A/N: Brace yourselves people, it's not going to be pretty! You have been warned! Thank you to all who are sticking by this.

POTTER & EVANS

The next day James unearthed himself from a mound of blankets and crawled to his hands and knees. Disorientated and dizzy it took him more than a few minutes to come to the conclusion that he was in the Room of Requirement and that he was suffering the classic symptoms of a bad hangover.

Hindered by a heavy head and a pounding ache on his temples he tried to rouse Sirius and Peter.

"Padfoot, OI!" His gentle prodding quickly gave way to unforgiving sharp jabs. Sirius grunted and mumbled something unintelligible before falling silent again. "Get up man! OI Fleabag! It's morning!" Had James the strength and will he would have gotten up and given him a nice solid kick; it wasn't like he would feel it when he was bullet proofed in those thick blankets anyway.

Talking about blankets, where on earth did they come from? A mystery in itself and James wasn't about to over exert his brain given its delicate condition to figure it out. He gave Sirius another fruitless jab before moving onto Peter.

Only one set of blankets was unoccupied. Unsurprisingly Remus was already up and gone. That boy seemed to be able to get up for lessons regardless of wind, rain, flu or even hangovers. He'd once turned up to class with a raging fever and still managed to take several feet worth of notes more than James and Sirius combined. Mind you that wasn't too difficult since James' notes averaged maybe a small quarter of a foot in any subject and Sirius' was perhaps the title plus one word accompanied with a lot of doodling.

Peter whimpered in his sleep and Sirius resisted all attempts to be awoken. "Sod it." James got onto his feet unsteadily and tested his coordination with a few uneasy steps. He needed to shower and swallow a few gallons of water judging by his parched throat, then just maybe he would consider turning up to his first lesson. Moony would have a hard time explaining why three of his roommates were missing and the 'they've got the stomach bug' excuse is starting to become transparent owing over usage throughout the years.

Half an hour later James was feeling marginally refreshed and sat at the breakfast table nursing a strong mug of coffee. The dorm had been empty and Remus was nowhere to be seen at the table. James was mildly curious to his whereabouts but figured that his friend had probably gotten over zealous and was hard at work in the library. How he was able to do it, when James assessed how simply crap he currently felt after last night was way beyond him.

Someone tapped him lightly on the shoulder and a warm smile brightened his tired face reflexively. He swiveled around with a greeting. "Hi L-" His eyes fell on strawberry blonde curls instead of the fiery red he'd been expecting and he choked on his words. He coughed and quickly took a gulp of his coffee, which happened to be a bit too hot, and he choked some more.

" James! Are you okay?" Joey cried patting him on his back while he doubled over.

James continued to cough while blood rushed to his face.

Lily.

Everything that he'd tried so hard to drink away flooded back. He turned his head too abruptly and he felt a click…but there she was eating quietly whilst her friends chattered around her.

Something in his chest tightened. She looked…radiant. Her eye-catching hair gave off its usual glossy glow and her eyes were alive with light and he looked...a mess. His shirt was crumpled and his tie looked like a stringy knot around his neck. The glimpses of his face in the bathroom mirror hadn't been nice and he'd nicked himself shaving.

"I'm sorry." Joey said still looking very concerned and nervous. "Here." She handed him a fresh cup of pumpkin juice, which he accepted gratefully. He sat there forcing his focus away from Lily; his odd behavior must be scaring the poor sixth year.

"Not your fault." James said hoarsely and swallowed some more juice to calm his burning throat and his pounding brain. He felt like he'd drunk an ice cold drink too hastily on a hot day, somehow he'd achieved a brain freeze while trying to drown himself with juice. "I was just surprised… by how lovely you look with your hair in curls." He smiled meekly hoping to put her at ease.

Joey went very red and tucked a newly curled lock behind her ear apprehensively. She hadn't expected him to notice something as trivial as her hair. Her heart warmed.

