A/N: Yes, an early update! Bella had things to say :). Thanks for everyone reading, you make my day, especially when I get the little "pong" noise telling me I've got reviews…So, you know what to do. Hope you enjoy! I own nothing but a mean Chai latte.
I always thought Kate was a stupid name for a girl. So generic and ordinary. Ok, it's a lie! I had never given much thought to the name Kate before today. I never had any reasons to. Now, I want to seize that girl by her stupid golden hair and throw her out of the room. I also want to throw everybody else out of the room and be alone with Edward. I also want to beg him to forget all the nonsense I said before and love me again.
But then, he never said he loved me. It was close enough, though. I gave meaning to his life, that's what he said. You give meaning to someone's life, it means they love you right? Apparently not. It means they move on the next day with a little slut named Kate.
I knew I was being unfair, irrational even. I had never felt this angry and sad before. I had never felt anything that intensely before, period. I was realizing slowly and painfully that this beautiful creature, this wonderful boy, man would never be mine. The worst part was that I had done it, I had pushed him away.
Kate and Edward seem eager to offer me a show of their affections. Well, she is anyway. I can't help but notice he's more guarded and quiet than her. Maybe he's embarrassed that I see him with his new girl. His girl. Not new girl. I was never his.
I'm a patient person but when she starts groping him at the end of class, I lose it and I lash out on him. I can't resolve myself to be cold to her, or speak to her period. I can pretend she doesn't exist that way. After my harsh demand, she finally unglues herself from him and gives me a sheepish smile. She goes out of the room and we're alone.
Edward stares at me. I can't help but swallow. His eyes are so intense and piercing. I'm sure he sees right through me and is laughing at me right now. He doesn't smile though, he just stares and stays mute. The only sign he gives away is the light shaking of his hands holding his books.
"Mr. Cullen, I needed to talk to you about the project." I finally cave.
"So, it's back to Mr. Cullen, now?" He asks, his voice angry and cold.
"Well, we should be formal with each other, don't you think?" I try to remain professional even though I want to kiss him with all I have, more than ever before. I love you, I was wrong.
"If you say so…" He sighs, his eyes bored. My heart is in my throat. "What did you want to tell me?"
"I wanted to know if you had made any progress. I have worked on a couple of sketches, have you?" During my nights of insomnia, thinking of him, I had been quite inspired.
"Yes, I have actually. I could show them to you on Friday if you want." His voice is softer but still neutral.
"Ok, I'll show you mine and then we can choose the ones we want to associate to the two first poems." Go Bella, cool, collected. Delusional.
"Alright then. Well, Miss Swan…" I flinch and he smiles sadly. "I need to go to class, I'll see you Friday."
He goes out from the room, leaving me breathless and desperate. The message is clear, he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. I should be relieved, ready to move on. But I'm not. I want to crawl in bed and cry until I'm empty of tears.
The next couple of days are eventless, boring. They're also a blessing. I can distance myself from him and all this drama. Well, except when I happen to see him in the hall with Kate, smiling at her and holding her hand affectionately. I've never wanted to kill someone, until now.
The worst part is I can't talk to anybody about all this. I have to get over him and I have to endure it all by myself. Alice is perceptive and sees something's wrong with me but I reveal nothing. Instead, I listen to her raving about Miss Rosalie Hale and her bad attitude in her class. The girl sounds just like a delightful treat and Alice, at her wit's end, has asked her father to come to school and talk about her. It seems the girl only lives with him, because her mother died last year.
Alice also reminds me of our girls night Friday, with Kate and Tanya. Great, another Kate to add to the mix. Wonderful. See, I told you it was a stupid, generic name. I'm grateful to Alice, though. One night out should make me feel better.
After class on Friday morning, Edward and I decide to choose "Tu chériras la mer" and "L'invitation au voyage" as our first two poems of Baudelaire to use. We prudently stay away from anything too passionate or sexual. The electricity between us hasn't decreased, not on my side anyway. Especially when he's all sexy and yummy in this black shirt and those tight jeans.
I decide to look pretty tonight. I don't go out a lot and this is also the perfect way to forget about my pathetic life and have fun. Hell, I could even dance with a guy or two if given the chance. After all, I'm perfectly free to do it. I'm not tied to anyone. Yes, keep telling yourself that. Shut up.
I join the girls at Castaways, a club in Port Angeles around nine. The music is already booming and loud. There are a lot of people, of all ages, including some teenagers who probably had to show fake IDs. I snort because it reminds me of my high school years. I just hope I won't see any student, I need this night to let go of the horror that was last week.
Alice is very bouncy tonight, even more than usual. She tells me about the "delicious" Mr. Hale, Rosalie's father, whose name is apparently Jasper and who swept her off her feet. She met him yesterday and they have a date tomorrow night. I envy the simplicity of it. Meet someone, going for dinner and a movie.
Alice also approves of my outfit tonight, a simple but slightly provocative black and white dress. She's not the only one apparently. A couple of men approach me and I dance with them. I have fun but I don't want it to go any further.
The second one, Paul seems to have a problem with the concept and keeps rubbing my arms and slurring drunken words in my ear. In the end, I try to bolt but he grips my wrist. I'm about to slap him and give him a piece of my mind when a guy brutally sends us flying into someone behind us. I collide with a hard body and the hairs on my neck take notice. So does my nose, recognizing the sweet and masculine scent instantly.
I face him, my eyes closed in despair because I can't seem to catch a break. In all his godlike beauty, Edward is here and his eyes are tender and shining. I've made up my mind. If he still wants me, I'm his.
See, she just needed a little push ;). Please review. XO Steph.
