Here, have a super long chapter!
Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I'm taking this story to a place I didn't think I would take it quite so soon, but have faith! I think I know what I'm doing. Possibly.
5 - Reunited, and It Feels Pretty Weird
Rachel supposed that as a sort of compensation for his driving her to and from home in the middle of the day, she could refrain from asking Noah why he was going to be late to glee rehearsal. She recalled from their brief romantic relationship that he did not enjoy sharing information about his personal life. She had originally deduced that his silence was as a result of a fear of letting anyone close to him due to abandonment issues sparked by his father walking out, but sometimes she thought maybe she was accrediting him with more emotional depth than he possessed in reality. Perhaps he was merely a private person who did not feel the need to share his every thought like she did. Thus, she didn't ask him anything about it for the rest of the day, even though she saw and waved to him several times and even talked to him in line in the cafeteria (which really was so strangely brave of him, talking to her in such a public forum despite the fact that his reputation had been shaky since he had chosen glee over football for her and for the team).
When she walked into the rehearsal room after school five minutes before everyone else, she sat silently and tried not to wonder where he could possibly be. She admittedly hoped that he wouldn't take too long, because she'd rather enjoyed spending time with him that morning, and she found herself actually looking forward to their next encounter.
Kurt entered the room, sat next to her, and smiled. He was followed closely by Mercedes, who sat on the other side of him. Although Kurt had acted towards her with what Rachel perceived as an unnecessary amount of hostility during their diva-off (after all, it was Mr. Schuester with whom Rachel was angry, not Kurt himself. Of course she agreed that Kurt should be allowed to try out for Defying Gravity. With two gay dads, she was very supportive of homosexuality and the breaking of gender barriers; however, Mr. Schuester had assigned the song to her first, and it was for that reason that Rachel had been upset, and not because it was Kurt to whom the solo was offered to instead)…
Where was she?
Right.
Although he had acted towards her with an unnecessary amount of hostility during their diva-off and his subsequent attempt at sabotage regarding her fated relationship with Finn Hudson, he had apologized and had since professed a desire to be friends. Unlike Noah, Rachel was more than happy to accept the olive branch. Since then, Kurt had decided that they should be close friends due to their similar diva-esque qualities that would render them infinitely more useful as a pair than as opposing forces. They had even talked to Mr. Schuester about doing Defying Gravity as a duet (Rachel knew he had blown that note intentionally, even though she had yet to coerce him into admitting it) because, as Kurt had so eloquently put it, their fierceness would ultimately mind-blow the judges into giving them first place on merit alone.
Rachel knew that Kurt's assertion was an exaggeration, but she was still very confident about their ability to perform more-than-admirably as a unit. Their voices blended beautifully together.
"For today, you poor sad soul, I'd like to discuss your shirt."
"What?"
"Oh, I didn't tell you? I've decided that I'm only going to focus on one garment of your horrific ensemble a day, because finding the words to accurately lambast the whole picture is just exhausting. Today, what stands out the most is your shirt. I've never seen you wear it before and, I want to be very clear about this, I never want to see you wear it again."
"This was not my first choice for a blouse this morning. In fact, even I am forced to admit that this is a perfectly horrid wardrobe decision made hastily and partially in the dark, for reasons I am not willing to divulge. I will have you know that when I was picking out my outfit yesterday afternoon, I chose a shirt that I felt would pass your unnecessarily harsh regulations. Unfortunately, it has now been destroyed by fifteen slushies."
"Yeah, we heard about that," Kurt admitted, referring to Mercedes, who murmured a somewhat sympathetic agreement before turning back to her phone game of Tetris. "I followed your trail of slime to the bathroom after class, but you were already gone."
"Principal Figgins let me go home and shower, for which I am extremely grateful because I didn't bring an extra set of clothes today."
"Damn, really? Talk about irony," Mercedes chuckled.
"This is an important lesson, Berry, so listen up. Always bring your more fabulous clothes as your backup. There is a pattern with these fools. Once a day is enough for them. You come to school in your least fashionable wardrobe options – not a big hurdle for you – and then bring the ones you really want to wear in a bag, preferably waterproof. That's how I'm starting to do it. Fortunately, no one has thrown me in a dumpster since Puck stopped being quite such a…"
"Douche?" Mercedes supplied. Kurt laughed.
"Douche," he agreed.
"He's still sort of douchey," Mercedes argued. Before Rachel could reply with her vehement defense of Noah's character, Kurt hummed an agreement and turned back to look at her with an eerily determined expression on his face that Rachel recognized all too well.