It wasn't often that she dared to come close enough to talk to James but now that she was this close she couldn't help but drink in everything about him in. He looked tired, with dark circles under his normally bright eyes and pale skinned.

"Something on my face?" his hand went up to the cut on his chin thinking that that was what caught her eye.

Joey went impossibly scarlet. She'd been staring. "Uh no." she stuttered. In truth she'd drawn the short straw again and was sent as a representative to quietly probe him for the latest gossip on his status. Had he really broken up with Lily? What Joey wanted to know if it was try was why?

However, it was much harder than when they had discussed the topic back in the safety of their room. It was a personal question no matter what way she looked at it and every second longer that she stood there made it even harder to ask.

"Uh…I had better get back. Bye!" she half ran back to her table leaving James puzzled. "Weird." He summed up and went back to mulling over how insanely crap he felt. He cradled his sore head; the coughing had racked and mixed his brain around a little too much. He turned his head to the side so that he could see Lily.

Lily.

He knew now, how deeply his thoughtless comment about Snape had hurt her. Otherwise she would not have told Cerise that they had broken up. In retrospect he thought his initial response: to drink it all away, was foolish. He hadn't apologized or spoken to her, she didn't know that he was sorry.

He stood up abruptly. He would speak to her but first he needed his brain to work, and for that he needed to see Madam Pomfrey. She had remedies for memory loss, head colds and even leaky ears syndrome, surely she would have something to ease his hangover. With that hopeful thought in mind he hurried away to the medical wing.

Lily watched him leave from a distance where she sat sandwiched between Cerise and some other friends. He was up to something, she could feel it as positively as she could feel dread building up in the pit of her stomach.

It would not be like him to leave things as they are. No, he would tell her in person that they couldn't be together. He would explain why as well, in his own Jamie way he would tell her that he couldn't be happy with her. She knew that he would do it, not to hurt her but for her understanding.

It was cruel. She would have preferred it if turned around and told her that he was only messing about, that he didn't really care for her and that he just wanted to see if the ice queen had a heart. At least then she could be angry and demonize him. But alas this was not the case, this was all because of her, the fault was hers and hers alone.

Lily blinked away some wetness in her lashes. It was hard not to drown in self-pity when it seemed that anyone who had ever mattered to her was snatched cruelly away and the only person she could blame was herself.

Without a word Lily left her unfinished breakfast and wandered away wondering if her heart had broken.

---

The second lesson of the day was Transfiguration, James had already missed the first one but he had gotten what he'd wanted. After much pleading and begging Madam Pomfrey had given in and administered an evil concoction that smelt and tasted like old socks with mold. Pinching his nose James had thrown it down his throat without hesitation while the matron lectured him about drinking in the school, drinking too much and then drinking in general. He sat there for the full fifteen minutes like a naughty student ready to reform under her reprimands and waited for the miracle potion to happen.

To his disappointment he didn't suddenly feel like he could take the world on, his sleepiness and want for crawling into a warm bed lingered still.

"That's because you stayed up too late!" Madam Pomfrey snapped when he wondered aloud whether she had fed him a crack potion just to see him suffer.

But eventually his headache eased and the heaviness faded. James was thankful for small favors especially since it was a vast improvement from how he'd felt just minutes before. With a promise to be good and to drink responsibly James left.

Now he twiddled his wand between his fingers, eager for the opportunity to talk to Lily but it looked like it wouldn't take place any time soon. McGonagall marched up and down the room talking about various spells whilst James looked around bored, his gaze returning to Lily every now and again.

To his surprise Remus was not present. Maybe he had changed his mind and had gone back to bed? For once he was the one left to explain the absence of his friends. Under McGonagall's suspicious hot stare James had lied through his teeth and swore that Sirius had the flu and Peter had poisoned himself in Herbology. Remus, he claimed was still 'ill' which could have been true since the full moon had passed not that long ago.

