Nope, you're eyes are not deceiving you, this really is an update.
This chapter was done over three weeks ago now. It was written up and waiting for a final spell check before going into Document Manager and being shared with you lovely people. Unfortunately, before that could happen, I got some bad news about a family emergency which meant we had to throw a few essentials in a bag and get on a flight to go to Sorrento in Italy. While I was there I couldn't access my account or anything but I also just wasn't in any place to do anything story related at all.
But I'm back now, and very much restored to my usual self. So here's the chapter. This one actually made me really pissy at Stephenie Meyer. She got to completely skim over the whole "Jake having to actually tell everyone he'd imprinted" because of that oh-so ridiculous p.o.v change she did. So I had nothing to go on when writing this and had to drag it out bit by bit. But then I also didn't want to make it tedious for you all. You know what imprinting is, I know what imprinting is, so I didn't want a whole chapter just going over that.
While in Italy, I got nearly the entire next chapter done using this thing I remember from when I was a kid ….is it called pen and paper, I can't remember?? But after going over it, it seems to have come out a bit more morose than I want. But I'll fix that, type it up, and post it, probably tomorrow. (No, definitely tomorrow, I promised Saralg)
Anyway, I've not been home so long an I've been so busy settling back in and catching up with everybody that I still have so much reading and reviewing to do, but it will be done.
I think I've caught up with everyone over PM's but if I haven't I will.
So, enough rambling. Enjoy this … quite long chapter and thankyou all for the undeserved patience you continue to grant me.
P.S Sarah - I swear, the fact this was updated almost as soon as you left town is PURE coincidence!
Previously ('cos sometimes I have to think back too): Renesmee went on a visit to Forks, and was joined on the journey home by Leah who for some reason had no choice but to follow her. On discovering what Leah was, Oz grew very hostile, and Ness, observing some peculiar behaviour on Leah's part when she saw Sonny, thought she may have imprinted on him.
Chapter Twenty-Four: Imprinting
"Leah?" I could only force out a whisper as my frozen body still clung to Leah's. She didn't flinch, she just kept staring at Sonny. I squeezed my arms, nudging her a little but provoked no reaction. "Leah." I cleared my throat, pushing more force as I tried to pull her attention to me. She didn't notice, and there was a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as I stared at her wide eyes.
Desperation pumped through me, sheer disbelief that this could be happening shook me as I sub-vocally sent a screech across Leah's skin. It acted like an electric shock, causing her to jump and shudder.
Cora snapped closer around to restrain her and Al slid closer to me. "Leah, look at me." She did this time, panting a little from the shock of what I'd done to her. But she didn't yell at me, or volley some physical response, she just stared. And I had no idea who she was. She looked so different; her expression had fallen into one I had never seen her wear before.
She reminded me more of the past Leah I'd been shown by Victor, the one sobbing on the La Push beach after Sam's betrayal. This Leah felt things, she was fragile and young.
"Sonny. You get back upstairs … now." Oz was planted at the foot of the stairs, his voice firm but contained up to his little brother as he kept a sideways stance so he could keep his eyes on Leah.
"Sonny." Leah whispered, slowly and reflectively, a smile playing at her lips. I watched her, transfixed, not able to peel my eyes from her when I saw that her reciting of Sonny's name so adoringly caused Cora's brows to furrow.
"But… Smee, who…?" Sonny frowned, his eyes darting between me and Leah.
"Upstairs, Sonny! Now!" Leah shuddered when Oz's voice thundered through the building, after that she growled and lunged forward.
The air popped from me when her elbow found its way into my stomach as she flew forward. I held tight to her though, as Cora pulled her back and Brice and Al crouched before her, forming a barrier between her and Sonny and Oz, the latter of whom was seething furiously in our direction.
"Oz, stop!" Sonny leapt down the last couple of stairs, shoving at his brother's huge shoulders trying to get past him. Oz, unyielding, pushed back. The force he'd applied was enough to send Sonny staggering backwards a little, catching his foot on the bottom step and sending him ungracefully downwards, but I knew, that after so many years of practice, Oz could not have hurt Sonny.
Leah on the other hand, had no idea.
There was no holding her as she leapt in the air, clearing the gap between Al and Brice to come crashing down on Oz's torso.
Brice yelled for Oz to stop as he rolled atop Leah, the two of them snarling; scratching, lashing and pulling at each other. We all scrambled, each of us trying to pull them apart as Sonny crawled back onto the stair, further from the commotion. Brice managed to lift Oz and Cora caged Leah in her arms, but Oz went forward again, tossing Leah through the air to crash against the back wall, which subsequently cracked and crumbled.
