Vernon ran into an invisible barrier. "It seems as if I just ran into an invisible barrier!" he cried.
Dudley drove his insurmountable flesh into the wall, bringing it down with a resonant crack! He revealed a large hall flooded with bewitched chandeliers, which was devoid of life.
"Can't believe such a mesmerizing place would have no service," muttered Vernon.
A flood of teenagers in long, dark cloaks spilled into the room, as if on cue. They took their seemingly assigned places beside the long wooden tables.
"Oh, you are so dead!" burst Vernon. "No one takes my spot!"
"Don't be a jerk," said Petunia. "Hey, is that Harry? Get out of there, Harry!"
Harry Potter turned around in disbelief. How the heck could he have missed that unlit candle on the chandelier? He proceeded to have it repaired. "Professor…"
"I don't think cousin Harry wants to talk to us, mum," observed Dudley.
"Well, finally! What young adult says 'mommy' anymore!" Petunia answered with her own observation.
Vernon made an angry growl. "Someone get me my order, or I swear, I will pretend to be the food department and have this place turned into a haggis market!"
"Chandelier lights are none of your business, Potter!" Severus Snape spat. At that moment, he noticed two hulking gluttons and their slender female counterpart. "Potter, are you familiar with the intruders positioned awkwardly inside a hole?"
"Um, no, I don't," Harry stammered. "They, um, appear to be—the Coast Guard!"
"I sense no requirement for such," Snape replied, with a hint of frustration and twelve times the furiousness. "Get your guardian …" Snape muttered a rather taboo term in our modern society.
"Could you not say that? I'm sure young children are aware of our conversation."
"Why, of course," Snape said kindly. He then emitted some terminology that Harry was sure would make some people feel very dirty and criminal.
"My mother did not!" Harry jumped. "She's dead!" He cut Snape off before he could elicit another "witty" response, presumably one about how Lily Potter passed.
"I have no time for your silly games. No one has infiltrated Hogwarts since its inception, and your gelatinous relatives can just maneuver in like it was just a pancake house?" Snape held up his hand and walked away.
"Hey, look! That must be our waitress!" Vernon joyfully proclaimed, pointing at Snape. "I would like a buttermilk pancake with multiple species of berries," he said, unaware.
"Don't," Petunia warned, seeing as Snape was about to throw in a detail about where he wanted to shove the berries.
"You are not welcome here. Get out."
"And why would that be, punk?" Vernon asked, emphasizing the last syllable.
"We are highly trained wizards. Well, except for Potter, Weasley, and Granger. You are not a highly trained wizard, nor are your hideous offspring and your deformed and malfunctioning wife."
"I will have you know, fool, that my wife can function just properly. She hasn't taken a laxative in years!" Vernon retaliated.
"Wow. That's really immature. No matter. I will have all three of you banished from here in the next five seconds." Snape raised his wand and began the first phonemes of the Killing Curse.
"Your voice is beautiful," said Vernon.