She must have let off by the skin of his nose because at the mention of Remus' illness she released him from her questioning because she didn't want to draw any further attention to the matter.

James was left to himself and he spent most of it rehearsing his apology with his wand pointing at nothing in particular until he accidentally transfigured some spare quills into a bunch of lilies. The transfiguration caught him off guard and he quickly brushed them into his bag and transfigured them to roses before anyone caught him. He had too much of Lily on his mind already and he could give the roses to Lily…if she forgave him.

Out of the corner of her eye Lily saw James move suddenly and fumble with something before he sat up straight looking guilty. She didn't know what to make of it and tried harder not to look at him. He in turn tried to catch her eye many times but she pretended not to notice in attempt to put the inevitability off just a little while longer, but she knew that even longer wasn't enough.

It appeared that James had decided to deliver the inevitable when he approached her in the evening.

"Lily."

He was met with a stony silence.

"Can we talk outside please?" He asked quietly. Peter and Cerise as well as every other Gryffindor in the room were pretending that they were not listening but they both knew that all of them were a rapt audience. Only Sirius appeared to be openly watching. Despite their audience James feared that Lily might decline purely on the basis of stubbornness but to his relief she nodded curtly and stood up.

"I'll be back soon." She said to the girls and followed James out of the common room. For minutes the silence between them stretched on as he lead the way to the astronomy tower where he knew they would not be disturbed.

Once the door to the tower was closed James turned to Lily. Lily pressed her lips together waiting for those dreaded words, but what he said next caught her off guard.

"I'm… sorry."

An odd lump formed in the back of her throat. Why couldn't he be horrible and just dump her? Why did he have to be all nice about it? It was over, she could understand that.

When he received nothing he fumbled on. "There were some things that I shouldn't have said…about you and Sniv- Snape I mean." He waited for some sort of retort and was very surprised when he received nothing, not even a glare.

"Lily?"

"There's no need to apologize."

"Of course there is! I was being stupid, I didn't stop to think of what I was saying-"

"Don't apologize!" The more apologetic he was the more her resolve crumbled and she needed every last grain of it she could muster. "I don't need you to apologize." She repeated quietly.

James was suddenly at loss for words. He had expected her to be angry but this…he didn't know what the hell it was but it was scary.

He tried again. "I guess I was jealous. I wanted it to be me that you wanted to talk to not him. Heck I want it to be me that you go to for cuddles and be sweet to…not that you're not sweet to me or anything!"

James dug both hands into his hair feeling like he should rip it out. Looking at the space between Lily and himself was like looking a pile of extremely tangled and knotted string that he was supposed to undo. His attempt so far was pitiful; he was grabbing handfuls of whatever he could and pulling blindly not knowing which he should untie first and lost at how it had gotten into such a thriving mess in the first place.

Lily bit her lip. It was more painful than she could have ever imagined. All he needed was to say it and be done. "Just say it."

She'd said it so quietly that James had to move closer. "Sorry?"

Lily took in a long shaky breath. "Just say it." She repeated and to her dismay the tears that had been threatening to fall slid down her cheeks. The tough exterior she was hoping to hide behind was rapidly cracking and falling to pieces.

"Say what! Oh shit, Lily I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry." James went forwards his arms outstretched but she waved him away leaving him even more confused and guilt ridden. He'd never made a girl cry before and he definitely never wanted to make Lily cry.

"I'm sorry." Lily sniffed looking upward to the inky night through the skylights.

"Don't be. I'm the one who's been a git." James said feeling more awful by the second as more tears slipped from her eyes.

"No, it's my fault. But I'd really appreciate it if you'd just say it."

"Uh…" James had no idea what she was expecting him to say and it looked like there was no way out of it except by asking. "Say?"

"That you want to break up, that's it's not going to work, that it's over etc etc etc."

James' jaw dropped. Was there some huge gap in his memory? If so he blamed that moldy socks potion. "Why on earth would I say that?"

