A/N: Apologies for lack of update for ages! Workload caught up with a vengeance but here I am, back to write! Love you guys for liking this story and loving you more for reviewing!

Quick Summary: Lily and Sirius are poisoned with the Insania Insoltus potion. Lestrange is watching with glee, as they battle against a dead Centaur that is nothing more than a figment of their imagination. However there is actually a dead Centaur lying in Hogwarts grounds that Lestrange had originally planned to use as bait for the werewolf to collect its blood. Unfortunately his plan has gone awry due to bad timing on everything and Snape ends up also out on the grounds hunting a released werewolf.

Lily gets separated from Sirius but he is a little too preoccupied with his hallucination to realize that the Lily he can see isn't real. Lily also has inner demons of her own although they are of a different sort from Sirius…

INSANIA INSOLTUS

Snape threw off Lestrange's arm. Curse his luck that the first person he should find to be none other than Lestrange!

"Get down!" Lestrange hissed and pulled him to the ground. He pointed over a raised drift to Black who stood alone on a stage made of ruined snow. "He's under the influence of Insania Insoltus." He whispered unnecessarily. "The things that he sees may not be real, but if he believes that they are real then to him, they are. This is Black's fight to the death; a grand fight it should have been! It is a shame that the enemy is none other than himself!" he cackled wickedly.

Lestrange's superficial understanding of the potion irritated Snape and he had absolutely no intention to interfere further, nor did he care if Black killed himself with his own mind demons.

"A remarkable fight he's putting up! Such a waste of a Pureblood."

The most fantastic flight of fantasy known to any witch or wizard. Snape had scribbled these very words on the margin of his textbook on whim, not knowing that he would see this hallucinogenic potion in action so soon.

Curiosity killed the kneazle.

Snape wanted to claim that seeing this amazing live demonstration of his own potion didn't affect him, that he didn't even want to watch but something like morbid curiosity over the application of his own skill held him to the spot; fascinated as Sirius danced dangerously towards his insanity.

---

Sirius had resorted to throwing spell after spell at the 'Centaur'. "Incarcerous!" Thick ropes appeared and dove at the centaur wrapping it tightly in coils. Enraged it tore scarily through the fibres with ease and retaliated with another awful weapon of its own.

Caught off guard Sirius suddenly found his neck encircled by a length of gut that continued to pulse and writhe like a giant worm. The Centaur reeled him in like a fish on a hook, twisting and squeezing its intestines together with massive hands; strangling the wizard as he did.

All at once Sirius was struggling for air, all his focus lay with escaping leaving but an ounce of consciousness to contend with everything else. He was only vaguely aware of the Centaur's flopping stomach as he clawed and hacked in vain; the massive beast began to back away easily. Outmatched by strength Sirius was pulled off his feet and dragged across snow; ploughing what felt like the last mile to his execution.

Deprived of air he did the only thing he could think of to escape from the fleshy Hangman's loop, he tore into the stringy slimed intestine with his fingers. With a ferocity brought on by fear of asphyxiation and repulsion he ripped at it until it was in two and he crawled away.

The Centaur also fell back now positively howling as more of its intestinal tract spilled out from the opened cavity in its torso. On top of that, the partially digested remnants of its last meal also leaked from the torn ends.

Gagging and gasping Sirius retched, before he could stop himself the contents of his own stomach surged upwards and poured out of his mouth onto the snow. His throat burned and he wheezed but none of this prevented the Centaur for making a beeline for him.

At the same time James had arrived in time to see Sirius throw up. "Padfoot!" he called out seeing his friend lift his wand.

Still coughing Sirius shouted another spell at the top of his voice. "Diffindo!"

Before James could barely register it, the rogue spell swung at him with incredible speed and he jolted aside just in time.

Unfortunately, Lady Luck appeared to have abandoned him that night and the spell grazed down the length of his arm as he spun and landed in a heap of snow.

"Shit!" His whole arm felt like it was on fire and blood smoked red from a nasty burn. Instinctively he plunged his injured limb deep into the snow but resurfaced it almost immediately with a cry. Regardless of the freezing cold, sweat beaded his hairline as he hissed through his teeth in pain.

