A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks, as always for reading! A little quicker on the upload, huh?
As always, a MASSIVE thank you to my reviewers (and I've noticed a few more people have started following this story, so hi and THANK YOU to you guys too)
Gasoline Diamond: Haha! Yeah, all kinds of emotions were running pretty high, huh? I do feel sorry for the boys, they're going through a lot, and I guess Rave did just react badly to it all. And ah, Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy… Yeah, nasty little trickster, isn't he? Can't kill him just yet though, not quite done with him. And yes, once Poison finally starts talking to people things might just start to straighten out a little! Thank you, as always for your amazing review, yours always show a lot of emotion for what I've written!
MyChemicalLoveAffair: Thank you so much for that, I'm glad you like my writing (even if it drives you crazy!) And yeah, it'd be pretty good for Ghoul to kill Jimmy, wouldn't it? But, I dunno, there's a lot of people out for Jimmy's blood, and just imagine what might happen if everyone else find out what Jimmy did… Yes, Ghoul is lovely, he's one of my favourites to write, definitely! And oh! God you just broke my heart! Kill Poison? No no! (well… It would make for a dramatic ending though wouldn't it?) Still, yes, that would be a good way for it to go, that Ghoul catches the two of them. I'm not sure if he would leave though, I don't think he could. And thank you! Your review was very emotion-high, but great to read, glad I'm getting such responses!
Okay! Well, I have to tell you, we're getting close to the end now, so though everything's still a little tangled up in knots and no one quite knows what's going on, it's all starting to coming together. Of course, there's still plenty of room for bad decisions and trickery along the way!
The title from this chapter comes from the amazing Danger Days track 'The Only Hope For Me is You'
Disclaimer: Still don't own any of the boys
Chapter 28 - Face All The Pain and Take It On
Fun Ghoul sat on his bed, staring at the door, but not really seeing it at all.
He'd fucked up. Seriously fucked up this time.
Why didn't you just deny it?
He'd tried. But he couldn't stand lying to Rave.
She'd never talk to him again, he knew it. They'd been best friends almost as long as her and Poison had been together. He'd always been the one she went to, when Poison wasn't around, or when it was something to do with Poison.
She'd trusted him.
She never would again. He'd ruined that relationship completely. Even if, somehow, they could go back to being friends, they'd never get past this, not really.
Maybe if he'd been honest with her. Maybe if he'd said he had feelings for Poison…
Rave probably still would've been upset with him, but she would've had more time to think, to take it in.
And, if he'd said something, maybe he wouldn't be feeling so guilty. If only, as soon as he realised he was still in love with Poison, he'd said something, to her, this could've all worked out better.
Then there was Poison.
Well. Fuck. Poison had made it clear enough, hadn't he? The way he'd denied it all so fiercely. Ghoul had had to drag it out of him, which, Ghoul knew had been an awful thing to do. Not just to Poison, but to Rave too. He'd been pulling all the nasty bits out, spreading them out between them, making sure they were visible to everyone.
It'd been cruel, it'd felt like he had taken a blunt knife to his own stomach and was pulling out his insides with his hands, fuck knows how it'd felt to Rave, to Poison.
He wondered how long it would take for Poison to start treating him like a person again, rather than a ghost. Last time… After they'd ended it last time, (after Poison ended it last time) it'd been a week until he'd talked to Ghoul normally. Then it'd taken months for them to get back to how they were, friends, close friends who depended on each other.
Ghoul hadn't blamed Poison for it, he knew why he'd become distant. He'd found it too difficult. Too difficult to look, to be close and have no prospect of following up.
Why hadn't he ever figured out that following up, continuing on, fuck, just getting the fuck on with it and being together was always a fucking option?
Of course, the answer to that was painfully clear, wasn't it?Poison had never wanted to. And the only reason the things that'd happened lately had happened was because Poison had had his mind and body so fucked with he…
But Ghoul had been sure… So sure… Not about the fucked up mess the night before. The scary way Poison had tried to force himself on him, not that. But the kiss, the stupid damn kiss the day before. That, that had been real.
Hadn't it?
Fun Ghoul closed his eyes, remembering it, and remembering the startled look in Party Poison's eyes afterwards. He'd been shocked, surprised, because he'd figured something out. Because he'd realised his feelings for Ghoul and he wasn't sure what to do about it.
