A/N: Dear Taiyourshoes, I'm sorry I couldn't get this up before you left! I spent two nights twiddling with this chapter but still couldn't complete it in time!
Thank You all for reading and reviewing!
SIRIUS' SCOUT HONOR
Lily flew through dark corridors until at last her legs refused to carry her any further and she collapsed onto the ice-cold floor. Her heart pounded against her ribcage reminding her that contrary to how she felt it was still very much alive. Her jagged breathing echoed eerily within the coldness of the windowless stone walls. In her desperate dash she had fled from the very top of the astronomy tower and ended up at the chilly bottom of a dungeon. With a shudder she realized that even this reflected her relationship with James.
She sat there dazed, shocked and most of all lost. She physically knew where she was because she had patrolled this very place hundreds of times before, yet somehow everything seemed…alien. Given her state, had she been presented with a mirror even her reflection would look back at her like a stranger-
A cold hand touched her shoulder and Lily jumped.
Rosie also jumped back stifling a surprised scream as she did. "What are you doing here!"
Lily blinked, her heart still hammered away and hot blood continued to pulse her veins. Her body felt like it was on fire matched only by the chill embedded within. What have you done to me? She silently pleaded at James.
"Hello?" Rosie approached her with caution. "Are you…dreaming again?"
Lily cleared her throat. "No. What do you want?" She asked her tone a little harder than necessary.
"You're in my way." Rosie replied coolly wishing that she had gone with her first instinct and left Lily well alone.
"Oh." Lily hesitated before a reaction began to take place. "I'm sorry." Feeling like she had forgotten how to make use of her motor functions she climbed awkwardly to her feet.
Rosie watched her all the way. "Is something wrong?" She ventured when Lily stood aside for her to pass. When she received no reply she stiffly stepped past thinking she had already made an adequate attempt to help but by on large she was wholly unsatisfied as well as a good deal curious. The Lily she knew was a vibrant and lively girl, even in dire times when they were lost in the woods she hadn't looked this…lost.
With a sigh and a mental kick she decided to give it another go. "Are you okay?"
Lily nodded mutely but Rosie could see it was a lie. The girl had started to cry silently and this made her uneasy since she was somewhat inexperienced with crying people. It's not like students in Slytherin never cried, it was just that pride often prevented them from crying in the presence of another person. Rosie herself had hidden away in the toilet once or twice in her Hogwarts life.
Lily's shoulders heaved but not a sound escaped her. Seeing this made something stir inside, at first it was hard to identify but soon she came to understand that it was pity. Something in Lily's restraint told her that she was not one to cry in public either. This left Rosie with a difficult decision: should she leave and let her have her privacy or stay? She very much wanted to leave but the next thing she knew, she was patting Lily awkwardly on the shoulder.
What should she say? Rosie didn't have a clue so she just stood there with one arm on her shoulder for what seemed like forever until the sobs subsided.
"I'm sorry." Lily hiccuped finally.
"It's fine…do you need to talk about it?" she said thinking how uncharacteristic she sounded. Lily looked tempted but shook her head.
"It's okay. I'm fine thanks."
However, the Slytherin wasn't oblivious to the ins and outs of Hogwarts' popular couple. She wasn't one for active gossip but when the whole school was mumbling about something under their breath everywhere it became very hard not to overhear.
She took an informed stab. "This is about James isn't it?"
Lily looked up sharply and her face began to crumple again.
"Ah, don't cry!" Rosie began frantically. So that had definitely been the wrong thing to say. "He's a git. Not worth crying over-"
Lily shook her head violently. "He's-not." This was the last thing she needed: people to misinterpret their break up. "It's my-my fault."
Rosie crossed her arms as some of her pity retracted. This willingness for some girls to accept all the blame for a bad break annoyed her and especially this case since she would have never figured Lily to be one of those. "If you say so."
"No! Really!" Lily insisted and then words began pouring out of her mouth until she had recounted nearly everything from James' misplaced jealousy to their last exchange. Rosie listened as a partial observer carried by Lily's emotional plight: angry over the first argument, sympathized over the conversation she'd overheard and sad for the break before finally thoughtful over Lily's last decision.