"As I was saying. Your shirt…"
Mr. Schuester fortunately walked in with Artie and Tina in tow, and Kurt turned his attentions to asking Artie about an arrangement on the guitar that he wanted to hear so he could see if it would go with his mash-up. Rachel stood up, smoothed out her skirt, and walked up to Mr. Schuester quickly.
"Hey, Rachel. How are you feeling?"
"Much better, thank you. First of all, let me apologize for the way I spoke to you earlier. It was inappropriate, and I am sincerely sorry, but considering the circumstances I hardly think I can be held accountable for my harsh tone."
"It's fine, Rachel. You were right. I shouldn't have talked to Puck like that. I didn't realize that the two of you got back together."
"Oh, uh, yes. We did. I decided that I was being unfair to him. My expectations as to the maturity level of high school boys have been irreparably skewed due to my viewings of shows like Veronica Mars and Gossip Girl. Which I watch for purely educational value, of course. One never can be too well-versed in one's own culture."
"Well, I'm really happy for you. Puck's a good kid."
Rachel gave him a doubtful look, but continued.
"Noah would like me to tell you that he's going to be a bit late today. I don't know why."
Mr. Schuester frowned at her thoughtfully.
"He seemed pretty angry earlier."
"Yes. I assume it is because he is very protective of me. It's one of his strengths as a romantic partner. I am a budding star, after all, and with creeps like Jacob Ben-Israel and David Karofsky out there, it's good to know that someone is watching my back."
"And you don't know where he is?"
"No. It may surprise you to hear that I am actually a very low-maintenance girlfriend when it comes to something like this. Alone time is essential for me to grow as a person. What Noah does when we are apart is entirely his business."
Mr. Schuester still looked suspicious, but Rachel decided not to worry about it. She knew that it was likely that he thought Noah was getting some sort of revenge for what had happened to her. Which was perhaps just as well if she wanted him to believe that their relationship was legitimate. The boyfriends in teen dramas often stood up for the girls they dated, after all. She smiled at him before walking back to her seat beside Kurt.
"What was that about?" he asked. "You're not still hoping his wife will croak so you can drink his kool-aid, are you? Because how are we expected to believe that Finn is your one true love when you're finding new guys to fixate on every week?"
"No, Kurt. It's nothing like that. I was simply informing him that Noah is going to be late for rehearsal."
"What, Puckerman? Why?"
"I don't know. He didn't tell me."
Kurt grinned.
"Did you and tall, dark, and angry get back together, further proving my Finn point?"
"What?" Rachel asked incredulously, but Mr. Schuester's proximity made her feel uncomfortable answering with anything other than, "Well, yes."
Kurt whistled lowly and leaned back in his seat, obviously impressed.
"Rachel, you are nothing if not questionable in almost every way."
Rachel was not entirely sure what that was supposed to mean or if it was a positive or negative thing, but she didn't feel like getting into it. She was far too concerned with rehearsal. Sectionals was looming ever-closer, and she knew that they were going to have to bring their best A-game if they were going to beat anyone. Many of the members of glee were so focused on the drama of Finn and Quinn and the baby that they hadn't truly rehearsed in days. It was all very frustrating.
Of course, Rachel would later admit that she should have seen it coming. Of course she would be disdainful of the unfocused attitudes of the other members of the club only seconds before something happened that would shatter her focus entirely.
Noah walked into the room. She smiled at him automatically because she really did appreciate how nice he had been to her throughout her slushy crisis, and she wanted to show him that she was open to establishing a more permanent friendship if he was up for it as well. And then she noticed that his hand had been bandaged recently. And then she noticed that he was cradling that arm. And then she noticed that he smiled back.
She rose to her feet and realized that she had no idea what to do next. Was she supposed to run to him and hug him dramatically like one would expect a scene to go in a movie? Was she supposed to be angry? Was she supposed to grin a cheesy grin in his direction and act like she didn't know him while secretly feeling pleased that he had obviously just caused Karofsky some sort of physical harm?
When being interviewed by magazines in the future, of course, she would not mention this part. Being so undecided about something as simple as this was unbecoming of a young performer. She had to be able to think on her feet, and she had to be prepared for every situation. When she retold this story, she would say that she knew right away what to do.
"Hey, Puck," Mr. Schuester said from over at the piano, and there was no missing the way his eyes lingered on Noah's obviously-injured hand before narrowing into suspicious slits.
Noah muttered a hello, evidently still irritated with Mr. Schuester for his inconsiderate behavior earlier in the day.
