A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry, sorry, I know it's been a while, had a bit of writers block to contend with, but I got there in the end.
Thank you, as always for reading, and for the lovely reviews, they are greatly appreciated
Gasoline Diamond: Well, here it is, the new chapter, sorry for making you wait so long, hope you think it's worth the wait! Yep, Kobra Kid might come to regret believing Saint Jimmy... You really want Jimmy to be shot, huh? Well, I can tell you it's not happening anytime soon, but maybe it will at some point? I wonder which Killjoy will get the pleasure? ;) And oh, I think Jimmy will stick with the same nickname for Party Poison, he does enjoy it afterall.
MyChemicalLoveAffair: Well, welcome to the party! Thank you so much for that amazing review, I hope you enjoy the new chapter just as much.
Well, okay, here we go then, plenty of goings on in this one. Including a few more hints of Frerard... Wonder how much longer before something actually happens there...
Hope you all enjoy this new chapter and please, do review :)
The title from this chapter is from the amazing Danger Days track, Planetary (Go)
I'm sure you get the message by now, I do not own the boys, obviously.
Chapter 24 - Taking Back Control
Party Poison slept perfectly the rest of the night, but Rave barely closed her eyes again.
Eventually Fun Ghoul, also wide awake, gave up, and went back over to her.
"Makes no sense for both of us to be awake all night." He said. Rave jumped slightly, she hadn't expected to hear his voice. "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you." Fun Ghoul said, smiling at her. Rave shook her head, "You didn't, well. You did. But it's okay. I… I just… I can't leave him, Ghoul. If I fall asleep, and he has another nightmare…""I'll be here." Rave looked at him, sceptically. She didn't like the idea of Fun Ghoul staying awake again. But he wouldn't give in.
"Spend the rest of the night in my bed." Fun Ghoul offered, and a badly timed yawn from Rave settled the argument entirely.
Fun Ghoul watched Rave curl up on his bed, then turned his attention back to Party Poison. He realised it'd be a long time before he felt comfortable doing anything else at night, anything other than watching over Party Poison, making sure he was alright.
And yes, he was aware that was a problem.
When Party Poison opened his eyes, early the next morning, before anyone else, the first thing he saw was Fun Ghoul. Somewhere during the last hour or so, Ghoul had slid forward on the chair, his head resting on his arms, which were folded on the side of Party Poison's bed, just by his hip.
Party Poison smiled.
Then he reached down and nudged Fun Ghoul's shoulder, producing an amusing grumble from the younger Killjoy. Party Poison nudged him again, harder this time, finally causing Ghoul to raise his head and open his eyes, looking up at Poison. It took him a few seconds to fully understand why he'd been woken up. Then his eyes went wider, and he sat up quickly. "Uh. Um… Sorry. I-"Party Poison laughed, finding Fun Ghoul's embarrassment odd, but funny. "It's okay Ghoul, have you been awake all night?"
Fun Ghoul shrugged. "Not the whole night. Rave was with you the first few hours then I offered to take over."
"Where is Rave?"
"My bed." Party Poison looked over. "So you've been made bed-less." Fun Ghoul nodded sombrely, only just hiding his smile. "I'm afraid so." Then Poison started to shift over, wincing slightly as he did. "Poison… What…?"
"You've got nowhere else to sleep, so I'm offering you some room on my bed, since you seem to find it so comfortable anyway."
Fun Ghoul's heart rate sped up considerably. And once again he found himself wondering if Poison was doing this on purpose. "Poison… I don't think-"
"Shut up and get in." Poison insisted, pulling back the covers. "Not like you take up a lot of space, and anyway, I'm awake now, you don't need to worry about disturbing me." Then, with a wicked smile, he added "Just no funny stuff, alright?" And Fun Ghoul laughed, hoping Party Poison wouldn't notice how nervous the laugh was.
Fun Ghoul hesitated, then, thinking about it, thinking how it would seem weirder now if he said no, he did as Poison said, sliding in next to him. But not too close. Too close would be… Bad.
It felt strange. Sure, the Killjoys were used to sleeping in cramped conditions, used to basically sleeping on top of each other, something they'd got used to even in their old life. None of them really paying attention to who they were sleeping next to or on. So no this wasn't new.
Not exactly anyway.
The last time Fun Ghoul and Party Poison had slept in the same bed, was…
Fun Ghoul tried not to think about it.
He'd closed his eyes, tight, now he opened them again, saw Poison was sat slightly up, looking down at him. "Comfortable?"
He nodded.
"Get some sleep, Ghoul. You need it."
Fun Ghoul found himself obliging quicker than he'd expected.
Without meaning to, Party Poison drifted off again too.
Later, and Saint Jimmy wandered in, saw the two Killjoys together on the bed.
He noticed they way they were laying. Noticing particularly the way Fun Ghoul was as far over on the bed as possible, almost on the edge of it. He'd done his very best to make sure he wasn't touching Party Poison.
"You're getting too obvious, sweetheart." Saint Jimmy muttered, grinning as he watched them.
By the time Poison and Ghoul woke up again, the others were all already awake, and out with whatever tasks presented themselves. Fun Ghoul felt slightly embarrassed, wondering what they might've thought, seeing him and Poison sharing a bed. Though, of course, none of them had thought anything of it. There was nothing to it, obviously.
Fun Ghoul had opened his eyes a few seconds after Party Poison. He was slightly surprised at how close they were, Party Poison had slunk down on the bed, and now they were face to face, barely apart.
Party Poison was smiling at him, and in that short perfect pocket of time, Ghoul was so close to reaching his hand round the back of Poison's head, drawing him that little bit closer, and kissing him, sweetly, on the lips.
Instead he smiled back, then hurriedly sat up. "Thanks for, um, sharing your bed, Poison. I-""No problem." Poison said, sitting himself up slowly again.
Later, and though Party Poison insisted he was able to be left alone, Rave returned, telling him, "Well, I'm not able to leave you alone, so tough."
They chatted, for a while, Rave knew how to keep conversations light, she'd learnt it over the years with the Killjoys, but she'd known it before. It was often best to keep Saint Jimmy's mind off the more serious things.
She couldn't think about Saint Jimmy now, though a nagging wonder about where he was kept persisting in her mind.
Poison had laid back down again, easily tired as he was. As he closed his eyes, Rave stopped talking for a while. Reached out to him, idly playing with his hair, Poison smiled, he liked the feeling of someone close.
He thought of a time, curled up on a couch, his head in someone's lap, that person stroking and playing with his hair. They'd been on the road a little while now, and it was hours until their next show, he could lay here a little longer.
Then, without even thinking about it, Rave said, "We should dye your hair again Poison."
He laughed, and opened his eyes. "Oh yeah, that's the important thing right now. The fact that my hair is fucked."
Rave rolled her eyes. "I mean it, Poison, I-""Only love me when I have red hair?" Poison said, grinning cheekily. That smile made Rave's heart skip, not just because it was beautiful, but it felt so… Typically Party Poison, she could really see him then, back to normal. "Stop pushing your luck." She chided. "And no, of course not." Quickly bending down, kissing Poison before continuing. "What I mean is…" Rave considered her words carefully, wondering how best to put it. "You're the rebel leader. You stand for everything we stand for, which is everything against them. We represent, you represent, imagination, individuality, being who we are extremely fucking loudly. And…" Again she paused. "That… That's why they cut it, why they bleached it. To strip that away. Now, I don't care what fucking colour you dye it, but-""You're not going to let this go until I agree, are you?" Poison said, smiling slightly. It was funny, hearing some of his own words spoken back to him. It kinda made him feel… Proud. In a weird way, he understood why Rave was placing so much fixation on his hair. But, the fact was… He didn't want anything done to his hair, not right now, he suddenly didn't even want anyone touching it.
His eyes were starting to get used to the lights, but he didn't want to look, he could feel all the BL/Ind staff around him, he was already stripped down, now he heard someone barking orders.
"Good. Get his symbols of rebellion on display, make sure the cameras can see!" Poison knew what they were talking about, his mask, his jacket, his gun. Then he heard another voice, one of a Scarecrow,
"That's everything, sir.""Not quite everything…" A few seconds later, Poison cried out as he felt someone grab his hair, yanking it painfully. "This needs to go too."
Pulling himself back to now, Party Poison shook his head, edging slightly away from Rave's hand. "Not yet though Rave, please? I don't want…""Okay." Rave said, sensing his distress, if not fully understanding it. "Okay Poison. Not yet."
Over the next week the routine continued. As ever the usual things were dealt with, now just with the added task of making sure Party Poison was cared for, not that any one of them saw this as a chore.
And, though for the first few days they saw little progress in Poison, who spent most of those first days laying down, fighting sleep, soon the changes became more noticeable. He spent more time sat up in bed, he was more animated when he talked, he was even smiling more again.
Though, when he thought no one was looking, an odd darkness would creep over him, steal the glitter that'd returned to his eyes, wipe away his smile, and make his face look pale, even more so than it currently was.
They all saw it, once or twice, but Fun Ghoul saw it the most. Of course, Ghoul was having his own troubles. He was trying so hard to re-bury his feelings for Poison, but it wasn't happening. He knew the best thing he could do would be to distance himself from Poison for a while, but he couldn't do that either.
Despite the haunting memories that kept catching up with him, Poison was, without doubt getting better.
He was healing physically too, bruises starting to fade, slowly bandages were being removed for good, and he said, each day, he was feeling stronger.
Every time he said it, the person he said it to beamed, filled with hope.
Alone, for once, and Poison didn't mind too much. Kobra Kid had been with him for a while, had given him another check over. Party Poison had remarked he'd be able to do all that himself soon enough. Kobra Kid had looked at him like he was crazy, but made no comment.
Fact was, Poison felt good today, really good. Strong, even.
Out of curiosity he tried something he'd been doing the past few days, when no one was watching. He tried stretching out his leg, then pulling it back, bending his knee. Before he hadn't made much progress, but today.
Today he was able to move, not exactly painlessly, but much more easily than he had previously.
He tried the other leg, stretching it out as far as he could, then slowly pulling it back.
Yes.
Then, both at the same time, stretching, then pulling back.
He could do this.
His heart thumping with excitement and adrenaline, Poison sat up straighter, then, for the first time unaided, he turned himself around, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. Let his feet touch the floor. For a few seconds just let himself feel the hard floor under his feet. Then, grasping the headboard for support, Poison pushed himself to his feet. He closed his eyes, concentrating. Then, finding himself upright, he opened them, wide.
He'd done it. He was standing, he was upright.
Then he looked to the door.
Did he dare push himself?
There was no question.
A few, first, unsteady steps, nearly falling again, but then Party Poison grew more sure of himself, more trusting of his legs to hold him. And, though not easy, and though he had to reach out for support a few times along the way, he eventually got there, then he opened the door, propped himself up against the doorframe.
Kobra Kid and Fun Ghoul looked up, saw him. Two pairs of eyes growing wide, two matching looks of shock, then, at almost exactly the same time, the look shifted to one of excitement, amazement, their smiles big.
"Poison, you…" Fun Ghoul stuttered. Party Poison smiled shyly. "Yeah." He said. "I am."
From there things continued to get better, easier. Though still not one hundred percent back to his normal strength, and he still had to rest fairly often, Party Poison was able to get himself around more, causing him to tell the others they didn't need to be checking on him so much.
The first time Party Poison stepped outside again he'd never felt so glad to see, to feel the wretched desert that'd been his home for so long now. Despite the knowledge of the dangers of that sun, he enjoyed the feel of it on his skin again, if only just for a very short while.
Then he started talking about wanting to get back into training. It'd been too long he said, he didn't want to wait any longer. The others were hesitant, as they had been with everything, but eventually agreed.
Shooting practice came first, and Poison found himself staring at his gun the way he had when he first got it. Though now instead of the edge of fear he'd originally had, all he felt was comfort, strength.
Kobra Kid set up the targets, then came to stand just behind his brother, watching him carefully.
Party Poison raised his gun, taking a long while to straighten his aim.
His first shot missed, and Poison cursed.