"Because," she sniffed, "that's what you want."

"Uh no, I'm pretty sure that's not what I want."

Now it was Lily's turn to be confused. "What?"

"What I want is to apologize, for you not to be mad at me for saying all that stuff about Snape. I also want to apologize for not speaking to you sooner because if I had we could avoided some confusion it seems."

"Oh." Lily's thoughts raced, running marathons at incredible speeds. So he wasn't planning on breaking up with her but the fundamental situation hadn't changed. His conversation with Sirius echoed in every one of her thoughts.

"Sometimes, things don't work out. It doesn't matter how much we try to make it to work, sometimes it just doesn't. Be honest to yourself. If you had to describe your time with her in one word what would you say?"

"I guess…it's been…hard….".

In that split second her mind was made up. "That doesn't change anything. Whether you say it or not, I can't make you happy." Amongst the mess that resided in her mind she began to understand that they still couldn't be together, she just couldn't do that to him. She did not want to be the source of his unhappiness.

Sure, he might feel bad for a while but it would soon fade and he would move on. There were hundreds of Lily's out there for him, each of them able to offer him much more than she could give.

Life was precious, she did not want him to look back and question all those difficult times she had given him. She wanted him to look back and smile fondly at the wonderful times he'd shared with someone special.

"I don't understand." James felt like someone had just pulled the rug he had been standing on and maybe he'd hit his head on the way down.

Lily laughed sadly, her normally musical voice twisted in the empty tower. "You have everyone to love you James One less isn't going to make much difference." Lily turned her back to him unable to maintain eye contact. He was giving her the patented James Potter look that could melt glaciers. His eyes were dark and beseeching, confused and with boyish innocence all at the same time. Surely it was wrong for someone to be able to say so much with just one look? But that was precisely what James was doing.

The silence dragged on before James spoke. "It does make a difference, a big one in fact. James doesn't need everyone to love him…but he was hoping that Lily Evans would you know…love him."

Lily's hands went to her chest where something invisible stabbed in and left an open wound. She clutched at a lock of hair and squeezed it into a fist. Why did he have to talk like that? Why couldn't he just say 'I' instead of referring himself as a third person? Because it makes it easier for him…Lily bit her lip. She would make it easier for both of them.

"She doesn't." To her surprise James was suddenly behind her, spinning her around to face him.

"She does!" He insisted stubbornly.

"She doesn't!"

"Does!" He gave her a little shake about the shoulders. "I know what you girls think. I hear it all the time! 'You boys are so insensitive; you wouldn't feel a stinging hex even if it hit you on the face!' Okay, so maybe sometimes it can be true but that doesn't mean that we don't feel at all! I'm not the most sensitive person in the world but I'm not dead! I feel…I feel…something and I know you feel it too! I can sense it! The least you can do is not lie to me! Don't you think that you could at least offer me an explanation?" He finished unconsciously pleading to the intellectual part of her mind. "I've felt this every day since I met you, it's consuming and it burns! How can you say to me now that you haven't felt a single thing? Not even a flutter?"

Lily's heart responded even though her mind refused her body the same reaction. She refused to answer his question instead she said something that she truly meant from the bottom of her heart. "I'm sorry I'm so hard to be with." She couldn't help but quote. That one little word had acted like a broken splinter embedded so deep that she couldn't pry it out, not even now.

Something in her sentence struck a chord and something clicked into sense.

"Lily, I don't suppose you…did you…were…did you hear…something?" he managed after many false starts. "Something that I said yesterday?"

"Would it matter?"

"I think it would."

She squirmed out from under his hands. "Don't make this hard James. I'm trying to make the right decision."

"And what decision is that?" he demanded fully intrigued in what earth shattering reason there was behind it all.

"I can't see anything…between you and I…like in the future." She was fishing for words and they both knew it.

James threw his hands up in exasperation. "You were never good at Divination any way!"