Maybe… Maybe Poison just hadn't wanted to hurt Rave, maybe that was why he'd denied it so much. But then he must've known he was hurting Ghoul by denying it?
Fucking hell… He wanted Poison back here, just to talk things out, to clear the air, figure out exactly where they stood.
But, problem was, he had no fucking clue where Poison was.
And, with Poison's parting words echoing in his ears again, he doubted Poison even wanted to see him.
Party Poison waited until he was sure Saint Jimmy had gone, then slowly sat up. He was trembling slightly from the latest encounter. So much of it had terrified him. The easy way Jimmy had got the upper hand, the way he'd so, so, so nearly given in to Jimmy's wishes.
And, he had to admit, he had been scared of how angry Jimmy had looked when he'd pushed him off. Poison had only seen him that angry once before, when he'd destroyed Jimmy's drugs, and then he'd had everyone else to protect him. This time Jimmy had attacked him, not to get anything from Poison, just to hurt him. And, the scary thing was, Poison had a feeling it'd taken a lot of self control on Jimmy's part to stop himself from doing further damage.
He was scared, and hurting and he really, really wanted to go and find the only person who knew the whole truth about what had been going on with Saint Jimmy. He wanted to scream and cry and know that they'd let him, ready with the right words and a supportive embrace when he was done.
But then he remembered all the damage he'd done. All the things he'd said, all the things he'd denied.
Was Fun Ghoul ever going to be that person for him again?
He didn't feel like finding out just now. Poison pulled himself up, sat back in the drivers seat of the car, door still open, his legs still outside while he thought about this a little longer.
Then, in a swift, decisive move, he turned around, swinging his legs inside, closing the door a little harder than needed.
He didn't let himself think about it any longer.
He started the car and just drove.
Kobra Kid heard the car starting up, heard the obvious sounds of it driving away. He frowned.
There hadn't been any plans to get supplies today, had there? Party Poison hadn't mentioned any plans while they'd been training earlier. And, the funny thing was, Poison had been doing a lot of talking while they were sparring. He'd seemed a lot more animated than he had in a while, and it'd really surprised Kid. He'd expected Poison to be worse again, after the run in with Korse, but he seemed… Fine. Calmer. It was strange. Not that Kid was complaining, he was pleased that his brother seemed more like his old self again it was just…
Kobra Kid really just wished Party Poison would be more open, like he used to. He didn't like the feeling that there were a lot of things Poison was trying to keep from him.
He went around to the other side of the building, the car was already gone, so he went inside, hoping to find someone who would know what was going on.
Kobra Kid was surprised to find no one in the main area, but, before he even got to the open door of the bedroom, he saw Fun Ghoul.
Kid was almost scared to approach him.
Ghoul was sat on the end of his bed, elbows on his knees and head in his hands. Kid had known him long enough, he could tell, could even feel how distressed he was.
It did mean one thing, Ghoul obviously knew who'd just left in the car, and why.
Kid was growing more and more certain that it had been Poison in that car.
Tentatively he walked into the room. "Hey… Are you… Okay?" Fun Ghoul looked up suddenly, startled, it was obvious he hadn't known Kobra Kid was there. "Hey, sorry! I just, um… Ghoul. You don't happen to know who just left, um, in the car, do you? I just heard…" He trailed off when Ghoul groaned, lowering his head to his hands again. "Ghoul. Seriously. What's wrong?" Fun Ghoul just shook his head. "Okay, can you tell me where Poison is, or…""That's the fucking problem." Ghoul muttered, his voice sounding forced, hard. But not like he was angry at Kid, he was angry at himself, that much was clear.
"Ghoul. Do know something? Just tell me." Ghoul looked up again, then got to his feet. "I don't know a damn thing." Then he tried to leave, to get past Kid.
He didn't get far.
Kobra Kid grabbed his arm, pushed him down so Ghoul was suddenly sitting again. Even his own friends sometimes forgot Kid's skills in timing and strength. Ghoul glared up at him, though waiting to hear what Kid was going to say before opening his own mouth again. "You do know something Ghoul, now fucking tell me what is going on."
"I don't-""If you've been sleeping with my brother again you might as well just say so."