"So it's not his fault at all. It's been me all along…"
"I still disagree." Rosie said after some time. "It's not my place to question your decision-"
"But that's what I've done." Lily finished for her. "I don't regret it. It's for the best, really."
Rosie watched Lily wipe at her red eyes. "Fine, but remember that all is well playing the self sacrifice card but don't forgot that at the end of the day, the one bleeding from the heart is you." She tapped Lily on the chest above her heart.
Lily didn't reply.
Rosie sighed. "Look, what's done is done. You should go to bed and call it a night. See how you feel when you wake up tomorrow and then decide whether you have changed your mind because you still have time. If Potter is anything like Black then you'll have no problems getting him back."
"What does James being like Sirius have to do with it?"
"Well just flash him your knickers and the problem will be solved!"
Lily thought that Rosie might be joking but the serious manner with which it was delivered with made her smile a little. "I'll remember that."
"Good. Now get going back. You're breaking your own curfew." She waved her off and continued back to her common room, which was just down the corridor to the left.
"Rosie?"
"Yea?"
"Thanks." Lily said before heading for her own Common Room.
---
Remus entered the buzz of the Common Room and headed straight for Sirius and Peter when he spotted them at a table.
"Guys." He greeted.
"Hey Moony!" Sirius chirped and continued to claw and scratch at his back.
Remus was silently relieved that his absence hadn't been questioned or apparently noticed by his friends.
"Bloody hell! Will you look at these scratch marks on my back?" Sirius wailed fully fed up after a day of scratching. He untucked his shirt and pulled the back up for all to see the multitude sets of red lines.
"Looks nasty." Remus observed his hands going self consciously to his collar. Some girls on a table nearby also seemed very interested in seeing his bare back and Sirius graced them with a clear view.
"That's showing off." Peter muttered.
"I know." He said with a flash of his charming smile. The girls giggled and Peter looked over hopefully but they had already returned to their work. "You can do it too, just bare some flesh!"
"Yea right…" Peter wasn't the most active of people and he did not possess the type of athletic body that girls liked to look at. He knew this and a small part of him began to hate his friend for it.
"The marks, how did you get them?" They looked like cat claw marks to Remus but how so many of them got there was a puzzle and he had one of his own to solve.
"I think it's that damn cat." Sirius grumbled readjusting his shirt. "Must have gotten to me while I was pissed. Now that's low."
"She's a cat." Remus reminded gently.
"She's a fat nuisance that's what she is!" Sirius said. He'd woken up cat branded and to make it worse it itched like hell while his skin scabbed over. He didn't have a clue how the cat got to him under all those blankets. "Oi, Moony, did you bring the blankets?"
"No." Remus had been rather baffled to wake up smothered in them but that was before things became even more surprising and mind-boggling.
"I don't think Prongs did either and Wormy's already said no. Can't have been the cat, dunno how the little fat piece of meat got into the room in the first place."
"Lily." Remus said with a flash of inspiration. "Nutmeg does belong to her. Maybe she turned up after?"
"Hmm…you might not want to mention the L word in front of Prongs."
"Why?"
"Big blow up. We think it's all over." Peter whispered.
"Prongs can't hear you from upstairs Wormtail." Sirius said rolling his eyes. "Apparently she ended it…Oi, where are you off to?"
"Back to the room."
"Prongs is up there."
"Good." Remus left the Common Room and took the stairs two at a time.
James lay atop his bed with his hands behind his head while he stared at the drapes on the top of his bed.
The door creaked open and a shaft of light escaped into the dark room. Remus entered and quickly closed the door again just in case James was asleep.
"Moony?"
"Hey Prongs."
"Where have you been hiding?" James asked moodily.
Remus swallowed thickly. "I've just had some stuff to do."
Thankfully he didn't pursue it any further but he did sit up and turn the light on. "Are you okay, mate?" he asked with concern once his eyes had adjusted to the light. Remus blinked under the brightness sweating slightly. "You don't look too good."