Oz was the strongest of us, if I hadn't known that before then I definitely did now. Only Brice came close to matching him, and even with Al's help, they could not restrain Oz's immeasurable rage as he launched himself in Leah's direction once more, nor could they ever match his pace. He sped forward, coming to a grinding halt when Leah disappeared from his reach, pulled to the side by Cora.
He spun, hissing once at Leah who was wriggling in Cora's arms before colliding into her again, sending both women across the room to smash against the wall at the mouth of the kitchen. Brice snarled, feeling every shot of pain in the room and leapt onto Oz's back as Cora remained pressed against the wall, her arms crushed around Leah.
Al was at Oz's side quickly, tugging and yelling at his brother, trying to find some way of calming him. Brice pulled furiously at Oz now, the Cora shaped chasm in the wall getting deeper and deeper. I stood helpless, waiting for Leah to phase or for one of them to rip another's head off.
And I was the only one who noticed how close they all were to Sonny.
Brice pulled once more at Oz, creating a gap between him and Leah that Al quickly slid between, planting his palms against his brother's chest and pushing. Oz snarled, thrashing on the spot, and the whole group stumbled with him towards the foot of the stairs.
"No!" I jumped, clearing them all and pulling Sonny out of the way before Oz hit the bottom step first, everyone crashing around him straight after. Throwing Sonny on my back I leapt to crouch on the thick wooden beam that ran a few feet below the roof. Sonny wrapped his arms tighter around my shoulders and I shifted, securing his legs around me tightly. "You okay?" His head was just behind my shoulder, and though I didn't turn to look at him I could feel his heart thumping against my back.
"Y-yeah." I leaned forward, feeling Sonny squirm, slightly unsure as my balance in the less than substantial space seemed doubtful, but I knew I wasn't going to fall. I stared down, at where everyone else stood. They all seemed to have composed themselves slightly, no longer scrapping but just staring up at where we were. Cora was back in Brice's arms and Al had stationed himself between Leah and Oz.
Brice was the only one whose eyes weren't stuck on me and Sonny. They darted around everyone, especially hanging on Oz.
An exhausting frustration throbbed through my body. I just needed them all to listen, and at least try to understand without acting out so rashly.
"What use was that?" I glared, shifting my stare between Leah and Oz. "You don't even know each other. You have no reason to dislike each other so why are you fighting? Why are you putting Sonny in danger for some stupid preconception?" They both sucked in a deep breath. Behind them, the bottom three wooden steps were crumbled and shattered, and Sonny would have been sat there if I hadn't moved him. I saw Oz set his jaw, but focused mainly on Leah. She stared past my shoulder in desperation.
I was being stupid. I knew nothing about imprinting, only what little Victor had told me. All I had to go on was some hunch. I leaned farther forward, narrowing my eyes a little to observe Leah. Sonny gasped, wrapping his legs and arms tighter around me and pressing his head tightly onto my shoulder, his cheek pushing against mine.
"Not that I don't trust you or anything, Smee, but I am only human." He chuckled flatly the sound in synch with a rapid sink of Leah's chest. Her eyelids fluttered a little and her lips tightened into a hard line. Was that moisture in her eyes?
"Well the bitch attacked me for no reason!" Oz hissed, but Leah didn't seem to notice. She stared at the floor now, her shoulders drooped as her arms hung lazily at her side. Cora murmured some disapproval for Oz's language and Sonny wriggled again, shimmying higher to look over my shoulder.
"It wasn't for no reason." I only whispered it, but they all heard. I stared at Leah as I thought of how some simple sibling exchanges made her furious. Exchanges she mistook for aggression between a vampire and a human, so helpless in comparison.
{--}
I let my body slip to the floor when she didn't respond, lifting Sonny from me and supporting him when he wobbled to his feet. Her eyes darted up, sinking quickly. "Come here, Leah." Oscar took a step forward, but stopped when Al slapped a hand over his chest,
"She's got it, Oz." Everyone, including me, seemed to take a deep breath when I held my hand out to Leah. It was the first point I noticed I was shaking.
I found myself watching, noticing every movement of Leah's eyes. It took her a second to bring them up from staring at the floor, they shifted to Sonny then, and she pulled in a heavy breath and looked at me.
