DISCLAIMER: I still don't own HP.
GRAVELY BONKERS
With the conviction that today was just any other day, James Potter woke up and got stiffly out of bed. He wandered over to where the bathroom should be, but when he opened his eyes fully he found himself facing a privacy screen.
"Wha?" he voiced, trying to fight off the Troll level of stupidity that confounded his brain. Behind him in the bed next to his, Sirius was sitting up grumbling.
"Ah, shit." The white walls, the faint herbal smell, the squeaky beds… "Here again." James thought aloud dismally and returned to the bed. The hospital wing was like a second bedroom. "You okay, Padfoot?" He asked.
But his friend was too busy muttering. "Why use spells when you can just stab people with your wand?" It was strange that among all the insane things this was what he could remember best.
James yawned and winced after a stretch. "What's that?"
"Nothing."
Again James had to resist the urge to say "Huh?" He remembered the cold, his arm…the snow… "Moony!"
"In one of the rooms." Sirius replied.
"Lily?"
"In another room."
"Good…" Another name popped to mind. "And you…are you…?"
Sirius looked over with an eyebrow raised. "Am I what?"
"Ummm…are you…?"
"What?"
James' eyes hunted about for Sirius' wand and found it lying on the bedside table. He eyed it warily for it was within easy reach.
Sirius smiled much like his old self. "I've had the antidote."
"Antidote?" He echoed stupidly.
"Yes, Prongs. Some dodgy potion poisoned me. Insania something or another. I'd never seen Pomfrey get so worked up. I think she swore!" Sirius said trying to work a bit of humor back in but awkwardness from his behalf made everything including the conversation appear forced. Luckily James was still too doped up with painkiller potions to really notice anything.
"Uh…"
"Merlin, did I mess you head up that bad when I kicked your ass?" he said in mock exasperation.
James made a face. "You wish!"
Conversation came to an abrupt stop when the wide doors swung open and Dumbledore swept in with McGonagall marching in close behind. Between them Regulus entered looking caught somewhat between anger and despair.
A deep scowl appeared instantly on Sirius' bruised yet still handsome face. His eyes stalked his brother until he reached the foot of his bed with the guidance of McGonagall.
"I hope recovery is coming along well for you both." Dumbledore started politely. James nodded and mumbled a reply but Sirius just ignored him altogether.
"He's got something to do with it hasn't he?" Sirius asked shrewdly, he already had a fairly good idea that his question was rhetorical. Regulus refused to meet his accusing stare. "Hasn't he?" Sirius prompted.
Dumbledore sighed sadly though he remained calmly neutral. "Regulus I think there's something that you need to talk to your brother about."
"He's not my brother!" Regulus snapped angrily. "I hate him." He added in a lower tone.
Sirius folded his heavily bandaged arms. James looked at him, then at Regulus and then back at his friend again. Sirius never did the 'quietly angry' thing; that was something he or Remus did. When Sirius got angry he was usually explosively so. Why he hadn't flown off into a rage yet was unsettling.
"You and Sirius are brothers." The Headmaster stated. "You share the same blood. A bond that cannot be broken no matter what you say."
Regulus glowered with irritation before he apparently decided to change his demeanor. He crossed his arms, unwittingly reflecting his brother perfectly. "All right then." For the first time he met his brother squarely in the eyes. "Yes, I was involved in the little escapade tonight."
A muscle twitched in Sirius' tight jaw. James tensed; ready to grab him if he decided to slam a fist into his brother but to his credit Sirius didn't move an inch.
"So?" Regulus leered, almost goading him on like he wanted to be hit. "What do you think of that? Your brother got you poisoned with a madness potion, deliberately."
Sirius finally broke his silence. "What were you thinking?" he demanded, not quite shouting but not quite talking either. His reprimanding tone took Regulus aback. He was expecting anger yes, but he was also expecting a torrent of derisive abuse and taunts, instead it seemed that he was getting told off?
"You conspired with the likes of Lestrange to achieve what? This?" Sirius pointed roughly at his bandages. "In that case, well done! All that effort to work with scum and this all you sodding get? Looks like a bad deal to me."