"Nah, I'm fine. From what I've heard I should be the one asking if you're okay."
"I'm fine." He was not fine and his morose tone betrayed this.
Remus waited expectantly.
"I think I'm fine…I don't know what I am. Maybe I'm pissed off, or angry? Or annoyed. A little sad maybe…"
"Sounds complicated."
"It is, I can barely get my head around it. I was supposed to apologize and then she accepts and we live happily ever after. That's how it's supposed to happen. But no, I apologize, she tells me not to, she says she can't make me happy and then she dumps me."
"Confusing."
"Tell me about it. If I ever figure it out I had better get a damn big medal for it."
"Why does she think that she can't make you happy?"
"You see, I'm not really sure about that myself. From what I can gather I'm guessing she overheard some of what we were talking about last night before we got plastered."
"Only 'some'?"
"Probably."
"Damn."
"Really? I was thinking more along the lines of 'damn you shitty bad luck' or maybe 'fuck you impeccable timing for ruining my life'."
"Anymore?"
"I had loads more lined up but I think I've vented it all out now." James flopped back onto his bed and sighed heavily. "Cheers mate."
"No problem." Remus left to brush his teeth and returned minutes later with a vase full of discolored roses. James instantly recognized them to be the transfigured roses and realized that he must have left them in the bathroom after refilling the vase with water. He jumped off his bed as soon as he saw Remus hover over the bin with them.
"No don't throw them out!" He took the vase from Remus and set it on his bedside table.
Remus looked mildly perplexed. "Uh, I hate to tell you this mate but the flowers are withered."
"These few are still okay." James insisted and pointed to the few with the bowed heads. The rest were brown and floppy. Something must have gone wrong with his transfiguration because even real roses lasted longer than this. He touched one sadly; maybe he could come up with a spell to revive it?
"If you say so mate." Trying hard not to think that his friend was weird.
Silence ensued whilst Remus potted about getting ready for bed and James resumed his position and continued to stare upwards. Remus' mind was preoccupied. He knew that his friend needed to talk it through and his usual minimalist answers as opposed to Sirius' maximal comments were ideal. But there was also another reason to his partial answers for he was plagued with questions of his own.
"Prongs?"
"Hmm?"
"I don't suppose urm…Lily's…nah this is a stupid question." Remus said instantly backing out. "It's tactless of me anyway. I shouldn't be talking bout her. I'm sorry."
"No." James propped himself up willing to return the favor of lending an ear. "You can ask. Sure she's a bit of a sore spot for me but I'm not going to pretend that she doesn't exist."
"Well…urm…"
"Out with it, Moony. Whatever it is, it cannot compare with your furry little problem and we all swallowed that with no problem."
Remus nodded. He was right, nothing would ever compare to telling your friend's that you were a werewolf but that didn't make what he had to say any more comfortable for him.
"I don't suppose Lily's urm…ever bitten you before has she?"
Both of James' eyebrows shot up into his hair. This was the last thing he'd ever thought that he would be asked. "Well uh…no, she hasn't…"
"Or any other of your past girlfriends? Or you know, gotten a little rough and sharp with her teeth? "
If Sirius had asked him any of these questions James would have looked away and pretended to be deaf and blind, but since this was Remus he knew there had to be a reason. "There was this one girl, she was fond of love bites you know, just to leave a mark from her and sometimes she did nip a bit…" he confessed.
Remus looked relieved. "Like this?" He pulled his high collar away from his neck and on the pale skin James saw what looked like a bleeding bruise lined with what were undeniably human teeth marks.
James' eyes went wide and his jaw dropped so far it felt unhinged. "Merlin's beard! A love bite isn't really a bite! Have you been making out with a vampire?"
"No!" Remus cried quickly pulling his collar back up. Any relief he'd felt disappeared instantly.
"Seriously mate, that's not right! She's gotta bite pretty hard to make it look like that! How come you let her?"
"I dunno. It just happened."
"Without a fight?"