I'd held out my hand, not expecting her to take it, but just as a simple gesture to get her to at least look at me, so when she curled her fingers through mine I was surprised. I pulled her towards me, her eyes darted a little, but remained mostly on me or the floor.
"Leah, this is Sonny." At my side, Sonny grinned, raising his hand and waving it slightly. Leah looked up then, she looked at Sonny and I saw it in her eyes.
He was the centre of her world now, that much was plainly obvious.
I fought the need to run away or scream or panic. I ground my teeth together and kept calm. "What's happening?" I whispered, my eyes clinging to Leah. She didn't answer, nobody did, all I seemed to get were the concerned looks I could just make out from the gathering over Leah's shoulder. "Leah?" She was silent still, just looking at Sonny, but she nodded slowly.
At that point I didn't need to ask. I recognised the look in her eyes and the change in her face. My mind was swirling with links and memories, things that, because I'd never known what imprinting was, I'd never noticed before, never associated.
Now the loving stare that made me safe as I child, the one that turned my stomach to jelly as I grew older filtered through my memory, and I understood it was all forced.
I felt panicked and dizzy and scared. I wanted to scream or run away. This situation was too much. I loathed the concept of what imprinting was, the removal of choice and freedom, and now it stood right before me and it had to be explained to everyone else.
Suddenly everyone was too close, I felt too immersed in the situation to think straight. I stepped quickly from Sonny's side, striding across the kitchen to the centre of the newly-damaged living room. Cora and Al moved to come to me but I waved for them to stop and just let my eyes wander across every person before me. My fingers ran through my hair, tugging tight.
The atmosphere still balanced on a knives edge. Any over-emotional outbreak from me could just push it and start them all fighting again.
Deep breath. Focus.
"Oz, Leah attacked you to protect Sonny." It was only when I heard the movements and fidgets of reaction that I realised my eyes were closed, so I left them that way.
"Protect Sonny?" It was Brice who asked, but I heard no snarling or crashing so I presumed Oz's silence wasn't because he was otherwise occupied. I replayed what I had seen in my mind, remembering Leah's reaction to something she didn't understand.
"Oz, Leah didn't know that you were Sonny's brother or that he was safe with you. She didn't understand that you were protecting him, so that's why she reacted the way she did." There was a pregnant quiet where I could only hear the three thumping hearts.
"Why would she do that?" Oz. His voice was a little more distant like he wasn't facing me when he spoke. Though his words were calm, his deep tone gave them a still aggressive edge.
Because she had no choice.
Because she would have gladly let you rip her apart for the sake of protecting someone who didn't even know her name.
"She just had to." I was seeing black now. My eyes squeezed shut and the constant thought of darkness sheeting everything else out. Thoughts had now become laborious things, painful and difficult. I spoke, as though only to myself. I was after all, trying to figure it out as well as describing it to everyone else. "I don't really understand why, but I know she had to. Leah couldn't let anything hurt Sonny."
A slip, an image, a tiny shard broke through the darkness and stung me all over.
My tiny, chubby fingers curled through a thick mass of dark hair, the surface of which rumbled beneath me, my body clinging to it. We were in a field, a mass of eyes around us; some red, some gold, some brown and black. The red ones that stood at the opposite end of the clearing burned in our direction, fiery against they pale skin of their faces. I was frightened, I remember that much. But not enough. I feared I'd lose what, at the time I thought myself unable to live without. I was scared this was my fault. I was scared for everything but myself. Not from some selfless devotion to those around me, but from the chocolate coloured wolf my little body held on to. I knew, as illogical as it sounded, nothing could hurt me while he was there.
My eyes squeezed tighter and the blackness returned. Stupid. Really stupid. Illogical was right. Illogical and selfish.
Suddenly there was this voice in my head, it sounded like me, but seemed to take more control than my own voice ever had.
It was saying this wasn't about me, so I should stop making it so. Think straight and stop acting like such a baby.
I peeled my eyes open and faced them all. What was that saying - like a band-aid? I'd never had a cut in my life, but it was a something I'd heard. Get things over with quickly, don't prolong them because it will only make it worse.
"It's called imprinting. It basically means, as far as I know, that Leah is bound to Sonny now. She's his." I tried not to, but I spat the words a little bit. Everyone seemed frozen, staring at me wide eyed.
"This is some joke, right?"
"No." Leah and Cora replied to Oz at the same time, but it was the latter who caught everyone's attention. Cora knew what imprinting was, she'd seen it before, but they didn't know that, as was evident by the puzzled stares she received from Victor and Oz particularly.
