Chapter Ten: Breaking barriers.
As Cooper trudged back to his room he couldn't decide if an afternoon of rolling about in the mud pretending to care if his team managed to throw themselves over obstacles quicker than any other was better or worse than a morning spent being forced to talk about his feelings.
"Cheer up Coop, we can't all be winners" Charlotte's voice clattered him as she beat him to their room.
"It's not about winning, it's..." Cooper began to defend himself, his protest came out a little more serious than he had planned and he realised that he sounded like a bad loser.
"Whatever Coop..." Charlotte said casually as she peeled the muddy clothes from her body and headed towards the shower. She smiled to herself as she shut the door, she knew Cooper wasn't enjoying the weekend and she knew he was doing his best to give the impression that he was but she still enjoyed teasing him, still enjoyed seeing him act like a spoilt child.
Addison quickly pulled a top over her head and combed her fingers through her wet hair, grabbing her key from the dressing table she headed out of the door. She had already planned her excuses in the shower, if she was caught in the hall way she would do her best to look innocent by insisting she needed to borrow Sam's phone to check on Maya. As she had stoood under the warming shower formulating her excuses she'd realised that them spending time together was a lot less suspicious than either of them realised, they were colleagues, friends, them spending time together was natural, expected even. Still, they both knew they were hiding something and that if they were caught together there was every chance that Naomi would find out before they told her themselves and that was the one thing they wanted to avoid. Armed with her excuses Addison slipped out of her room and into the hotel corridor. She padded beside Violet's room and found herself at Sam's door. She knocked lightly, not wanting to alert anyone else to her presence. She stood patiently as she waited for Sam to open the door and allow her to slip inside the safety of the room. No reply. She knocked again, this time the door opened and a thick wall of steam hit her face. For a split second she struggled to catch her breath before the steam parted to reveal Sam clad in only a towel and the remains of the shower that Addison had interrupted. Sam smiled as he was confronted by a nervous looking Addison and was that a flash of embarrassment on her face? He grinned as he opened the door wider to let her in.
"Interesting timing" he teased, a hint of seduction in his voice.
"I...thought you'd be...I didn't.." Addison's words made her sound like a love struck school girl.
Sam stood aside to let her in, he relaxed as he inhaled the familiar smell of her clean skin. He thought back to earlier in the afternoon, to the 'team building exercise' that was the obstacle course, how had she managed to look so utterly flawless in a jumpsuit and mud?
Addison entered the room and headed towards the bed, she knew they had to talk, to continue what they had started and as difficult as it was for her she knew she had to do it, she wanted to do it, she knew that if she wanted this to work she needed to be honest with Sam and with herself.
Sam took the towel from around his waist and wiped the remaining moisture from his skin, he noticed Addison look away momentarily as he revealed his body, there was a lot for both of them to adjust to and he too had times when his body disguised the thoughts that flowed through his mind and he forgot that he had the privileges of being hers. He threw on some clothes and joined her on the edge of the bed. As he sat down beside her he took a second to take in her face, he had spent the entire weekend trying to avoid staring at her but now they were alone and he had as much time as he wanted to look at her.
"What?" Addison questioned as Sam looked intently at her.
Sam smiled in response, he loved the way her face showed her feelings, the way her eyes told a story.
"What Sam?" Addison asked again.
"How could they let you get away?" Sam's own voice surprised him, he hadn't meant to voice his thoughts.
"Sam?" Addison's question searched deeper than she had meant it to, she wasn't altogether sure she was ready to know what was behind Sam's thoughts.
"I'm sorry, I just.." Sam came tumbling back to reality where he was faced with a pensive Addison as she waited for his explanation, an explanation to a question he hadn't meant to voice, not aloud anyway. "Derek and Mark," He continued "how could they let you go, how could they stand to lose you?"