Perhaps it had been a mistake, unless his eyes were playing tricks on him there were now bits of crispy-James-skin left on the snow. Wisps of red continued to drift from the scorched skin and it was truly nauseating. Had the spell hit at the wrong angle he wouldn't be looking at a blood-smoking arm but a stump flesh! He gulped; maybe Lady Luck had been on his side after all! Sirius was not only using the Severing Charm but he was using it with intent to kill!

"Padfoot!" He yelled and got unsteadily to his knees not quite registering that the close shave combined with his wet clothes edged him into shock. If he succumbed then pneumonia was just a knock away especially at these mind-numbing temperatures.

Sirius continued to prance about erratically seemingly oblivious to the cold and far too distracted to hear him. He fired spell after spell without particular aim or direction. Twice it swung towards James and he once more had to swan dive into the snow to save his neck and all his limbs.

Sirius' fractured shouts and crazy behaviour made no sense to James. Pushed flat into the snow he squinted into the darkness; his heart hammering away while he struggled to see the threat but all there was was emptiness.

"PADFOOT!" He tried again climbing cautiously to his feet. His teeth chattered almost uncontrollably.

"Lily! NO!" His best friend dove desperately forwards but darted back and rolled away as some unseen heavy object was thrown at him. "LILY!"

James was running. Running to his best friend, his mind suddenly blind with panic. In all his years with Sirius he had never ever seen or heard him as distressed as he was now.

Lily Lily Lily Lily!

Sirius let out an estranged cry that sounded almost inhuman. "LILY!"

James' mind wouldn't work, nothing that he saw made any sense and all he could do was shout. "PADFOOT!" He was near hysterical with panic while Sirius screamed Lily's name.

"RUN! RUN!" Sirius lunged forwards in a slippery sprint but James was faster and overtook him. He ran but where was he supposed to be running to? There was nothing, NOTHING around them at all. Desperate he doubled back and turned on Sirius.

"SIRIUS! TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!"

Sirius yelled and fought, thrashing in James' iron grip and the two wrestled to the ground. James fought out of sheer confusion and Sirius struggled out of panic. "STOP IT!" James shouted over his violent protests and knocked him hard in the jaw. Sirius lay stunned his dark eyes narrowing ferrally before they finally saw James.

"Prongs! It's Lily! She's-" James felt fear rise up his throat like hot bile. He didn't dare ask 'she what?'

Sirius turned his head aside. From where he was he could see her prone body. She was laying face down…her back gored to pieces… "She's dead."

Silence.

James' mind went blank. He looked over to the empty spot that Sirius was fixated on. "Dead?" His cracked voice was almost lost in the heavy snowfall. "She can't be-"

Sirius was strung too far and he snapped. "She's DEAD, James. DEAD!"

"No..."

"Centaur, fucking centaur!" Sirius shouted in a spitting rage. "Fucking Centaur killed Lily." He shoved James out of the way. This was between him and the Monster.

As with many powerful wizards, anger fuelled dark power and Sirius was a powerful wizard propelled beyond berserk by the Draught of Delirium. With absolutely no mercy he gripped his wand.

"Diffino! Diffindo! Diffindo!" Each spell hit hard enough to sever despite the Centaur's thick hide that had the ability to be impervious to most magic.

Thud.

An arm dropped off sluicing more blood.

Thud.

The other fell off joining its brother.

Thud.

The Centaur lurched forwards with both of its forelegs severed.

"DIFFINDO!" With a sickening sound his spell cut the air and hit the surprised Centaur on the neck. The beast froze, his expression horrified before the head was swiftly severed from the body and dropped onto the snow where it rolled. A fountain of blood burst from the stump of a neck defiling the destroyed snow further, reaching as far Sirius and James.

Sirius wiped a hand across his face; it smeared giving him a mask of blood. "Ha!" He shouted feverishly over his triumph. "YOU'RE DEAD!" But all at once another threat rose. James staggered to his feet; his movement caused Sirius to jerk back to face him with his wand high.

"Dead!" He yelled.

"Lily is NOT DEAD!" James roared back. His chest heaved up and down with difficulty. It was getting increasingly hard to get air into his frozen lungs. However, James no longer felt the cold, it seemed that he could no longer feel anything.

"Dead dead dead DEAD!"

"She isn't!"