"What Ness is saying is true. Though I have no way of being sure Leah has actually imprinted on Sonny, I know that such a thing exists. I've seen it."
"You've associated with wolves?" Oz growled across the room, and there was a slight smirk at Cora's lips when she replied,
"Shape-shifters, Oscar." Cora knew all Victor had told me, and she knew all about my ties with imprinting. "And though I can't say I've ever associated with them exactly, I can vouch for all Ness has said. They are not immediately dangerous, not unless you give them cause to be." She scowled at Oz, and he flinched slightly, as though he was affected by her disapproval. "Leah is no threat, so we must not treat her as such. She is Renesmee's friend and our guest, we will show her respect."
"I just don't understand what this has to do with Sonny." Al had drifted closer to where I stood, a crease between his brows as the confusion flooded to his face.
"It has nothing to do with Sonny. No way" Oz hissed, and Brice leaned into Cora and mumbled,
"How do you know about this?"
"I only know what I found out from when I first met Ness. We both know the same which is very little, if we're going to get answers from anyone then I think it will be Leah."
It seemed everyone had forgotten her judging by how quickly we all moved to look in the direction she stood.
She was in the corner, behind everyone else, stood almost shoulder-to-shoulder with Sonny.
She looked younger again, especially beside Sonny as they both stared at us all, their eyes both set a little wider than usual. Leah's shoulders shrugged slowly, almost nervously,
"Alright."
{--}
"So this …." Brice's brows furrowed, his arms crossed atop the kitchen counter around which we were all gathered. "This imprinting thing … it happens a lot?" I was furthest away. Pressed against the back counter, closest to the door. Everyone else stood closer to where Leah sat at the counter's head, Sonny at the stool beside her, Oz stationed protectively behind him, his arms crossed and a dark glare across his face.
"Of the shape-shifters I know I'm the tenth." My head snapped up and my mouth hung open slightly, Leah glancing slowly at my shocked stare.
Tenth? How had I never known anything about this?
"Who?" Everyone else turned to me. This discussion had been going on for some time and I'd been completely silent. I just stared at Leah, her dark eyes calm and focused.
"Sam, Jared, Quil, Paul, Embry, Collin, Brady and Seth." I shook my head. Each face appearing in my mind as she said them, and murmured,
"But that's everybody."
"That was only eight." Oz was staring at Leah, and everyone joined him once he'd spoken. All but Cora who looked at me. "You said eight names, you're number nine, so who's ten?" My throat felt dry and my body stiff, Leah's lips parted slightly, before resealing, her gaze drifting to me before Cora said calmly,
"Does it really matter, Oscar?" His shoulders shrugged,
"Guess not. It's not like a give a damn about the perverted infatuations of dogs anyway. What I do care about though, is my little brother." Sonny sighed, spinning and shooting a glare at Oz.
"There's nothing perverted about it." Leah spoke, albeit lacking the aggression I'd always known her to carry, but with a force still, she clearly wasn't about to sit and let Oz walk all over her despite the fact she'd been eerily polite and calm with everyone since the brawl.
"You've pretty much pissed up my brother's leg, marking your territory. That's perverted if you ask me." Cora hissed, her eyes burning in Oz's direction, switching to Brice who chuckled quickly, checking himself and bringing his fist to his mouth when he caught Cora's glare.
"Nobody did ask you, Oz." Sonny hissed over his shoulder, and this time it was Al who chuckled, his shoulders bouncing slightly.
"You're just being ignorant, Oscar. If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all." Cora had a wild temper, but at all other times she was a saint, and she'd been protective of Leah from the moment we walked through the door. "What about these other shape-shifters, Leah, tell us about their imprinting." I took a slow step forward; Al twisted to watch me and smiled a little.
"Well, our old Alpha, Sam, he was first. He imprinted on my second cousin Emily, they're married now and they have two kids." She spoke it so nonchalantly it shocked me. Oscar sighed deeply through his teeth, growling a little but everyone seemed to ignore him. "The others are the same, mostly. Including my little brother, Seth, he should be getting married soon." I took another slow step forward when I realised Leah had spoken of Seth, the person I'd always thought her to love most in this world the same way she spoke of Sam. The faces of everyone ran in my head, Paul had married Rachel Black, Paul had imprinted on Jacob's sister. I went through each face,
"Quil?" Leah looked at me quickly, those dark, unfamiliar eyes of hers connected with mine. "You said Quil but … but who?" Whether it was just because of my time away from Forks, maybe I'd just missed the news of Quil meeting the "love of his life", I used to be told about all of that stuff, maybe I'd just missed it.
Leah readjusted her posture a little, her and Sonny were both leaned forward with their elbows on the counter, quite close to each other and now Leah adjusted to face me more, it didn't pass me by that Sonny then did the same.
"Claire." I waited a second, waited for more information on this new name but Leah's intense stare made me think I wasn't getting any, made me think I didn't need any. There'd been a Claire in Quil's life from before I was born.
"Little Claire?" Leah straightened, her darkening eyes staying with me, "She's a child!"
I stared to shake again, from what I didn't know. I'd always been told Quil cared so much for Claire because he felt for her as they'd both been raised by single mothers. I'd thought it sweet he'd play games with her, take her home early from wedding's and parties when all the other wolves would stay out late together.
"Don't you dare" Leah shook her head, her voice firm, "Don't you dare act like there's anything wrong about that." I froze, studying her face.
Quil had given all that up, he'd not stopped phasing yet, whereas a lot of the others had. His youth was being prolonged, but he wasn't living it. He was living vicariously through a child, and he had no choice.
Quil had imprinted on a child, but so had Jake.
{--}
I broke eye-contact with Leah, her intensity starting to physically shake me and stared to the ground. Al's arm came around my shoulder and I sunk into his chest, letting him pull me in tight.
I kept my eyes averted; only listening to the rest of the conversation.
"Like hell there's nothing wrong with that! It's disgusting! You dogs are sick!" Sonny and Cora furiously chastised Oz at the same time and he growled in frustration.
"You didn't listen to Leah did you, Oz?" I could hear Cora's temper coming through, along with the pauses she was taking to reign it in. "Imprinting isn't just attraction. The shape-shifter just becomes whatever their imprint needs, or wants them to be." I shrunk further into Al, my thoughts churning in disgust. "So I find it perfectly feasible that there's nothing disgusting about imprinting on a child." I felt Al chuckle as Cora impersonated Oz. I felt sorry for him, he was getting a lot of criticism for having, albeit very vocally, the same opinions as me. I looked up at him, just as he sighed in anger again. He caught my glance, his eyes narrowing slightly as he seemed to analyse it before he grunted,
"They'll be what their imprint wants? So she'll get out of here when Sonny tells her to?" I was resting my head against Al's chest, staring at the floor again, so the only reaction I got was the silence, before Sonny's quiet, but tough voice,
"Well I'm not going to do that. I want her to stay." My stomach tightened, Sonny didn't understand what he was doing, what he was pulling Leah into.
"Absolutely not", Oz hissed, "Brice, you have to be with me on this one." There was a pause in which Brice pulled in a deep breath and sighed,
"Oz." His answer was clear enough in his tone and I looked up to see Oz's face contorted as he pushed a vacant stool forcefully against the counter, shattering its frame. Cora's fist tightened as she surveyed the damage, but she remained quiet as Brice continued. "Surely Oz, this decision lies with Sonny, he's not a child anymore." Al's arm tightened around my slightly before relaxing again. "Smee brought Leah here trusting that she will do us no harm, we must all share that trust." As if I could have forgotten this was all my doing. "Besides, what's done is done, and we don't know what damage would be done to either of them if they were separated."
Leah and Cora glanced across at me at the same time and the tightening this time felt enough to squeeze my insides from my body. "As you heard from Leah, despite variations in circumstances these pairings stay together. I think that is what this Imprinting is Oz, this is what it means, Sonny and Leah are not supposed to be apart."
Inside I was screaming and crying and tearing my body limb from limb from all the hatred and disgust.
Outside I displayed nothing but a light shake as I sucked in a deep breath and murmured,
"Excuse me." Then I unwrapped myself quickly from Al's embrace and strode through the front door, only hearing Oz as I made my way down the hill.
"Is she the only one who hates this too? Is Smee seriously the only other person with her frikkin head screwed on?!"
{--}
I scaled the tree with ease, coming to rest on one of its highest branches and leaning my head against the trunk. The view from up so high always took my breath away. I could see all across the woods, right down to the lake which reflected the sun I was hidden from under my leafy canvas. To the other side I could make out the town, and behind me was the hill that rose up to the house, and its bewildered inhabitants.
"Can I come up?" I sighed, he'd found me, he always did.