Regulus' mouthed dropped, his cocky attitude rapidly falling to pieces. All at once it was as if he was going back in time and he was a child trying to justify something he knew he'd done wrong. Whether Sirius knew it or not, he was exerting his authority as an older brother over him. "It was supposed to be a lesson, nothing more than that…it wasn't meant to get you-"
"A bloody lesson? If you want to get back at me for one thing or another then challenge me. Challenge me with a duel where you can openly hurt me, that is, if you can. Judging by the way you've gone about it I doubt that you are even able to. You're too scared to even do that so you took the coward's way out." Sirius' deliberate arrogance rendered Regulus speechless. As with pride, arrogance was intimately linked with confidence and with Sirius' increased arrogance, Regulus lost his confidence.
The Headmaster kept his silence while he observed Sirius teach in a way that he wasn't able to as a bystander. What is built wrong must be torn down so that it may be built again, this time the correct way. Sirius was applying the meaning with uncanny accuracy.
Regulus looked down much like a child would. "I wanted… I needed you to suffer…"
"Just like you think you did." Sirius stated quietly.
His brother looked up sharply. "You can never understand what you did to us."
"Just like you can never understand why I did what I did." Sirius threw back.
"You didn't care!"
Sirius snorted. "If you really knew what happened then you would know that I cared too much. Go home and ask dear old Mother. She'll be able to tell you how I ravaged our family honour by hanging around with the 'filth of society'."
"Don't talk about Mother like that! She has honour to protect-"
"She's living in an Age of Foolishness! It's people like her that are trying so damn hard to bring the rest of the world into darkness where a person's worth is weighed out with their blood!"
"She believes in keeping the elite away from the dregs of society!"
Sirius closed his eyes, pressure pounding behind each pupil. When he opened them again his brother swarmed straight back into view with an infuriating ignorance. If he could, he would gladly beat sense into the brat. "What about Voldemort?"
"Wh-at about him?" Regulus stuttered, clearly shaken that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was mentioned so openly in front of Dumbledore. Try as he might he couldn't quite hide the guilt that surged up.
"He's killing, Regulus!" Sirius almost shouted. "He's killing to uphold this so called pure-blood philosophy!"
"If it's what must be done then it will be done." Regulus muttered quietly. None but Sirius appeared to catch it and even then he had to lip read.
"Regulus, I swear, if one day I find you killing…don't let me be the one that catches you."
"That's enough." Dumbledore stepped in. "Minerva will you please do me the favour of escorting Regulus back to his room so that he may pack?" McGonagall nodded and steered Regulus to the door.
Sirius watched them leave with an angry glare. James asked the question that he knew Sirius wanted to know the answer to but wouldn't ask himself. "To pack sir?"
"Yes, I've suspended Regulus for a period of time, he is to return home and be home-schooled for this period."
"Is that all?" Sirius was surprised that he wasn't punished with anything more serious.
"Regulus has done much wrong but he has tried to redeem himself."
Sirius snorted. "With what? Bad attitude?"
Dumbledore shook his head mildly. "I'm afraid that he has played a greater role than you believe. He was the one who alerted Minerva and I that there was trouble in the Court. I brought him here hoping that he would tell you that himself but perhaps one day…" For a moment the old wizard appeared wistful but it quickly grew into a quiet confidence that it would indeed happen one day.
---
The early hours of the morning at the hospital wing saw to it that James was still wide-awake. Unable to sleep he sneaked off to see Remus who was recuperating in a private room near Pomfrey's office. If possible, his friend looked more ill and gaunt than usual after a transformation. He winced at the thought of having used spells on him the way he did.
"Sorry mate, didn't mean any of it." He apologized quietly before creeping out again without waking him.
Next he found Lily. He tapped on her door quietly just in case but there was no reply. Opening the door a crack he slipped in as silently as he could and waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness.
Remus had been given a private ward for obvious reasons but he believed that Lily had requested for one. He padded to her still form and knelt beside the bed, marveling at how something as simple as her steady breathing could offer him so much comfort. She was alive and that was what mattered. He was no longer adamant that he would only be happy if they were together for now he knew that as long as she was alive and well he would be happy.
He crouched there for long time, not wanting to give up the close proximity but in the end he left but not before leaving the softest of kisses on her forehead.
The door clicked behind him and he headed back for his bed, hopping a step every now and again because his feet were getting cold. He began to tiptoe as he passed Pomfrey's office because he could hear the murmur of conversation through the door. He almost made it all the way when he heard the name "Lestrange." Curious he doubled back and began to eavesdrop.
"It is rare for Hogwarts to turn its back on students." Dumbledore said gravely. "Especially now of all times. I fear that expelling Rodolphus will only abandon him to the hands of Tom."