"Noah, may I speak with you in private, outside?" Rachel asked quietly. Noah grinned a little and nodded, and she knew that he was proud of himself. Whatever had happened, he was proud of himself. She wasn't sure yet if she considered that a good thing or not.
After she and Noah made it into the hallway, she closed the door behind them and made certain that there was no one else in sight.
Then, "What did you do?"
"What do you think I did?"
"I think you attacked David Karofsky."
"I wouldn't say attacked…"
"But you hit him."
"A few times."
Rachel sighed and shook her head, looking down at her scuffed flats and trying to sound as rational and as brief as possible when she next spoke.
"I think that I should make it very clear that I am not mad that you hit him. Violence, while preferably avoidable, is not something I necessarily frown upon if it is being used to help me or further my career. I have been made very personally aware that physical intimidation is far from the worst way to humiliate a person. However, I am very angry that you told me not to do anything about him and then went and did something anyway. I would have liked to have been a part of the revenge scheming, and I certainly would have appreciated the opportunity to prove to myself that I am capable of standing up to people who believe they are better than me."
"Who said this was about you? The guy was mouthing off, so I decked him. Four times."
Rachel paled instantly, a cold chill snaking down her spine. She tended to have admittedly overdramatic reactions to committing even the least offensive social faux pas, but she couldn't help it. She had been trained in a Pavlovian manner to expect ridicule and mockery whenever she did anything wrong at McKinley High School.
How could she have been so naïve to assume that Puck's confrontation with Karofsky could have anything to do with her? Why would it? Karofsky and Puck were notoriously opposite in almost every way. It was natural for them to feel dissent towards one another, especially considering the contempt that each boy had for the other's sport of choice. On the other hand there was, of course, the fact that he had known beforehand that he was going to be late for rehearsal, and there was also, of course, the fact that he actually hadn't been late to rehearsal because obviously the fight had gone well for him, but…no, no. There was obviously an explanation for that. She was wrong to think that she'd had anything to do with it.
"Of course," she said quickly. She could not think of a way out of the embarrassing hole she had dug for herself by jumping to conclusions, so she just decided to speak her mind. With any luck, Noah would just stop listening as he always pretended he didn't, and he would eventually forget about the whole thing in his attempts to distance himself from the memory of her irritating chatter. "I apologize. I'm not the most adept when it comes to interpreting situations like this because I have always been raised to be myself no matter who that may be, and unfortunately that means shutting other people out. And admittedly I am a very irritating person according to nearly everyone, and I think sometimes it dominates the positive aspects of my personality, which I'm sure you are painfully aware of by this point, so I truly have no idea why I thought that this was an extension of your attempts to be my knight in shining armor. It is now abundantly clear to me that your situation with Karofsky is actually a very personal one, as I momentarily forgot that you yourself were the victim of one of his slushy attacks. Obviously your retaliation would have more to do with that than it would have to do with what unfortunately transpired in the hall this morning, despite your kindness regarding the whole situation. I will admit that I am pleased that Karofsky received some sort of retaliation in any way, so I suppose that I must congratulate you on that. I'm very sorry that I misinterpreted the situation between us in any way."
With that and a curt nod that Liza would have been proud of, she twirled on her heel and strode with as much dignity as she could muster back into the practice room.
After Rachel was finally done talking, Puck had hoped to get a word in. Otherwise he wouldn't have bothered listening to the fucking rant at all. God, she talked a lot. But then she sort of fled into the room as primly as she possibly could because God knew that if she did anything that wasn't prim and proper during glee club, the world would implode or something.
Puck sighed. And, okay, so maybe he sort of deserved to have to listen to her rant that was basically just her telling him that he shouldn't have bothered standing up for her because she wasn't worth it. It was totally his fault that she had those bad feelings to begin with, and he should have just admitted upfront that the whole Karofsky thing had been about her.
Why couldn't he just have told her the truth? Yes, Karofsky had mouthed off and had given Puck an excuse to hit him, but normally Puck would have just sneered a threat and moved on. He generally didn't hit people at school because sometimes that led to getting caught which always led to his mother crying over her fourth glass of wine about how he was turning into his father and there was nothing she could do to stop it. He didn't need that shit, especially not for a little turd like Karofsky whose humiliation wasn't worth the guilt trip. So, yeah, he had hit Karofsky because of what the dude had done to Rachel, and because of what the dude was saying about Rachel and the way he was leering at the video on his blackberry like it was some sort of porno tape and not a video of Puck's damn ex-girlfriend getting humiliated in the hallway.
So they had only dated for a few days, but still. She had technically been his girlfriend so she was technically off-limits. And he'd taught that smug fucker (and his stupid face) a lesson. Four times.
