their was something worth fighting for. She never really cared about the stupid cause that was getting hundreds upon thousands killed every damn day. No. She cared about the individual people, like the 7 men she had come to love as they traveled. She was beginning to know these men better than she knew herself, and she had one man to thank for that.
"What is it?" asked Reiben smoothing the hair around her face.
"You once asked about me. Why I came to the war, how I learned to throw a punch and shoot," Harper said looking earnestly into Reiben's face.
She was ready to tell someone now, and she was afraid that if she didn't get it out now, she never would have the nerve again.
"Yeah," said Reiben confused. "But I thought-"
"I need to tell someone, and If I put it off anymore, I think I will probably self destruct," Harper said almost in hysteria.
"Ok easy," said Reiben holding her shoulder's. "Are you sure you want to tell me and not Jackson or Wade?"
"I figure since you don't hate me now, that I can probably trust you not to be rude or inconsiderate," she snorted wiping the tears from her cheeks.
"What is it?" Reiben asked.
Harper could tell he was trying hard not to say anything sarcastic. She appreciated it. She took a steadying breath, and began the conversation she had never had with anyone.
"I came to the army base in Flagstaff after I… killed my father," blurted Harper.
Reiben's face didn't change to horror like Harper figured it would. It didn't change at all. He was waiting for the rest of the story.
"I was either going to get into the army or…" she took a breath as emotion threatened to overtake her. "Or kill myself."
Reiben did react to this, but it wasn't the way Harper expected he would. He grasped her shoulder tightly and said, "but your over that now right?"
Harper stared at him confused. Had he missed the part about her killing her father?
"Harper! You don't want to do that anymore right?" Reiben said shaking her shoulders.
"No… no I… I don't think I could have anyway," she stammered.
"Good," said Reiben sitting back against the wall looking relieved.
Harper shook her head in confusion, but continued.
"I was ashamed of what I had done, and the cops were looking for me so I really had no other option. I was NOT going to jail."
"What did your father do?" asked Reiben.
He had no idea what kind of memories his question had unleashed. It seemed like the floodgates on her mind had just been flung open. The floodgates on her tear ducts followed suit. Reiben realized his mistake at once, but there was no going back now. He knew this and reached forward pulling Harper into his arms and let her cry. He had a pretty good idea about what happened to her, but he wanted to hear it from her. Eventually.
"When I was 5 he started telling me how pretty I was and coming into my room at night. I told my mom, but she didn't believe me…" sobbed Harper.
Reiben held her tightly as sobs wracked her body. Reiben's thoughts drifted back 4 years earlier.
"Rich. Where are you?" called Lea.
"Where do you think I am kid?" Reiben asked his 15 year old sister as he emerged from his room.
Lea turned throwing her brown hair over her shoulder. She bolted down the hall and flung herself at her brother almost knocking him over.
"Easy!" he yelled holding onto the doorframe to keep from falling over.
Lea looked up at Reiben with a tear stained face. His annoyed attitude immediately left and his protective big brother side took over.
"What happened?"
"It's M… Mitch," she sobbed into his chest. "He dumped me when I told him I wouldn't have sex with him. Did I do something wrong? Should I have agreed to have-""NO!" Reiben shouted. "You did the right thing. Now I'm going to kill him."
Reiben's thoughts were snapped back as Harper pulled her head back and looked at him. Their faces were so close, Harper's nose was against his. Harper looked up into his eyes. Her expression was relatively easy to read, or so Reiben thought until something happened and her lips were on his. It was light and gentle; something Reiben had never really experienced before. He had had many girlfriends throughout high school, but they were always fiery and hot. They were never gentle. He touched her cheek just as gently until he suddenly remembered his sleeping comrades inside. Jackson in particular.
Reiben regretfully pulled away from Harper. Her eyes were confused until she too remembered Jackson. Then her eyes filled with shame.
"Reiben…. I'm so sorry. I-"
"Its ok," said Reiben lifting her face to meet his eyes. "It's ok."
She nodded and leaned back, out of his embrace, to lean against the wall of the barn. Reiben did the same and looked up at the stars. They sat listening to the crickets and night birds for longer than either one wanted to count. After what seemed like a lifetime, Harper spoke.
"Every night after… well every night I used to beg the north star to help me. To send something, anything to help me, but it never did."
Her eyes began to fill up again as Reiben looked at her. She looked so much like his sister. He wanted to grab her, and hug her until everything bad went away, but seeing as she just kissed him, he didn't know if hugging her would be the best idea at this point. He looked away and ran a hand through his hair pushing it back only to have it fall back in his face.
He looked out over the field and watched the flashes from distant bombs. As he was lost in wondering which side was bombing he felt a small weight on his shoulder. He looked over and couldn't help but smile. Harper was fast asleep on his shoulder. Reiben eased his arm out from under her head and pulled her closer to him so she could use his chest as a pillow. She was obviously exhausted because she didn't wake up. All she did was re adjust herself against Reiben's broad chest. He smiled and wrapped his long arms around her back and let his chin rest against the top of her head.
For the first time in this god-forsaken war, Reiben was content. For the first time in this war, the hole in Reiben's chest where his sister normally was, wasn't so big.
