A/N: Okay the story really begins here. Remember I own nothing that has to do with anything Twilight or related to and have nothing to do with Summit.
There is a blog to this story. Check my profile for the link. It will be up on Tuesday. You can also follow my on Twitter.
Chapter 5
you said, this is my bedroom window you said, this is my view you said, lie down here with me and see the things that i do like you were trying to tell me something about the way you live like you would give me something if you had something to give - Used to You (Ani Difranco)
As I stood there finishing my cig, trying to figure out how to get out of this, the screen door opened again. I didn't turn to look at who it was because I was pretty sure it was my little pixie of a best friend to yell at me to get my ass back inside. I waited, but the person didn't say anything and as I turned around to talk to Alice, I suddenly drew in my breath. It wasn't Alice standing there, it was Bella. She was just looking at me, her brown eyes looked a little sad and confused, and her hands were in front of her as she played with the many rings on her fingers.
"Hey, you didn't have to come out here. I was heading back in. Just finishing my cig.", I said.
"I was just checking on you. I know all this can be a little overwhelming and that the guys didn't exactly give you a warm welcome. They are a little..umm what's the best word...protective, of each other. They tend to start the whose dick is bigger contest for no real reasons. I am sorry if they made you feel uncomfortable. I am really glad you came though. I wanted you to meet my grandma and get to know me and the rest of the misfits." she laughs, but her eyes are serious in their intentions.
"It's okay. I just don't do well in large groups of new people. It makes me a little nervous. But I really like your grandma. She seems amazing." I smile my crooked smile at her and suck my lip ring into my mouth, embarrassed I have shared with her my feelings about a woman I just met and the fact that I have divulged a huge secret about my nervousness in large groups. I mean, anyone that sees me around and sees the Edward Cullen from school and at parties, would never guess my little insecurity and fear.
" Yea, she is amazing. She is, well she is more like my mom, than well my mom." she says shyly - almost embarrassed at the revelation. She shakes her head and her brown hair tumbles into her face and she looks up. "Come on, I promise I won't let them bite..unless you want them too." she laughs and extends her hand.
I grin and take her hand, deciding in that moment we might just be able to be friends. My demons, who have been strangely quiet for awhile peak their heads up from the table they passed out on and smirk: whatever you think there boy. Remember, you are a fuck up. When people find out about your past, all of it, not just what you choose to share, they are going to be disgusted. I shiver a little but continue to put one foot in front of the other walking into the house.
As soon as we enter, I see everyone lounging in the living room with Grandma. She is sitting in a recliner, her knotted fingers holding a cigarette as she seems to hold court over the mass of youth sitting in her living room and lying on the floor. I look at every one's faces, and there is a sense of love and endearment as they listen to her talk - even Alice and Jazz seem to have fallen under her spell. I am unconsciously pulled to the center, my feet drawn to this woman. I sit down on the floor next to Alice and Jazz to watch and listen.
"Chicken," I hear Grandma's voice through my thoughts, "when are you going to quit shooting shit into your veins and clean up. You are too smart to make me have to bury you." she says, yet there is no condemnation in your voice, only love and support.
I look over at Chicken, I remember him from Metro. He is dressed in black jeans, a Skinny Puppy shirt with long sleeves and thumb holes cut into the cuffs. His hair is tamer than the night at the diner - no liberty spikes, but it is still spiked up everywhere. He has fair skin and dark eyes - dark eyes that remind me of mine with shadows underneath them screaming for sleep. "Soon, Grandma. I promise. I am trying, its just sometimes...," his voice fades quietly.
"I understand baby. I just worry." Grandma says looking at him with such unconditional love it makes my heart skip a bit. I have never seen that look except from Esme and even then it seemed sheltered. This woman looks at all of us in the room with the same look, I almost believe she would love me like that. What the fuck ever my man, giggle the demons. She isn't a saint, your fucked up upbringing would even bring this woman down. Who loves a kid who watched their mother get fucked by random men? I am suddenly pulled from my thoughts when Grandma gets up from her recliner and walks through the living room towards the kitchen. On the way, she touches everyone she passes. They are small touches, but full of love. As she passes me, her fingers find my head and she ruffles my hair. I flinch a little, but I am still in awe - who the hell is this woman?
Crispy yells, "Smoke break!"
Half of us get up and head to the back porch pulling out cigs and lighters as we go. We are all standing outside, everyone seems engrossed in conversations with someone. I step over to the banister and look out over her backyard. I feel someone beside me and look over. There stands Crispy - I knew this was coming, but sort of hoped it would wait.
"So, what is your story?" he asks.
"No story really. Just me." I say, trying to not be an ass.