Puck stood there in the hallway for a moment longer. He almost didn't want to go back into glee. His hand hurt and he didn't want to walk in and see Rachel looking all sad and helpless and fragile and…wait.
Why couldn't he just apologize to her? Tell her the truth?
There was still a chance, maybe, that he could make her feel a little less awful about herself. And, sure, Noah Puckerman didn't do shit for other people, but maybe this once he could make an exception. After all, he'd been so scary to her that she'd actually had a nightmare about him publically humiliating her in the worst way. Why did it matter if she thought that he was actually a sort of decent person? Why was he so determined to prove her wrong?
Sure, he could admit that the whole slushy thing that morning had changed things a little. He was starting to realize that it didn't matter what the rest of these stupid kids thought about him. Strangely enough, he sort of liked being in glee. And if he sort of liked being in glee, then why was he supposed to act like he didn't?
Fuck it, it was too confusing. He didn't care. It wasn't a big deal or anything. Nothing else had to change. He'd just go in there, apologize to Rachel, and act like nothing had happened for the rest of the day. Rachel was so desperate for friends that she'd probably lap it up and forget he'd ever done something to make her feel sad in the first place.
He cringed a little at his inner monologue and told it to stop talking like that about his ex-girlfriend because she was off-limits and shit.
And then he pushed open the door and walked in.
Rachel was sitting back beside Kurt, a sunny smile on her face. The kid clearly wasn't buying into her whole fake split personality, because he had this frown on that made him look like he was getting ready to start waterboarding her until she told him the truth. Puck watched the ground as he walked towards her. Usually he tried to sit apart from everyone else and he let them decide whether to sit next to him. He was Noah Puckerman, and a badass, but he was still pretty confused about who liked him in this damn club and who didn't. It seemed like they changed their minds every week. Not that he cared or anything, but still. He didn't want to look all desperate for friendship like Berry was, so he figured he should play it safe and let them decide for themselves. From what he had figured out so far, he thought that Tina and Artie sort of liked him but it was hard to tell since Artie couldn't get up to the back row of chairs where Puck usually sat, and Tina always sat next to his wheelchair. They always waved, though, and Puck wasn't sure when he had started waving back.
The kid was in a damn wheelchair. He couldn't just not wave back. He could lock him in port-o-pottys…but that was before.
Puck thought maybe Kurt liked him too, though he wasn't sure how much of that had to do with his personality and how much of it had to do with the fact that he was a total stud and Kurt was into that. The same went for Brittany and Santana. They were always smiling at him and acting all nice and shit, and he was pretty sure that Brittany was just borderline retarded and so was always nice, and Santana probably regretted dumping him because he was a fine piece of ass and she knew it. Her constant sexts sort of proved that, he thought.
Plus there were Matt and Mike, but they didn't really count because they were on football with him and had to at least pretend to like him. The same went for Finn, even though they were supposed to be best friends (he didn't feel right calling them best friends in his head anymore without some kind of extra condition, because what kind of best friend gets trashed with his friend's girl and then has sex with her?). Puck would have usually sat with Finn, except that Quinn always sent him these little looks like: if you sit next to me, I'll tell everyone you raped me or some shit. He didn't know if she'd actually do that, but he thought he'd heard her threaten it under her breath one day when she was acting really hormone crazy, and since then he'd steered clear of her altogether.
And it had absolutely nothing to do with what Mercedes had said to him or the fact that Quinn had caught him sexting when they had been on their seriously twisted babysitting date. He just wanted to make that perfectly clear. Mercedes was a total bitch who thought she was tough because she was like, one of three black kids in the entire town. She was way out of line with what she'd said to Puck, and if not for that whole maybe-threat out of Quinn's mouth, he would have been back up on Quinn's case in two seconds. And Quinn was seriously messed up if she thought that he'd turn fucking with Finn's life into a regular thing with the whole babysitting date. If she wanted to tell Finn, that was one thing. He'd be there to support her or whatever, but the truth was that he didn't like her the way he was supposed to like her. He thought she was sort of a bitch, and if it wasn't for the fact that his fucking daughter was in there, he'd still be ripping on Finn in the locker room for dating the celibacy chick. But he'd owed it to his kid to give it a shot. And, to be totally honest, playing house with her had been a little creepy. He was sort of happy about the fact that it proved he'd make a good dad, and he and Quinn made awesome parents together, but it still felt like playing house with his best friend's girl. And he was maybe sort of a little happy that she was pissed at him, because at least if she wanted help, she'd only want help for the baby. At the moment, that was all that he was willing to give.
So, basically, (shit, even his thought process was fucked) there was no way he could sit with Finn and Quinn. And if he hadn't been hanging out with Rachel earlier that morning, his internal monologue would have been about three pages shorter.
Rachel. She was the only one who actually sort of liked him, he thought. And not only because she wanted to be friends with everyone. He had given up football for her, and even though she'd said that she hoped he hadn't, he knew she secretly loved the fact that someone did something so freaking huge just because of her. And because she was hot. Of course, if he'd known that she was going to dump him, then…well, then he probably would have done the exact same thing. Only maybe with roses because maybe that would have been the jumpstart she needed to realize that he had done something awesome that Finn had not. Whatever. At least she still tolerated his presence like he sort of tolerated hers. And after that morning, he was still pretty convinced that he was on the road to some serious benefits. So he was definitely going to have to sit with her. Which meant that he definitely was going to have to apologize.
He looked up from the floor, and he was like two feet from the chair next to her, and Kurt was totally looking at him with this weird expression while Rachel was chattering away, not even noticing where Kurt's eyeline was directed.
"…and then daddy said that I wasn't old enough yet for the responsibility, which I think is highly unfair because they were making this judgment based on data that they've collected through talking to some of the other parents in this town, and I think we all know that I'm fairly mature for my age and thus the same standards should not be applied to my situation…"
And that was when Puck had enough. He sat down in the chair purposely rough so that one of the metal legs slid into hers and jostled them both. She turned to look at him with surprise, her eyes widening.
"Sorry," he muttered.
"It's fine. You should work on your posture, though. Slumping around may give you the appearance of being a badass, but it's really not good for your back."
"No, I mean…" he sighed. It was easy to talk to her back when they were dating, because he'd just say shit to her, like stuff that he normally wouldn't say to anyone, because he knew that even if she told everyone about how he'd apologized to her in the bathroom about all the slushies, people would assume that he was just doing it because he wanted to get some public bathroom action or something (which was really just as gross as it sounded, he unfortunately knew). He hadn't cared about what anyone thought because he was dating Rachel Berry and people were going to expect him to be pulling out all the charm stops to get her into bed before dumping her.
But now was different. Because they weren't dating and he didn't have an excuse. He was just being nice because he actually sort of liked her sometimes, like when she wasn't talking quite so much and when she wasn't trying to whine her way into stardom or chatter someone into agreeing with whatever stupid point she was trying to make. And when they were alone she was really cool, because she wasn't pulling out all the SAT words from the past one thousand years to impress people with her smartness, and her voice was all soft and honest, and he felt like he could tell her anything.
And, shit, Rachel was staring at him because he'd clearly been spacing out pretty hardcore.
"You mean what?" she asked, and he had a feeling that she already knew but was just too afraid to say it because of how he had reacted in the hallway. He sighed. She made it really freaking hard to like her sometimes. She seriously wanted him to tell her even though she already knew the answer?
Well, shit, but it did make sense. He'd been an ass, and this was her crazy way of making sure he knew that. And he guessed that was better than just ignoring him entirely until he finally got sick of waiting and apologized for things he didn't even know he'd done wrong, like what Santana used to do to him and what Quinn occasionally pulled (even though he had a feeling that was more of a 'stay away from me' thing than a 'I want more attention than you're willing to give', thing).
"Fine," he said through clenched teeth. "I lied out in the hallway. Karofsky's a turd. He doesn't matter. I meant what I said about that in the car. Nobody gives a shit what he thinks. He's not usually worth the bruises on my knuckles, but today I figured I'd teach him a lesson because what they did to you was really unfair. Happy?"
"I'm placated," Rachel answered, and really, why the fuck couldn't she just use normal words?
Mr. Schue looked between them with an expression that pretty clearly said how much he was judging the whole situation, but Puck couldn't bring himself to care. He draped his arm over the back of Rachel's chair so that Rachel didn't notice but Schue did. The guy could go to hell if he thought that Rachel was too good for him.
Even though it was maybe true. The jury was still out on that.
Rehearsal was as stupid and pointless as always. Puck seriously was starting to question Mr. Schue's organizational skills. Mostly because Rachel kept muttering about his lack of them under her breath, but also because it was true. The guy couldn't organize a practice to save his life. They'd maybe sing a number together (if Mr. Schue wasn't set on doing team building exercises or making everyone hate their lives by sticking Finn and Rachel in a duet so everyone could watch them verbally fuck each other), and sometimes it would sound good and sometimes it would sound like shit, but Mr. Schue didn't seem to care either way. He'd just clap his hands and tell them they were doing great, unless he'd had a shitty day with his wife, and then he would tell them it was crap.
