"You guys want to stop verbally abusing each other?" Harry asked.
"Not really," Vernon replied.
Harry trod over to his uncle and whispered in his ear, "Calm down. Snape'll run out of professor words soon."
"What words does he know?" objected Dudley. Vernon, at that moment, uttered the world's longest swear. Well, actually, he simply strung ten separate swears together. Snape could not understand how he could be a hermaphrodite and yet have four children with separate individual.
Dumbledore was busy attempting to conquer insomnia in his cushy chair which he recently bought and named Chad. However, he was suddenly alerted by a resounding curse originating from a heavy, angry voice. He immediately stood up from his chair, relieved himself, and proceeded to investigate the commotion. Once outside, he confronted and cornered Harry's three relatives. "You five seem to be lacking in substantial brainpower," he proclaimed. He stroked his mustache and waved his slender digits in front of Vernon's face. "Don't—even talk to me-uh."
"Well, Mr. and Mrs. Dursley," growled Snape, "As you are, as I can see, clung to this tree; I suppose this will be a perfect time for the coup de grace." He raised his wand and began to recite the Killing Curse.
"We will NOT tolerate such language!" Petunia cried. "Dudley is just a young boy!"
"Gosh, why does everybody have to have such a boundless vocabulary?" Vernon muttered to himself. "Next thing you know, the King himself will come over here and talk about his cousin's violent outbursts!" To keep with the not being cliché, the King never did arrive.
Petunia made one last attempt at peace. "If we promise to never again intrude on such property, will you set us free?"
"What are you?" Snape grumbled? "Some fun little terriers? You ignorant Muggles are all but the same. Have some respect for once!"
"Stop!" Harry unknowingly yelled.
"There will be no rescue for your dear uncle now."
"No. I want to be the one who does the spell."
"Nuh-uh," objected Snape. "Of course, I expected as such. Your tiny little cranium obviously would not remember when I called dibs in that Potions class. You were too busy flirting with that insipid redhead over there to pay any attention to me at all."
Now it was Ron's turn to speak. "Listen, Snape—"
"Professor Snape."
"Professor, I understand you are desperate, but you really shouldn't resort to picking on underage boys!"
"You, sir, are breaking some fundamental rules of the boundaries of K+. Detention! However, instead of whatever boring punishment my fellow educators would wish to inflict upon you, I have risen to the challenge. Three hours of G movies. No excuses."
When the three turned around, to Snape's dismay, the Dursleys had long escaped.