"I call bullshit.", he says quietly, "You have a story, you're just not ready to share with me. That is cool though. Believe me, we all have stories here. That is why the family started so to speak. We all needed each other in different ways. Then a year ago, Bella joined the mix - I am not even sure how the hell she folded into us so well as she is about as normal looking as those upper class shits you go to school with but she did. She sort of started taking care of everyone. Offering support, advice, keeping us all sane - she became mom and I became her protector. She is like my little sister."
"She seems sweet, although it seems like she collects people to fix them. What if they can't be fixed?" I say.
"She helps. She knows she can't fix us all and we know we can't all fix each other, but we try. We are each others family - family most of us don't have. We are all fucked up in some way. If you ever decided to open up a little and talk, make friends with some of us, you would see that. I like you Edward, and Bella is drawn to you. She has never been drawn like this to someone. Just get to know her and us. Unfortunately, we are kinda a package deal." Crispy looks over at me, begging me to hear what he is saying.
I pull my cig into my mouth and suck a drag into my lungs. I look around at everyone - all so different: goths, punks, grunge - everything. I look him in the eye and for the first time in a long time feel like maybe besides Alice and Jazz these strange misfits might actually get it. I see arms with scars, track marks, tattoos, piercings, dark eyes, happy eyes, and feel something more important - acceptance. Alice and Jazz are talking to a girl named Leah and a boy named Seth both dressed as punks but with sad eyes. They are laughing and suddenly I want this - for once I want this type of acceptance. I push the demons down, I can feel them starting to sit up and take notice, and I look back at Crispy.
"I want that too. I like you all or what I have seen. I can try to be part of this, but essentially I try not to be involved with too many people. Works better that way." I say to him.
"Understood. We won't push but you are always welcome." he says, smiling and turns around to head into the house. He stops suddenly and looks at me, "Give her a chance to be your friend." and then he walks into the house.
"Come on children, dinner's ready!" I hear Grandma yell from the dining room. Everyone yells and laughs running for the door and I join in - that shit smells delicious.
After everyone is seated and food is served, there is a small silence filled with moans and groans. I am shoveling food in my mouth as I haven't taken an escape up my nose in quite awhile and my stomach is craving food. I look up at Grandma, smiling my crooked smile, "Thanks. This shit is amazing."
She laughs, "With that smile and those eyes my boy, you are dangerous. Glad you like my cooking. If I was a little younger, you might just have made me swoon."
I grin again and continue shoveling food in my mouth. I look up again as conversations are starting to replace the silence of good food into stomachs and see Bella smiling at me. Her head nods just a tad and she turns to talk to Seth. Leah looks at me and smiles. "So, Edward, favorite movie and don't give me some emo bullshit like the rest of these idiots."
I laugh and say, "Well, favorite movie has to either be Boondock Saints or Reservoir Dogs. Both classics."
"Hell yea mother fucker" Chicken yells from across the table standing up with his fist reaching across the table for a fist bump. I lean over and bump knuckles with him laughing as Grandma rolls her eyes at us both.
"Good choices, all through I prefer 30 days and nights," Leah says. As soon as that comment is out of her mouth the table explodes in a cacophony of voices all talking about movies and I suddenly find myself included in those voices, arguing back and forth with Leah, Seth, and Jazz about the merits of the movies.
In the middle of the chaos of the conversation, the screen door opens and suddenly I see Bella tense out of the corner of my eye. I look up and in walks a tall woman with sharp almost Roman features. Everyone looks up and it feels like the air has been sucked out of the room and I notice Seth put a protective arm around the back of Bella's chair as Crispy sits up a little straighter at the end of the table.
"Hello Tanya," Grandma says. "I wasn't expecting you honey. You said you had to work late."
"Yea, the meeting was over quicker than I thought. I decided I would surprise you all since I haven't seen the gang in forever. Also, I haven't seen Bella in a few days and I missed my sweet daughter, " she states with this almost sickeningly sweet tone and leans down to hug Bella.
I notice Seth stiffen and more interestingly I notice Bella hug her Mom fiercely but at the same time her eyes are downcast almost like she is unsure of when this affection will no longer be tolerated and is ashamed of herself for grasping at it with such fervor. "Hi mom," Bella says quietly. " I have missed you."
"Well, pull up a chair and I will get you a plate." Grandma says with a tone that is neither welcoming or inviting but almost filled with a sadness.
"I don't want to intrude just wanted to say hello. I ate already at my meeting so not a big deal." Tanya says looking over the table. When she comes to me, she stops. "Who are you sexy?" she asks.
I look up at her and hold her gaze. She has that look that Lauren and Jessica get - and her eyes scan me up and down. "I am Edward, and you are?" I state enunciating each syllable.
