Okay – this chapter won't have present tense. It's going to be loaded with memories. This is the last chapter with memories – we're going to move onto the actual plot/story next chapter! Yay.
Disclaimer ~ I do not own the Outsiders.
…
"I can't believe he's leaving." I shook myself awake as I heard Darry's voice. The next voice I didn't recognize. "Man, you're always welcome down to the bar."
"No, I can't. I've still got a kid brother to take care of – I can't leave him alone. And I work too much to go to the bar."
I heard the voice again. "Skip work – and I'm sure the kid can take care of himself."
"I can't skip work Toby." Darry sighed uneasily. "I don't have enough money as it is, and there's no way I can leave Ponyboy by his lonesome. I swear that kid attracts trouble like honey attracts bees."
"I know a way you can get money." 'Toby' said. "And if the kid's that much trouble just get rid of 'em."
"I can't do that Toby!" Darry sounded slightly shocked at what his new 'friend' was suggesting. I listened closely from my spot at the door.
"Fine fine. Keep the runt, but you can still have some fun in your life." Who was he to call me a runt? And what did he mean by fun?
"He aint a runt, and what are you suggesting Toby?"
"I know a way that you can make some extra money man. C'mon, I'm gonna take you to the bar. You don't have work tonight right? Good. We'll talk about this at the bar. C'mon."
I heard silence, then Darry called out "Ponyboy!"
"Yeah?" I asked.
"I'm going out with my friend for a little while. Are you going to be alright by yourself?"
"Yeah Dar, I'll be fine." He needed to get out more.
"Okay, I'll be back later kiddo."
So I sat down and waited for Sodapop to come home.
…
"Hey Ponyboy," Soda said sleepily, "Where ya been?"
"I didn't mean to!" I pleaded with Darry. "I was talking to Johnny and we both dropped off…"
"I reckon it never occurred to you that your brothers might be worrying their heads off and afraid to call the police because something like that could get you two thrown in a boys home so quick it'd make your head spin. And you were asleep in the lot? Ponyboy, what on earth is the matter with you? Can't you use your head? You haven't even got a coat on."
I felt hot tears of anger and frustration rising. "I said I didn't mean to…"
"I didn't mean to!" Darry shouted, and I almost shook. "I didn't think! I forgot! That's all I ever hear outta you! Can't you think of anything?"
"Darry…" Sodapop began, but Darry turned on him. "You keep your trap shut! I'm sick and tired of hearin you stickin up for him." He should never yell at Soda. Nobody should ever holler at my brother. I exploded, "You don't yell at him!" I yelled.
Darry wheeled around and slapped me so hard that it knocked me against the door. Suddenly it was deathly quiet. We had all frozen. Nobody in my family had ever hit me. Nobody. Soda was wide-eyed. Darry looked at the palm of his hand where it had turned red and then looked back up at me. His eyes were huge.
"Ponyboy…"
I turned and ran out the door and down the street as fast as I could.
…
"Ponyboy!" I cringed as I heard the sound of my drunken brother. My heart sped up and I turned around to see Darry driving – no, speeding – down the street towards me. At the rate he was going you'd think there was a tornado on his back. I turned and tried to run to the DX which was just a street away when Darry's car cut me off. He got out slowly, and I backed away, away from him. My own brother.
"D-Darry." I stuttered, scared outta my mind. Darry had grounded me, I wasn't supposed to be here. I was just gonna go to the DX for a pepsi – I've been aching for one for ages.
"Don't you ever learn boy?" he pushed me on the ground and I hissed as a branch cut along my side. I looked up at Darry with pleading eyes.
"I'm sorry…"
"You're sorry? I'll make ya sorry!" he said, then he kicked me. I started screaming as loud as I could, hoping some passerby would save me from my brother.
"Shut up! Shut up shut up, SHUT UP!" he shouted as I continued to scream. He grabbed my wrists in one hand and used the other to start punching me senseless. I blindly kicked at him, too dazed to even see straight. I heard a shout and my heart sunk.
"Darry!" it was Sodapop. Glory this wasn't good.
Darry pulled away from me so quick I barely knew what was happening.
"Soda – get out." I said through clenched teeth. I felt someone's hands under my shoulders, making me sit up straight. I spotted a knot of blonde hair, and brown eyes looked at me worried, shocked, angry, and confused.
"Darry what the hell did you do!" Sodapop shouted, still staring at me.
"I…" Darry couldn't think of anything to say.
"You what?" Soda asked, turning away from me to glare at Darry. "What the hell was that!"
"Soda you gotta listen to me – he just, that brat just—"
"Don't call our brother a brat after you just beat him!" Soda shouted.
Darry didn't have anything to say to that. "What was that?"
Darry just stared at Soda with pleading eyes. "Answer me!" Soda shouted. I was scared – I'd never seen Sodapop this mad.
"I…he deserved it!" Darry suddenly snarled, and I flinched, scared he would hit me again.
"He deserved it! Nothing he could do deserved that!" Soda spat.
"Sodapop please listen little buddy…"
"I'm never listening to anything you say! Never again! Just get outta here while you still have the chance… "Soda's voice got lower as he said these last words. He was in a protective stance over me and his eyes were flashing. I have never seen Soda this dangerous before.
"Soda don't do this!"
"Get out of here!"
"No! Listen –" but Sodapop didn't give himself the chance to listen as he lunged for Darry. I let out a yelp of surprise and watched my brothers roll on the grass together, each trying to gain ground. I started screaming for help – louder than I had before. But there was no one around, and I didn't want to leave Sodapop here with Darry – even if he seemed to be winning. Darry was cunning like that, he was stronger than Sodapop even with Soda's anger fueling him. I could already see the fight starting to leave Soda.
"SODAPOP!" I yelled, and without thinking threw myself at Darry. Soda and Darry were both surprised, but Soda was quicker to react than Darry.
"Ponyboy get outta here!" he screamed.
But Darry already had me around the waist and lifted me off him, throwing me to the ground with a splat.
"Po-ny!" Soda yelled, and then leaned down next to me. I got a good look at him, he had a nice shiner around his eye, and his lip was busted. Darry fared no better, he had a big cut on his head and he kept rubbing his knees.
"Stop fightin! Please stop fightin!" I repeated Sodapop's own words and I saw him flinch. Darry was already moving to the truck by then, looking horrified at having hit Sodapop.
"Soda – I'm sorry!" he said, already half-way in the car.
"Get the hell outta here and stay away!" Soda yelled at him. I saw surprise and hurt in Darry's eyes, then he looked at me and snarled, "I'm comin back for you." I started shaking as he slammed the car door shut and drove away, Soda held me tightly in his arms.
…
I sat on the couch, waiting for Sodapop to get home from the DX, biting my fingernails. Darry was still at work and wouldn't be home till much later. Toby was sitting in Darry's recliner and looking at me, grinning – he was missing two teeth and the rest of them were yellow. I still didn't know how Darry associated himself with someone so…dirty.
"Hey kid." He said, I looked over at him. "Go get me a beer." I stared at him for a little while longer before getting up and doing what he said. As I handed it to him he grabbed my wrist, and I yanked it away. It was throbbing, I threw him a glare and then sat down on the couch, nursing my wrist. It had blueish-red hand marks on it. That was going to leave a bruise.
"Whadya do that for?"
"Do what for?" he grinned toothily.
I just rolled my eyes at him and tried to ignore him. I gave a jump of surprise as he suddenly appeared right beside me, he grabbed my wrist again and I couldn't help but to let out a yelp of pain. I tried to shove him away but he had a firm hold on my wrist, and I couldn't do anything without him breaking it.
"Kid, yer nothin'. Darry doesn't deserve to have a burden like you – you should run away, just run away. No one here loves ya, Darry just puts up with ya cause he don't wanna leave you in tha streets with some thugs, cause he knows that if ya get beat up or som'in he's the one gettin in trouble for it." I sat looking at him, and felt my eyes start to water. I stubbornly held tears back – I don't cry. Greasers don't cry. I don't even let my brothers see me when I cry. I wasn't gonna cry cause of this man here.
Two seconds later he let go of my wrist and sat back down in the recliner as though nothing had just happened. I didn't know what to do or say – I just gaped at him, shaking. My mind was on overload, I had no clue what all that was about, but I couldn't help to wonder at his words. Did Darry really think I was a burden? Is the only reason he kept me is cause he didn't want to get in trouble with the fuzz? Did I really want to run away?
…
There were numerous things I could decipher from Toby Fisher's personality. One – he hated kids, and I mean it. Once Darry let me out with him and Toby (he wouldn't let me out with Toby alone), and we walked past the park. Toby kept eyeballin the kids moms and he would cuss at any kid that came near him. Curses so colorful that even Dallas Winston would cry.
Two – I was his new worst enemy or something. He couldn't stand me, and I didn't even do anything. He started off just sayin rude things about me and telling Darry I wasn't worth it whenever Darry was drunk. And a drunk Darry believed anything that anyone said, so of course Darry listened to him. Whenever Toby would tell him how worthless I was Darry would nod his head, saying things like 'I can't believe I never noticed before' or just giving the occasional 'yeah, you're right'. Then he started doing more physical things, like bruising my wrists and arms from grabbing onto them too tight or something. And it would be completely random too, we could be standing in line at the movies and then Toby would start shaking and suddenly he'd grab my arm so hard that I would feel like it was about to pop off. Once Darry caught this and Toby said, "that's how you get through to kid's, I would know Darry". I tried really hard not to laugh at that – Toby Fisher is one person who would never even think about having kids, or acknowledge one at that. I think that's what started Darry's whole 'getting-physical-thing'. It wasn't exactly abuse at first, just things like Toby did, grabbing my arm to tight or pulling me by the hair/ear when he was jacked off at me. Then Toby convinced him to give me a spankin once, and not just any spankin. He said with a belt – that hurt like a sunuvagun.
Toby also talked to himself a lot. The last time I saw him do it was when he was talking to a bottle of Elmers glue – he kept saying 'no, no, no, no' and then when he caught me staring at him he freaked out and told Darry that I had tried to knife him. Darry of course, came to Toby's defense and knocked me out cold.
There was just something wrong with Toby, with all his mood swings. He seemed more dangerous than anyone I had ever met before – I thought he could burn me faster than any church fire could. He was worse than the whole gang put together – worse than the Socs even. He scared me like crazy, but of course Darry wouldn't listen to me. Once I tried telling him to stop hanging out with Toby and he started hitting me and kicking me, close to tears – like he didn't know what he was doing. When he first started hitting me he'd apologize for it, and give me a few bucks the next day like Steve's dad did whenever he kicked Steve out of the house. Then he just stopped apologizing, as though he didn't even care anymore. All he did was glare at me, and when he wasn't glaring he was yelling, and when he wasn't yelling he was hitting. Sometimes it was all three of them.
Somewhere in my heart I knew – this was all Toby's fault.
…
"So your saying Darry's been beatin on the kid?" Two-Bit asked in shock. I looked closely at him – I haven't talked to Two-Bit in a while, he mostly stayed away when Sodapop was gone. He would still talk to me once in a while though, but you could see how sad he was. It surprised me, I mean, we were all buddy's – but I didn't know Two-Bit cared about Sodapop that much. I expected that sort of thing from Steve not Two-Bit, but it turned out the other way around. Two-Bit's normally dancing grey eyes were stormy and mad.
Sodapop glanced over at me, and I shrugged, not meeting any of their gazes. Well, I thought bitterly, now it's out in the open – exactly what I didn't want to happen.
"Uh, yeah I guess." Sodapop said awkwardly. I didn't look up, didn't do anything other than just stare at the floor and bite my nails. I could feel everyone's gazes on me, when suddenly Two-Bit snapped.
"Steve! You knew about this and you didn't tell me?" Steve winced at Two-Bit's tone of voice.
"He told me not to." He said defensively, shrugging. Two-Bit scowled at him while Soda just stood there, looking sad and depressed. I felt bad for him – he comes home from war thinking everything's going to be okay when in reality it's worse.
Two-Bit looked over at me, and I finally looked up. "Why not kid?" he asked. I didn't say anything, just looked at him. I think Two-Bit saw the deadened look in my eyes because his suddenly became soft and he hugged me. I almost laughed, Two-Bit Mathews hugging me? Who would have thought…
"You'll be okay kid." He whispered into my ear. I nodded and he let go – much to my relief, I didn't really feel like being hugged by anyone other than Soda.
"Alright – we've gotta come up with a plan." He said. Everyone looked at each other, frowning.
"Whadd'ya mean Two-Bit?" Soda asked.
"I mean – we gotta get the kid somewhere safe. And somewhere Darry can't get 'im. Remember? Darry's still the legal guardian of Ponyboy, he can come and get him any time he wants to. You know for a fact he won't give up – you said it yourself Sodapop, he said he could come back for him."
Steve and Soda's eyes widened as they took this in and I couldn't help but to let out a whimper. Two-Bit was right, Darry could come and grab me any time he wants to…
"No. No. No." Soda said, shaking his head, "No that won't happen."
"Soda-" Steve started but Sodapop turned on him, "That won't happen." Steve just stared at his friend, at a loss for words.
Sodapop paced around for a little bit, before finally looking up at me. I flinched away, I don't know why but the look in Soda's eyes warned me away.
"Ponyboy…" Soda started, walking towards me. I burrowed myself farther into the couch. "Pone – we gotta leave here baby, we gotta leave." I felt tears stinging in my eyes, this was my home. I didn't want to leave. I couldn't. I couldn't leave everything behind, I had too many memories here.
"No." I said, barely above a whisper. Soda looked at me and put a hand on my knee. "Ponyboy I'm sorry but we gotta-"
"NO!" I yelled, startling everyone in the room. "No, I aint leavin, I aint leavin here Soda! I c-can't." I started crying then, I couldn't help it though. This was too much to take in. So I just sat there and cried as everyone waited for me to calm down, to try to talk sense into me.
…
I hate Sodapop Curtis. I really really hate him. And yet here he was, packing my bags as though this was no big deal.
"I aint goin." I said again, for what seemed the millionth time that day.
Soda sighed and put a hand up to his head. "Honey, we need ta get you outta here. Don't you see? Darry can get you if you stay here."
"Sode! It's not like I'm gonna be stayin in his house for cryin out loud! We'll be…we can just find another house in Tulsa and –"
"What kind of money do you think I have? They paid us in war but I'm sure all that went to Darry's alcohol, and maybe some to bills." Soda cut him off gently. "Look baby, we're just getting away from here as far and as fast as possible." He stopped packing for a minute and pulled me into a hug, I flinched before I realized what he was doing, but he just ignored me and continued to hug me.
"We're gonna be okay baby. We're gonna be okay."
There was silence, then - "Soda, I'm scared."
Sodapop sighed, stroking my hair. "I won't leave you alone. Ever. You can count on me Pone. I love you and will never leave you."
That really got me, I sniffled, and hugged Sodapop towards me even more. "I'm sorry." I said, tears forming in my eyes. Poor Sodapop, having to come home to this mess, and it was my fault too – that just made it worse.
"What are you sorry for?" Soda sounded confused.
"Because it's all my fault – if I had just listened to Darry than none of this would have happened and I'm so sorry!" I broke off in a sob, tears leaking from my eyes. All I could think was greaser's don't cry, greaser's don't cry… But I'm not a greaser. I'm just a kid.
Sodapop was angry, I could see it, I could practically feel it. I shivered a little and tried to pull away from him, but he held me firm.
"Soda let me go." I said, trying to push him off. He took my face in his palms and forced me to look at him. "Don't ya ever be sorry for this – it was not your fault. Got it? Not your fault. Don't ya ever try blamin yourself baby, it aint your fault."
"It's not Darry's fault either." I pointed out. Sodapop looked at me like I had just grown another head. "huh?"
"It's Toby's fault – it's all Toby's fault." I explained, surprised at the venom in my voice.
"Toby…wait, Toby Fisher? The guy who lives near Bucks?"
"Yeah – that Toby."
"When did Darry start hangin out with Toby?"
"A little before you left…He's the reason Darry started drinking, and he's the one who kept tellin Darry to beat me. Which he eventually did."
Why did I feel so calm with this conversation? I felt like I was talking about someone else, not me. I just felt empty, used. I felt like there was no one there who could help me – no one to save me. I didn't feel like the victim…I felt like I was the witness.
Sodapop winced at my emotionless tone, and at the words I threw at him. I just stared at him, waiting for his reaction.
"Pone…what's happened to you?" Soda murmured, before shaking his head, letting me go, and going back to packing. He didn't speak another word, and I wondered if I had offended him somehow.
…
Alright – those are all the memories we're going to need. Now, the next chapter will be PURELY in the PRESENT TENSE! Yayyyyy :D
Please review and tell me what ya think. Remember, reviews are the only things that keep me going while writing stories, so unless you guys don't want any more chapters published you gotta keep reviewing, and you can ask any single person on fanfiction that writes stories, everyone looks forward to the reviews, and I love answering your questions and giving you insight. Please review:D