"Take it easy, Poison." Kid told him, soothingly. "It's been a while since you held a gun, you just need to get used to it again."
Party Poison nodded, but he was scowling, annoyed with himself. He raised his gun again, let off the shot quicker. It missed again.
"FUCK!"
"Poison." Kobra Kid said, again. "How about… How about ignoring the targets for a bit, just get used to firing, okay? We can go back to targets later. Maybe another day, even."
Party Poison nodded, concentrated on just firing his gun. Once, twice, again and again. Then, growing in confidence, he turned his gun on to one of the targets, perfect shot. Kobra Kid let out an excited 'whoop' behind him, started clapping. Poison immediately turned his attention to the next target, perfect again. And the next one and the one after that.
Finally, he dropped his arm, it was aching and he felt exhausted. He turned around and saw his brother, beaming at him, and he smiled back. Before he knew it, Kid had thrown his arms around him, hugging him tight.
Slipping his gun back into his holster at his hip, feeling it snug against his thigh, Poison then put his arms around his brother, hugging back just as tightly.
The real problems started when Party Poison insisted he needed to get back into fighting practice.
"Poison… It's only been a few weeks since we got you back from Better Living, only a week since you've been on your feet again, I don't think you should-""If I don't train, I'll never get my strength back. I need to do this so I can get back to where I was. Sitting around all fucking day won't help anyone."
Fun Ghoul sighed, closed his eyes. "And if you get hurt while training? What good will that do?"
"Stop treating me like a child, or like I'm gonna break any second. It's getting annoying." Party Poison turned his back on Fun Ghoul before he could reply, but not before he saw the look on his face.
Yes. He knew Fun Ghoul was worried. Yes. He knew he'd sounded harsh. But Poison was getting so pissed off with being over-protected. Not being allowed to do anything, certain that if they had their way, he'd still be sat inside, in bed even.
He was the fucking leader of the Killjoys, it was about time he started acting like it again.
Finally Kobra Kid took him up on the offer, muttering something about how maybe he was right.
Party Poison was glad it was Kobra Kid, usually they matched each other perfectly, Poison would know the level he had to aim for. And he was used to his brothers fighting style.
He knew something was up immediately.
"C'mon, Kid. Quit holding out on me." At first Party Poison said it with a grin, hoping to tease Kobra Kid into upping his standards.
But although Kobra Kid nodded, agreed to give it his all, it was obvious he wasn't. He was moving too slow and too carefully. He was hitting too soft and wasn't even always aiming true. He never once tried to fake Party Poison out, or tried to get his feet out from under him.
Eventually, Party Poison snapped. "Fucking hell!" He shoved Kobra Kid, hard, hoping to get a rise out of him, but all that happened was Kobra Kid stumbled back, he didn't say anything. "You were rougher with me when we were kids." Party Poison was almost snarling at his brother.
"Poison." There was Fun Ghoul again, Party Poison turned to face him, knowing what he was going to say already. "He just doesn't want to hurt you."
"Well that's great, but it's not going to do me much good when we find ourselves in a real fight, is it?"
Fun Ghoul glanced behind Party Poison, sharing a look with Kobra Kid.
Party Poison saw it, frowned. "What? What was that-?" Then he understood. "Oh! You're thinking of keeping me out of the fights against the Dracs now? That it? Well guess what? Not fucking happening!"
"Poison…" Fun Ghoul said, soothingly.
It didn't work. "No! I will not fucking sit by and watch!"
He was furious. Knowing none of them wanted to help him, at least, not in the way he wanted help. And knowing they'd gone even further, thinking of stopping him from joining them in actual fights, when they needed him? How could they think he'd do that?
"I don't care how fucking weak I am, I don't care how fucking fragile you think I am. Next time we go up against Dracs, 'Crows, hell, even if we run into a fucking Exterminator. I am going to fight."
"Poison…" Fun Ghoul, once again.
"Now! It's up to you how good I am when that happens. Someone, fight me! Train with me! And do it properly or I'll-"
"I'll fight you, Killjoy." All eyes suddenly on the figure coming towards them, looking confident as ever, the smile slightly more friendly than usual, or at least pretending to be.