"I'm Tanya. Bella's mom. I see you must be new to the family of misfits. Well, they all hang at Bella and my house when they aren't here. I am gone a lot and I don't like Bella being alone so I let everyone hang at the house." she says still looking at me like I am the newest pet in her collection.
"Okay" I say and begin eating again. I glance around as everyone begins to follow my lead and ignore this woman. I watch her sit down next to Bella and start talking quietly. I am no sure what is being said, but I see Seth's eyes darken and the grip on his fork is tight. I look at Bella and her eyes are downcast as I hear her say, "Of course, mom. No, I understand we wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea about me. Of course I will come with you to the fundraiser."
Dinner is finished and everyone seems on edge with Tanya being around. I gather from the tension that no one here really likes this woman and while I get it has to do with how she treats Bella and obviously her own mother, I can't say I see anything major. Looks like just teen girl and mom issues. I stand up and stretch glancing at my watch. I really need to take some shit or I am going to be crashing soon and that would not be fun to explain. Grandma eyes me but says nothing as I ask where the bathroom is. Crispy tells me and I head into it and lock the door. I pull out my stash and make quick work of the lines. I wash my hands and glance at myself in the mirror.
I open the door and head back into the living room. Everyone is standing around grabbing their jackets and lining up to leave. I glance at Bella who is standing off to the side with her mom. Her mom's arm is over her shoulder and she is talking to Grandma. Bella keeps her eyes down, but watching this I realize that there is definitely more going on than the typical mom/daughter b.s. Grandma is talking her stance tense. Bella's mom just laughs and all I hear is , "of course she wants to go with me. She always comes and she enjoys meeting everyone." I see Grandma sigh and shake her head. Bella looks up and I catch her eye and smile. She smiles a little and then excuses herself from her mom.
"Leaving?" she asks.
"Yep, we are going to head out. I will see you at school tomorrow, okay." I say. I almost want to tell her to call me if she needs anything. She suddenly looks very small, not like the person I see talking and laughing with her friends, the strong woman who seems to take care of everyone.
"Yep, see you in the morning Dark Angel," she says and leans up and kisses my cheek.
Alice and Jazz come over and say good bye giving Bella a hug and kiss as I walk over to Grandma.
"Thanks for dinner, it was great." I say and amaze myself by willing giving her a hug. She hugs me back and whispers, "Anytime sugar. My door is always open and your name is at the guard station so stop by anytime. I mean it." I pull back and smile.
Suddenly Bella's mom is grabbing me and gives me a hug. My whole body stiffens and I smell her perfume and things get fuzzy. She smells like my mom and my stomach starts to roll. The demons jump up and down like they have been waiting for me to freak out while I am here and prove what a fuck up I am. I pull back sharply and turn to leave.
"Bye honey. You are welcome over to our house anytime too. " Tanya says but I can hear the undercurrent in her voice. I know that tone and I shiver pushing back the memories that tone brings up.
"Yea thanks." I say and walk over to Crispy and Seth. I shake their hands and we all head out the door. As I get to my car, Chicken walks by and leans down to my ear. "Watch Bella's mom. She is a crazy bitch and by the way, welcome to the family fucker." He looks at me and smirks as he heads to crawl into Crispy's hearse.
On the ride to Alice's, no one says anything. I think we are all a little too caught up in the evening's events. So much happened, but nothing really did. It is weird how a non eventful night can seem like it is filled with all the answers and a million more questions. When we reach Alice's, she leans over and gives me a kiss and quietly gets out of the car.
"Bye Pixie. I love ya," I say. She looks startled for a minute and then says, " Love you too ass". Jazz climbs out of the back nodding in my direction and once the door is closed I take off to my house.
Esme is sitting in the living room reading as I start the climb upstairs to my room. "Hey sweetie. Have a good time tonight?" she asks.
"Yea, actually I did. It was kinda fun." I say surprising even myself.
"Good to hear honey. You spend way to much time being way to serious. I miss your smile, the real one, not the fake one you use to get me off your back." she says continuing to read.
I stand there stunned a little and then laugh. "You aren't that good of an actor honey." she says again as I head upstairs to my room.
I throw off my leather jacket and sit on my bed pulling of my boots and jeans and flop backwards. I stare at the ceiling forever just letting my mind go blank rubbing my hands up and down my chest under my shirt. My mind starts to drift to my excursion in the bathroom with Lauren and Jessica. Damn that was hot and I feel my dick getting hard as I start to relive it in my memory. My hand goes down to my dick and I pull it out of my boxer briefs running my hand up and down the shaft. As my mind continues to remember fucking them both my dick gets harder and my hand continues a steady rhythm up and down; my thumb gliding over the tip gathering the precum and using it as lube. Soon my fantasy switches and I see myself between Bella's thighs with her on the sink counter in the bathroom, my face buried deep in her pussy. My hand speeds up and my dick gets impossibly harder as I imagine the look on her face as I tease her clit with my teeth, my fingers slowly entering her and fucking her with my fingers. My breathing picks up and I feel my dick twitch in my hand, my balls tighten and my thighs start to tense. Just as I see her cum on my face in my mind, my orgasm racks through me and cum jets out across my chest.
