Yes, it's been more than a week, but here it is! Thanks for your reviews, I just love them.
It was clear to me that Mom suspected something. I trusted Banner's word and knew he wouldn't betray our secret but my obstinate silence since yesterday had alerted her radar. She had stopped her meds and looked happier lately so it was a question of time before she was fully a part of our everyday lives again. On any other occasion, it would have filled me with happiness. Now, I dreaded the mere idea of my mother ever knowing about Bella. She would tear her apart, for my supposed own good.
After Banner's devastating revelations, I had been numb for the rest of the day. I barely could feel my body, barely could function and I had this weird sensation of being half deaf to everything surrounding me. I really tried to act normal when I got back home, not wanting to raise her suspicion, but it was too much for me. I grumbled, pretexting a bad headache and locked myself in my room.
The temptation to call Bella, send her a text, run away to her was so strong I had to remind myself it would be pure madness and only make things worse. I knew she'd have to come back to pick up her things at school so I resigned to bid my time and wait. I didn't sleep a wink, torturing myself with want and regret. I didn't regret loving Bella, not at all but I couldn't help but feel we should have done things differently. Then maybe everything wouldn't have turned into such a disaster. We could have waited until I was eighteen, until it would have been acceptable for us to be together. All those perfectly reasonable arguments that could have justified restraint kept swirling in my brain but were suddenly swept away by a memory.
Her face smiling down at me, the day of my arrival at school, bathing me with warmth while everything else was cold. The unstoppable feeling that I had finally met the one person who could shed light in the darkness of my life had hit me like a train. I shook my head, pushing away the what ifs. We had been together because we never could fight it. We were meant to be, as crazy and abnormal as it might look to other people.
The morning finally came and with it, my anxiety spiked up. What if she didn't show up or what if she left town without saying goodbye? Had I lost her forever? Panic gripped me and I all but dragged Emmett to school. The ride was painfully slow, all the caffeine deprived slow drivers of Forks apparently ganging against me. My brother sensed something was wrong but knew better than to talk to me, my jaw muscle twitching like crazy.
"Don't do anything too rash." He simply warned before I stormed out of the car. I had to find her, tell her to…
My frantic thoughts were cut short when I saw her walking out of the school, shyly lowering her eyes, her arms tightly clutching her books. Her back was to me and I knew she hadn't seen me yet.
I tried to calm myself and advanced as conspicuously as I could. There were not many students but still.
"Bella." I saw her shoulders sag and heard her breathless sigh before she did what I didn't expect. She scurried away like a little girl afraid of an animal and left me standing there. My knees were suddenly weak, and I felt very faint. Was that it? Did she not want me anymore? Was it just a sick game?
She stopped, as abruptly as she went and turned around. Her eyes searched mine, shining and lost, begging me to come to her. She was my own magnet so I didn't resist. We were hidden behind a big oak on the side of the building, protecting us like a shield.
"What happened?" I whispered, my voice urgent, knowing we had very little time. She swallowed and I couldn't help but follow the movement of her throat with my eyes.
"Banner found out the truth. I'm leaving the school." She seemed so resigned it made me lose it.
"No! No…Don't do that, please baby, no."
"There's nothing else to do, Edward. I have to be the stronger person or we could…"
"What, what? We could be happy? In love? No, God forbid that, of course!" I was aware that I was shouting but I needed a reaction from her. She didn't disappoint.
"Can you please stop yelling? Don't you think there's been enough drama?" Her eyes were shifting, her hands fidgeting over her books and I knew those words didn't come from her. Not really.
"Are you saying you don't want to be with me anymore? You're giving up?" That stupid game of questions we were playing made me want to vomit.
"I don't want to, we just have no other choice." She retorted, wanting to sound defiant but her voice was trembling. I understood because I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
"Can you at least tell me how it happened?" I managed, gritting my teeth.
"Alice was curious and got the whole story out of James. He didn't mean any harm, he just told her and Banner heard their conversation. God, Edward it was so humiliating, talking about it with him."
"I know, I know. Your friend Alice, I know she's your friend but I could kill her right now."
The smallest smile graced her lips. I did that. I was so pathetic.
"Trust me, you're not the only one. She and I are going to have a talk." She opened her mouth but seemed to think better of it.
"What were you about to say?" I whispered, barely restraining myself to fall at her knees and beg her to stay with me. I was about to draw blood my fists were clenched so tight.
"I…I wanted to tell you that I don't regret any of this. I wanted…to…have a story with you, even maybe something more. But it was a folly, I see that now. We can't be together anymore."
I wanted to be mad, to hurt her like she'd just hurt me but I could see the tears rolling and her arms shaking. She suffered torture, just like I did. I grabbed the books and threw them on the ground next to us. She gasped, not expecting my reaction and then softly moaned when I swallowed her protest with my lips.
It was not an angry kiss, it was fueled with desperation and anguish. Where would we go from here? We had reached a dead end and needed something to lose ourselves in.
"We need to stop." Bella whispered, softly pecking me, once, twice, three times.
And then, her face was as pale as ashes, her mouth open wide.
I turned around, only to be faced with the horrified eyes of my mother.
Well…Ok…I'll be hiding…somewhere. See you very soon, trust me and don't forget to review :). Oh, and you can check my new story "Bitter little girl". xoxo.
