You know that lovely lesson you learn around 13? The one with the 'birds' and 'bees'? The one your parents are uncomfortable with talking about? The one that leads to a lot of teen prgenancys?
Enjoy.
I don't own anything except the idea and the writing.
Age 13
Zelda, Link and Ganondorf clambered into bed, squishing under the blankets. Nayru looked at them from the doorway, slightly concerned.
"They won't…do anything, will they?" Farore asked, coming up next to her.
"They shouldn't…we never explained to them." Nayru said.
"Well, it is only a matter of time. Soon they will be having se-"
"Din!" Nayru hissed. "That is very inappropriate." She snapped. Din smirked.
"I'm just saying. In no time at all, Ganondorf will discover his and hers and bam. It's baby making time." Din patted her sisters on the back once and flounced off. Nayru fumed after her, making strangling symbols behind her back. Farore sighed and followed them. Zelda sat up in bed suddenly.
"Why do they think we can't hear them?" She asked. Ganondorf opened his eyes and sat up as well. Link followed shortly.
"Dunno. Maybe they think they have secret 'Silent-Mom' powers." Ganondorf shrugged. Link nodded.
"Or they think we're deaf."
"Or they're just stupid." Ganondorf said. Zelda smacked his arm. He smirked. Zelda sighed.
"But honestly." She said quietly. "What were they talking about?" She lay back down. Link lay down next to her and put his arm around her chest. She stiffened and pushed his hand down.
"What?" He asked.
"Nothing." Zelda said curtly. "Ganondorf, lie down. We'll ask Nayru tomorrow." She closed her eyes. Ganondorf made a quizzical look at Link as he lay down and pressed himself against Zelda. Link made the same look.
"What's with her?" He mouthed.
"I don't know." Ganondorf mouthed back.
"Nothing's wrong with me. Go to sleep." Zelda mumbled, burring her face in the pillow. Ganondorf and Link raised their eyebrows at each other before closing their eyes.
* * *
"Dear Hyrule, he is SO HOT!" Din purred, staring down at two swordsmen training in Hyrule field. Link walked blurry eyed to the door, and stood there rubbing his eyes.
"Din…" Nayru warned.
"Oh come on! Tell me you wouldn't want to completely fu-"
"DIN!" Nayru yelled, slamming down her spatula.
"Come on. He is SMOKIN'!" Din cackled. Link crept away slowly back to his room, still listening to the goddesses conversation.
"Why are you staring at me?" Zelda demanded.
"I'm not staring!" Ganondorf protested.
"Yes you are! You're so staring!" Zelda said.
"Am not! I am looking appreciating." He said. Zelda hit his arm with a thwack.
"Did I miss much?" Link asked, pulling out his shirt.
"Zelda was sexy dancing."
"I WAS NOT!" Zelda laughed, hitting him again. Link smiled.
"Didn't you wait for me? I wanted to see some sexy dancing." He laughed.
"I wasn't sexy dancing!" Zelda said incredulously. "Not for him anyway." She said under her breath.
"You were sexy dancing!" Ganondorf proclaimed.
"Shut up!" Zelda punched his arm. They burst into a fit of giggles.
"Children. Breakfast." Farore stuck her head in. "Why aren't you dressed?" She asked kindly.
"Zelda was sexy dancing." Link chuckled through his thick blush.
"I WAS NOT!" Zelda shoved him playfully onto the bed. He fell backward and smiled at her. She leaned over him and ruffled his hair.
"You're such a little kid." She giggled, standing up. Link sat up and smiled, but felt slightly sad inside.
"Yeah. I'm the man of the house." Ganondorf said proudly.
"Yeah, you wish." Zelda smirked. Ganondorf stuck his tongue out at her. Farore smiled and walked away. Link became serious.
"Din said something." He said.
"What?" Zelda asked, pulling her gown over her under dress.
"She said something about…'shoving him against a wall and getting it on hard.'" He shrugged. Zelda furrowed her brow and thought.
"Do you think it's about what they said last night?" She asked.
"Yeah. What did she mean, 'baby making time?' And what's mine and yours?" Ganondorf asked. Zelda sighed.
"I hate to say it, but I think we need to ask Din this time." She said, adjusting her crown. Link and Ganondorf nodded as they all walked out of the room. Ganondorf did a little dance of joy on the way down to the breakfast room. Finally, Din got to show them something. Her lessons were always the best.
They walked into the breakfast room. Din was sipping her drink.
"Din?" Zelda asked. Din grunted.
"We…we want to ask you something." Link mumbled.
"Ask Nayru." She growled.
"No. You're smarter then her this time." Ganondorf folded his arms across his chest. Din raised her eyebrows at them, then at her sisters.
"First, she is never smarter then me. Second, what do you want to ask her?" Nayru asked.
"It is private." Zelda whispered. Din pushed herself out of her chair and dusted off her red wrap dress. She smirked at her sister and walked off with the kids. They sat down and took a deep breath.
"What were you talking about earlier?" Link blurted out.
"Huh?" Din said dumbly.
"About…'getting it on hard.'" Ganondorf explained.
"What, sex?" Din asked. Zelda felt herself turning pink as she nodded.
"Oh, well then." Din smiled wickedly, stretching her hands above her head. "Prepare for the best lesson of your life."
* * *
Zelda, Link and Ganondorf sat dumbly as Din stood up and flounced out.
"Oh." Link muttered.
"My." Ganondorf breathed.
"God." Zelda finished without any breath left in her. They looked at each other. Zelda scooted away.
"You two are sick!" she proclaimed, protectively covering her chest.
"WHAT?" Link screeched. "I'm not!" He crossed his arms. Ganondorf stared ahead.
"Wow, Zel…I didn't know there was so much-"
"Don't." Zelda warned with a growl. "Say anything-anything-dirty about this, and you will regret it the rest of your life." She narrowed her eyes to slits. Ganondorf shrugged. He stood up.
"All I'm saying is that I never knew there was so much to discover about you." He winked at Link as he bolted for the door. Zelda flushed angrily and scrambled up, running after him. Link looked down at the seat of his pants and crossed his legs in a pretzel, covering his private areas with his hands.
Zelda eventually tackled Ganondorf and pulled his hair with hard yanks.
"Say it!" She yelled.
"Alright! I'm weak! You're the best! I'm a wimp!" He admitted, giving into the chant he always had to do when Zelda beat him. Link walked in.
"So…" He said, sitting in the bed.
"I guess we should stop sleeping in the same bed." Ganondorf said. Zelda nodded.
"Yeah. It's a little awkward now." She said. Link nodded. They all looked at Zelda, who was still on top of Ganondorf. She scrambled off immediately.
"I feel…violated." He shivered. "You sicko, Zel." He smirked. Zelda smacked him and laughed.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention they aren't going on a trip yet. Very close though! And I promise when they do it will be the longest chapter ever!
So...How can Ganondorf capture Hyrule if Zelda can kick his butt? Ponder this...
Review if you can find the kindness in your soul to do so...
Peace! c(:
