A/N: Hello. I'd like to apologize for not replying to the reviews left for this fic. The thing is, I usually tell something about the fic in my reply or where the story is heading and I wasn't sure I was going to continue this for two reason: 1, I don't feel compelled to write this like my other works...it's more of an experiment. 2, It's random shit, basically a parody (which reminds, me, I need to probably change the genre to parody). Nothing at all serious, though there is a bit of a plot. I know how it'll end and all. Anyways, so those are my reasons for not answering, but I promise to answer all reviews from now on. I don't see this going beyond 5 chaps or so. Thanks so much for the feedback, you guys are the best ^^

Beta: Blood Zephyr


Chapter 2

Late. Good.

Sasuke rolled over and smashed his alarm clock with the flat of his hand, shutting it up. Kakashi had said to be at the training grounds by 7 am in order to be ready for the mission at 8. It was 8 now.

He took his sweet time getting dressed. Dogs would shit solid gold before Kakashi ever showed up anywhere on time. No point in getting there too early. He took every meandering path he could find on his way to the training grounds.

-oOo-

Consequently, Sai, Sakura and Naruto were already there. His eyes went straight to Naruto.

Sakura spotted him, nudged Sai, and the two rushed to occupy the spaces to either side of Naruto, bracketing him where he sat. Sakura gave a tight little smile that Sasuke felt was proof of her satanic parentage. The bitch could only be from the lowest pits of hell.

"Seriously?" Sasuke drawled as he strolled up. "What, like I can't haul your narrow ass up from that spot?" Sai, he ignored. For the moment. He'd just eaten and didn't feel his stomach would be able to withstand conversation with the fucker too soon.

Sakura wrapped her arms around a bewildered Naruto's neck. "Naruto won't let you hurt me… will you Naruto?" She smiled sweetly at him, banking on his crush on her.

"Uh, why would Sasuke want to hurt you? You three have been really strange since I got back, you know that?" Naruto said as he pried one of her arms from his throat.

Sasuke folded his own arms over his chest. "Move, bitch."

Naruto glanced up at the term, but Sasuke was looking at Sakura. She stood and stared eye to eye with the Uchiha. "Or what?" she challenged. Her voice was steely. "You won't hit a girl."

Sasuke punched her in her ugly face as hard as he could. Sai shaded his eyes to follow her progress as she sailed across the training grounds, her shriek fading with distance.

Shockingly, Naruto didn't say anything. He only looked over his shoulder once as Sakura flew past before turning back around to examine his nails. Sasuke plopped down next to him.

"I'm telling Kakashi-sensei," Sai stated. Then he got up to sit on Sasuke's other side, giving him one of those huge fake smiles while he was at it. Sasuke stared at those white teeth.

A dilemma. On the one hand, Naruto sitting next to him. Major goodness. On the other hand, Sai invading his personal space, breathing his air, existing. Major opportunity for a fatal accident. Would Naruto take it amiss if he opened Sai's throat right now? He hadn't seemed to mind Sakura getting her just desserts. Sasuke felt he could risk it. He slipped his hand into his weapon's holster, fondling a kunai.

He supposed to Naruto it would seem like they've been acting strange, but that was only because ole blue eyes didn't know that Sai and Sakura were doing everything in their power to keep Sasuke from him. And for no other reason than that his stalking the blonde was amusing to them, therefore keeping him from Naruto was doubly amusing.

Kakashi arrived amidst a cloud of smoke. "Good morning," he said jovially. He raised a hand to wave at them, then noticed there were only three pupils. "Where is Sakura?"

"Hopefully back in hell where she belongs," Sasuke muttered. He felt a stab of happiness when Naruto snorted a short laugh into his fist.

Kakashi looked over their heads at something behind them. "Ah, here she comes now. My, she looks upset, doesn't she?"

Sasuke activated his Sharingan, but didn't do her the courtesy of acknowledging her as a threat; he remained seated. Four male heads turned to the irate kunoichi as she stormed up to them and pointed at Sasuke. "Sensei," she said shrilly. "Sasuke should be suspended from the team. His habits are interfering with our teamwork."

"How so?" Kakashi asked with interest.

Here Sakura turned to face the three sitting boys with a look of triumph. Her new black eye seemed to make her expression look even worse. She pointed to the middle boy. "Sasuke's in love with Naruto!"

Even the birds grew still and silent at this pronouncement. Sasuke was busy running through the route Sakura took to go home, analyzing it for possible ambush opportunities. He would make it look like an accident, but that would be the only mercy he'd show her.

Had he not been so preoccupied with homicidal thoughts, he would have noticed that everyone waited a few crucial seconds for him to deny this claim. When these seconds were up and no denial was forthcoming, everyone reacted differently.

Sai actually frowned. Sakura gasped, putting her hands over her mouth. She hadn't really thought Sasuke was in love with the blonde, she'd only wanted to embarrass him the way he'd embarrassed her. Kakashi made a small sound, scratching the back of his head.

Naruto turned his head to look at Sasuke… who was only now blinking his way from thoughts of breaking Sakura's neck. He glanced around at the expressions and cursed inwardly at not contradicting the hoe.

Kakashi broke the painful silence. "Well. As interesting as that is, it's not a reason to suspend him, Sakura. Now, let us get on with the mission."

This took them out of the village. They didn't go out as a team often, seeing as how most of them were Chuunin now, but once in awhile they had something requiring all their skills. Sasuke asked, for the thousandth time, why Sai was still even part of the team since Naruto was back. "Hokage's orders," was all the Jounin said. At least the mission was A-rank. It was difficult enough to distract everyone from Sakura's announcement, but Sasuke hadn't forgotten about what she'd done. Far from it.


At the end of the mission, once they'd made their report to the Fifth and were leaving the Hokage building, Naruto surprised Sasuke by turning to him.

Sasuke managed to speak first. "Look, about what she said-"

"Wanna go get some ramen?" Naruto interrupted.

"Uh… yeah, okay."

Sasuke felt sick with excitement. His stomach hovered on the verge of throwing up as he walked in the late afternoon sunshine next to Naruto. Next to him. Naruto had asked him to eat with him. After a while of forcibly trying not to grin, he realized that Naruto kept sneaking looks at him. Sasuke felt these looks on his face. Naruto and his fine self was checking him out! Maybe Naruto thought he was fine too!

"So," Naruto said.

Sasuke noticed the blonde began a lot of conversations this way. "So?"

"Sakura…"

"Bitch."

"Yeah." Naruto snickered, which made Sasuke grin. "What she said, though…?"

Sasuke waited for the rest of the question, but Naruto only looked at him expectantly. "I never told her anything like that," he said at last.

"You didn't?"

"No."

"Why'd she say it then?"

"Maybe 'cause I punched her?"

"That was sweet."

Sasuke raised a brow, surprised. "Yeah?"

"Been dying to hit her back for years. Ero-sennin says there are other ways to sweeten women's ways, though."

They were at Ichiraku Ramen. They sat, ordered, began eating. When they were on their second bowls, Sasuke said, "Bet you learned a lot of cool moves with the Sannin."

"Yeah."

"Lucky fuck. What's the strongest move you can do?"

Sasuke listened as Naruto went through a list of jutsu that sounded interesting, but not particularly impressive. He let the blonde drone on as he marveled that he was actually having dinner with Naruto instead of watching him from afar. It gave him a moment's pause… After all, he'd been around Naruto countless times, what made this time so special?

-oOo-

They left the restaurant and just walked. After awhile, Sasuke realized they were heading to Naruto's place. He noticed the blonde sneaking peeks at him again. After awhile, Naruto spoke. "Actually… there's this one move I learned that's pretty cool."

"Tell."

A devilish look appeared on Naruto's face. "Not really supposed to talk about it."

"Sounds forbidden," Sasuke breathed. He moved a little closer to Naruto, trying to see his face better in the dark. "What is it?"

"Something I saw Ero-Sennin doing. It's called…" Naruto stopped in the middle of the deserted road and looked around. He put a hand to his mouth and whispered: "Jack-off no Jutsu"

Sasuke blinked, whispering as well. "Jack-off no Jutsu? Sounds violent. Is it an offensive move?"

Naruto paused, searching Sasuke's eyes with a light in his own. "Maybe you've heard of it…"

"Why would I? I'm not the one who's been training with one of the legendary Sannin, am I? You think Jounins know this move? Maybe Kakashi knows it."

Naruto thoughtfully resumed walking. "He's always reading those dirty books," he said. "I guarantee you he does."

"What does one have to do with the other?"

"What do you mean? You know what those books are about."

"Never really cared, actually. So tell me about this move. How long did it take you to learn it?"

"Took no time at all." Naruto gave him another sidelong look. "It's pretty easy."

"Offensive or defensive?" Sasuke asked again.

"Mmm, neither. It's more like a strengthening move. The longer you can last, the stronger you're getting."

"Sugoi," Sasuke hissed. "Jiraiya must last days, neh?"

Naruto burst into screaming laughter, slapping his thigh. "Yeah, to hear him tell it! He lasted over an hour this one time. I can go about twenty minutes."

"How often do you do it?"

Naruto's face turned pink, which had Sasuke frowning in puzzlement. "More often now that I'm back in the village, I'll tell you that."

Sasuke nodded sagely. "Don't want to get weaker now that you're not with Jiraiya, right?"

He caught the blue eyes staring at him in the velvety twilight. "Something like that," Naruto said softly.

"Did you have to learn any foundation jutsu before Jiraiya taught you, or-"

"Ero-sennin didn't teach me this," Naruto smiled. "I just saw him doing it all the time whenever he thought I wasn't around. Decided to try it myself."

Sasuke digested this. A forbidden move that the blonde had taught himself… like Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. The awesomeness of Jack-off no Jutsu must be off the charts, he thought in wonder.

Naruto stopped. They were outside his apartment building. He gave Sasuke a wide grin. "Want to come over tomorrow? We don't have any missions."

Sasuke said he'd be there. He watched Naruto jog into his building, before disappearing to his customary spot and settling down to watch the blonde.


Naruto didn't immediately fling his jacket aside this time. He entered his apartment and at first just stood with his back to the door, apparently thinking. After awhile, he slowly made his way to his bedroom.

Sasuke frowned at this break in routine. Then he brightened. He'd had dinner with Naruto, walked him home, and was scheduled to hang out with the guy the following day.

Oh yeah. Life was good.