A/N: Hello all again! And thank you, as always!
AshtrayTragedyM.D. aww, don't be too hard on Rave (though I have a feeling you might be calling her stupid again this chapter...) And no, Ghoul would never break his promise. Also, I caught the lyric ref in your review ;) Nicely done.
Alright, new chapter, very Saint Jimmy focused this one. He might even surprise you...
The title for this chapter comes from the American Idiot song "We Are The Waiting" (beautiful song...)
As ever, I do not own the Killjoys, Saint Jimmy or anything/anyone else from the worlds of Danger Days/American Idiot
Chapter 8 - Rage and Love, Story of My Life
She was so sick of crying. Rave didn't see the Killjoys go. Though she'd heard Fun Ghoul calling to her. She didn't want the tearful goodbye. No, what she'd wanted was Party Poison. Coming back to her, telling her he'd been wrong. But that wouldn't happen. And she didn't want to see them leaving. The image of Party Poison turning away, turning his back was more than enough. So, here she was, again, curled up on a bed, crying her heart, her soul out. And no one was coming to save her this time. She wasn't going to hear Fun Ghoul's gentle words. Wasn't going to feel Party Poison's arms around her. Wasn't even going to hear, to see the embarrassed panic that was the common reaction of Jet Star or Kobra Kid whenever they found her upset. "I'll get Poison." When he wasn't around, "I'll get Ghoul."
It'd been five years since Rave had felt so alone. Five years since Party Poison found her, saved her. Five years since she'd found the best and closest family she'd ever known. Five years since she'd gone on the run from her old life, a bad life, a life starting to feel like it wasn't her own. And, though that part wasn't entirely his fault, it had to be noted, as that was probably the (other) most significant thing.
Five years since she'd been forced to tear herself away from Saint Jimmy.
Of course. She wasn't entirely alone.
Rave heard his footsteps coming in through the door she hadn't bothered to close. Her words were muffled in the pillow, but she knew he'd hear them. "Leave me alone, Jimmy!" A silence that almost led her to believe that he
really had. This was soon disproved. "You should've gone with them." She looked up at him then, glaring. How could he say that? Now? "I know." Saint Jimmy said. "I know you want to kill me right now for saying that when… I'm the reason you've been left behind." Saint Jimmy's words were just making Rave more and more furious. "Don't flatter yourself Jimmy. I stayed because I thought it was wrong to leave someone alone. And they didn't leave me. I stayed. I stayed! It was my decision and I-" She choked on her own words, her own tears. As she realised what Fun Ghoul had said to her was true. She had chosen Saint Jimmy over Party Poison, not just that, but over all of them. And she regretted it. And yes, it had been her decision, hadn't it? No one had forced her to stay. But they had forced her to choose. Curling back in on herself, she somehow cried harder. Good God, in all the time she'd been with Saint Jimmy, he'd never once seen her cry, right now though, she just couldn't care. Wasn't even surprised when he sat down next to her. "I know. I know this hurts." Again, she looked up, angrily. "What the fuck do you know about hurting? You've never cared about anyone but yourself." Saint Jimmy smiled, just a little. "Seems that way, huh?" Small pause, smile dissolving, though not disappearing. "But you know that's not true." A hand on her shoulder, which she flinched away from. "Don't you dare say you care about me, Jimmy."
"It's true, though." Rave let out a strangled, frustrated scream and buried her head again. "I know I have a pretty shitty way of showing it, if I do at all. But it's true." Rave just shook her head, she didn't want to hear this. "You think it didn't hurt me when you left?" Saint Jimmy demanded. "I meant what I said, when I said you should've gone with them. Because I know, I know what it's like to loose the people you lo- care about." Rave marvelled slightly over his almost choice of words. "And, you haven't lost them, babe. I saw those two trying to talk you into coming. I saw the look on his face as they drove off. Angry, hurt but fuck if leaving you here wasn't killing him. They'll take you in again quicker than a heartbeat. There's still a choice." Rave didn't want to think about that though, there was nothing she could do about that right now. And anyway. "Jimmy. What happened to Johnny and Whatsername?" At first Saint Jimmy looked away, and Rave was certain he wasn't going to answer. "When I finally left the city, I took Johnny with me. So naturally she came too." Rave sat, quiet as she could, listening. These had been her friends too, after all. "We lost her in only our second run in with the Dracs. Johnny never forgave himself. Sure as fuck he never forgave me." Oh God. Whatsername was dead. A small slideshow of flashbacks. They'd had their differences at times, but when it came right down to it, the two girls had understood each other. "So then it was just Johnny and me. For three years we got by out here. We heard about your Killjoys, y'know?" Then he laughed. "Swear to fuck Johnny idolised them. But, fucking idiot. He never was much of a fighter. Only survived as long as he did because of me." Rave could believe that, despite appearances, Saint Jimmy was good in a fight. He was quick, and he knew more than a few tricks. But now Saint Jimmy had gone quiet. "Jimmy." Rave prompted. Surprising herself with how steady her voice was. Just for a little while, she wasn't crying. "We were cornered."
And oh God, Rave knew where this was heading. And though it was clearly difficult, Saint Jimmy carried on. "No way we could get out. At least, not both of us." a pause, as Saint Jimmy closed his eyes. Opened them again. "Johnny told me I'd saved his life enough times. It was his turn now. I told him not to be so fucking stupid."
"No, Saint, it'd be fucking stupid if we both got killed here." It was all quiet in the old gas station, but both of them knew the group of Dracs and BL/Ind agents were just the other side of that door. They'd only just made it in here after all. Saint Jimmy glared at him. "I'm not fucking running, Jesus." And it was with a small smile that Jesus told him, "Yes. You fucking are. C'mon. It's about time I saw Whatsername again. She's gonna be pissed I kept her waiting so long." And Saint Jimmy grinned back. "She always was an impatient bitch."