"Since when have you ever bothered to ask?" Turns out he hadn't waited for an answer, he was already halfway towards me. He threw his leg over the branch, straddling it and facing me. "Wow, you waited one minute to follow me, what took you so long?"
"Eh, I figured you could use some time alone." His lips curved into a sideways smile, which dropped slightly when he stared sincerely and asked, "Are you okay?" I grinned the wide teasing grin I could never help when I hid from him.
"I'm fine." He laughed at my mocking.
"So, the shields up, huh? You're not gonna tell me what's bothering you?" No. I wanted to, so badly. I wanted to tell him everything, about Jacob and Bella and the imprinting. I thought I'd have learned my lesson from the Victor incident, but I just felt like it was wrong to tell him that.
"It's just – I'm just kind of …. Worried." His eyebrow arched, he was so adorable when he was confused. "I mean, about those two." I flicked my hand in the direction of the house. He pressed his lips together and nodded, "Yeah, I just worry if it's right, if they'll be happy. If we'll all be happy." He took a deep breath and stared back at the house, he could see it better from the direction he was facing.
"Well, when I left, the two of them looked pretty disgustingly happy. It was creepy." I laughed as he pretended to shiver in disgust; at least I thought he was pretending.
"But Oz is mad"
"A little, but when he found out why the pooch attacked him, he was actually a little impressed, I could tell." I tilted my head in wonder and he raised his palms upwards, shrugging. "He figures, anyone who'd protect Sonny like that, can't be all bad, however rotten they smell." My eyes wandered back over the horizon, letting Alvar's words give me hope that it would be okay. That this would save Leah, and give Sonny a purpose in life. When any thoughts of the word 'prisoner' crept into my mind I swallowed deep and forced it to go away.
"It's so beautiful up here."
"Yeah, it is." I felt the blush rise through my cheeks when I caught Alvar in my peripheral vision. He was not looking out on the view like I was; his gaze was fixed on me. The blush was embarrassing, so I turned around and gave his elbow a playful shove. He feigned panic as my push made his body rock slightly. He then continued to lean further over the branch, mocking me.
"Would you be scared if I fell, Smee?"
"You'd be fine."
"That wasn't my question." He pushed his hands in front of him, using them to lift his weight as he shifted closer towards me. "See, I think it would frighten you, watching me fall. No matter how safe you know I'd be, you'd panic." His hand moved slowly to sweep the hair back from my shoulder, and I felt my breath hitch at his touch. He let out a little laugh before speaking. "I know you don't think I notice, but I do." When my eyebrows furrowed he bent his head, resting it on my chest, right where my heart was. I felt it quicken at his proximity, and my insides tightened. "It's pretty fast anyways, but I notice. I notice how your little heart picks up when I'm near you, when I touch you." I hated my stupid half-human self! Why did I have to blush, and why did my heartbeat have to be such a stupid little betrayer? Alvar's head lifted back up, a wide smile on his lips as he leaned away, pulling one of my hesitant hands in his. He pushed it down against his own chest, just over where his still heart lay. "You see Smee, if my heart beat, it would be just like yours. It'd speed up when we were together, and break a little when we were apart." I felt rushes of electricity run trough my body as he moved closer and my hand slid from his chest to his shoulder, gripping his shirt. My breathing was deep, my cheeks were a little flushed, my heart felt like it was about to explode, and my body was fizzing from top to toe. Was there any cool-calm-and-collected-vampire in me at all?
His lips were just inches from mine when my head pulled away, but my grip on his shoulder only tightened as I pulled him closer.
It wasn't that I couldn't do it. My brain wasn't slamming on the brakes, stopping me from kissing him.
It was silent.
There was no yes, no no, no go, no stop. My mind was mute for that slight second, and it terrified me.
Alvar just smiled, letting his forehead rest against mine. I could feel his icy breath against my lips, and his scent was intoxicating.
"Shall we test my theory?" Feeling his lips move so close to mine, as his sweet aroma washed over my senses, I started to feel dizzy.
"What theory?" He laughed, raising his hand to wrap it gently around my neck and pulling my face closer to his, nuzzling our noses.
"This theory." And then he was gone, sliding from the branch.
He had been right, it did scare me.
My heart almost leapt down after him it picked up such a pace. I peered down at him and watched as he came to a soft, graceful land and looked back upwards, his arms outstretched, beckoning me to follow. I grunted and threw my leg over from the other side of the branch. Before I pushed of, so as not to hit any branches on the way, I hoped he'd feel the same ridiculous panic as he watched me do it, he deserved no less. I bent my legs and landed steadily a few feet beside him.
