A/N: Edward is mine, that's what counts, right? Alas, I'm kidding.
Never had I felt more like an idiot than when I pretty much insulted Edward Cullen about his intelligence. His reaction had been tame compared to what I deserved really. He finally forgave me after a pitiful attempt at apologizing. I had stuttered and basically begged him to forget what I had just said.
I don't know why I said what I said. If I'm honest with myself, it probably has something to do with putting Edward in his place, as a student, no more than that to me. The feelings I was developing for him scared, no scratch that, terrified me and I wanted to put some distance between us. It turned out that I was even more terrified of him being angry with me and not wanting to speak to me or work with me anymore. I felt pathetic.
You see, I'm an independent woman and always have been. Even though I spent ten years with Jacob, I never relied on him or really let myself belong to him in any way. Maybe, that's one explanation for the failure of our relationship or the fact that I never surrendered to him during sex.
So the fact that I was so afraid of hurting Edward's feelings and of losing him in a way came as shocking surprise to me. I felt dependent of his opinion, of his simple presence.
The fact I mentioned sex with Jake may have not escaped you. See, my feelings for Edward were becoming stronger by the day and so was my desire for him. I have no choice but to admit that to myself. I want him. If my telling you isn't proof enough, the state of my panties after our conversation should do it. He was a beautiful young man, but I wasn't attracted to the whole package. Well, I was, obviously, but it was the little things that did me in. His crooked smile, the way his eyes changed color with the light, his fucking Adam's apple. Every little thing about him was a powerful temptation and I was powerless to resist.
I was aware of that during our lunch break and wondering if he would realize my inner turmoil. I knew my attraction was one-sided even though Edward probably respected me, or even liked me as a teacher and a Baudelaire amateur. Oh, the humiliation if he noticed how much I wanted him.
So, after Heidi warned us that we would have to go back soon if we didn't want to be late, I felt like a bucket of ice had been thrown on me. I realized how foolish I was for entertaining those kinds of fantasies about a STUDENT, yes Bella keep repeating it you might believe it in the end. In my haste to get out of there, I tripped on my bag, idiot that I am and fell right into Edward's lap.
I didn't have the time to feel mortified or anything because I suddenly felt something under me. Something I didn't expect. At all. Something warm. Hard. Very hard. Big. Kind of…throbbing too.
I wasn't naïve and knew what it was but I couldn't somehow wrap my head around the fact that Edward's dick was hard. Because of me. I heard a strangled moan and raised my eyes to his face and what I saw there was proof enough. A deep flush was covering his cheeks and his neck and he couldn't meet my gaze.
I didn't know what to do. I was torn between running away from the place, hiding myself forever and jumping him. Right here, in front of Heidi. It didn't matter anymore. All I knew was that I wasn't alone in the bottomless pit of my yearning for him and that he, at least partially, wanted me the same way as I did him.
Of course, I did neither of the things I wanted to do. I wiggled because I was slowly slipping from his lap and readjusted myself. He gasped them, the same little surprised and out of breath sound I did when feeling him underneath me. I realized then that I was panting a little and that I was probably flushed from too much adrenaline coursing through me. Edward had his eyes closed and a look of ecstasy mixed with pain was on his face. I understood completely. His erection felt incredible and made me feel better than any sex I had before. It also confirmed the fact that I was a bad person. Who in their right mind took pleasure in exciting their student? Me, that's who.
I was torn from my dirty and dark thoughts by a loud coughing. It didn't take a genius mind to understand that Heidi had witnessed our little predicament and was desperately trying to bring us back to reality, and reason. So, with a lot of effort I lifted myself from the place I'd love to never leave. Edward had still to raise his face and look at me. His embarrassment looked excruciating. I could imagine the feeling for someone as shy and reserved as Edward.
I decided to make it easier on him. Even though my body was still vibrating and screaming at me for leaving what it wanted and my skin was crying about the lost warmth, I opted to be casual.
"Now Edward, you finally discovered my most powerful and charming trait. My clumsiness." I was trying to sound cheerful but my voice treacherously broke at the end.
"I'll see you soon Edward, ok?" I was trembling from head to toe. Desire and fear were fighting to take control of me. Fear that he'd never want to see me again after this, that he'd never want to talk to me, work with me or smile at me again. Ever.
Finally, to my immense relief, Edward's eyes met mine, dark and shimmering with…tears? No, it couldn't be, right? Why would he cry, embarrassment?
"Y-yes, Miss Swan…" he swallowed. "I have to get back to class." And then, he ran away from the café like a little boy, caught doing something really bad. Like reeeallyyy bad…Great, my mind was in the gutter again.
"Well, Miss Swan! It seems you made a big impression…" Heidi's teasing voice reached my ears through a sort of fog. I hadn't been myself since I first felt him.
"Shut up." I grumbled, before seating tiredly on one of the tools close to the bar.
"Bella, this guy, this "student" of yours is crazy about you, can't you see that?"
I gaped at her. What did she know about him? How could she say things like that?
"Are you nuts? Of course, he's not!" I didn't even sound convincing to myself.
"Do you think you're fooling me for even a second? I'm not an old lady but the look I've seen in this boy's face, gorgeous one by the way, I can recognize it as love."
My heart was beating a mile a minute. Heidi couldn't be right, no it was impossible.
"You don't know what you're talking about, Heidi. Maybe, it's just lust. It's pretty common for a student to lust after his teacher…"
"Lust? Oh you mean, your little lap dance just now? No, no, that's not what I'm talking about!"
She was infuriating, this one.
"So what are you talking about for Christ's sakes?" I yelled.
"What I'm talking about, is the looks he gave you when you were talking, the smile on his face when he first saw you here, the absolute attention he gave you, all the little things that you're either too blind or too stupid to see.", she finished quietly.
"I'm not stupid! I have experience and I know that students can sometimes crush on their teachers! It's intense and exciting, but it doesn't last, it's not love." I insisted.
"It probably happens.", she admitted with a nod. "But, do you want to know the difference here?"
"I wasn't sure I wanted to know but whispered "yes" anyway.
"The difference is that you're in love with him too."
Well…fuck. I was more transparent than I thought.
Oh oh, the plot thickens…What did you think? Leave me your reviews so I know what's on your minds ;).
