A/N: Love you all as always!
AS IT SHOULD BE
James stood frozen on the spot. If at all possible he felt like a part of him died when she walked out without even a response.
He faced the rest of the class, gazing out over the rows of desks and seated students but seeing none of them. Had he been anyone else the hot gawking would have brought a sense of mortification but James simply stood there feeling…nothing. What are you supposed to feel when nothing really matters any more? What are you supposed to say?
"Excuse me." He offered politely and left leaving a gaping absence at the front of the classroom. Within five strides he reached the door and a second later he was gone.
The instant the door closed the class exploded into an excited uproar that even McGonagall hadn't a hope in the world in stopping. Furiously tapping her wand she resumed her space at the front.
"Public humiliation." Peter said excitedly, wanting to be the first to comment on the rather eventful Transfiguration class. "That was a complete Wronski Feint if I'd ever seen one!" he went on to quip. Wordplay did not often fall his way and he thought that this one was a particularly good one.
Sirius on the other hand did not find it witty at all. "Shut up!" He snapped. As a member of the male gender who witnessed it, even he felt his ego bruise but as a friend he was worried for James. He'd never seen James so…well…rejected. Metaphorically speaking it was the ultimate slap in the face and boy, this was a very big slap. "What is wrong with you, you stupid girl?" He growled under his breath. Girls could be such a nuisance whenever they're not too busy looking all cute and pretty. James and Lily were perfect for each other, even an emotional dolt like him could see it as clear as day; at first their 'games' were amusing but now they were just outright annoying. For some strange reason Rosie came to mind and Sirius smiled nastily for no reason. She was annoying too but Lily seemed to listen to her-
"SILENCE!" McGonagall roared her voice magnified to deafening proportions by her wand. Everyone fell quiet at once. "Sirius, get up here and give your presentation." She said peevishly after she ascertained that the silence would last.
In one fluid motion Sirius stood, naturally drawing attention to himself like moths to a flame. "I would love to," he started, pitching just the right amount of sincerity into his voice, "but unfortunately, I ate- I mean my dog ate my homework…"
Forty-five minutes later class ended and Sirius exited the classroom ahead of everyone else. He had a couple extra detentions to his name but that was to be expected. Sure he cared about getting the grades to be an Auror but he also cared very much for his sleep. Only Sirius could ever get away with what was an apparent half assed attempt of an excuse for not handing in work, but then he was one of the few able to withstand McGonagall's formidable wrath.
He ambled along with his robe slung over his shoulder. His tie hung loosely around the collar of his creased shirt but he didn't care, nor did anyone else it seemed because just as many people stared his way as when he was as polished as a brand new Sickle. As usual, Sirius took no notice of them whatsoever to the point of ignoring the clique of girls that had suddenly picked up like a shadow. When he stopped outside of the Slytherin portrait he threw his bag down and proceeded to wait. Five minutes later an ideal candidate promptly appeared.
"Please be a Dear and get Amiral out here." He said sweetly…to Snape. Animosity fired from under his sickly sugared tone and the Slytherin visibly bristled. Sirius only smiled, he was not one to forgive or forget easily; one day he would get him back.
Snape looked aghast. "I am not here to perform menial tasks for dogs." He spat and stalked up to the portrait uttering the password.
Black grinned. "So the password is Snakebite. How imaginative." He said sarcastically to Snape's retreating back. The portrait slammed close and the painted figure clapped his hands over his ears before resuming his sour scowl at the Gryffindor.
"Tch! Don't give me that face." Sirius told the pasty faced picture and crossed his arms to wait for the next Slytherin. He did not have long to wait when some third year girls approached. The trio spotted him straight away and edged cautiously to their common room.
Sirius flashed them a charming smile. "Hello there, ladies!"
They hesitated, not quite sure what to make of him. Interacting with Gryffindors was considered as a no-no among the members of their house and intermingling with Sirius was nothing short of traitorous.
"What is it that you want?" The taller out of the three demanded. Her name was Matilda something or another, he didn't know.
Unperturbed, Sirius opened his arms in a gesture to show that he meant no harm. "There are many things that I want my dear, care to spend some time with me to find out?"
She blushed immediately and the other two girls giggled. Sirius had learnt long ago that it didn't take much to disarm even the fiercest of girls. Sure, each was different but they all had their weaknesses in the end, even Amiral.
"It'll be a date." He promised without so much as a thought. "Now, I was wondering which of you would like to help me out."
"To do what?" Matilda asked her cheeks still pink.
"You see, I need to speak to Amiral."
"Oh."
"And I would really appreciate it if you asked her to come out. It'll only be brief." He said, again pitching just the right tone. "And don't worry, no harm will come to her, I promise." Sirius raised three fingers to the sky like a scout might but he wasn't quite sure what gesture they held so he finished it with a random salute. He didn't have a clue how faithful it was to the Scout's Honor but these Slytherin girls sure as hell wouldn't know; it was after all a Muggle thing.