Saint Jimmy.
Party Poison stared at him. Slightly hesitant. A nasty knot of fear in his stomach. A small but persistent voice in his head told him not to let Saint Jimmy near him. Not to let him touch him.
The wave of gratefulness that flooded over him at Saint Jimmy's offer won out however. "Good." He said, nodding.
Saint Jimmy had already headed over to the spot Party Poison and Kobra Kid had previously occupied in their attempted training. Party Poison moved to follow him, paused briefly by Fun Ghoul's hand on his arm. "Poison." He whispered in his ear, "Are you sure you want to do this?" Party Poison shrugged him off, didn't reply, continued on to Saint Jimmy.
Finally facing each other, and Saint Jimmy grinned at him. "Let's see what you got, Cherry Top."
Saint Jimmy made the first move, a simple swipe at Party Poison, who dodged it smoothly, immediately coming back with a move of his own, though blocked and pushed back by Saint Jimmy.
God it felt good. Party Poison was finally able to flex and stretch the muscles he hadn't used for so long, they'd almost felt like they'd started to melt away. Now, as his raised his arm, he could feel his shoulder tense then relax. Could feel his back bend slightly as he dodged again. And his brain felt sharper, thinking one step ahead at all times, trying to predict what his opponent was going to do before they did it. His feet moving fast, or holding steady. Party Poison felt awake, alert.
Saint Jimmy showed perfect self control, he knew how training went. When he knocked Party Poison off his feet, a couple of times, but less often than he tried to do it, Saint Jimmy stopped, offered him a hand, helped him to his feet. Waited for him to be ready to start again.
"Not bad, Killjoy. You've actually got some pretty decent fight in you."
"I can do better." Party Poison admitted, "But I'm not fucking helpless." A glare directed at Fun Ghoul and Kobra Kid, who were both watching, anxiously.
Party Poison could tell Fun Ghoul was more anxious.
He had to concentrate.
Party Poison could feel his energy draining, little by little. He was reacting slightly slower, getting fewer hits in, but still just about holding his own.
That's when it happened.
One second he'd ducked a fairly easy blow, the next he'd stumbled back, Saint Jimmy having swept his legs out. Saint Jimmy went down with Party Poison, pining him when he landed on his back.
Party Poison closed his eyes as he felt the pain in his back blossom, then ebb away slightly. He waited for Saint Jimmy to get off him, let him up.
He didn't.
Saint Jimmy was on top of him, straddling him, pining him to the ground, his hands curled tight around Party Poison's wrists.
Then a hot whisper in his ear. "Isn't this familiar?" Saint Jimmy's taunting words made him instantly cold. Party Poison stared up at Saint Jimmy, shocked at what he'd said.
Shocked he hadn't seen this coming.
What now? What'll he do now? Nothing, surely nothing with the others watching?
Oh God, don't let them see this.
Flashbacks of Saint Jimmy, Saint Jimmy's hand, touching him, caressing him.
Forcing sounds from Party Poison he hadn't wanted to make. Getting reactions he hadn't wanted to give.
He closed his eyes, waiting, the horrible feeling of knowing he couldn't stop whatever Saint Jimmy might do next.
Saint Jimmy sat up, letting go of Party Poison's wrists, then got to his feet. "Wanna go again, Cherry Top?" He asked. Party Poison didn't answer, still not sure he could move. "Fine." Saint Jimmy said, with a shrug. Leaving just as simply and quickly as he'd appeared.
Fun Ghoul was first to get to Party Poison. "You okay? What happened?" He'd seen him go down, but didn't understand why they'd stayed down so long. He knew something was wrong. Something had happened. He knew it hadn't been smart to trust Saint Jimmy. Party Poison sat up finally, not looking at Fun Ghoul. "Did he say something? Did he do something?" Fun Ghoul pressed. Party Poison saw, felt Fun Ghoul's eyes sweep over him, looking for some clue. "Poison. Did he-""Leave me alone." Party Poison said, flatly. Not a hint of emotion. Then he got to his feet, headed inside. Fun Ghoul watched him go.