It was weird, but Puck totally understood why Rachel was all pissy about Schue's teaching methods. They'd been in Glee for weeks, and still Mr. Schue was all about the team building and splitting the club into groups that they normally wouldn't hang with. It was kind of annoying because they were sort of already friends, and that was really as close as Puck wanted to get to people he used to throw in dumpsters and portable toilets.
"Hours wasted…Cabaret would have been more…of course he has no appreciation for my…and I'm the one who's delusional?"
Rachel was muttering to herself as she picked up her backpack and started shoving her music sheets into it. Puck knew that meant she was really pissed, because those couple of days when he had been dating her she'd been like, creepily focused on making sure her sheet music stayed neat. And when he'd accidentally crumpled some when he failed to notice that they were on her bed before he sat there, she'd had an epic diva fit that only ended once he finally could get close enough to kiss her and get her to shut the hell up.
For a few seconds he was torn between starting up a conversation or just getting out of there before she spotted him and started ranting in his direction instead of just under her breath, but he decided to stay and weather the storm. He was kind of getting used to her talking, only because it was totally hilarious once she really got going. Like, to the point where the funny part almost overwhelmed the annoying. Almost.
"Dude, glee practice always sucks."
Her head snapped up with surprise, and he almost started to feel bad for startling her before she opened her mouth and he had no idea why he ever would have cared because, dammit, he'd walked straight into a trap.
"It's simply ridiculous, Noah. Mr. Schuester is so involved with whatever problems are consuming his own life that he's completely ignoring our needs as a group. If we don't win sectionals there is no way that we…"
"Yeah, I know. That's why I said it sucks. You don't need to talk so much all the time. Damn."
Rachel blinked up at him a few times before dropping her mouth open to speak. He looked at her pointedly and she slammed it closed. But before he could start buying the decorations for a party, she opened it again.
"I'm sorry, Noah. I'll have you know I have been working on curbing my natural verboseness." She seemed to realize what she was saying, and then she sighed. "Evidently I haven't been trying hard enough."
Puck was about to say that it didn't matter because sometimes her rants were sort of funny, but then he felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned with surprise to see Finn towering over him with that stupid look on his face that he always got whenever he talked to Rachel. It looked like someone had just punched him in the stomach with happiness. Puck was seriously starting to consider punching the kid in the stomach with fists.
"Hey, Rachel," said Finn brightly.
"Hello, Finn," Rachel replied, and Puck didn't miss the way her eyes did a quick sweep of the room so she could figure out if Quinn was anywhere nearby.
"This guy bothering you?" Finn asked, and come on. What was it with these people and their stupid passive-aggressive not-joke jokes? Puck was really getting sick of it.
"Oh, no," Rachel laughed, like it was funny or something (it wasn't). "Noah and I were just talking about rehearsal and how the organization of our meetings is unhelpful and sub-par."
"I totally agree."
Puck glanced at Finn doubtfully because, really, like Finn knew what sub-par meant (Puck, for the record, did).
"You did a wonderful job today, though, Finn. I think that our duets are getting stronger as the weeks wear on."
"Definitely, yeah. You did really good too. Not that you don't always do good, because you do, because you have like the best voice in the world or something."
Rachel laughed and ducked her head a little so that her hair fell in her face. And it wasn't that Puck was jealous of the way she was looking up at him (okay, so maybe he was, so what?), but she was his damn ex-girlfriend! No one wanted to see their ex-girlfriend act like that towards anybody. Especially not their supposed best friend.
"Yeah, Rachel, you did really awesome today."
Shit. Was that his voice that said that? Her eyes swiveled to face him, so it wasn't a total loss of dignity because at least she wasn't looking past him anymore, like he was just an obstacle in the way of her beloved, dim-witted Finn (hot tub baby? Seriously?)
"Noah! Thank you! I believe that's the only compliment I've ever heard you give to anybody. I am appropriately flattered and confused by it."
She fixed him with this smile that was totally something that she'd give to the person who handed her that award she really wanted for being good on Broadway. He smiled, and tried to make it look as genuine as possible. Which maybe wasn't as hard as it should have been. Maybe.