Fun Ghoul just stared at him, shocked, the anger having completely melted away. Eventually he managed to form some sort of response. "What?"Kobra Kid sighed, exasperated, annoyed. "Why the fuck does everyone think I'm stupid? Or blind? I know, Ghoul, alright? I know there's something going on with you two now and I knew when you were sleeping with each other before. You honestly think I wouldn't notice? He's my fucking brother! Of course I noticed!"
Ghoul couldn't believe it… Someone else knew? He'd known all along? Oh fuck… Just wait until Poison found out Kid had known all this time…
"But I… We-""You thought you were being discrete? Oh yeah, sure, because all those times you'd send me and Jet off somewhere, then we'd come back and you two would both suddenly appear from the bedroom wasn't obvious at all!" Kid laughed slightly. "Oh! And let's not forget how he'd make up bullshit excuses as to why neither of us could come with the two of you all those times you went on an 'extended check of the area'. And… And… Fucking hell, Ghoul! I can fucking read him, I could tell there was something going on, I could tell it had something to do with you, and I could tell he was happy, if fucking terrified." Ghoul listened, embarrassed, aware now of how obvious they'd been when they'd thought they'd been so clever, careful. But the last thing Kid said, that made him look up again, a strange stab of some weird emotion hitting him in the chest. "He… You really think he was happy?"Kid snorted. "Yes. Trust me, I know his moods better than anyone. And I know he was happy then."
"And… And now…?" Ghoul asked, tentatively, scared for the answer, but wanting it badly all the same, a little hope stirring inside him.
Kobra Kid saw that hope, and he just didn't know how to deal with it. He sighed. "Ghoul, I… I don't know. He's been… I can't tell." Ghoul had to admit, he was disappointed, he'd thought that maybe, just maybe he was about to get an answer of some sort, that he was going to find out what was going on in Poison's head without actually having to ask him. But still he nodded in understanding.
Then Kobra Kid continued, and Ghoul found himself wishing he hadn't.
"What I do know is he was happy with Rave. That much is obvious to everyone. To you too, Ghoul, I know that. But he hasn't been like that with her lately, and I think he hates that. Tell me Ghoul… Is it because you've been sleeping with him again? I'm not angry with you for having feelings for him but if you're screwing with his relationship with Rave I think you should be kinda ashamed-""No!" Ghoul cut him off, suddenly annoyed, indignant, for both him and Poison. "We- Yes. Okay, something's been going on with me and Poison but I couldn't put a fucking name to it if I tried! And I never, never wanted to get in the way of him and Rave. I- You know how fucking close we are, why would I ever want to hurt her?" Kobra Kid nodded, agreeing with this, he knew how close Ghoul and Rave were, but it didn't stop him from asking, "So. You and Poison haven't… Nothing's actually physically happened, right? Is that what you're saying?"
"I-" Ghoul found he couldn't answer that, not honestly anyway. And he was sick of lying, so he stayed silent, he bowed his head.
"I see." Kid said, quietly. And Ghoul snapped his head up again, glaring at Kid now. "Don't. Don't fucking judge me like that! Don't pretend you know what's going on here, like it's all so simple, so black and white. It's not!"
Kobra Kid just shook his head. "You know... I'm starting to think it'd almost be better for him if he wasn't with anyone."
Fun Ghoul stared at him, wide eyed. Couldn't Kid see that was a terrible idea? "So you want him to be alone?" He asked, a small accusing tone to his voice.
"Well the rest of us manage! Jet does, I do, you… Well. You did, for a while. Admit it, Ghoul, you found it easier when you weren't dealing with your feelings for him. Would it really be so awful for Poison to get a little of that peace too?"
Ghoul continued to stare at him. "I can't… You're his brother. But the things you're saying… It's like you don't care, like you don't know him at all."
Kid glared at him, and it was enough to make Ghoul slightly nervous, but not enough to back down. "Watch it." Kid snapped. "Just because you've slept with him, do not, for one second think that means you know him better than I do. And do not accuse me of not caring, I care. Maybe I even care more than you. You have your own motives, I just… I just want him happy."
Ghoul had to admit, some of that stung. He didn't think he knew Poison better than Kid did, that was insane. He did think that maybe Kid was looking at this all a bit too simply, but, despite the words that'd run away from him, of course Ghoul knew Kid cared, of course he just wanted the best for his brother.
"I know." Ghoul nodded, eyes to the ground as he admitted his error. "I'm sorry, I know that. I just. I really don't think he'd be happy on his own, he needs someone. And I'm not even suggesting that someone should be me, as much as, and you probably don't want to hear this right now but… I would give anything to be the one he needs. So long as it doesn't hurt anyone else."
"I have no problem with you saying that. But the problem is, no matter what, someone is getting hurt. I just don't want it to be Poison."
"It's a lovely thought, baby brother." Saint Jimmy's voice startled both of the Killjoys, and they turned to the direction of it, finding the Saint standing in the doorway. He smiled knowingly when he saw their looks of surprise. Walking in he continued, "But I think you know your brother is screwed whichever way he turns." Then, focusing on Fun Ghoul. "I guess it just depends on who he chooses as to whether he gets physically fucked or not, huh, Ghoul?" Hands clenching painfully, Ghoul bit back his response to that, a quick glance at Kid that proved he was just as angry. Saint Jimmy laughed, pleased to provoke them both so easily. "Oh. Damn. I am good at hitting those nerves, huh?" He said, gleefully. Then, his eyes darkening to something a little more serious, voice dropping in an equal way. "He's gone, by the way. Your great leader. Took the car. He's left you all stranded." Ghoul closed his eyes, sighed heavily, he'd feared that, as soon as Kid had mentioned he couldn't find Poison. He'd heard the car too, known all along it was Poison.
Known it was his fault Poison had gone.
"He'll come back. He wouldn't just leave us." Kobra Kid argued, no hint of doubt. Ghoul couldn't help a small smile. No matter what, Kid would never give up on Poison. Saint Jimmy raised an eyebrow. "You think so? Well. We can hope, I guess…" He trailed off, looking out the window, where the sun was slowly setting. "For his sake too."
Jimmy made a half move to leave, only a threat, but Kobra Kid pounced anyway. Across the room and hand tight on Jimmy's arm, spinning him round. "What's that supposed to mean?" He demanded. Jimmy stared at the gloved hand on him, studying it for a few seconds, then he shrugged the Killjoy off. Rolling his eyes then fixing Kid with yet another dark look. "Think about it, Killjoy. You know this fucking desert as well as anyone. Your stupid fuck of a brother has gone out there alone. Surely somewhere in that bottle-blonde head of yours you can figure out that's a very bad thing." Kobra Kid blinked, not even slightly showing the torrents of emotion that'd just crashed over him. Suddenly gripped with fear, he felt unbearably hot and oddly cold.
They'll get him. Again. For fucks sake Poison why-
"Of course." Saint Jimmy continued. "That's not exactly all that's against the great and idiotic Party Poison. Not that he was able to figure it out of course, but then, neither did any of you, so it must be a Killjoy thing."
Kobra Kid frowned, part in confusion, part in continued anger, why couldn't Jimmy just spit it out? But, he knew already, he'd learnt just like everyone else how Jimmy loved toying with people, getting the perfect reaction from them.
Fun Ghoul, however, was suddenly, terribly sure he knew what Jimmy was talking about.
Saint Jimmy saw the look of dawning realisation on Ghoul's face and smiled, knowingly. "I think we may have a smart one, at last." He said, almost approvingly. Kobra Kid turned his attention to his friend. "What? What is it Ghoul? What-"
"Is it peaceful in there, Kiddie?" Saint Jimmy cut in, drawing Kid's attention again. He carried on before Kid could say anything. "It must be, without all that thinking going on. Fucking hell, it's starting to look like your brother got all the brains, and that's a truly terrifying thought!""Get to the fucking point, Saint." Ghoul snapped. Saint Jimmy grinned at him. "Well, if you insist on spoiling my fun…" He said, teasingly. "It may have escaped your attention, but dear leader is not exactly operating at his best."
"You think we don't know that?" Kobra Kid snapped. "Of course he's fucking not! Not after what he's been through, and we don't even know exactly what that is!"
Saint Jimmy's smile darkened. "Oh. But I do."
Fun Ghoul felt immediately cold, he looked at Kobra Kid, saw the clenched fists, the shocked expression on his face.
Saint Jimmy chuckled. "I take it you want to know how?"