The girls exchanged looks before slowly agreeing. If anything they would be messengers, not betrayers to Slytherin. They could say no but what if Rose wanted to see him? Nothing was worse than the vengeance of a seventh year girl and Matilda did not want the rest of the year to be a nightmare. "We can't guarantee that she'll come out though."
"That is fine, as long as you try your best. Snakebite" He said and graciously opened the portrait for them although he could not enter himself. They disappeared but Matilda reappeared shortly.
"I'm sorry but she says no." She said apologetically noting what she imagined was disappointment on Sirius' face.
In reality Sirius was far from disappointed. He knew for a fact that she would refuse but being the gentleman that he was, he thought it would be nice to give her the choice before forcing her to come out. "Yes I know, she probably called me quite a few exotic things too."
The girl didn't exactly nod but Sirius knew that he was right. "In that case, I guess that leaves me no choice but to recite love poetry in her honor until she decides that she must simply see me." He shouted loudly through the open portrait.
"My Love, mine heart beats for you! Like whistles-" He started as loudly and as obnoxiously as he could.
As he predicted Rosie came stomping out before he could even finish the second line. She swept her murderous eyes over the group of giggling girls nearby and then settled on boring a hole through Sirius' skull with them. "What are you and those blathering idiots doing outside of my common room?" She demanded.
"Why, I'm only just trying to do as the Sorting Hat instructs and unify the Houses." He said while his hand found its way onto her shoulder just to annoy her. "You see over there we have an assortment of Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, a few Gryffindors. Over here we have a Gryffindor and now we also have a Slytherin." He gave her a pat and she threw his arm off while turning an angry red. Sirius couldn't help but laugh, he knew that he shouldn't be taking the piss but she was too easy and he loved to wind her up.
"What do you want Black?" she hissed.
"Well, Amiral. You see, there is this situation…" With minimal detail he outlined the latest on James and Lily.
Rosie listened reluctantly but the like of Black never gave up unless he got what he wanted. "So, the bottom line is, you want me to do you a favor?" She asked with a raised eyebrow afterwards.
"Not a favor exactly. She's your friend too."
"But all the same you want me to speak to her?" she insisted smugly. "I hope you remember that you still owe me a favor from last time?"
With thought Sirius recalled Rosie's help in obtaining the three pearls for the Protectus spell. Thinking of which, where did she get them? "I owe you a kiss, not a favor." He corrected.
"A favor."
"A kiss."
"A favor!" She declared hotly.
A sly smile spread on Sirius. "What kinda favor did you have in mind?"
Rosie looked like she was about to slap him but apparently decided that it wasn't worth the effort or maybe she just didn't want to get mobbed by an army of upset girls afterwards.
"See, I told you it was a kiss." He said triumphantly and she scowled at him, wanting to slap the smile off.
"You can keep your kisses. And no can do. I can't make Lily marry James, you think too highly of me if you think I can do that."
"Now that's not the type of positive thinking that we need-"
"Don't you ever mind your own business?" She snapped in exasperation.
Sirius shrugged carelessly and began to walk off, already tuning her out. "Oh well, can't hex a guy for trying."
---
James strolled about the corridors with his hands deep in his pockets. With his brows drawn together he looked serious and even pensive as he meandered around groups of students. He greeted people he knew with genial hellos as he usual and offered appropriate smiles but unfortunately he was far from normal. It was like he existed in a sub-reality and he was on autopilot with no idea of how to take control again.
As far as he knew he was calm or at least it resembled calm…what the heck? He was one stop short of freaking out! He just wasn't sure how to express it right now. He needed to calm down, to sort his thoughts out and maybe come up with a plan of how to unscrew everything that he somehow managed to fantastically screw up.
First things first, he needed to find Lily. With a start he realized that this could be the beginning of a very long rest-of-his-life that revolved around Lily. Even as an eleven-year old boy Lily played a central part of his life and now more than ever he knew that she was his life. Letting her walk away was not an option. She loved him and he knew it. He knew it as surely as he knew how much she meant to him. By Merlin's beard he would dearly love to hear her say it to him but he would never get the chance if he scared her off with marriage!
With a feverish absolution he began to search for Lily.
---
Lily cuddled her legs together and leaned her chin on her knees feeling thoroughly miserable.
"Lily Evans, what is wrong with you?" she grumbled aloud. "You're such a chicken! I can't believe you ran! What in the world would he think?" Scolding herself did little to ease her frustration but what else could she do?
"Okay, so he's serious, he wants to get married…oh-my-eeeeeee!" Lily rolled onto her back and then onto her side, squealing into her arms. "He wants to marry me! That can't be right…what is he thinking?" She kicked out her legs feeling oddly squeamish inside.