I lay there for a minute and catch my breath and then I sit up suddenly. What the fuck was I thinking? Sure Bella's attractive, but I don't think of her that way. She is just some chick who wants to save me, obvious by tonight's revelations from Crispy. Although if I am being honest, she has a nice rack and some great legs, and yea I would totally fuck that shit. Okay, that explains why I would use her for masturbation material - she is hot, I haven't had her yet so of course I would wonder, and I do get bored with Lauren and Jessica. Yea, that is totally why she popped up. Nothing more I think as I head to the bathroom for a shower. My demons start laughing at me Good to know you aren't turning into a pussy and actually liking a girl for more than what between her legs can offer you. Besides Alice, you don't need any girls as friends. You know what happens - it never works and you end up hurting them.
After my shower, I pull my laptop into my lap as I lay stretched out on my bed. No point in acting like I am going to sleep. I log into my email and see an email from Alice. I click on it and start laughing immediately. All the email contains is a picture of a huge q-tip with a question mark. I hit reply telling her that I promise to be more careful. I start surfing around the net, but nothing seems to hold my interest. Closing the laptop, I lay back and figure I can at least doze, but as my eyes start to shut all the drugs I have done today start to show and every little noise has me jumping out of my skin. The paranoia has kicked in. I struggle underneath my comforter pulling it up over my head and grab the knife out of my bedside table wrapping my hand around it as I again try to doze. As I feel sleep coming, I feel the memories pulling me back to childhood.
I open my bedroom door and walk quietly down the hall. My feetie pajamas making a scraping noise as I head to the bathroom. I am trying
to be quiet because if I wake them up or they hear me I will get in trouble for being up in the middle of the night. I am almost to the bathroom
when I hear my mom and dad talking. "It's your turn to get the shit Liz" my dad says. "No, I went last time and we didn't have money so I had
to fuck him, remember?" my mom says. "I say we take him up on his deal." dad says. "No, I can't do that. I can fuck whoever you need me
to as long as it isn't here and I can't handle what they might do to Edward." she says quietly. "They won't hurt him. They will just let people look at him
maybe make him watch some stuff. They won't fuck him or anything." dad says. I stop in my tracks suddenly the bathroom isn't that important and I just stare
into the living room. My mom is shaking her head and dad is sitting in front of her with a needle. "Come on baby. Let them use him so we can function. I can't not
be high or my work will suffer. Do want me to lose my job, hen what would happen. Your precious boy would have nothing." My mom shakes her head
"We can't do this to him. He wouldn't understand, he is just 8 years old." My dad looks at her and I see his hand come up and he slaps her. Her head flies to
the side. She is crying, " Okay, please stop. We can let them use him, but he stays with us and it happens here." My dad nods and stands up.
I suddenly don't need to use the bathroom anymore because while I have no idea what is going on, I know it doesn't seem good.
He hands her the needle and I see her shove it into her vein as my father leans over her and pulls her face down to his crotch. "Time to pay up honey."
I run quickly back to my room just as I see him unzip his pants. I bury under the covers and lay there trying to block the sounds from the living room.
I must have fallen asleep because suddenly I am being stripped of my pajamas and my mom is leading me to the bathroom.
"Time to clean up Angel. You had an accident and you have to be really pretty today. Can you do that for mommy?" I nod and look down realizing
that I must have wet the bed last night. I guess I did need to pee after all.
I jump up sweat pouring off my body, knife held up ready to attack the noise coming from my door. "Edward, get up or you are going to be late." Esme calls.
I look at the clock realizing that I have less than 20 minutes to get to school. FUUUUUCK! I grab a pair of khakis from the closet, a white button down, a tie off my couch and run to the bathroom. I am out the door in less than 10 minutes and to school within 8 minutes. I jump out of my car and almost run up the ramp to meet Alice and Jazz. My brain is still trying to recover from the haze of my nightmare and my hands are shaking as I didn't have time to medicate, but I light a cig and hope that defogs the brain and quells the tremors.
I smile at Alice and Jazz and look around for Bella.
"She not here yet?" I ask.
Alice looks down at her feet and then up at me. "She isn't going to be at school for the next few days. She called me last night and said her mom needs her for some fundraiser thing so she is going to be with her. She didn't seem too happy about it. I am kinda worried, her mom is a little...ummm...strange or is it just me?"