Tom?
James scratched his head mentally.
"Worrying." McGonagall confirmed.
"But the safety of the students comes before all else. I will arrange something."
What it was that Dumbledore arranged James never found out, at least not immediately and even after he did it was mostly guesswork. For now, satisfied that Lestrange was dealt with James slipped back to his bed. With care he eased his aching bones onto the mattress trying to avoid a certain creak of a spring.
He shook his head. It was rather worrying that he spent long enough here to know the beds well. With a conviction to avoid Madam Pomfrey for as long as possible he slowly drifted to an uneasy sleep.
Sirius waited until James' breathing deepened before he edged out of his bed. He too avoided putting weight on a certain few spots to prevent the loud springs. He headed straight for the muffled voices although unlike James he was not in the least curious of what would become of Lestrange as long as he was far far far away from him. Preferably locked up and treated with a dose of stinging hexes on a daily basis, but he'd settle for a great stretch of distance between them. This, he decided was in the best interests for Lefreak because if he ever got a chance he would gladly throttle him to death with his bare hands. In the dark Sirius bared his teeth, if only he could get a hold of him.
He knocked softly on the door. The voices beyond stopped abruptly before Dumbledore's musical voice told him to enter. He slipped in, careful to close the door after and padded slowly to the seated Professors.
Sensing that Sirius had personal matters to discuss McGonagall soon excused herself and Dumbledore waved Sirius to occupy her vacated squishy armchair (no doubt conjured by him).
"Sir."
"Sirius."
Sirius opened his mouth. In truth he wasn't quite sure whether he should be here. He knew what he wanted to discuss but was quite at loss at how to discuss it. Whilst lying in bed waiting for Prongs to doze off he had assumed that once he was here words would pour out but being awkward as usual, it didn't.
Dumbledore waited patiently in a way that only he was capable of doing. His elbows rested on the armchair and the points of his fingers drew together thoughtfully just below his chin. His eyes were twinkling and all at once piercing.
"Sir," He tried again. Dumbledore nodded for him to continue. "Evil. What does it mean to be evil?"
If the Headmaster was thrown off by his question he hid it well because all he did was offer a small smile that said nothing. "If you don't mind me asking, is this something to do with what happened in the Court yard?"
Sirius nodded. "I'm just having a bit of a hard time sorting everything out and there are…lots of things, feelings I had tonight that confuse me. I mean to be evil you have to wish harm upon someone else right? Even a close friend?"
"That is correct."
"Well tonight, I…I tried my damned hardest to kill James…"
"And now you think that you are evil?"
Sirius found that he couldn't quite look at Dumbledore anymore; instead he stared at the sleeve of his pajama top. "I know that I was zonked out by some potion but-"
"That wasn't just any potion, Mister Black. It was the Draught of Delirium. It's powerfully hallucinogenic so I believe that you were quite out of your mind."
"Yea but what if it was feeding off something? Lily's delusions stemmed from her subconscious guilt over the death of her parents so I dunno, maybe inside I have some subconscious desire to kill my best friend or something? I could be that twisted but I just haven't known about it until now."
"The potion affects each person uniquely. As a friend of Lily's I'm sure that you understand how deeply the death of parents have impacted on her. Guilt as you have correctly termed it hangs heavy on her shoulders. It is a misplaced guilt but she feels that it is hers alone and with nothing else to surrender to the draught it was guilt that took control. With you, Sirius, your case is very different. Tragedy does have a mark on you but you have reached an understanding that the fault is not your own."
"What so Lily had an orientated kind of delusional madness and I was just plain mad? But then why on Earth would I want to kill James?"
"Madness needs no reason, Mister Black. James happened to be there at the wrong place at the wrong time. Although seeing as how much worse things could have potentially turned, he was there at precisely the right time."
Sirius sat back letting Dumbledore's words sink in feeling better for the first time that night/morning (the whole school would wake up in less than an hour).
"Cool, I think…thanks." He stood up to leave but he paused to ask one more question. "So, Professor,"
"Yes?"
"Was I totally off my rocker tonight?"
The Headmaster gave one of his trademark eye-twinkling smiles. "For lack of a better word, yes you were completely bonkers."
Sirius gave a crooked grin. "Excellent." He said and skipped back- no scratch that! Sirius doesn't skip! He swaggered back to bed and flopped onto it ignoring the multiple twangs of the mattress groaning under his weight.