She pictured James leaning against the desk exactly the way he did that morning. There was something about seeing him stand up there, something that immediately held her in awe of him. It was a steady confidence that he projected; it spoke out in silent volumes touching everyone. It made them want to listen to him, want believe and want to watch him out of fascination. Lily was entranced.
Sitting there, three rows from the front she was slowly absorbing details about him. The way he automatically ran a hand through his hair making it stick up even more, his shirt only half tucked in, the little nick just below his jaw where he cut himself shaving. It was almost scarily obsessive but at the same time she simply couldn't help it.
It was him…because of him…
Lily could not believe how he had single handedly changed her into one of those flappy, smitten girls she used laugh at. She never understood how it was possible for a perfectly normal girl to turn all giggly and helplessly besotted by a guy. In retrospect she owed Petunia an apology if they ever spoke or indeed saw each other ever again. Once she had made fun of her over her infatuation over Vernon and her sister had angrily snapped: "Just you wait until you fall in love and then you will understand!"
Lily clapped a hand to her forehead. "I'm in love." She cried and covered her face. She hated this about herself, things happened and it seemed like she caught up always a little bit late. "And I ran off…" She just wanted to curl into a ball and hide.
Two weeks. He'd spent two weeks proposing to her, repeatedly. She honestly did think that he was playing. The matter was just so serious and beyond her imagination that she hadn't thought of it as anything else until now…
Unconsciously she might have known that he was up to something because she'd sat up straighter, heart beating just a little faster than normal. Maybe it was the way he looked at her during breakfast? The way his fingers twirled and lingered on her hair just that little bit longer or that half smile that made his eyes shine mischievously? Whatever it was, there had been something different about him even before the lesson.
She sat up straight. "But is it possible? Me married to James…Mrs. Potter…" Lily scrunched her nose up. "Ick." No matter how she thought about it the title Mrs. Potter will always belong to his mother but…Mrs. Lily Evans Potter, now that was different!
"I'm going crazy, for goodness sake I'm talking to myself!" Lily jumped at the sound of something that sounded strangely like a snort but when she looked around she found that she was quite alone. "Crazy." She repeated before someone knocked softly on the door.
Before it opened she already knew that it could only be one person.
"You cheated. You shouldn't have use the map." She said to him from where she sat by in the middle of the floor in the astronomy tower.
James shook his head. If only he had thought of that damn map, it would have saved him a lot of time and he admitted to her as much but all she responded with was a quiet "Oh."
He approached her cautiously. "Hi."
"Hi."
James cleared his throat uncertainly. "I uh…I guess I've been a bit of a git haven't I? I really didn't mean to humiliate you in front of everyone by putting you on the spot…I just wanted you to listen."
Lily fiddled with the ends of her hair desperately wondering what she should say. An apology began to form on her lips-
Without a single answer or any kind of input from her he sighed, preparing for the worse. "I understand if you hate me and never want to see me again." As much as he hated to go he began to back off.
To his surprise Lily scrabbled to her feet. "James! Hey wait! Get back here!" He was only too happy to oblige and he returned to her side.
"You must know by now that I don't hate you!" Lily said earnestly. In truth in the space of a few hours she was already missing him.
"I do… but it's fairly hard not to lose confidence when you don't say anything like that." That was the problem with women or more specifically Lily; he never quite knew what she was thinking.
"I'm sorry that I…I bolted like that. I panicked! I just needed to think through some issues of mine."
"You don't have any issues." If Lily wanted to see issues she should look at any one of the Marauders. Sirius had some seriously messed up family, Remus was a werewolf, Peter…he collected bottle caps? And as for him…he was so lovesick it just wasn't right…
"Even Rosie can see that I have issues."
He feigned thoughtfulness. "In that case they're minor."
"I feel that they are big."
"How big?"
Lily opened her arms out wide. "Bigger than that." James had to smile at that and Lily gave a small smile in return but it quickly faded as she drew the conversation back on track.
"About today, I wasn't humiliated at all. Just caught in the headlights. I'm flattered really! And oddly impressed that you managed to stick me in an essay… by the way I didn't quite get quite get all of the theory behind the Animagi transformations, I feel bad about it because you put so much effort into it..." Lily cringed. She never knew herself to be so completely inarticulate; not only is she expressing herself badly, she sounded like she was more concerned about the stupid theory than his proposal and that was far from the truth.
James shrugged. "Don't feel bad. The theory handbook that we used to learn the charm was five inches thick and it took us the better part of all our time here just to read it let alone get our heads around. Trying to fit it into a fifteen-minute presentation was stupid anyway. I mean, what's one lesson compared to a couple years of obsessed study? But that's another story."
