Required Reading
Looks like the little "broom issue" awake my mother's human side, so she let us take the weekend off. It's obvious I finished my explosive snap game, winning gloriously from Sirius (winner's dance, here) and we still had enough time to play some quidditch (winner's dance here, again). But, as between James and eternal fun there's a wall named "closet", Sirius and I had to go there again Monday morning.
XXX
Things you may do on a Monday morning:
1: Cry
2: Sleep
3: Cry and then sleep
4: Get in a bad mood
5: Jinx Slimeball (in case of school time)
Things you can't do on a Monday morning:
1: Be happy
2: Homework
3: Jump off a cliff
4: Paint a wall
XXX
Completely disobeying my list of "things you can't do on a Monday morning", there we went, brave martyrs, move more dust. After a while reading some of the articles that were there, I asked myself three simple questions:
1 - Are wizards that stupid?
2 – Are muggles that stupid?
3 – Was my father looking forwards to be a journalist, and that's why he keeps all this trash?
"James, just listen to this: flying pigs are seen in Bristol. Farmer who swears seeing the swine was taken to examination. What kind of idiot would make pigs fly?"
See what I mean?
"Dunno, the same idiot who makes a dancing broomstick. Look at this: if you want shinny eyes, use some gel. Just put it in your eyes, blink, and they'll shine like the sun. This was on a muggle newspaper. Sirius?"
"Damn it, Prongs."
What?
"A 1940 edition of Witch Weekly."
"Who are the hottest? Dumbledore or Merlin?"
"Nah, there are tips on how to customize Hogwarts' uniforms… How to put butterflies, hearts… Ew."
I laughed and picked up another pile of papers.
"An article about Grindwauld! From the time Dumbledore still had his ginger head, Sirius."
"He was ginger head?"
"Yep! Bizarre, hun, imagine Evans older…"
"HAHAHAHAHAH"
"Why are you laughing?"
"Imagine Evans…"
"I wasn't joking."
Sirius stared at me with that stupid sarcastic smile he's got.
"Don't tell me you're fancying Evans."
"I'm not, but she's beautiful."
"Ok, maybe. But she's friends with Snape! There must be more slime inside her things that in those weird pots on potions' class."
"I've heard they've been arguing."
"For instance, if you're gonna kiss her ask for washing hands."
Poor, innocent Sirius. I guess he didn't hear what Evans thinks of me.
"She hates me, Padfoot. Tells everyone that she would rather see me dead or worse…"
"Do you remember where we left that love book?"
"The forties' techniques?"
"Yeah."
"They might work…"
I pictured myself singing romantically for Evans (number 39) and then she tearing my vocal chords.
"And maybe she gets mad at me and does something terrible."
XXX
Possible fates for James Potter in case he hits on Lily Evans:
1 – Death
2 – Losing hands, feet, internal organs and related
3 – Memory Loss
4 – Deafness (have you heard her screaming?)
5 – Any physical and/or psychological damage. Possible or impossible.
XXX
"Interesting stuff."
Define "interesting."
"Found skeleton of a two headed wizard."
Wrong definition.
"Something worth it there?"
"Actually… No. But hey, this mermaid wanted authorization to marry a puffskein."
Conclusion: we're normal.
"Something about polar puffskeins?"
"No, we're going to be pioneers in this."
"I don't wanna appear in such magazine!"
"We can hide our findings..."
XXX
Now, friends, Sirius and I made a list of the ten weirdest headlines we found. Enjoy:
1 – "Sled runs over doxy on the Caribbean."
Sirius: How stupid, doxies don't live in hot places.
James: How can someone be blind enough to run over a doxy? And what the hell was a sled doing on the Caribbean?
2 – "Merlin's ghost is seen."
Sirius: I refuse to say anything.
James: Idem
3 – "Woman throws her husband through the window because he complained of her cold food."
Sirius: Never ever comment with a woman about her food.
James: This would be my destiny in case I married Lily Evans.
4 – "How to climb the stairs in ten simple steps."
Sirius: I want this manual.
James: I do not want this manual.
5 – "10 Reasons to buy golf balls."
Sirius: What is golf?
James: What is golf? (2)
6 – "Nifflers find diamonds"
Sirius: I want those Nifflers.
James: I want that diamond they found.
7 – "Chudley Cannons favourite for the championship."
Sirius: This is really old.
James: This is a lie.
8 –"Cursed teacup kills two people."
Sirius: James, I think this is your uncle's.
James: I think so too
9 – "Turkish chicks on the ballet."
Sirius: Why is this here?
James: the right question would be: why someone would be interested in this?
10 – "With this new trend of shoed with springs, you too can jump around!"
Sirius: Jumping shoes?
James: This is so stupid.
Sirius: Yeah.