"If you're not going to tell us how you know, at least tell us what we need to know. What don't we know about what happened to Poison? What did-"
Saint Jimmy cut Kid off, "Relax, Kiddie, I'll give you both sets of information, don't you worry." Then, reaching into a pocket inside his jacket, he produced a small, silver disc, encased in a plastic folder, held it up between his middle and forefinger. "It's amazing what you can find laying around the Better Living headquarters, isn't it?" Ghoul and Kid just stared, not quite understanding yet.
Saint Jimmy started twirling the disc round. "You'd think they'd be a little more careful, wouldn't you? But then, when up against an expert like me, I guess you can't blame them. While I was fetching my… Supplies. I happened to walk past a very interesting room." He paused, dramatically. "Very dark, only screens lighting the place, I happened to peek in and to my surprise… Darling Cherry Top is the main feature!" He beamed, throwing his arm out, pleased to see both the Killjoys eyes stayed fixed on the disc, they still didn't know what it was, but they got the idea it was important, at least. "Well. Alright. I wasn't that surprised. The whole damn company were fucking wet over him, after all. But oh my… I had not expected to have him displayed in so many ways all at once in front of me. Snapshots of all kinds of nasty things they did. Then, I see an interesting little device, one that said it was 'recording'."
Almost as one, Kobra Kid and Fun Ghoul got it, their eyes widened slightly, moving briefly to Saint Jimmy, then back to the disc. "Uh huh. They'd recorded the whole thing, to make sure they didn't repeat themselves too much and become boring, I assume? Or possibly to see what made him scream the most." He took pleasure in the looks of anger and despair on the Killjoys faces, they were imagining what those things were, again.
Well. They weren't going to have to imagine for much longer.
Without warning, Saint Jimmy tossed the disc at Kobra Kid, who caught it, just, with both hands. "Take a look. I've watched it myself, fast forward through a couple of boring bits. Y'know. The standard beatings and all that. Some good stuff on there though. If you really want to know what's gone on with Cherry Top… After all, he's not going to tell you. And not because he doesn't remember."
Kobra Kid snapped his head up at Jimmy. "He doesn't remember." He argued. Saint Jimmy laughed. "Oh. He does, he definitely does, Kiddie. He just doesn't want you to know that." Then, "Don't feel bad. He thinks he's protecting you. Of course, he's just doing himself more damage."
Saint Jimmy turned, actually leaving this time. "Now, you two enjoy that. But I wouldn't take too long. You never know what trouble Cherry Top is getting himself into now."
Party Poison had lost track of how long he'd been driving for. He'd switched off mentally completely, just focused on driving. He didn't want to think. He knew if he started thinking any number of things would get in, get to him. Take him over. He'd be done for then.
Poison didn't want to think about Better Living. He didn't want to think about Saint Jimmy. He didn't want to think about Fun Ghoul. He didn't want to think about Rave. He didn't want to think about home. He didn't-
Home. Poison almost laughed. What the fuck is home now anyway? An abandoned diner filled with weapons and scraps of old lives? A place that'd seen so much blood, heard so many raised voices. Great. Some home. Why the fuck would I want to go back anyway? I'll just keep driving, thanks.
But he was ignoring another little voice, one that was trying, desperately, to be heard. He was only ignoring it because he knew what would happen if he listened.
##
"Gee." Gerard looked up, startled out of his own little world, he'd been staring out the window of the tour bus, his mind whirring with constant ideas and memories and a whole mess of other stuff.
Now he gave his full attention to the person standing in front of him, Frank.
"Sorry, I was-""Gee… You might wanna check on Mikey, he seems… I dunno. Maybe you should talk to him."
Gerard didn't hesitate.
Mikey was sat on his bunk, back against the wall and knees drawn up. He only looked up when Gerard climbed up to join him.
"Everything okay Mikes?" Mikey shrugged. Then, glancing at his brother again, he shook his head.
"What's up?"
Mikey sighed, then asked. "Gee… How long have we been on the road? This time I mean." Gerard frowned, thinking hard. Then he laughed, admitting, "I honestly have no idea. I think I'm getting bad with time. And places, some places anyway, do you know how many times I've nearly said the wrong name of the place we're playing? I mean, I try my fucking best but sometimes it's hard to keep up!" Even Mikey laughed then. "Any idea where we're heading now?" Gerard shrugged, "I dunno. Somewhere in Europe?" Mikey laughed harder, having to admit he wasn't sure either.
