Lost
Chpt. 6
I can't seem to get the words I feel down. I still smell blood and it doesn't seem to come off my hands no matter much how I scrub... I killed my best friend! He tried to kill me first so it doesn't matter, its a simple eye for an eye thing, but I just can't stop seeing that look on his face, it was twisted in agony and my face was void of feeling. How long is it till that is my fate? The only thing that can draw me away from that thought process is her, Karai. I gotta say, she's hot or atleast as hot as you can be for a member of the foot clan. She almost feels like a lost piece of my past, but I just don't know how to describe that about her, so I'll drop the subject for now.
I'm still rather curiose, if I screw her, will it be insest? They say that we are all family in the foot, so will I be screwing my mother? I won't lie, it won't be hard if she's on top-
Don snapped the book shut, his eyes gaped open, he cringed at the thought of Karai ontop of his older brother. Quickly he turned the page to the first one and descided it would be best to start from the beggining. The begining was always the best to make sense out of everything, from where his oldest brother has been, to why he did it and most of all his new attitude towards life. But Don couldn't get the sense of panic out of his mind, he had to know why he had to kill this friend of his most of all. It wasn't that long ago either, it was only fivemonthes ago.
As he turned to the first page, Raph entered the room and instantly growled something at him that Don didn't quite catch, so simply he opened the book and contiued reading even though Raph thought it was a waste of time, helping Leo was a waist of time.
"It's a waist of time I'm telling you! He's not our brother! And if you ask me, he never was! His whole purpose in life is to piss me off!" Raph yelled from the kitchen and sensed blood shed as he heard Mike laugh.
"I thought that was my job!" he heard things break at that point and quickly went back to the book before Raph wanted his blood next.
I really don't know what to say. Mainly because I really don't know who I am. I'm not saying that because of some new realization about something and I'm questioning my life or anything, I just don't honestly know who I am. Literally. I swear to you I'm being honest. I woke up a few days ago in an old woman's apartment and from there I'm still trying to pieces together everything. I have a lot of injuries, but I can't say where I got them. I have a feeling it was because I was mugged, I mean, hey I'm in New York. But yet, after watching the X Men with Jeffery (the old woman's son), I have a feeling its more deep then that. I'm not saying there is an organization to catch mutants and I'm not sure if I'm a mutant either, I could be an alien for all I know, but it is a possibility. I'm writing in you just to help me keep my memories in tact in case something else happens and I forget more things. So until next time, me.
...
I think I may have been a fighter! It's truly amazing, I kicked Jeffery's ass without trying. Let me start at the top though. We were watching Dragon Ball Z and for some reason I had the sense that it was a waist of time, but there wasn't anything else to do. Jeffery was bragging about how he could fight just like Goku and I have to say, I don't know who would believe that one. So he told me he would prove it to me when I voiced my disbelief, he challenged me and told me he would go easy on me.
I have to say, he was horrible, his stance was a mess and even if he tried I don't believe that his strikes would bring even a little girl to her knees.
Don laughed to that, he knew instantly this was his eldest brother's journal, only he would criticize any ones fighting skills before he even knew what he was doing.
But to the point, it was almost like an instinct to me. I swayed from each strike ( no matter how horrible they were) like a professional. I have to say, no matter how easy it would be to get this foe down, I must say, I don't think everyone could have launched him across the room with one swift kick and it just felt so natural ( I think I've mentioned that, but it just did!)
I don't know what convinced me to do what I did next, I could have very well died, but I simply had to do it. I stood on the roof top, and simply jumped across and landed on the other side it was...it was...I can't find a word to describe it. But I think, that since I will never find myself sitting around Ms. Avery's apartment, I need to go. And as rash and stupid as it sounds (Don groaned under his breath just thinking about what his brother's realization was) , I think I need to runaway and join the circus. At least if I know I won't find the answers there, its better then sitting around and doing nothing. It will most definantely be a great way to find out more about my talents and if I travel around long enough maybe, just maybe something will trigger its self inside of me.
Don sighed softly, he felt like his brother was talking to him personally about something, he had never felt this before. It was always him who went to his eldest brother about problems, never the other way around. Softly he flipped through a couple of pages, not wanting to even hear about his brother rashly joining the circus.
The magnificent flying turtle. It's got a ring to it, I'll say. I can't say I'm proud to be a trapeze artist, I can almost call myself a circus freak by the way the stare at me, but after all that training to walk across that tiny string ( well actually, it wasn't as hard as one would think), I proudly say it now. Besides, the # 1 rule, you only join the circus when you have nothing to loose. That was officially the first thing I've learned in my new life and I got to say, looking back, no matter how much I considered I may have something to loose, I know now I had nothing to loose or I would have found what it was by now. It has been three months after all. Got to go, the clowns want to celebrate my first night of success, they may be lousy, petty drunks who would sell you if it meant they got a couple of bucks, but hey they do have a certain charm to them, even if their smell is unbearable.