"Uh, so, what are you doing right now, Rachel?" Finn asked, looking between them with a confused expression. "Cus I was going to go get some ice cream or something for…"
Puck and Rachel both turned to look at him, and Puck was super stoked to see that she was frowning too. Because even though Quinn was sort of a bitch to her like all the time (even though Rachel had never done anything to her except flirt with her boyfriend a little bit, which was nothing compared to what Quinn was doing to him by not telling him the truth about that fetus kid), Rachel still liked Quinn most of the time. At the very least, she felt bad for her. So she didn't exactly look pleased that he was asking her to hang out while he was running errands for his pregnant girlfriend. Plus she was probably pissed that he was asking her to hang out at all, knowing how she felt about him and how he was going to obviously act like a perfect person (because Puck was sort of convinced that Finn just was perfect. Like naturally or whatever) which would only make her want him more even though he was never going to break up with Quinn unless…
Unless everyone knew the truth about Puck being the father. Which meant that everyone would hate him, including Quinn, and he would probably be a bigger loser than Berry ever was, because he'd actually done something to deserve everyone hating him. And it completely sucked, because no one would have ever even known he'd slept with Quinn if his sperm weren't such little badasses. And then he wouldn't feel all obligated to be with her even though she was sort of a bitch most of the time. Because she was Finn's girl, and that was the way it should always be. Except now Finn had two girls, and Puck was getting confused.
"I have a lot of homework," Rachel said simply. Short and to the point. Holy shit, was he rubbing off on her?
"Oh. That's cool. Maybe we could hang out some other time, when you're not as busy."
He smiled at her, and there it was. Rachel's face got all big and happy like it had when Puck had walked into glee rehearsal after blowing off football practice. And it really, really just wasn't fair.
"Yeah, okay," she said softly. Finn turned and walked away, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and calling a goodbye to them as he went. Puck waited until his supposed best friend was out of the room before he followed.
"You're pathetic," he said, even though he knew it was a dick thing to say. Whatever. It was true. She was hanging all over the kid like he had a grape-flavored penis, and she didn't see anything wrong with it.
"I'm sorry, I'm pathetic? All you do is mope and stare at Quinn. What are you trying to do, Noah? Win her over with your brooding stare and your impressive capacity for creepiness? Somehow I doubt that's going to make her weak in the knees!"
Puck understood every word except for 'capacity', which meant she was really pissed. But so was he.
"Well at least I'm not trying to steal a pregnant girl's boyfriend."
"Steal? Is that what you think I'm doing? Did you not just hear me turn Finn down? Have you any idea how much that hurt to do? But, no, of course not. What I feel doesn't matter, right? I'm just the girl who talks too much. I'm the ugly girl with the bad personality who is universally despised by everyone. I'm not even the star of my own story. My character is being played by Quinn Fabray."
Shit. Now he felt bad. And a tiny voice in the back of his mind which may or may not have been his conscience was telling him to apologize. Again
"I'm sorry," he said quickly before she could storm off or, worse, go into another rant. "It's just…dammit, why does everyone like Finn so much, huh? Everyone's always forgiving him for everything he does. It's stupid. He's stupid. He chose football over glee and you still dumped me afterwards. Like what I did didn't even matter. He treats you like shit and uses your feelings against you and still you're making moon eyes at him like he's the fucking messiah. And then he's flirting with you like crazy but Quinn is still convinced that he'd make a better…"
He broke off and shook his head, refusing to meet her eyes. He hated it when he lost control like that. Losing control was okay when it was (for example, hypothetically) beating the shit out of a slushy-throwing son of a bitch. It was not okay when it was spilling his deepest secret (other than the one that he secretly sort of liked Rachel Berry a little because that was way more embarrassing than sperminating the queen of the celibacy club) especially when it wasn't his secret to spill. He was lucky that he had stopped himself just in time (and he was lucky that Mercedes was such a bitch that she took the lying baby mama's side instead of his) because even though he really didn't care what anyone thought about him, he still didn't want them all to hate him just yet.
Especially not Rachel, if he was being honest. And, really, why stop now?
She was looking at him all weird and misty-eyed like he'd just bought her Liza Minelli for her birthday or something, and he was actually starting to get concerned when she finally spoke.
"I had no idea you felt that way."
"Yeah, well. It's not exactly something I like to advertise. I've said it before: I'm a damn stud. I shouldn't be this bothered by it."
"I vehemently disagree, Noah. What you just said almost exactly mirrors my feelings about Quinn Fabray. Despite the fact that I have done my best to befriend her even through her overwhelmingly negative behavior towards me, I still feel as though everything I do is overshadowed by her. She has everything that I want, except for her parents because mine are infinitely superior despite what she might have said about them in the past, and I have no idea what I could do differently to live a life as charmed as hers once was. And Finn will choose her over me every time."