Addison sighed, she had forgotten that Sam hadn't seen the confused mess she was in New York and again in Seattle, he hadn't seen the person she had spent so long trying to forget, that he hadn't seen her hurt the people who had tried to love her, the Addison that had been too scared to be loved.
"Oh Sam," she sighed deeply "Mark, Derek, Seattle, that was a long time ago, things were different then, I was different then" Addison tried to explain. "I did things...things I regret things..." Addison struggled to explain herself, it was a struggle but she wanted to do it, wanted to do it for Sam.
Sam took her hand and moved closer to her "Shh," he demanded as he smoothed a wet, stray piece of hair from her forehead. She didn't need to say any more, he knew what had happened in Seattle, what had happened with Derek and Mark and he knew what it took her to open up to him, to begin to talk to him about it. "You have to allow yourself to be happy Addison, you deserve to be happy, no matter what has happened to you in the past, no matter what you've done you deserve to be happy."
Addison took a deep breath, this is what they were here to talk about and she was glad it was Sam who had broached the subject, she didn't know where to start.
"I...I'm not sure I even know what happiness is Sam, I mean there have been times, in the past, when I thought I was happy but if it was there it was only in moments, moments when the hurt wasn't as bad, moments when the pain was numbed by...by...sex and..." Addison felt exposed, as if she had finally begun to strip away the layers of protection she had built around herself, the layers that had become thick and hard to penetrate.
"Addison you have to trust me..." Sam began
"I do Sam I trust you, I..." Addison was quick to assure Sam
"You have to trust," Sam continued, brushing aside Addison's interruption "you have to trust that I'm not going to let you run, that when things get hard I'm not going to let you hide, let you try and bury your feelings, you have to trust that I'm going to be strong, that I'm going to be there no matter how bad it gets, you have to trust that I love you."
Sam's words sent shivers down Addison's spine as they reverberated around her body, he wanted her, he wanted to be there for her and she, she wanted him to be.
Addison leant forward and allowed her body to relax into Sam's, letting him comfort her, letting him be there for her. Sam's hands soothed her back, making small circles at the base of her spine. Addison moved closer to Sam, longing to feel his skin against hers, longing for more of the comfort he was giving. Sam held her as he lowered himself back into the pillow behind him, letting his body succumb to the comfort of the bed beneath him. Addison's body showed no signs of resistance as she followed Sam's lead and relaxed into his body, allowing her head to rest on Sam's shoulder.
"I love you too Sam" Addison whispered as she closed her eyes and enjoyed the comfort of Sam's steady breathing.
The comforting, calm silence was soon broken by a series of knocks at the door. Addison slowly opened her eyes, forgetting, for a second, where she was, forgetting that she was not at home, not in Sam's bed.
"Sam," Cooper's voice travelled through the door "Sam open up."
Reality dawned and Addison and Sam both bolted from the bed. Addison, smoothing her head as she stood, made her way over to the easy chair by the window and tried to look at casual and inconspicuous as possible.
Sam checked the room as he walked towards a door and after eliciting a nod of composure from Addison he opened the door to greet Cooper.
"Sam," Cooper stated as he walked into the room "Addison" he said taken aback by her presence. "We were waiting for you, downstairs., we..."
"Yeah, sure sorry Cooper, Addison and I we were just.." Sam cut in to save the situation from becoming anymore confusing than it needed to be.
"We were, I was just using Sam's phone to check on Maya." Addison quickly cut in, sounding a little rehearsed.
"Sure," responded Cooper, he noted a hint of something in the room, something he couldn't quite put his finger on, something strange, out of place.
"But we're ready now," Sam said in an enthusiastic voice, verbally motioning Addison to follow his lead.
"Yeah, we're ready," Addison assured moving from her chair to the doorway as the three of the exited the room "So Cooper, you were pretty good on the assault course today huh?" Addison's distracting flattery rang through the hallway as Sam shut the door behind them and the three friends headed down to the hotel bar to join Charlotte and Violet.
