A/N: Bella, stop fussing, Twilight and Edward are mine. He's just pretending to love you, because he's MINE and has to do what I say ;)...
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Me and my erections could feature in theme books: Edward's hard-on in the Principal's office, in the kitchen during breakfast, on the phone...Don't laugh, people, there's nothing funny about that. Ok, maybe there is but I fail to find it.
When Miss Swan called last night, I had never experienced such an intense feeling of desire and longing at the same time. I had trouble speaking and I'm sure I made a fool of myself several times. It was so hard, pun intended, to stay cool and collected when the person you want more than anything or anyone else apologizes for bothering you. Oh, I was bothered, but for a very different reason.
All I remember is that I'm going to see her today. Twice. Once alone. Well, maybe not totally alone but together. For the project. Oh, forgot about the project again Cullen? It probably slipped your mind when you treated yourself in the shower last night. I had to…I'd never have been able to relax and sleep at all if I didn't. Turns out I slept like a brick after coming violently to visions of Miss Swan licking me like a popsicle.
It was very uncommon for me to fantasize about a woman. Sure, like any male, I liked to watch porn once in a while and masturbate as well but it was more for health and sanity reasons than anything else. Everybody needs sex, right? But feeling connected to someone you barely know, having your whole body tremble and hum from their presence and wanting to be with them all the time? It never happened to me before.
I shook myself from my state of stupor and walked down the stairs. I suddenly felt selfish and realized I'd been a terrible son and brother for the last few days. Miss Swan had occupied my every thought and it wasn't right. Losing myself in her wouldn't be good for me and it would prevent me of taking care of the two most important people in my life. We were grieving Dad's death and we all had to stick together, as a reduced family but a family still.
"Hey, bro." Emmett whispered when I entered the kitchen.
"Hey, Em. Why are you whispering?"
"Mom's still asleep. I checked on her and she looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake her up."
"You were right, she needs her rest. So it's you and me for breakfast, brother. What do you want?"
"Just coffee and cereals, I'm not very hungry." He lowered his head and I knew he did that when he was about to cry.
"How are you feeling Em? I'm sorry I wasn't more there for you."
"I'm…not g-good." He sniffled and refused to look at me.
"I know, it's difficult for all of us."
Emmett scoffed and a sad smile appeared on his tear- stained face. I knew what he was about to say and he wasn't exactly wrong.
"Difficult? What the hell Edward? It's not difficult, it's devastating! It's…uuhh I can't find the word because it's tearing me apart. Are you made of stone? Didn't you love Dad?"
"How can you say that? Of course I loved him! But I'm not as emotional as you, I get affected but I don't show it, you know that", I murmured.
"Why is that? I don't understand." He looked at me, his expression puzzled.
"It's in my nature, Emmett. I'm not expressive like you are but it doesn't mean I'm not grieving. I'm sorry if I give the impression that I'm cold but I'm not, ok?"
Emmett sighed heavily. He was young and probably was very confused by my behavior. I gave him his coffee and poured myself a cup. I wanted to distract him from this painful subject.
"So, how's school?"
"Not bad. I met new people.", he mumbled. I smirked because I knew who he was referring to.
"Oh yes, new people. How is Rosalind?", I asked innocently.
"It's Rosalie. You idiot.", he spat.
"Sooo, how is she? Do you like her?", I teased.
"Not of your damn business!"
I chuckled. It felt good to see a trace of the old Emmett even for a second. He closed himself after that and we drove to school in silence, after leaving Mom's a note and a fresh brew of coffee.
After second period, I was a jittery mess. My next class was with Miss Swan. I entered French with a feeling of mixed trepidation and anxiety. What if this whole project thing was a terrible idea? What if she realized I was a freak and didn't want to have anything to do with me? It could be such a disaster…
All thoughts flew my mind when I saw her, though. The purity of her traits, the silky texture of her hair and a …fucking red sweater was all I could see and comprehend anymore. She was glorious and I felt weak. She hit me like a bat every time I saw her. How could that happen to me, bland, uninteresting, passionless me?
Her eyes paused on me for a minute and the smallest smile stretched her lips. She seemed to scan my body for a short moment and I felt naked under her gaze. Maybe she liked what I was wearing? It didn't sound girly at all, Cullen congratulations!
I wanted to look nice today so I chose something classier than my usual black pants and black hoodie. I wanted her to see me, no hiding. After much hesitation, I finally settled on dark blue jeans and a white shirt. I looked different and Miss Swan wasn't the only one noticing, it appeared.
"Well, Edward, don't you look yummy today?", a nasal voice cooed from behind me.
Great. Lauren Mallory. And not by herself of course, but surrounded by her clique of girls, Jessica Stanley being one of them. Double great.
"Thanks Lauren." I answered politely. I didn't want to come out as rude or anything that could those girls more incentive to annoy me.
"Don't you think I look nice?" She persisted. Well, if persist means pushing your breasts forward and showing your legs to the whole class.
"Sure." I said indifferently, taking my seat close to my favorite teacher, like last time.
She was the most beautiful woman on the planet, no doubt. That…fucking sweater. I know I don't usually swear but…fuck. It wasn't outrageous or anything like that but outlined her curves just the right way, discreetly and womanly.
The class started, Mike Newton being his apparently stupid self. Miss Swan would have none of that though and threatened him to double his homework for the next class if he didn't stop his antics. That seemed to calm his exuberance.
Today, we worked on a Verlaine poem, very different from Baudelaire. As tortured but less sensual in my opinion. It was good though but the passion emitted by Baudelaire found more echo in me, I ignore why.
The title of the poem was "Chanson d'automne" and Miss Swan seemed to like it very much. She read it for us and I was in awe of her voice and intonations.
Les sanglots longs
Des violons
De l'automne
Blessent mon coeur
D'une langueur
Monotone.
Tout suffocant
Et blême, quand
Sonne l'heure,
Je me souviens
Des jours anciens
Et je pleure
Et je m'en vais
Au vent mauvais
Qui m'emporte
Deçà, delà,
Pareil à la
Feuille morte.
She looked melancholic and nostalgic of something and I was desperate to know why. I didn't have the time though because the bell rang.
"People, I want you to research the symbolic this poem took during 2nd World War and also if it was used as something other than a simple poem. I want your assignments on my desk Tuesday".
After some heavy grumbling, I was finally alone with her.
"Hi, Edward.", she said with a smile. It warmed my whole body seeing her like this.
"Hi, Miss Swan." She seemed to make up her mind about something.
"You know, since we're going to work together and all, you probably should call me by my first name. It would be less formal, don't you think?"
I couldn't speak, she said I could call her by her first name.
"It's Bella." Yes, as beautiful as you are. My inner self rolled his eyes at me for being too corny. I didn't care.
"Alright, Bella.", I managed to articulate through my lusty haze.
"Well, I guess you have to go to your next class and my students are waiting. I'll see you later, at the café?", she asked.
"Yes, of course." I couldn't wait to see her later. I never wanted to leave her.
"And, Edward?"
"Yes?"
"You look great today."
I left the room, a huge smile on my face. Other parts of me were very happy as well.
I hope you'll like this one. My update schedule has been pretty erratic so I'll try to update once or twice a week depending on my free time. The next chapter will be posted next Tuesday or Friday. I'm going to Paris for the week end, I'm so excited to go back there!
