A/N: The most difficult chapter I've ever written so far…God, it was torture! If only Edward or Rob (not picky here ;)!) were here to hold my hand. But they're not, as I don't own Twilight. Enjoy and don't hate me…

Since the first time I've seen him, I've been a lot of things. Spellbound, disgusted with myself, obsessed, whatever word you want to use to describe my feelings for him. Now, I'm just one thing, undeniably and irrevocably wet.

Imagine the guy you fantasize and dream about constantly, the one you want more than anything else in the world, utter those perfect words, hot breath in your ear and his hands roaming the most sensitive parts of your body.

"Stop now or I'll take you right here." He wanted me dead, that's the only explanation for it. How I could run away from him yesterday, I'll never know. As I try and catch my breath, I look at him and worship the contours of his face, so close to mine. He is so beautiful, an angel and yet devilish in a way. His sharp jaw is made of perfection as is his large and pure forehead.

Yet, if I had to choose, I'd choose his mouth. It's sinful, dominant and compliant at the same time. He's the first man to turn me into a quivering mess just by kissing me. He's not experienced but he's so eager and passionate it doesn't matter. I feel like a ragdoll, my energy and brain sucked from my body by the force of our kiss.

He looks at me, the hunger still in his eyes and in the way he holds me. I sense that he needs an explanation about everything that is happening and I have to talk to him. So, I pull away, lightly and tenderly and answer him.

"It can't happen…" My voice is shaky, as is my body. Oh, how I wish it could happen. I'd let him take me, right here on the counter, right here on the floor. I don't care about being romantic, or soft, or sweet. I want him. My desire is written all over my face and he can see it.

"I know…" He trembles too and doesn't stop caressing my back, my shoulders. I have to be strong if I want to explain. I escape him, sliding under his arm. I don't break the connection, though. I take his hand and pull him to the closest table. He sits with a resigned huff and stares expectantly at me. My mouth opens then closes and then, there it is, my savior.

"Do you want some coffee, there's a fresh pot?" If he says no, I'm going to start crying. I need a semblance of normalcy in all this craziness.

"Yes, I'd love some." His smile says he understands and that he needs a raft too, because he's drowning, like me.

I pour the coffee, take our cups with sugar to the table and to him. His face is unreadable, but his posture is stiff. He looks like he's bracing for what's coming next.

"Edward, you have to let me talk. I need to tell you…so many things. If you interrupt me, I won't be able to say them again. Do you agree?" I finish timidly, thinking that my needs and demands are going to drive him away.

"Yes, talk and then, it will be my turn." He is almost defiant, like he wants to prove a point. What he doesn't know is that I love him so much that if he talked first, I'd surrender to him completely. Hell, I'd drag him to the counter again. Unless he wants to stop…

"Edward…" I interrupt my inner ramblings and take a deep breath. "When I met you, you blew me away. I looked at you and …I don't know, something clicked. I thought you were the smartest and…and…th-the most beautiful person I'd ever seen. Then, I learned to know you, and…oh god, you were as beautiful inside as outside. I started feeling things I thought I'd never find. You were…you are different from other men. Yet, you're a boy."

I'm interrupted by a soft sound. I look at him and he's crying. Tears are rolling on his cheeks and still, he's smiling. Like I gave him the world. I force myself to continue and not huddle in his arms.

"We kissed and everything changed. I realized that maybe, my feelings weren't one-sided. I wanted you so much back then…I want you right now. But…" My face falls and so does his.

"It can never happen between us Edward, you know that. We're in an unfair situation but we have no choice. I'm your teacher, you're my student. You're seventeen years old. It's plain impossible and wrong. I have to be the strong one, here because I…I don't want to do this but I have to. We have to work together but we can never be together." I realize I'm crying as well and I think good He has to know that it hurts you, that you don't have a heart of steal.

He clears his throat. His face is stern and vulnerable, his apparent severity denied by the tenderness of his eyes. They show everything, they truly are the mirror of his soul. What a beautiful soul he has.

"Ok, I'm going to talk now if you don't mind. What you said just now…really upset me and I need to get things off my chest." He sighs and struggles to keep his composure. I understand, it was hard for me as well.

"When I met you, my life had no meaning. I had just lost my dad, moved to a strange place. I had no …real reason for living. I saw you that day, a couple weeks ago and I knew. I had met the one person that could give my life meaning. You helped me cope with my dad's death, even though you didn't know it. You believed in me, believed that we could work together as partners and equals. I was proud of that, I am proud of that still." His façade cracks a little and he puts his face in his hands, pulling his hair. Oh, how I want to do that for him, when I'm under him.

"You won me, from the first second. I fell for you, completely. You made me hard that first day, you know that? And every time I see you, smell you, or touch you, I'm hard Bella." I'm goo, on the floor, stunned from his crude words. He means them, and he wants to provoke me too. God, it works, I'm so wet under his gaze, hypnotized.

"Bella, my age won't be a problem for long. I'll be 18 on May 13th, in a couple of months. I'll be…legal, right? No jail bait anymore. Please, baby, please consider us, consider me…" He's begging me and breaking my heart. If he knew how much I want this, how much I don't let myself fall into his waiting arms.

"We still can't. You are my student and we have to work together. And I'm so much older than you…It could never work, with your mother and the gossip…" I'm scum, I'm a coward.

"We can do the work, Bella and still be together. No one will know, baby, no one I swear…" His voice is like honey, soothing my wounds. I'm his baby.

"It's impossible." I state firmly, even though I want to cry.

"Is it about Mr. Grant? You're dating him, aren't you? I saw you last night!" He's yelling now, his frustration getting the better of him.

"No, I'm not dating him, I promise. I wanted to forget about the …k-kiss in your room, about you. But I couldn't. It doesn't change anything though, nothing more can happen between us Edward. I'll see you in school and to work on our presentation, but that's it." I see him, his fists are closed and silent tears are rolling on his face.

"Fine, if that's how you want it. There's nothing more to say."

He stands up, slowly, watching me the whole time and leaves, walking backwards. The bell rings when the door closes on him.

Author standing stoically, waiting for tomatoes to fly at her…Keep the faith, people keep the faith…Next chapter, probably Wednesday! XO Steph