She looked at him, her face doing that soft thing that it did sometimes when she felt bad for him or maybe for herself.
"You're not going to start crying, are you?"
"Not at the moment. I just feel very sorry of the both of us. What are we doing, wasting our high school years pining after people who don't want anything to do with us?"
"I wouldn't say that they don't want anything to do with us."
"Noah..."
"Okay, fine. They want nothing to do with us. Whatever."
"Why do we do this to ourselves? And not just us. Everyone. Every time I go into the bathroom I find some girl crying about some boy." She grinned at Puck, but only a little. "Most of the time about you. Why can't we force ourselves to stop caring?"
Puck didn't even have the urge to tell her she was being stupid or cheesy or whatever. Which, he wasn't sure, but he thought that showed a serious sign of personal growth.
"Because we're stupid kids with stupid ideas about how the real world works. That's what my mom always says. And maybe she's sort of right."
Rachel nodded and looked down at her hands, all tiny and cute and clenching and unclenching by her sides. He lifted his eyes to her face and watched the way her lips were trembling. Sometimes that meant she was just trying to think of what to say, but sometimes that meant she was about to cry. He really hoped that she wasn't about to cry.
Then she looked up at him.
"I think she's right, too. Here I thought my destiny to be with Finn was prewritten in the stars. The talented young ingénue and the rugged jock with leading man potential. Instead I find that the real world rarely works in archetypes and predestination."
"Arche…? Whatever. Look, don't get down on yourself because of the whole Finn thing. As long as you don't tell anyone that I said this, I'll admit that you're a pretty awesome chick. And I mean that. So it's Finn's problem if he doesn't want you. Quinn's a bitch, and it's not just the hormones."
"But everybody likes her. You like her."
"Yeah, but I don't like myself most of the time."
She smiled and stepped closer to him. For a second he thought she was going to kiss him, and he totally would not have pushed her away even though it was a weird moment to start kissing at. He was almost waiting for it, but then she started talking again. But, really, he sort of didn't mind. This conversation was making him feel better. Ever since he'd heard about the baby, his stomach had been tying into knots over and over and over again, but talking to Rachel was making them feel looser because she was the only person who could even remotely understand what was going on with him.
Scary thought, but true.
And as long as it was just the two of them, he could say whatever the hell he wanted to say. So he really couldn't hate the scariness as much as he wanted to.
"Noah, you are an incredibly confusing person, but I have to admit that I am touched by your honesty. And I would just like to say that, as of recently, there isn't much that you have to be ashamed of. You should hold yourself to a higher standard. If you truly like Quinn, then I applaud you for your determination to win her over. However, if you have only attached yourself to Quinn because you feel that you do not deserve someone who possesses the basic capacity for kindness, then I think that you should reconsider. Because you deserve someone who will treat you well. We both do."
They were both sort of dancing around the issue, and Puck knew it. He wasn't sure if she wanted to suggest it as much as he did, but he knew that either way he was going to have to do it because she'd probably never think that he was going to say yes in a million years if she had the stones to ask. So he was going to have to make it abundantly clear that…
Shit. Abundantly. And he was sort of beginning to understand what capacity meant. Spending time with her was clearly fucking with his brain.
"Look, Rachel…I know that you're probably going to want to say no to this, but just think about it."
"Are you going to ask me if I want to get back together with you for the purposes of working on boosting one another's self esteem so that we may one day be able to find a way to move around the ridiculous feelings we have for Finn and Quinn because they are never going to end their relationship just as you suggested and we should learn to deal with that fact by taking comfort in a close friendship and each others' bodies if not something more?"
He blinked a few times and imagined that he probably looked a little bit like she had when he'd given her that first grape slushy the day before they started dating for real.
Then, "Uh…yeah."
Rachel nodded happily.
"Yes, Noah. I'm glad that you asked. Or…were going to ask. I admit that I regretted breaking things off with you, but I know now that it was for the better. Otherwise we would not have had this very enlightening conversation."
"Yeah, just think. We could have avoided the whole thing."
To his surprise, she actually seemed to pick up on the sarcasm, but she just smiled at him and held out her hand. He took it gladly and maybe with a little bit of relief. Because, shit, he wasn't sure how he felt about Rachel yet, or how he felt about Quinn, but he knew that it was nice to be back to making out with a hot girl on a regular basis and he knew that Rachel made it a point to make him feel good about himself, and that was really all he could ask for at the moment. So maybe they weren't each others' first choices, but they were each others' best choices. And if that wasn't damn poetry, he didn't know what was.