"No, it isn't just you darlin'," Jazz says, "There is something weird about their relationship. I noticed it last night, but I am not sure what it is. Maybe they are just having a rough time right now."
"Yea maybe," I say and suddenly my morning just seems to get even pissier. I kinda wanted to continue getting to know her a little to see what she wants with me - if she actually likes me as a person or just as a sick lost little puppy to take care of. I need to find out soon so I know what to do with her.
I finish my cig and we march to Chapel with Alice between Jazz and me holding our hands and chatting away.
The rest of the week flies by and before I know it Friday is upon us. Bella has not been at school the rest of the week, but she has talked to Alice. Apparently her mom took her to Washington DC for some type of political thing. I just nod and smile and do not even try to understand what the fuck all that shit means. However, I am kind of excited because she has invited us out to the IKON, this club that everyone she knows hangs out at. I must admit the idea of some new girl lovin' is exciting as I am getting a little bored with Lauren and Jessica and the whole jackin' off to Bella image still disturbs me a little. As I head out of the back doors by the gym, I pull out a cig and light it waiting on Alice and Jasper to get done with class.
As I am about to say fuck it, Alice comes bounding out the door and jumps into my arms.
"Well hello my little pixie love," I laugh and place a kiss on her cheek.
"Hello my dear Edward. So the plans for tonight..." she starts to rattle off a million and one different things including times, clothing, and hair.
I look over to Jazz and quietly whisper, "Okay, just tell me what time I am supposed to pick you up?"
He smiles leaning into my ear, "Say around 9. Does that work for you?"
"Yea, I will be there. Will you be at your house or Alice's?" I ask.
"Umm, not sure. Call before you head out and I will let you know." he states.
I nod and look at Alice who is still talking away, mostly to herself, completely unaware that neither Jazz nor I have been paying a lick of attention to her for the last few minutes. "Pix, I am going to head out now. I will call before I come get you, Okay?"
"Oh, okay Edward. I loves you bunches." she giggles as Jasper throws her over his shoulder with one arm and holds down her skirt with the other. She waves and they head towards Jazz's car. I head towards mine and just as I get there, Candi approaches me. Jessica and Lauren aren't far behind as these girls are attached at the hip and seem to congregate like flies on rotted meat. I look her in the eye, through my lashes of course and smile. She smiles back and fidgets with her skirt. I know what they want; its simple - me. My dick reacts because it has been several days since his last bit of action that didn't involve my right hand. Candi walks closer leaning in to kiss me on the cheek.
"Hey Edward" she says shyly. Candi hangs with Jessica and Lauren, but she is quieter not as brash and in your face.
"Hey honey. How are you this fine afternoon?" I smirk at her.
"Umm, I am okay. So I was wondering if you wanted to hang out this afternoon." she asks.
"Sure I don't have anywhere to be until later. Why don't you come by my place in about an hour." I say, grabbing her hand and running my fingers up her arm.
Looking over her shoulder, I lean into her and whisper in her ear, "Come alone. I don't want company with you this time." I lean back and wink at her.
"Oh, Okay, " she stutters. I can understand why - I have never taken her by herself. Jessica or Lauren has always been there, but I need something new and different.
She turns and heads towards the fan club and shakes her head and I see them look over her shoulder at me with confused looks on their faces. I haven't turned them down this much in months, including the summer when we didn't see each other every day. I wave at them, tilt my head and smirk blowing them each a kiss. They blush and this seems to satisfy them for the moment.
I slip into my car and head home glad for once that Esme is out of town for the weekend with Daddy C at a conference in Oklahoma City. I do love her, but this gives me unfettered access to all areas of the house for smexin this weekend and with the Candi coming over and then the trip to the club, I anticipate allowing EJr. to get his fair share of candy this weekend.
I head up the stairs after grabbing a coke from the fridge and head to my couch. I pull out my rig from underneath and start setting up. Tonight I am going to have to be careful. It seems Bella is a little too observant regarding my habit. I shouldn't really care, but for some reason the idea of being high around her disturbs me, but I know that I can't deal without it. It has been too many years and the demons demand submission in this one area or the memories and flashbacks hit - the demons don't care where we are. If they aren't happy then the images start flipping through my brain like they are on an IMAX movie screen and all I can do is try to get out of wherever I am. The last time I tried to quit I ended up coming to with Jazz slammed against the wall and I had a knife to his neck - he still has the scar to show for my fucked up ness. After that time, I haven't really even tried to be clean, it just doesn't seem worth it for my own sanity and the safety of my friends.