Slowly the laughter stopped, and Mikey grew serious again. "Okay now Mikey, tell me what's wrong."Mikey fidgeted slightly, obviously nervous, but Gerard wasn't going to let this go.
"I… Gee. Don't you ever… Miss home? I mean, you know I love this band, I love the feeling of playing on stage and everything but-""I understand." Gerard interrupted. "And, sometimes, I feel the same, but how can I really miss home when… I have you here?"Mikey frowned, not quite understanding. "You're a piece of home, Mikey, you… Keep me grounded in reality, while all this" he waved his hand, gesturing the tour bus, and everything it included, represented "takes me away to this crazy world we've created, you… Remind me of normality. Of home." Mikey didn't say anything else, he just smiled, and pulled his brother into a tight hug.
##
Party Poison hadn't realised he'd stopped the car.
Images of Mikey, and of the Killjoy he'd become over the years filled his head.
What the fuck are you doing?
Was he really running away from his life because the going had got a little tough? Was he seriously thinking about running away from, and leaving behind his own brother?And now, now he'd let those thoughts in, now he'd let Mikey in, of course, naturally, the others all came flooding back too.
Ray, Frank…
Fuck.
He really was running away from home, because he was running away from them.
And as if that was going to solve anything.
He stopped, and thought. Really thought about it this time.
If he went back he'd have to face Fun Ghoul again, have to face Rave. He'd have to explain. And, most importantly he'd have to listen.
And, hardest of all, he'd have to make a choice.
That was, if the choice wasn't already made for him.
He'd also have to tell Kobra Kid, and Jet Star, what had been going on. He'd be honest, finally. Completely honest. It was the only way to start to fix things.
Are you going to tell them about Saint Jimmy?
Party Poison froze at the idea of explaining that to them.
So maybe some things he'd keep to himself.
Still, he'd made this decision, at least, and now was time to act on it.
Starting the car again, he made a wide turn, heading straight back the way he'd come.
Kobra Kid was staring at the disc in his hands, and Fun Ghoul was watching him, nervously. "Um. Kid."
It'd been at least five minutes since Saint Jimmy had left them, and Kid had barely moved in that time.
All either of them could think of was what was on that disc.
Kobra Kid didn't answer him, didn't even acknowledge that he'd spoken.
"Kid. I… Um. Maybe, maybe you should give me that disc, I think um… I think maybe I'll just watch it, you… You don't have to, I can-"And then Kid snapped his head up, looking straight at Ghoul, an almost terrifying look in his eyes. "You're gonna try and stop me from finding out what happened to my brother?" He accused.
Ghoul sighed, he'd guessed Kid might take it like that. "No. I just… Kid. This isn't going to be easy. Think about it, that thing will show us exactly what the company did to Poison. We are going to see every bit of suffering they put him through and… If you don't want to see that first hand… I understand."
Kobra Kid looked down again. "I know you've taken it upon yourself to protect Poison, as best you can. I know you have Ghoul, but… I don't need you to do the same for me." He voice was quiet, gentle now. Calm.
And most of all, determined.
Once Rave had got out of that room, out of that building, away from that place, away from (the love of her life and her best friend) the two men she was most angry at she just kept walking.
She thought she maybe saw Saint Jimmy at one point, but she ignored him, she really didn't have time for him right now.
Rave wasn't sure when it was that she'd started crying, but she didn't bother to stop herself. Not like anyone was there, not like anyone was coming after her.
I don't want either of them coming after me. Usually they're the only ones I want to see, but now…
Her brain kept trying to process all of the information, trying to make it make sense, but she couldn't. It didn't help that at the same time she was trying not to think about it. Because, when she did, she just saw them. She saw Poison and Ghoul, smiling at each other. She thought about how, all this time, they'd always been so… Easy, relaxed around each other. How often had she seen Poison leaning up against Ghoul while they were simply sitting, talking? How often had she seen Ghoul nudge Poison out of the way with his hip, only to pull him back closer with and arm around his shoulders? How many times had she seen them look at each other, smile, nod, and have it be like they were communicating on a whole different level to everyone else?
All these could just be signs of the closest of friends, and they were, but… There'd always been something else to it all, hadn't there?