"Well uh…the situation was…awkward…"
"Oh come on man, she might as well be eating you! You're not telling me that you'd allow that?"
Remus had flushed such a spectacular shade of red that it even surpassed Lily's fiery red and those times were reserved for when she was really really really angry and mostly at James. "AWKWARD situation, Prongs!"
"Oh…OH!" James stared at his friend wide eyed. This was very un-Remus like indeed; it was, dare he say it? More like something Sirius would do.
"Phew, you really scared me there, thought I was going to have to draw stick figures."
"Oh please, Moony! I'm not that dense!"
His friend cast him a look that clearly said otherwise and James gave in. "Okay so maybe I was a bit slow on the uptake but…" he pointed to his heart, "Don't forget the hole Lily left in here. I'm damaged goods now, you should be a little more allowing."
"Right…you think with your heart now?"
"The heart has a huge say you know! I'm a passionate kind of guy."
"That's what Padfoot says when he gets bored of a girl and has his eyes on another."
"I'm a one-girl-passionate guy then." He began to feel dispirited again. I'm a one-girl-Lily-passionate guy… Remus could sense the change but thought it best that he didn't comment on it but his friend seemed to shake out of it on his own accord.
"So?" He prompted after a while.
" 'So' what?"
"Who is the lucky lady…or teething Lady should I say?"
"Prongs!"
"Sorry! I'm curious…and scared! The next time I see you, you might be missing an arm or something because she's gotten hungry!"
"You're just like Padfoot sometimes! Like a dog with a bone, you just won't let it go!" Telling James who she was, was the last thing Remus wanted. Telling anyone was out of the question. James tried a few more times to get her identity out of him but his lips were firmly sealed. He climbed into bed and switched off the light.
"Good NIGHT, Prongs."
"I'll find out somehow AND I'll tell Padfoot what you said about him and a bone." In all honesty Sirius wouldn't really care since it was a well-known long-standing joke when it came to him and his persistence and the joke gained so much meaning when he became an Animagus.
When everything fell silent again James was left with his own lonely and uncomfortable thoughts once more. He felt empty, abandoned and deserted. He turned on his side. This isn't how it's supposed to be. He told himself.
---
The next day James tried to pester Moony some more but his heart wasn't really in it. To further his dismay, all his magic in classes was slightly off and with magic, being 'slightly off' could potentially be disastrous. His wand was misbehaving sensationally and incantations went awry. McGonagall hadn't been impressed at his half-transfigured chairs with wagging tails and animals with wheels for legs. The magic itself was impressive and was a testimony to his level of power and skill, but it left him the hard task of explaining that he had in fact, not done it on purpose to disrupt the class. James knew that he had hit rock bottom when even Slughorn (who wasn't shy to praise him for breathing) was a little disappointed when his potion failed spectacularly and melted his cauldron, the table and began eating it's way through the hard stone.
Quidditch practice turned out to be worse than lessons. For the first time in his life James played his favorite sport horrendously. His aim was missing the mark by far and by the time that he had missed the Quaffle for the seventh time in a row he was as frustrated as his teammates over how badly they were performing in general.
Gryffindor had a lot riding on the Quidditch Cup this year since it seemed that they had absolutely no chance for the House Cup but with they way they were playing today, that chance may as well fly out the window too. It was scary how the performance of a few individuals could be so devastating on the team as a whole.
Remus, who seemed to be playing just as bad, tossed the Quaffle vaguely in his direction but he dived completely in the wrong way and the red ball dropped with a thud along with his spirit.
"Sorry!" he called out and flew back down to the ground to pick the fallen Quaffle again. Sirius also landed on the grass.
"For the love of Merlin and the Quidditch Cup please get Lily back!" he cried forgetting all about tact and practically begging. "You're playing like a stunned giant squid!" As much as James loathed to admit it, he too felt like he was playing as if he had one eye in the back of his head covered by his messy hair and perhaps another hidden away in his ear where it too couldn't see.
James opened his mouth to protest that he wasn't playing badly because of Lily but then realized that maybe she did have some part in it. For example, she plagued his thoughts and more often than not he had his eye trained on the bleachers where she often sat to watch during practices.