Lily nodded sadly knowing that he was waiting for her to explain some of the things she pondered over but wouldn't push her for it. She took a deep breath and summoned all of her conscious effort into what she hoped would be a faithful translation of what flew in her brain to words. "I don't for once question your sincerity but I always wonder if you know what it is that you are getting yourself into. I'm not sure I'm who you think I am."
"I don't understand. What do you mean? You're Lily-" She stared at him. He meant a lot to her, there was no denying that. If she needed proof she need only recall the split second when she was convinced that he was lost to her.
"I can't help but feel that you've formed an idealized image of me somehow. But the thing is, the real me is nothing like the girl you think you see. I'm as imperfect as they come…"
"But I'm not looking for perfection!" James knew he was lying through his teeth but somehow he knew that telling her that she was already every inch of perfection to him would be received in the wrong way.
Lily continued to plod on with her typical stubbornness. "Then how can you be so stupid and choose something that isn't perfect?" In her eyes James deserved nothing short of the perfect girl. There were so many out there and why chose her over them?
His eyes widened. "Because you're the one I love?" He said, unable to hide the 'obviously'' tone fully.
Temporarily stunned it took a moment for her to gather her scattered thoughts before she could continue. "How can you be so certain that I am the one for you? There's so much you don't know about me and me about you! I talk in my sleep, I over react a lot of the time, I'm picky, I'm so many weird things that you would have never imagined!"
Picky? Then pick me! Pick me! James wanted to scream, instead he said, "I'm glad you're so many things! Because I'm more than willing to spend the rest of my life finding them out if you would just let me!"
Lily felt her face crumple but thankfully she didn't cry. Things always got hard for her whenever James said things like that; to him they were just words but for her, every one of them struck deep in her heart.
"I know me proposing seems kind of random and out of the blue to you but it's definitely not. We've known each other for a very long time but haven't dated for too long; we haven't been together nor know anything or spent much time together outside of school. I'm aware of all this but I learnt something very important that night." He wasn't even looking at her anymore as he struggled to put his feeling to words. "That night…when I was stuck in the cage and I knew something would happen to you…I…lost it completely. I thought I was going to go crazy and when I got out and Sirius thought that you were dead…"
"James…"
"At that instant when I thought that you might be dead…everything fell apart and I didn't know what to do. All I knew was that I couldn't…lose you." He looked at her then, his dark eyes penetrating right through her, seeing everything that was Lily Evans.
"James…" Lily didn't know what to say.
He fished in his pocket and brought out a small velvet box. A ring box. "I wanted to offer this earlier but it didn't arrive until today." His gaze dropped to the box and he took a moment to brace himself. Very slowly he lowered himself onto one knee and held the box to her. "I've always known that I wanted to spend my life with you but now I also know that I can't live without you. Lily, please…will you marry me?" The word please, so sweetly it slid from his lips.
Lily was lost in the depth of his sincere eyes. When she looked at James she saw everything that she had ever wanted and now everything was within her grasp.
He stayed on his knee and she stood above him. They remained like that for perhaps a few minutes but neither noticed.
All of a sudden Lily moved forwards and dug all ten of her fingers into the soft thickness of his full hair making all of it stand up on end.
For a split second James feared she was going to knee him but that worry and every last coherent strain of thought was hurled out of the window when she leant over and kissed him hard. It was deeper than anything they had ever shared, more possessive than they could have imagined and it consumed them both.
It took James' breath away and scared Lily that she could ever be so daring. It seemed that whenever it concerned James all rules were broken. She had once sworn her hate for him yet it was she who initiated their first kiss and now it was she again who was taking him into her arms. Lily of all people!
Only when it occurred to her that this awkward positioning could potentially snap his neck did she release him from her fierce kiss. With a gasp she sucked in a deep breath of air and went very red. James automatically flexed his neck, which had been pushed right back so that he could meet her mouth vertically.
"Is that a yes?" He barely dared to ask. When Lily nodded he thought he might explode. His reaction was spectacular on the inside but all he could handle outwardly was to pull Lily into a bone-crushing hug. He couldn't even make himself get up. He pressed his face into her stomach. He was thankful, happy, content, amazed and everything else possible.
From a hidden window three animals were behaving more like spectators than protectors. "Finally!" Chewy whispered. "Things are as they should be!"
"They will be if you get your bloody foot out of my face!" Nutmeg complained.
"Love warms every heart." Tatty said wistfully.
"Yeah, over my two week old furry hairballs!" Nutmeg grunted but watched on, her eyes glowing dimly in the dark.
Oblivious to their audience Lily hugged him as best as she could while standing up for she couldn't move. "James, you're such a huge idiot…but I love you…so damn much!"
And James said…well, he couldn't say anything because he was at lost for words and that was because Lily Evans loved James Potter.
A/N: The next chapter is: OH. Get clicking!