I place the water on the spoon, put a drop of cotton, drop the crank in, and flick my lighter on underneath. As it heats, I watch my savior melt and my demons lift up from their drunken stupor in the dungeon and high five each other. They tilt the Patron bottles into their mouths and sigh - this is going to be a good night they laugh. I pick up the needle, shove it into the cotton and draw up. I place the needle on the mirror and grab my belt off the floor, trying it around my bicep, I flex my hand a few times making sure my vein is visible or at least enough to hit the mark, pick up the needle, and hit the vein. My teeth let go of the belt and I lay back against the couch. The numbness starts at my toes and works its way up, cocooning me in its warmth. I feel soft, normal, and safe - I imagine this is what it feels like when a mother protects their child with their arms wrapped tightly around and their mouth issuing words of comfort and love. I lay in this position until I hear the doorbell. I lift my head up - I am moving slowly as I took more than I usually do. I climb to my feet, throw off my shirt, undo the button on my pants, and head down to answer the door.
When I pull open the door, Candi is standing there in jeans and a shirt blushing slightly. I don't want to talk or waste time. Truth be told I just need to fuck something and she is there - like all the girls in the fan club. They use me for social status and I use them to get my cock off. Works just fine as a business arrangement. I am sure some get feelings for me but they know going in I don't give a flying fuck and a half. I grab her by the arm and pull her into a kiss, slamming the front door and locking it. Can't be disturbed right now.
I slam her into the wall and strip her shirt off of her. I don't have time to be nice, my mind is going too fast - the crank has hit full force and my dick is pressing against my pants, straining to get out. I pull the zipper down and force Candi onto her knees. My rock hard cock is in front of her mouth and damn does she have some DSL's. She looks up at me almost with a question in her eyes. I brush my hand down her jaw and pull her lips open gliding the tip of my dick into her mouth. She opens and takes me in - all the way. I can feel the back of her throat as she slides up and down my cock; her lips sucking, her tongue gliding over the tip and down the underside. I grab her hair and start fucking her face and forcing her nose to meet my stomach as I slam into her mouth. She takes it all and soon I feel myself getting ready to come. I look at her, her eyes staring at me with a weird look of adoration and shame and just as I am about to shoot my load, I say one word in almost a growl, "Swallow". The minute the word is out, cum shoots down her throat and I feel her muscles swallowing all of it.
When I am finished, I pull out of her mouth and pick her up placing her on the kitchen table. I pull her jeans down good girl, I think to myself, no underwear. I push her legs back so she is spread for me and I shove my fingers into as I hear her take in a breath. I work her into a frenzy, my fingers sliding in and out twisting them around, getting her wet. She is tight and my almost 10 inches will hurt if she isn't ready. When I feel her muscles start to clench I pull out my fingers, look her in the eye as I lick them off and then shove my dick deep inside her. She comes immediately and I keep thrusting in, needing to just fuck her. At this point, my mind has shut off and the base animal urge for pure and simple fucking takes over .She has had her orgasm - now it is about me. I hear her whimpering but I can't slow down or be more gentle. I feel my orgasm start to creep up. The feeling starting in my balls as they pull up and it shoots down my cock. I feel my thighs tense and my butt clenches and then its there. I lean over her trying to catch my breath and my brain returns online. I look at her and she is breathing heavy, but smiling. I pull out and pull my pants up. I grab her hand and help her off the table. She grabs her jeans and shirt and gets dressed. No words are spoken - no need. We all know the arrangement.
After she leaves, I head upstairs to take a shower. My phone is beeping a sure sign that Alice has texted me with some sort of instructions about tonight. I open the message, but it is from Bella. I suck in my breath and suddenly what I have just done downstairs seems a little trashy. I shake my head as my demons snarl Who gives a fuck what Bella thinks? You have needs and your dick has needs. End of discussion. She is just a girl that wants to try and save you and remember, you are unsaveable. I look at the screen to see what she wants.
E- don't worry about paying cover tonight at the club. I will meet you all outside around 9:30. Please tell Alice. I only have a few minutes before my mom
is back and can't risk texting everyone. Figured you were driving. Hope to see you soon. - B
I don't text back as she seems a little worried about getting caught with her phone. Makes my mind slip back to her mom and that dinner at Grandma's. Her mom is definitely a strange woman, but doesn't seem to be scary or beat the shit out of Bella abusive. Maybe she just doesn't like Bella texting all the time. Huh, oh well, I will try to figure that out later. I smell like Candi's cheap perfume and definitely need a shower. I strip off my pants and head to the bathroom. The hot water from the shower washing away the smell of sex, cheap perfume, and Candi's lipstick from my dick. My mind wanders to Bella and I just stare at her in my mind. What is it about this chick that is causing me such grief? Its like I want to tell her all the shit of my life even though I know that would lead to heartache for me and pity from her. I just stand under the water until it gets cold thinking about those damn eyes and that shapely body. Bella isn't overly thin, she is womanly with curves and tits and defiantly an ass. I step out and grab a towel. Glancing a look at the clock I see I have some time before grabbing Alice and Jazz. I lay on my bed listening to music and zone out letting the high continue to assault my body. By the time I look at the clock again it is time to get ready. I throw on my ass huggin jeans (as Alice calls them), a gray tshirt, and my leather jacket. I lace up my combat boots, run a hand through my hair, grab my keys and as I am walking out the door text Alice. She let's me know they are at Jazz's house, so I head over there grabbing the two love birds and head towards IKON.