"Look at the Quaffle!" Sirius commanded. "You and Moony are just as bad as each other! OI!" He bellowed upwards. "Moony I told you get down! I swear if you fall off your broom and break every bone in your body I'm to going pulverize you and feed you to the squid!"
Moony's broom zigged and zagged its way down. He looked positively ill but still insisted that he could play. Even Sirius in his Quidditch-driven, semi-crazed state couldn't deny the fact that he'd been looking a bit peaky all day.
"What am I going to do with two team players down?" Sirius continued to rant like the Team Captain. The real Gryffindor Captain didn't mind taking a back seat when it came to bollocking the team for a bad practice. He liked playing the nice guy and Sirius was very good at speaking his mind. "Moony, get yourself to Pomfrey NOW and swallow whatever she gives you even if it makes you puke up last year's dinner! Prongs, go get Lily and talk to her!"
Remus nodded and limped off but James stood rooted to the spot refusing to move. "She doesn't want to see me AND I can play just fine without her."
"Seriously mate, what channel have you been tuned in over the past hour? If she doesn't want to see you then it's too bad because if I have to tie her to that stand I will!" Sirius began to stomp off to the changing room muttering profanities.
James knew Sirius well enough that none of it was personal and assumed that he would get over it once he had steamed it off. However when he sidled next to him later that evening with a well placed smile his heart sank. Peter trailed after the pair quietly.
"Whatever it is you have in mind drop it." James told Sirius.
"Pomfrey can solve Moony's problem but we need Lily to solve yours."
"I don't have a problem."
"Don't insult my intelligence. A troll can see you have a problem. Look, I've spoken to Moony. She overhead what I said right? All I have to do is explain to her. I will grovel for you!"
"I groveled for seven years before she would even say my name-"
"Trust me, Prong! Have a little faith! You!" Sirius suddenly singled out a first year Ravenclaw who happened to pass by. "You know who Lily Evans is right?"
The blonde haired boy nodded nervously.
"Good, then I want you to go find and tell her that you saw a couple of Sixth years hexing some first years in the Court Yard okay? Spice it up a bit if you like, let's say throw in a midnight duel as well."
"But-but it's past the curfew and I'll get in trouble!"
"You're already in trouble for not being in bed right now, but you see him?" Sirius jabbed a finger at James. "You recognize him right? Head Boy, you see? He'll keep you out of trouble."
The boy nodded and was about to scamper off but Sirius hooked a finger through the neck of his robes. "Not a single word about us okay?" he added his warning tone clear. Another nod, this time a fearful one. "Good. Tell her that you've alerted the Head Boy as well and he's on his way but you think that he will be outnumbered and might need help." He said and released the small boy to run. "That should get her running." Sirius thought aloud with satisfaction.
Peter scratched his head. "Why didn't you just ask him to tell her to meet you?"
Sirius yawned. "Do you really think she'd come and speak to me? The death eater guy who tried to get her boyfriend to dump her?"
"Guess not."
"Precisely! But with something like that she'd come running."
"But you lied…wouldn't she be angry?"
"I'll cry about it once we've won the Quidditch Cup."
"No, you'll be dead before we've won the Cup." James corrected. "I'm telling you man, you talking to her won't make a difference."
"I can be very persuasive." Sirius said reassuringly.
This worried James more than anything else did. "Padfoot, promise you won't lay a wand on her. I don't want her brainwashed or anything."
"Relax Prongs! I swear I won't touch a single hair on her pretty head and you have my Scout's honor on that."
James looked doubtful. "Do you even know what a Scout is?"
"Not a clue! But I'm sure that I've heard that phrase said somewhere and it sounded convincing at the time."
"Great…"
---
A/N: The next chapter is likely to be called: I SPY, TRAP! But nothing is quite set in stone for that one yet. Giggles with glee Am liking what I've written of it so far! I hope you are all being carried along by the story or better yet, ENJOYING IT!
Much love,
Dolli
xXx