No. Rave didn't think Poison had been cheating on her all this time, she didn't think Ghoul had been lying to her all this time. She did think they'd been lying to themselves.
And she knew, from what Ghoul had said, that things had definitely been happening recently.
She knew, for certain that the two men had kissed, and that possibly more had happened.
And that was about the time her mind would spiral off, picture things she didn't want to see, imagine the two of them together.
She could see them, on the bed, Poison's bed. Kissing, fingers curling and clutching hair, glancing over each others faces, lips getting caught between teeth. Hands tugging off each others clothes, legs getting tangled up together, those hands again moving, gliding, stroking across exposed skin. Naked bodies moving together and-
She wished she wasn't able to picture it so easily. She tried to push them away again, get them out of her head, but as she did, she found other images come to her, memories this time, and the very reason she was able to picture Poison and Ghoul so perfectly.
Jimmy and Johnny.
Jimmy had never had any fucking shame, and Johnny was never good at 'no'. Not with Jimmy anyway. He would always apologise to Rave after, for what they'd done, for the fact she'd seen it, again. But they both knew it would just happen again.
That was why she'd told Poison he was just like Saint Jimmy. Told him he was worse, because, well, at least Jimmy had been honest about it.
Rave laughed, bitterly.
What the fuck is it with the men I fall in love with?
She was so wrapped up in her tormenting thoughts and memories, she didn't see them coming at all.
It was pretty much night now, only a little light left, and Party Poison sped up, again, pushing the car as much as it would go. He didn't really want to be out here, alone once night truly fell.
What the fuck were you thinking anyway?
Now really wasn't the time to get into that again. He just had to focus on getting home.
That word again. Home.
This time he completely knew what it meant. And Poison found himself smiling.
Then, just off the side of the road, something caught his eye.
Poison hesitated longer than he normally would, but still found himself slamming on the breaks.
There was a fight.
Scarecrows were out.
And, alone or not, he was a Killjoy. The Leader of the Killjoys, no less.
He wasn't about to just pass this by.
Rave had never been up against Scarecrows before, let alone one of them plus another three Dracs.
She was terrified.
But. She hadn't been running with the Killjoys for five years and not learnt anything.
Rave straightened up, raising her head high as she watched the Dracs circling her, the Scarecrow watching her, steadily.
Damn I miss my mask right now. She realised now she'd left it back at the base, that in itself had been stupid.
But she hadn't left her gun. Her hand immediately went to it, and the first Drac pounced just as she drew it.
Rave had learnt from the best, of course, and was quick. That Drac was dead before it got any closer.
But then the others all went for her at once.
She got another couple of shots off, causing injuries, but killing no more.
Rave found herself on her front, pinned to the ground, a gun pressed to her head.
"Stop!" A voice, emotionless but commanding, presumably the Scarecrows called out. "She is a Killjoy. Apparently she is the partner of their leader, Party Poison." Rave couldn't help but laugh to herself a little then. She was ignored. "She could be useful to us."
"Fuck you." Rave spat, trying to raise her head, but not getting far. "I'm not helping you! I don't fucking care what you-" A sharp kick to her side silenced her. "Why are you out here alone, Killjoy?" The Scarecrow demanded. And Rave saw her chance. "I'm not part of the Killjoys now. I'm a lone rebel. No good to you."
"Is that so? Well then…" The Scarecrow paused. "Dispose of her."Rave had known that was what was coming, but she'd rather take that than risk being taken to Better Living,
She wasn't as strong as Poison, she wouldn't be able to survive what they'd do. Best it was over now, quick like this.
Rave heard the shot.
Then, to her surprise, she heard shouts, more shots, and she felt the gun being lifted from the back of her head, the weight holding her down being removed.
Rave dared to raise her head, and felt like screaming for joy when she saw the sight in front of her.
She got up on her knees as she watched Party Poison neatly despatching the last Drac, watching it fall to the ground as he holstered his gun again.
Then he turned his attention back to Rave. His eyes widening as he realised who it was.
"What the fuck were you thinking?"
As grateful as she was, Rave found herself furious at Poison all over again as he yelled at her. "Sure! Because it was my fucking fault I got attacked out here, right?" She snapped, getting to her feet, dusting herself off as best she could.