Gulping down what felt like guilt, he skipped through a few of the pages, only skimming through the magnificently wild life his brother had in the circus. Now truly wondering why clowns were clowns, when his brother described them to be bitter people who hated all, commitment and kids being on the top of their lists. He knew now that if he had children they would not being going to the circus, seeing as how half the people his brother met who worked their had gambling problems, were convicts in some way, were drunks/druggies or had some kind of mental problem and all seemed to only think of themselves. He was even considering in his mind if Raph should join the circus, they seemed like his kind of people, he just needs to learn to hide his anger problems in front of large crowds like they all seemed to do.
I can't believe I left. Now that I think of it they were like one big neglectful family. I'll miss all those drunks and self absorbed lunatics and I'll miss the convicts from other countries who barely spoke English the most I think. Not! I'm sorry, but I won't go back there if you paid me, like they never seemed to. It was fun while it lasted and it helped let me keep the skills I have and maybe learned a thing or two, but those people where nuts.
I need to get as far away from there as I can, but that's not why I'm headed to Japan. I'm headed to Japan because its a link to my past, that I'm not ready to let go of. And don't think I've forgotten about my pendant, its almost like my only friend at times and helps me keep going knowing that it means something. Something important, I know and don't care how crazy you think I am for thinking that. The girl at the circus ( no not the self centered whore who trained the animals), the one who swallowed fire, everything you have is a link to your past, the only wise words I got from that place that even sounded legal. That's stuck with me, even after she OD on heroin and died.
If I find out about my pendant, I'll know more about myself, then I have this whole year and a half. I'm more excited then I have been in awhile. Got to go, the plane is landing and I need to be ready to sneak out before they notice me ( Sorry to say I don't have any money, spent the last ten bucks I had on a pack of smokes, because you know better then any one you can't get out of the circus without getting at least one bad habiat).
...
I don't know what to say about Kyo or the foot clan (Don had to re-read that line a few times before he could come to terms with his brother actually joining up with the foot), I feel it is a bad idea to blindly put my trust into someone, but I feel I must. I want to know how honorable they truly are, but another part of me longs for a family. Not like the circus where everyone only looked out for themselves, I mean somewhere I can actually belong.
But I can what I want about the foot, their style is exquisite and very refined. My room looks like a Japanese palace room, its very beautiful and its over looking an authentic Japanese garden. I must say, for once in my life I can finally say I have class and dignity. And its nice to say that too. Got to go, Kyo is at the door.
...
I have never have been so nervous in my life. The elder members of the clan seemed to be looking into me, it was unnerving. All these questions I could not answer. Where did you learn to fight? Where are you from? What is your name? I couldn't answer any, so I kept my face as far to the ground as I could while I bowed in front of them. Then finally the oldest of the clan, the most high ranked here since the master was away stepped in front of me and grabbed me by the cheek roughly staring into my eyes.
"We will make you great," was all he said as he let go of me and walked out the door with the other high ranked members of the clan, leaving me alone in the room. It was, I'll admit, alittle scary.
...
Its been three months since I joined, I guess I haven't wrote in you in awhile, but I've been so damned busy! I train so often that may as well be my life, on top of that I have to learn every code the foot have by heart, its not like being a foot apprentice is easy this is not exactly the circus. Its all complex, Kyo says its all worth it in the end though, tonight is my debut, I will be on my first assignment tonight, Kyo will be my only aid in it. I'll write more when I get back.
It was strange but I feel an almost sense of honor after my first mission. I felt like a samurai from the old movies. Some old business owner had gotten into trouble with a street gang. All that training was definanetly worth it after I began fighting it was amazing. Plain and simple. I'll too tired to write, all you need to know is I even out did Kyo in my fighting standards! Who ever first began training me did a hell of a job! And where ever he is, I thank him for helping me look better then everyone in this place!
Don just couldn't believe it, the foot almost sounded human the way his brother described them as he skimmed through the pages. They could actually laugh, love and hurt when girl friends broke up with them. His heart ached reading each passage of his brother's confusion, how he confined in Kyo who shrugged and told him to forget his past, to forget him, his family. He felt like holding onto him each time he read about ever growing sickness he felt when he killed some one, especially the first time he killed when he described how he couldn't stop vomiting every time he thought about it. How each mission was 'honorable' as he called it, when in all retro speck, all he was was a pawn to them. He could see now why his brother hated the thought of his family now, why he blamed them. He couldn't help feeling responsible now, it was his fault, it was never Raph's.
I feel like...i have no emotions left in me. Like I'll never feel again. Its the feeling of your brain going numb and mind shutting down. But I can't be left to wallow in the uncertanty of what will be, I need to write and keep writting.