"We have nothing in common."

"So what? Opposites attract."

"I'll never change."

"So? Neither will I."

"That's the whole point! Neither of us will ever change! We're both fixed to where we are! It's…it's…" she searched in vain for words when her eyes fell on the model depicting planetary movement. "It's like I'm this one here and you're that one." She pointed to two orbs mounted on two separate spindles. We orbit but not once do we touch-"

"Lily, I'm having trouble understanding this as it is, I think a model of balls on sticks will only confuse me more."

"Okay, bad analogy but the point is, you and I will never reach a meeting point."

"In that case, there will be a meeting point!" He said forcefully. His frustration was mounting up impressively and for once he was pretty certain that he wasn't the one with the thick skull.

"But there isn't." Lily replied sadly and touched the model, her gentle push setting it into motion. Planets and stars began to spin, each on it's own axis. "There isn't."

James shook his head from disbelief. "I can't believe you're saying this…after everything that we've been through."

Lily stopped the spinning constellations and planet and looked away. "You'll be happier with someone who doesn't give you misery. Like Joey or someone..."

He crossed his arms unable to hide his bitterness any longer. "Are you selling me off to your friends?"

"No! I'm not really friends with her."

"What so now you're pawning me off to strangers? Bloody great!"

"Say what you like James, I know you are angry but give it some time and you'll understand that we'll never work out because I cannot give you happiness."

Angry doesn't even come near to what I feel. How could she? What gave her the right to decide on what she thought was best for them? To hell with she 'couldn't give him happiness' because she was his happiness. This in itself was a revelation even to James himself but he was too preoccupied to be in awe of it. "Well it seems you got it very well planned out except you've forgotten one very important thing."

"And that is?"

Instead of answering he drew painfully near, Lily back pedaled but he refused to be put off and ended up backing Lily up against the door. His face was so close to hers that her breath caught in her throat when she thought he might kiss her. His body physically pressed her back with his elbows resting on the wall on either side of head.

She wanted to protest but her voice was all but lost. He was too close; he was leaning down, the side of his nose brushed feather light against hers and his lips were just a hair away from her open mouth. Lily had never felt so torn in her life. Was she not so petrified with her overwhelming emotions she could easily melt under his touches and burn in his kiss.

But he did not lean any closer to kiss her; even now he was giving her the choice of whether she would close the tiny distance between them and seal it with a kiss. To him, this was seven years worth of emotions and to her, this was the difference between making the right and the wrong decision. She could end it here or she could selfishly give in and drag the pain out for both.

"What about the person in question? How do you think he feels?" He breathed. Lily began to protest and move away but he kept her securely locked into place. "Do you love me, Lily?" he asked softly, his lips almost touching hers as he spoke.

Lily's mind twittered like a caged bird. "What?"

"Do you love me?"

"James, I'm…I'm not going…"

"Answer me please, do you?"

Her throat went dry. She ached. She closed her eyes as his forehead leant against hers. She took a second to memorize and create it as a memory to last her forever before wrenching herself out of his grasp.

"I'm sorry it's had to end this way…" They stood barely a foot apart staring at each other. James was lost and Lily fought against herself. If she had just reached out…he was so close that she could just…stop it! "If you would excuse me please…Potter." She said. "I have to get back."

James lowered his gaze to his hands acrid to his core. "Oh, so that's how it is now? I'm just Potter again and you're just Evans?"

"I've only ever been Evans." She replied and pushed past him to flee through the door.

---

A/N: This took a lot of churning and going back and forth. Almost killed myself writing it, especially the latter part because I kept typing a few sentences and then hitting my head on table and then typing some more. I hate it when they argue or maybe it's just worse because I'm the one making them argue! But I assure you, as far as James and Lily arguing goes this is the worst of it since there's only so much I can take of it myself! Things should get very interesting in the next chapter: SIRIUS' SCOUT HONOR. Enjoy! xxx