"You were scared," he smiled, wide and smug, "your little heart went berserk."
{--}
A while later we went back up to the house. Oz wasn't there, though Cora had told me she knew he's be back soon as she'd told him he would have to play a substantial part in rectifying the damage done to the house.
Sonny and Leah just sat talking, and though everything inside me screamed not to look at them, I couldn't help it.
They appeared so comfortable in the way the communicated with each other, both of them relaxing effortlessly.
I went to bed that night more frightened of dreams than ever before, and with good measure.
The dreams were of Jacob now, every single night, and they were torture.
Everything seemed to change.
I slept very little, if I could avoid it at all I would. I spent increasing amounts of times away from the Mausoleum, and continued to be bewildered by just how quickly Sonny had become infatuated with Leah.
The unit, the family I suppose you could call it, had shifted. I felt no distance between any of them, but we all seemed to spend less time together. Oz was always away it felt. When he did reappear he would spend most of his time with Al and I, and whenever he was around I tried to focus my attention on him, as I felt the changes that had taken place had bothered him most. Cora and Brice too, spent all nights and the majority of the days away from the house together, but they always returned at points to check on us all. Sonny and Leah were their own little unit. Sometimes they'd spend days lounging around the house or they'd get outside and enjoy the glorious summertime we'd fallen into.
Al and I seemed to drift around. We'd be the ones rotating through the ever separating units, both of us seeming to feel a paranoid pull to bring them all together again. Some days I'd encourage Al to just go and run with Oz while I'd hang back with Sonny or spend the day with Cora. But mostly it was the two of us.
Everything felt quiet, and it was strange.
I wasn't used to such peace, and it managed to put me on edge more than ruckus and noise ever could. So it seemed that my interiors were trying to compensate. My mind was a constant thump of thoughts and worries. Did Oz hate me for all this? Could Sonny really love Leah? How are Sue and Charlie and Seth? But mostly I was thinking of what was next.
What does an immortal do with their existence?
It was a question that had, thankfully, started to keep me up at night. Swirling images of what might have been, and what may still be. I'd started to panic about things, things that could come far too soon like losing Sonny, or what it would feel like when Sue or Charlie left this world. Even when Al curled up beside me and observed my new state of restlessness, I felt alone.
I felt heavy and exhausted, smiles were a chore and it was getting different to formulate any thoughts through the spider webs that had become my mind. Cora would pull me to her and hold me close, and I'd feel like crying for no reason I could fully understand. I spent less time with Sonny when I felt my misery would just dampen his joy, and Al would just sit and watch me; his chin resting on his palm and his brows furrowed as he searched me silently for answers.
He was doing that as I slumped in the wild green grass, my back propped against a huge tree trunk. He sighed and my lips twitched. We'd been sat down here for a while now and I'd not said a word as Al scrutinised me.
"Not talking today?" I pulled at the last petal of the daisy I held between my fingers and dropped it, reaching for another one as I answered.
"Of course I am. I just don't have anything to say." He sighed again, this time heavier.
"You don't have much to say in general anymore." I stared down at the flower as I pulled at each delicate, white segment, shrugging my shoulders, but nodding a little at the same time. "I guess it's up to me again then."
He lifted to a crouch, crawling the few feet to the trunk and twisting to sit round from me so that he was just in my peripheral as I stared down at the diminishing daisy. "I haven't seen Oz today." He drew a deep breath after saying that, "or the day before for that matter … or the day before that." It'd been five days, the longest absence I'd ever known Oz to take. I knew it had worried Al, but now he sounded more than worried, he sounded deeply upset.
"I'm sure he's fine, Al. And I know he'll be back soon." My words felt empty, but to me, so did everything I said nowadays.
"Yeah, yeah I mean, I know that too. Oz wouldn't leave. It's just weird not having him around."
"You miss him?"
"Of course. He's my brother, he has been for over seventeen years, it would be unnatural for me not to feel something when he goes away." My fingers clamped around the flower that still retained the majority of its adornments, my palm rolling around it, pulverizing it.
"Do you think it's my fault?" Not empty words this time. Quiet, silent almost, but not empty. I don't even recall ordering myself to speak them, but when the squeaked out, Al's head span around quickly.