"All dead!" Sirius was laughing dangerously by now, sounding more like a helium high Peter than himself. In fact, the cool, suave, controlled Sirius no longer existed. "Reducto!"

James side-stepped and the spell whizzed by his stomach. Not meaning to he retaliated automatically. "Relashio!" A jet of fiery sparks exploded from his wand causing Sirius to duck.

"Wait!" He called out immediately.

But it was too late. His counter attack had confirmed him as an enemy to Sirius. James could see it in his eyes. Madness. Sirius had gone crazy, beyond reasoning and beyond control. Left with no choice James readied his wand.

Amongst a ring of icy snow, lost in a cloud laced with magic and confusion, the two best friends began a duel.

---

"James?" Lily was so incredibly relieved. James was here, he would make this right, and he was safety. He might not be able to stop charging Centaurs, he couldn't save the world from darkness, he couldn't bring her parents back to life, he couldn't make Petunia forgive her, he couldn't even file his own papers properly but with him she felt safe.

In that instant she knew that if she was with him, the world could crumple and she wouldn't even feel it drop away piece by piece. It was strange how something as small as happiness could blindside everything; it could be brief yet it was always infinite. James was her happiness. It was a shame that she did not realize this until now when oblivion waited for her so eagerly.

She went straight to him. "James! Sirius is- I don't know where he's gone but- He was fighting with a- It's dead but it's not!" Her words were jumbled, mostly senseless as well as meaningless to any bystander but the reaction she received caught her completely off guard.

"Get away from me!" Her hands were shoved aside. Lily blinked, not quite sure whether the reanimated centaur surprised her more or James. "Don't you ever put your hands on me ever again!" James snapped. He towered over her, eyes glowering and dangerous.

Forget confused because Lily was still caught up with being stunned. Subconsciously she told herself that she must have misheard him but doubt rose up like a heavily spiked wall. A bitter sting jabbed at her. "James-"

If Lily could pinpoint a crucial moment in her life this would have been it. In that instant Lily began to hate herself. All she could see was how selfish and self centred she had become. For a while now she had slowly but surely become reliant on others to be nice to her because she had lost her parents. It became a given that they should pity her and offer all the support in order to help her move on. That was it, she had become addicted to their pity. She depended on them and most of all she depended on James to make things right. It wasn't even fair; how could she expect James to not give up on her when she had long given up on herself?

"Don't even use my name! You have no right, filthy little Mudblood!"

Lily's mouth dropped. Mudblood. The one thing James Potter would never call her. This was where she should have realized that something was wrong. This was supposed to be James. James! Sweet, sweet James!

Had Severus Snape slipped on his skill this was the one and only tiny crack that she could have used to escape from the malicious grips of the powerful potion. Too bad that Severus Snape was not a mediocre potions master and he never slipped on his skill. Lily had no chance of escaping.

The potion was warming up in her veins. Burrowing into her senses and deep into the darkest recesses of her mind, prying out more of her innermost fears and memories; forcing her to confront it all until it tore her sanity to shreds. It came to life like a dormant parasite unfurling in a definitive host. In a girl full of hurt, self-hate, scars and uncertainty it began to feed.

"You're a filthy witch!"

"Wh- what?" Lily moved back, suddenly and inexplicably wary of the wizard that stood in front of her. Never in her life had she been scared of James but now, fear and dread rose and quickly sank to the pit of her stomach as some sort of innate preservation system kicked in.

James. This James…was going to hurt her.

"Get away from me!" She hissed more out of fear than anger. She was like a cornered cat; hackles raised and claw sharpened paws, hissing in futile to ward off an impending threat.

Sensing that it could no longer attack her in the guise of James this person, this thing standing not too far from her morphed; it folded and changed taking her cold surroundings and her sanity along with it.

The world tipped and Lily slipped.

She squeezed her eyes close but very quickly opened them again. One sharp breath sucked warm air into her frozen lungs.

In one bizarre heartbeat she stumbled into her home. Of all the most mundane yet significant places of her life Lily was standing in her living room back in Surrey. Screams erupted from above. Without thinking her legs pounded up the stairs and she exploded into the master bedroom.

"Mum! Dad!"

They were alive!

For one single moment Lily's heart filled with hope but the fleeting seconds was banished by a suffocating wave of horror in an instant.