"My impatient bitch." Jesus corrected. Saint Jimmy nodded his agreement. Pushing himself up, just so he could see
out the window at the top of the door. Fuck. They were so screwed. They'd be lucky if one of them got out. Sitting back down again, Saint Jimmy said, forcing his grin to stay in place, "Tell her 'fuck you' from me." Jesus smiled. "Will do." Even in the dim light, Saint Jimmy could see his eyes were shining. But his voice was entirely steady. "See you on the flipside. Jimmy." So long since he'd called him that. Even when they'd fucked, ever since they left the city, it'd always been 'Saint'. It took him by surprise. Nice surprise. "That's my name, and don't you fucking wear it out." Decided to repay the favour, "Johnny." And, though the smile Johnny gave him was a sad one, there was a look of determination on his face. As he knelt, one hand on the door handle, the other gripping his gun, confidently, making sure he had full eye contact with Saint Jimmy, he said, still with that small smile, "Rage and love." Their motto, their mantra, their life. Darting forward, and snatching his hair, Saint Jimmy kissed him, roughly, urgently, and with a passion that he hoped summed up everything. As he broke away, with bothof them gasping, barely apart, Saint Jimmy replied, "Rage and love." And then Johnny yanked the door handle, and Saint Jimmy ran.
"Johnny distracted them while I got out the back. Last I saw him, gun blazing, he finally looked like a fucking fighter." And, oh my God. Saint Jimmy was crying. Not much, only silently, but it was more than Rave had ever seen. And she couldn't help it, she moved closer to him, put her arms around him. Didn't take long for him to look up. And they were so close. Saint Jimmy leaned closer, kissed her. Rave knew she should push him away again. Couldn't though. This was it now, she was lost to him.
Slowly, and with a gentleness she'd forgotten he possessed, Rave found herself pushed down onto the bed, Saint Jimmy following her down. Her shirt pushed up. "I like your tattoos, babe. Suit you." He said, sitting back to get a better look at them. That's when he saw it. The tattoo above her left hip, the same one Rave had immediately thought of as soon as Saint Jimmy had mentioned them. Gently, Saint Jimmy ran his finger over the words. Saying them, quietly as he did. "Party Poison." He continued to stare at it. "You really love him, don't you?" Rave nodded. "Then I'm sorry." Saint Jimmy told her. "For everything."
"This isn't right, Poison." They were far down the road now, and Party Poison was focused on the road ahead. At least, that was the excuse he was telling himself for ignoring Fun Ghoul. Still. "Poison!"
"Give it a rest, Ghoul." Kobra Kid sighed, turning around in his seat to look back at him. "I'm sorry Rave's not here too, I tried to talk to her just like you did. She didn't want to come. That's not Poison's fault." Scowling, but sitting back again, Fun Ghoul muttered, "That's debatable." A second later and they had to brace themselves as the car came to an abrupt, screeching stop. "Fucking hell Poison!" Kobra Kid snapped, he'd still been turned around when they stopped and had very nearly found himself through the windshield. Only the fact he'd grabbed the dash and sat back quickly had prevented it. Party Poison, however, ignored his brother. Practically kicking the door open, he then went to Fun Ghoul's door, wrenched that open and dragged Fun Ghoul out. Keeping a tight hold, the two of them found their earlier roles reversed, Fun Ghoul now the one pinned. And despite the hard look Party Poison was giving him, Fun Ghoul did not back down. "I'm not taking it back." He stated. Without a word, Party Poison punched him. "Poison!" And, within seconds, both Kobra Kid and Jet Star were out the car too, shocked and just slightly worried about both of their friends. Fun Ghoul had barely flinched. "If you'd just gone and spoken to her-"
"It wouldn't have made any difference!" Party Poison yelled, finally breaking his silence. "You don't know that! You didn't even try!" Fun Ghoul matched him in both volume and feeling. And with that, he pushed Party Poison off and started walking, back the way they'd come. "Ghoul!" Kobra Kid exclaimed, "Where the fuck are you going?" Turning around but still walking, backwards, Fun Ghoul shrugged, "If I have to go get Rave myself, fine."
"Don't be stupid, Ghoul." Jet Star said, "It's dark and we're really far from-"
"I've got my gun, I'll be fine." Fun Ghoul insisted, still walking. "You're being crazy!" Kobra Kid told him, "Poison, say something." Barely taking his eyes off the ground, he still saw that Fun Ghoul had stopped, just for a second. Couldn't think of a thing to say to him, but he could think of too many. "see if I fucking care!" "please, I'm sorry…" "let him go." "please, get back in the car" "good luck". In the end he just turned and got back in the car. "Poison." Kobra Kid went to his brother, trying to talk sense into him, while Jet Star tried the same with Fun Ghoul. "C'mon, Ghoul. We don't need to be down another number." Fun Ghoul nodded his agreement, but not to stay. "And we won't be, not for long. I'll catch up to you guys by tomorrow morning, alright? And. I'll have Rave with me. I promise that."
"But, Ghoul, what if you-""I'll be fine." Fun Ghoul insisted once more. Then, with a look toward the car, where Kobra Kid was crouched beside the drivers side window, clearly in desperate talks with Party Poison. And yes, Fun Ghoul did feel awful for pushing him on this, knew he didn't need the added stress, didn't need the guilt. Knew he shouldn't be shouting at him, blaming him. But Fun Ghoul was so fucking mad they'd allowed themselves to leave Rave behind. "And anyway, he needs Rave just as much as she needs him." Jet Star looked behind him, sighing as he admitted, "I guess so. But, Ghoul-" But he was already walking again.
Only a couple of minutes later, Fun Ghoul heard the engine start up.