"No, but it is your fault you're by yourself, what the hell are you doing all the way out here? With no fucking mask! Anyone could've seen you!" Rave rolled her eyes. "Fucking hell Poison, you're all about the fucking masks, aren't you? All about hiding. That's your fucking speciality, hiding things, keeping things secret."
Party Poison's hands clenched, his eyes narrowed, and his voice got tight. "Don't." He said.
"Don't what Poison?" Rave demanded. "Don't bring up the fact you've been lying to me? Guess what, that's the fucking reason I'm out here by myself! To get away from you, to get away from Ghoul, to get away from… All the fucking mess you made!"
"I didn't mean for it to happen!" Poison shouted back at her. Rave laughed. "But it did happen, Poison, it fucking did! And it fucking hurts, don't you get that? It hurts because you, you betrayed me, and I- You were the one person I thought never would."
Rave stopped yelling, quiet by the end of the last of it. And then, once again, she was crying. She just forgot everything around her, and sobbed. The heels of her hands pressed painfully hard against her eyes.
It was a shock when she felt arms around her. She hadn't expected, hadn't wanted Poison to comfort her. But now he was here, she couldn't help it. She couldn't help feeling safe.
Rave leaned into him, pressed her face against his chest, felt his hands on her back, holding her steady.
"I'm sorry." His whispered words made Rave cry harder. Because she knew, she knew he meant it. "I'm sorry I lied, I thought I was protecting you, I thought, if I denied it… That would make it go away, make it not true. I'm sorry I did that. I'm sorry I hurt you."
Rave, the tears subsiding, looked up at him then. He'd pushed his mask up, to the top of his head, leaving his face, his eyes clear to see. "Who is it you want to be with, Poison?" She asked, amazed the words didn't stick in her throat, she was that terrified to say them. Party Poison closed his eyes, shaking his head slightly. "Poison! You can't- Please. If it's him, tell me it's him. If this is over, let me get on with getting over you." Again, Poison shook his head. "I- I don't know." He admitted. And Rave allowed herself to fall against him again, sighing heavily. "Thank you for saving my life. Again." She said. "Always." Poison told her, lightly kissing the top of her head.
Rave looked up at him then, sensing the honesty in that simple word.
He really would always be there, to save her.
Poison bent his head slightly, kissing her again, on the lips this time.
It suddenly felt like a very long time since they'd last kissed, and Rave found herself kissing back more ardently than might be considered ladylike. She didn't care. She'd missed him, missed feeling close to him.
Her arms slipped around Party Poison now, drawing him even closer, she felt his tongue glance across her lips, then disappear back into his own mouth again, almost chastely.
Then, and they knew this was a bad idea, but even so, Poison carefully guided them down, to the ground. Rave felt the sand sticking to her legs and arms, getting in her hair, but her focus was all on Party Poison, above her, kissing her, lovingly, his hands wandering just a little over her body.
Poison realised he'd honestly forgotten there was a difference between kissing a guy and kissing a girl. Everything felt so much… Softer, he felt like he had to be more careful, more loving, he had to go slower.
Just as he dipped his head, to kiss her neck, Poison got a shock.
It took a few seconds to properly register.
"Gerard." Poison stopped, feeling frozen, then, slowly, he lifted himself up on his elbows, staring down at Rave, wide eyed.
She just stared back, a little hope but a lot of fear in her eyes as she said, "Your turn."
And Party Poison suddenly understood what she was doing, what she was trying to do. She'd remembered what she'd heard, about Poison and Ghoul using their real names, and now she was trying to see if she could get the same thing.
Poison opened his mouth, tried once to get the name out. Then shook his head.
It just didn't feel right.
Rave closed her eyes as Poison sat up, got to his feet, she opened them again to see him holding out a hand, which she took, letting him help her up.
Party Poison pulled her into another tight hug, then, letting her go, they walked back to the car.
Saint Jimmy was bored.
Party Poison had gone, again, leaving him with only the other Killjoys to mess with, and while that was fun, it wasn't what he wanted.
Especially not after what Poison had done. Not after he'd let Jimmy get close, so fucking close…
But, despite what he said to get the Killjoys all panicked and tied up in knots, Jimmy knew full well that Poison was coming back. Of course he was coming back.
And Saint Jimmy grinned at the thought.
"Waiting for you, Cherry Top. Gonna get what I deserve." He couldn't help a small laugh.
"And so will you."