I...I... can't put it into words. I went to bed last night, everything was fine in my mind, but I guess it wasn't. I was having a dream, someone was telling me that the foot were dishonorable, and in my dream I felt confused. I guess I had reason to, since when I woke up a blade was inches away from my neck. In our fight, I broke half the things in the room, he was very talented. But, naturally, I was even more so. As I yanked off the mask he was wearing to reveal my friend Kyo. The one I confined everything in, laughed about things with, drank with, stuck by in battle with had done this to me. I can't describe the feeling, when others members of the clan came in to see what was the noise, it didn't take them long to put two and two together. But the thing that won't stop going through my head, as they grabbed him from the ground and pulled him off he yelled back to me.
"You think you actually have friends? Or can honestly call yourself a member of the foot? No they want you for your pendant! But I will say, when I found out, I wanted it more! And by foot rules, if I refuse to die honorably, we will fight to the death since both of us have disgraced our names! Me for trying to kill a member of the clan, and you for becoming a victim and not seeing it coming! I'll have my hands on it before long!"
That's right. The weak and dishonorable are not permitted into the foot, so if you show sighns of either, you must prove yourself once more to be a worthy ally to the foot. Is it worth it though? Everything now just feels like one long line of mindless blood shed. But I feel too honor bound to want to run away from the challenge. I just clung tightly to my pendant and hoped I would come out the victor the next evening.
...
Karai is a worthy ally. I will admit that, I don't see why she even needs body guards. I guess just to rub it in that she can protect herself? I don't know, she has something about her though. I walked in on her naked yesterday, I got to say, I was right to say she was hot. But funny enough she didn't throw anything at me, she smiled asked if I liked what I saw and what can I say? No? I think that would be an invantain to be murdered. She laughed when I said 'Of course' and told me to go find her something to wear. Damn and to think just last weak I wanted to leave the foot clan.
...
As I wrapped her wounds from the battle last night, I couldn't help but to notice how truly beautifully she really was, I've said it before I know, many, many times, but she that she can actually be helpless and can can actually feel pain, makes her more human then I've ever brought myself to think about her. It's strange.
I told her so and she simply laughed to my conclusion that she wasn't human, it was strange to see her smile so innocently, I couldn't stop my self, I had to know what the deadly foot leader actually kissed like. I wondered if it would be like touching lips with poison or would be be soft like a fallen cherry blossom? As her soft fingers touched my cheek and the kiss deepened, I know at once that it was like nothing I could describe. And by the look in her eyes when we finally stopped, she couldn't describe it either. We spent the rest of the night staring into the endless star filled sky, her head on my shoulder, the fire flickering in front of us. Neither of us worrying that we had a fight in the morning with the clan that dared to challenge the foot. I just wondered, how long will this last?
Don couldn't comprehend it, he knew that the foot was going to betray him again, he was sure he knew, but he couldn't put the pieces together of why he stayed. As he skimmed through more of the pages his mind kept asking what his brother was thinking each time he went alone with the leader of the foot clan, even though in some passages he even admitted himself that she would kill him to get what she wanted even if he didn't know what it was. He protected her in battle, he personally each time she was wounded wrapped them to Don't surprise he saw even Karai had a heart as she did the same for him. His brother was in love, he never said it, but the way he described Karai and the many times they would kiss after a battle or their fingers would softly meet in the middle of meetings with the elder members of the clan said it all. Don knew now why he hadn't seen the foot much, their leader was in Japan having an affair with his brother! It was almost to much to bear, but he kept reading.
I'm heading back to New York, there is nothing left for me in Japan. There is nothing left for me in the foot, nothing left between me and Karai except mistrust. Kyo was right, I over heard Karai last night talking to one of the elders, they spoke softly but I could hear every word.
"Mistress Karai, why are you waiting so long? You must resurrect our lord Shredder as soon as possible..." the eldest of them said sternly.
"Do you not think I know that? But what I have found out about the pendant, I actually need the damned turtle! He is the only way I can do the ritual right, I need him, and for him to give me what I want he must completely be in the palm of my hand!" she snarled, making me sigh, I could not listen any longer, for awhile I actually, I don't know, thought she was different.
So I am leaving for the place my journey started, I'm going back to New York. To where I hope I can finally find the answers to my pendant, it must be important for every one to want it so badly.
Don felt an even deeper hatred for the foot as he read the pain his brother felt. His fingers skipped to the very last page which was longer then a few words scratched onto it.
After you read this burn it. Don't think me saving your friend means anything between us, I have my own business to take care of.
A/N: Wow, this is the longest thing I've wrote in awhile. I hoped you liked it, please review. And credit to Mondhexe for giving me the idea.
Next time you will see... Jews in space!