In front of her Diane and Harry Evans were screaming in agony. Both lay on the floor, their faces contorted in terror and pain. A circle of heavily dressed Death Eaters took casual turns to inflict the most heinous of curses. Lily screamed and tried to jump to their aid but her feet were rooted to the spot and no matter how she tugged she couldn't move a step.

"MUUUUUMMMMYYYY!" She screamed over and over. "DAAAAAAADDDDDY!"

She struggled to pull a leg up with both her hands; her joints protesting until it felt like ligaments were tearing. Forced to watch the torture, Lily whimpered; the screams of her parents ripped into her heart and destroyed her soul. It went on for what seemed like hours. Her parents cowering together as cloaked figures with wands closed in.

"Crucio Crucio Crucio." The curses were relentless and the screams continued until all of a sudden…silence…

Lily stared wide-eyed until her vision greyed and watered but the expressions on their faces will forever be seared into her vision. In death their faces were deformed beyond recognition but their eyes…their eyes! They stared up at her. Accusing her even in their death. It was all because of her.

"And that is how you brought about the end of their pathetic lives."

That voice, she had only ever heard it once in her life. When he was invading her mind for information in her capture. It was a terrible voice that haunted her. Now it spoke to her in low whispers, almost sympathetic in a sick twisted way.

"Did you really think you would get away without knowing? Not knowing how they spent their last moments? Not knowing how much they hated you? Hated themselves for bringing your life to this world to end their own? Such perfect lives they had before you existed, before a witch ended their happiness."

"No." She whimpered and collapsed to the snow sobbing uncontrollably. Somewhere in between a cry and a wail she was now back in the freezing cold of the courtyard.

Emotions coursed through her body like a tidal wave and Lily hurt in a way that was unimaginable. She would never forgive herself. Never.

"I can release you from your pain if you so should wish... Return your flesh to your Mother and you bones to your Father."

More than willing to accept the blame she held out her arms ready to receive the punishment. She would do anything to correct what she was. On her knees she cried. She cried for her Dad, Mum and her sister. She cried for many people but she could not cry for herself.

All along she had not questioned their deaths. To make herself feel better she assumed that they died a quick painless death that caught them by surprise. But reality was always harsh. There was no quick flash of green of the Killing curse; instead the sparks were red.

Cruciatus.

Lily screamed as the scream of her parents reached her from beyond the veil of death. A cut appeared on her forearm, her skin and flesh ripped apart silently in a wound that touched bone. This, she believed was her punishment. A second appeared and Lily screamed in anguish.

"STOP!" Pales hands seized her wrists. "Lily this is foolish!" Snape shouted into her face.

"I deserve this!" She shrieked and another bone deep cut appeared. Severus tried very hard not to recoil as he felt the flesh one her arm split and the white of bone gleamed at him.

One piercing scream had alerted him to her whereabouts and he was prepared to battle a werewolf, to his alarm he found Lily keeled over, face pressed into the snow with her arms stretched out. She looked like she was praying and was definitely screaming whilst the most horrendous cut appeared on their own accord upon her forearms.

It didn't take him long to figure that she too was poisoned by his potion.

"Lily, listen to me! None of this is real!"

She wailed louder before wrenching her arms out of his hands. "My parents are dead! Because of me! ME! It's all my fault!"

Snape looked down to find himself covered with blood. All of it was hers; she was losing too much blood. Her time was quickly running out. She shrieked as he forcibly pushed her to the ground. "Eat this!" he commanded and forced a Bezoar stone into her mouth.

Strictly speaking Insania Insoltus was not a poison but it worked itself into the mind, like a poison would into the vascular system. It also bought Snape a little more time and he needed all the time he could get.

He didn't know how long Lily had been infected but the less time the bigger the chance she had of regaining her sanity. Not to mention that soon she would bleed out.

"LET GO OF ME!" Lily howled. In the haze of bloodied red she could see Snape but deranged emotions ruled her senses now…

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A/N: Phew, that chapter was heavy duty even though it wasn't especially long. Please drop me a review, even if only to give me a bollocking about how long it took me to update! Or you could just let me know how you found the latest chapter! I promise that I will not leave such a huge gap between updates again! Next chapter is MORS MORDRE! Enjoy xxx