As we walk down the sidewalk towards the club, I am looking for Bella. She said she would meet us, but I don't see her anywhere. Suddenly, I hear Alice squeal and I look towards a flash of running pixie. There stands Bella and holy mother of pearl. She is dressed in tight jeans and a black tshirt that gives ample view of her cleavage. I look at her arms and notice she has ink on her biceps and as she turns around in a circle for Alice I notice the ink on her back. I stop where I am, stunned at her beauty and my dick agrees. Jazz just walks past me, patting me on the arm, and places a chaste kiss on Bella's cheek. She finally looks over at me and smiles. I smile back still unable to make my jaw work - this outfit is not helping me relinquish my Bella fantasies.
I step forward and place a kiss on her cheek. I decided earlier today that I am going to try and be friends with her, especially after her Grandmother's. I mean something shifted, but I am still cautious.
"Hey guys, come on. Let's head in and see who else has made it." Bella giggles.
We walk past the window to pay as a very large man bends down and kisses Bella's cheek. She nods at us and lets him know we are with her. He wraps bands around our wrists and lets us in the black doors. The minute we enter the doors, Alice, Jazz, and I are knocked back as Bella is bombarded by hugs and shouts of "MOM" over the music. Alice giggles and Jazz shakes his head. I just stand to the side, hands shoved in my pockets, unsure of what the fuck is going on and why I suddenly feel like grabbing her and putting my arm around her so no one else touches her. I shake my head to rid those thoughts and look around for some girls to take my mind off this ever declining situation. As people keep coming up, Bella introduces us. Suddenly, her friend Shane one of the peeps I met at Metro comes up. He is a nice looking guy with long dark hair and piercings. His leather jacket is well worn and as he grabs Bella's hand and waves for us to follow I see a beautiful tribal design on the back of his jacket. Shane pulls Bella to the back of the club where there is a sitting area and pool tables. Bella plops down and I sit on one side while Shane sits on the other. Shane starts playing with her hair and she turns her back into him so she can see me. I am not quite sure what the hell her relationship is with Shane, but I take a deep breath and figure she knows what she is doing.
"How was your trip? " I ask, leaning in so she can hear me over the bass of the music.
"It was okay. My mom is, well she just is. Anyways, how was school this week?" she asks but her eyes betray a slight sadness to them.
"It was okay. Kinda boring without you around to bust my balls." I smirk at her.
She laughs, "Well, I will remember to text you next time I am out of town in order to keep you in line."
We both laugh and I lean in to say something as a group of people come over to the couch. She winks at me and turns to face them. Everyone seems to come and say hi to her or just talk. It looks almost like she is holding court which is weird to see because at school she is really kinda quiet except for with us and here in this place she is adored and seems perfectly at ease. As she continues to talk, I look around for Alice and Jazz.
Alice in all her pixie glory has been immediately accepted and with Jasper's quiet way he is pulled into the fray. I notice Jazz and Shane are lost in conversation and I am jolted from my mind when two girls plant themselves on my legs, asking questions and feeling my jacket and my hair. I suddenly feel like I am enduring a torture session deemed to figure out how worthy I am for this woman next to me that they adore. I want to shout at them and push them off of my letting them know that I just want to be friends with her and to leave me the fuck alone. I am starting to get twitchy and this is not good. My demons are starting to discuss how to get me to give them another taste of the warmth they feel from the high. I look over at Bella.
She smiles and leans over to the girls "Hey sweeties, I know he is gorgeous, but he isn't your type. Trust me. He would ride you hard and put you up wet. So, why not go up front and look for some other boy to molest for a bit. Okay?"
I look at her in shock as they smile at her, kiss my cheek, and leave. "Uh, thanks Bella, but you didn't have to exactly out me as a whore." I snarl.
"I just call them like I see them sugar." she states simply staring into my eyes and daring me to contradict her.
