Hydro-Escapist
It turns out that Vernon Dursley, as tough as he is, is by no means a skilled temper-thrower. After an extreme bout of furiousness, Vernon actually tends to cry. He knew this as well as anyone, so he headed downstairs for toast before he could bring himself to weep.
Once downstairs, Petunia snidely remarked, "Vernon. What a surprise."
"Daddy, where are your tears?" questioned Dudley.
"Daddy does not, for the final time, produce any tears of any way, shape, or form," Vernon nearly yelled, sharply cutting the last five syllables.
"But you cried when Grandpa died," Dudley pointed out.
"I did not. It's just that my mother was so elderly it made me sad," Vernon sobbed.
"Then what are these drops on your face, Daddy?"
"These, honeybunches, are a reaction to excess water levels. I drink a lot of water," he replied hoarsely. Rapidly changing the subject, Vernon said, "C'mon, everyone, into the car."
Vernon Dursley drove on through unforgiving dark clouds and depressing sights of lonely fields of wheat. It did not make him any happier.
"Daddy's not so happy," Petunia informed Dudley, who was about to interrogate his increasingly frustrated father once more. "Do you want to play some of your video games?"
"Heck, no," objected Dudley. "Can't you buy me a game that doesn't include anthropomorphic biological specimens? Look at how much these insipid pastimes are nonchalantly forcing me to comprehend!"
"No. Look at you, Dudley! You can now say a word longer than 'cat' now!" Petunia argued.
"What about 'food'?"
"You never say that anyway," said Dudley's mother blatantly. "You say 'hungry', which has three fewer letters that 'food'."
The compact continued to lumber along. After a while, the trio came to a plain riddled with seemingly haunted ruins of an old building, specked with multiple warning signs, although one of them was about Kazakhstani coffee.
"Ooh, a pancake house!" the Dursleys exclaimed in unison. They proceeded to escape their automobile and head toward the ramparts, which were not a pancake house but equally as magical.
