So…I have no excuse for the looong wait I put you through. I had a huge case of writer's block and a tough time in my personal life. I'll update all my stories though, I promise. Thanks to anyone who's still reading :).
I left Forks on a Friday, Heidi driving me to the airport, in spite of my mother's protests. She had stopped being spiteful when Bella had left but she still didn't understand any of it. It had taken all of Emmett's persuasion to help her consider what I'd do if she refused to let go. She had to realize I would leave for good, I would leave her behind me without looking back. That made her stop and think.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not a selfish person. I would do anything for my family. Anything but lose Bella. I know she thinks I should stay, that I'm too young to fully realize the impact of a relationship between us. She may be right, but I won't spend the rest of my life wondering if that could have worked, torturing myself. Life is short after all, my father could tell you that.
Heidi was very sweet, not that I didn't know that before. She was so upset when she found out that Bella had run away, like it was a betrayal to her. I guess she was just angry and when she finally calmed down, she helped me cope. She helped me in more ways than one. Helped me understand that my mom needed time and understanding, not anger coming from me.
I had to go. I needed to, because my life literally depended on it. I knew Bella had run away but I also understood that she wasn't a coward. Sometimes, life gets too much and you need to protect yourself and the ones you love. God, I hoped I was included in that group.
The airport was crowded as usual. I could remember the first time I was here last summer, all scared and anxiously waiting for my friend Denis, whom I had started corresponding with to pick me up. I could speak a little French but still felt completely lost. In the gigantic space that was Charles de Gaulle, it was hard not to.
I felt her presence before I saw her. Her body grazed mine, hesitating. When I met her eyes, they reflected the same feelings. Worry and tenderness all wrapped up in one beautiful package. I couldn't help it, I crushed her in a hug. She started crying and laughing at the same time, as if her body didn't know what to do.
"You're crazy…" She whispered, her nose slowly inhaling my neck, making me shiver.
"Oh and you're not? Running away like you did…" I chastised, my eyes letting her know I wasn't angry.
"I was a coward, I know that. I should have stayed and faced the consequences. I just couldn't…"
"Why?" I asked, bracing myself for her answer.
"I was afraid." It was just a murmur, her lips stubbornly closing, her whole body tense. I could have cried with frustration.
"Tell me why, that's all I'm asking. I'll accept everything, I'll even leave if you want me to."
"No!" Her whole body protested too, arms gripping my waist with all the strength they could muster.
"I was afraid that you were the one for me." She finally confessed, eyes clear and teary.
"Why were you afraid of that?" I barely recognized my own voice. It was shaky and hoarse, as if it would break in a second.
"I couldn't believe it, that you could want me. You're such a brilliant, gorgeous young man, how could you notice me, love me even? It made no sense to me." Her words were rushed, feverish. She looked scared, as if I would stop her from talking. "It still doesn't make any sense to me. I was never able to truly love a man. I spent years with my ex-boyfriend only to realize that I had no passion for him, only a lukewarm affection, one that would never be enough. He loved me and I didn't deserve him…I had resigned myself to this life and then, one day…" She sobbed, her forehead on my shoulder but she quickly wiped her tears away.
"One day?" I whispered. My heart was pounding like a drum, making it difficult to breathe.
"One day, you came into my life. You were a storm, you destroyed my careful existence in the best way possible. When I saw you that day, I knew that nothing would ever be the same for me again. You obsessed me, I wanted to be close to you, to taste you, to know everything about you." I moaned quietly, kissing her neck, licking a little, to let her know without a word that I felt the same.
"And then we kissed, we made love and I was lost." She saw the flash of hurt crossing my face and rushed to explain. "It was the best period of my life Edward, I was so happy I couldn't hide it, even if I knew it was wrong. I couldn't bring myself to care. "
"What happened?"
"Your mum's reaction was like an electric shock. I realized how selfish I had been, never considering the hurt I would cause her."
"Did you worry about your career too?" I asked, worrying my lower lip with my teeth.
"I thought it would be the case but no…I only cared about what your mother thought of me. I wanted a professional change anyway." She kissed the side of my mouth, freeing it from the torture I was inflicting.
"Are you finished?"
"For now, yes…" Her shy smile made me melt and almost lose my resolve.
"You're an idiot."
"What?" She gasped, still firmly huddled in my arms.
"Instead of talking to me about all this, what do you do? You fly to Paris, you run away from me! Can you even imagine what that did to me? I felt like I was not good enough for you."
"Oh no, no Edward! I never thought that, not for a second. I was the one who felt…inadequate I guess. I love you so much, it was so hard to leave…"
"Prove it." I said, trying my best to keep a stern face.
"Prove what?"
"That you love me."
"Wh…"
"I know a thing or two that could really convince me, Ms Swan…" I whispered in her ear. A long shudder travelled on her body and she exhaled with a trembling breath.
"I think I know what you mean…" She answered, pressing herself into me, making me even harder.
"You do? Then what are we waiting for?"
We ran all the way to the cab station.
Last chapter next week! Please review.