Tainted Love blares from the speakers and I hear Alice squeal. She grabs Bella and Shane and they take off for the dance floor. Jazz and I slowly follow to the floor and I stare out onto the dark dance floor flowing with bodies, lovers, friends, and dark desperation. The twitchy feeling increases and I know my extra curricular activities from earlier are officially wearing off and I need another hit.
"Hey Jazz, I am going to take a piss. I will be right back."
"Hey, taking a piss my ass," Jazz says as he shakes his head, but comments no further.
I head through the sea of bodies towards the bathroom. I go into the stall, pull out a my stash, and snort some up my nose. Not my fav way to do my drugs, but I am not lining up along these nasty ass bathroom counters to save my life. I take a quick piss and head back to the dance floor. No one seems the wiser and I watch as Alice, Bella, and Shane dance against each other. Bella laughs and I suddenly feel myself moving to join her. My demons are laughing their asses off and my mind is trying to stop my feet, but I keep moving. I slip behind her and she turns and smiles leaning into me and whispers in my ear, "That shit will kill you, ya know."
I look at her and smile my crooked grin, "What stuff?" I say.
She just winks and grinds her ass against me. I get lost in the smell of her - vanilla, sandalwood, and cigs - and the feel of her against my body. The high has concentrated my senses and she is all I can sense right now. Shane comes and grabs her as three guys come running and I am startled back into reality.
"Mom, hurry its Chicken." they yell.
Bella looks at them and her eyes betray worry and then quickly resolve. She turns to us, " I will be right back. Head back to the couches." and then she runs off after the three guys and Shane.
We head back to the couches in the back room to wait and after about 20 minutes she finally appears holding up Chicken and trying to get him to walk. His hair is up in liberty spikes tonight and he is decked out in black with a trench over his clothes. His face is pale and drawn and he looks nothing like he did at Grandmas. She sits next to me, her hair draping her face and lays his head in her lap. She leans over and whispers in his ear, stroking the shaved sides of his head. I turn away as it seems so private and intimate and I suddenly feel extremely jealous. I watch her through my lashes as Alice sits and talks to her. Bella looks down at Chicken and then leans into me.
"See, I told you that shit was bad for you." She whispers into my ear. Her breath causing a shiver down my spine. "Chicken almost OD. Isn't the first time and probably won't be the last, but I managed to stop it."
I stare at her. Confused and unsure about what to say to this. "How did you, I mean Why would you? It is his choice." I state with conviction knowing that sometimes the idea of death is a gratifying release from the mind's cage.
"Because he is family and he needs us. His demons are just to big right now, so we stand with him, protect him." she quietly states looking down at him with love and compassion. She looks back at me, her eyes imploring me to understand that she gets it.
I just shake my head and look away. I mean this only confirms my suspicions that she wants me for a pet to fix and take care of like the rest of these fucked up people. My anger starts to swell and I know I need to step away. I can't be near her right now. I jump up, grab my jacket and head outside to smoke. My mind starts racing, the demons have come out to play, my head is filled with images of my parents and hands and baths and smells that make my stomach churn. I squeeze my eyes shut trying to blank out my mind and I suddenly feel the air shift and a gentle hand against my cheek wiping a tear away. I turn my head in shame and the demons yell out PUSSY!!!!!!!
I open my eyes and Bella smiles softly, "So how bad are the demons?"
I shrug, not willing to talk and take a drag of my cig. She nods and slides her hand into mine that is clenched at my side.
"When you are ready, I am a great friend." she says.
"I am not someone you can fix for amusement. Is that why you are being nice to me? I see all these people in this family of misfits and you are trying to save every single one of them. Are we just a game to you? Am I just a new toy who you think you can analyze and fix so you can make me acceptable to society?" I yell at her.
She looks at me with wide eyes, yet she is still holding my hand and she steps in front of me. Her voice like steel cuts through me, "We all have demons, including me. We all have ways of dealing with them. You are not a pet nor do I think I can fix you. I don't fix anyone I just listen. It is what I do. My demon so to speak. I like you and I want to get to know you better, but you are going to have to trust that I am not trying to change you. Get high, snort the shit, shoot it, I don't care. Just be smart about it and talk to me. I want to talk to you, but you keep shoving my own demons in my face."She utters these words in a complete monotone of a voice that is dripping with ice, yet her eyes are staring at me wanting me to understand.
"Okay. As long as you aren't trying to fix me. I have had enough of that shit." I state.
We are both quiet and that moment cemented our friendship - no ridicule, no lectures, just understanding. I could feel her move beside me and my heart started to tell me that this connection with her wasn't normal, but too much had happened today for me to even try to see anything beside what was right here in this moment. I squeezed her hand and we walked back into the club. No other words were said as we left to head to Denny's to meet everyone but we continued to hold hands to our cars. I knew that if I let go of her hand too soon then I would sink.