"What?" He stared at me, and I dropped the daisy, not reaching for another one as I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around them.
"All this. Oz going away, it's my fault." Al's head shook slowly,
"You're serious? This is what's been bothering you? You think that all this is a bad thing?" I bit my bottom lip and stared out on the distance.
"When I came here, you were fine. Now look how much has changed, because of me. I've taken everything and messed it up, you don't even live in the cabin anymore." Al chuckled,
"Oh of course, Smee. You should beat yourself up because you got us from a crappy wooden cabin to Mansion Mausoleum with our own lake. Yeah, you're a real piece of work for that one."
"I'm serious!"
"I know you are, and that's what annoys me. Annoys me and scares me and makes me love you so much more. You really do think you've been bad for us. You really think that bringing Brice and Sonny their soulmates has been detrimental." I held back a wince. For a while now, I'd become sure that I didn't have a soul, or that I'd had one, and lost it. Yet the word soulmate still frightened me.
My head fell back against the tree, "I just … I'm just scared. I'm scared of what's going to happen now, because this all just feels so temporary, everything's moved too fast to last long. Everyone's going their own way and I don't want that. I don't want that for you and for Oz and Brice and Sonny. You were together before I came and this didn't look set to ever change, now I've ruined that."
"I'm not sure I'll ever understand you." I sighed. I wished he would, he might be able to offer me some insight. "It was never fair on Sonny. We all knew that but we were scared to face it. He's human and we're not. He deserves to be out there, living this life he has but instead we kept him cooped up with us. We tried to go and live out in the world, but it was always a strain and how could Sonny ever really be a normal kid at school when he had three vampire brothers hiding in the shadows at home."
Al's voice fell quiet and I twisted to watch him, he just stared in the distance. "We thought about giving him up once. It was never something we openly discussed, but it was definitely considered. We just couldn't do it. He was nearly four by then. While Brice had been away with Oz, I'd taught Sonny his first words, got him crawling, so even though I knew his life would have been normal if we let another family have him, he was my little brother. So you have no idea what you've brought him means to us. You were the first person, outside of us, that he really got to know, that he really got to love. And then Leah. Sonny doesn't deserve to just live with us for the rest of his life, he needs someone else, and much better her than some human girl he couldn't bring home." I smiled, pushing my palms into the ground to lift my body straighter.
"I suppose it's an advantage really, knowing that your life has to end one day. Makes you less complacent."
"What makes you think it's never going to end?" I twisted quickly, Al sat slumped, chuckling lightly as he stared ahead.
"Excuse me?" He twisted his head, smiling as he observed me.
"Immortal we are, Smee. Unbreakable we're not." His brows raised like my shock confused him and I shook my head.
"It's- I just- I've never really thought like that." Al chuckled again and turned back away from me,
"Well, when you've had as many near death experiences from the same persistent guy as me, you can't help but think." I felt my jaw drop a little and my stomach tighten.
"You're talking about Victor?" Al smirked,
"Of course. Unless you know anyone else who wants me dead?" I felt a strange ache in my legs and jumped quickly to my feet, Al's eyes following me as I came to stand before him, my chest rising and dropping quickly.
"You're talking about this so nonchalantly. You're talking about dying like you don't even care." He rose upright, straightening his back and staring up at me.
"It's not that I don't care, Smee. Of course I care. It's just that Victor first tried to kill me twenty years ago, after that he burned an apartment building down to get me, and as of a few months ago, the guy still wants me, don't you think I've thought about that a lot?" I felt my face grow warm and my breathing stammer.
"And what have you thought?" Al shrugged, but his eyes narrowed as he watched me.
"He doesn't care what it takes, I know that. I know he wants Brice too, but, well Brice is bigger and stronger than me, but Victor's just in a whole other league. If he ever finds me ….the only reason I made it last time is because Brice got there just in time." I took a step back, feeling my stomach ache. Al jumped to his feet and stepped towards me.
"You sound like you know this is going to happen. It's as if you've accepted that Victor's going to kill you." He took another step forward, his face calm.
"I sort of have."
{--}
My chest fell quickly and my whole body went momentarily stiff, every emotion and thought, every feeling of exhaustion and anger buzzing to the palm of my right hands as I swung it to collide with Al's cheek.
There was a loud clap and his face snapped to the side. I coughed a sob and brought both hands to my mouth, my right buzzing a little as I felt the hot tears roll onto it. Al turned back to me; confused and alarmed.
"You can't do that." I spoke through the sobs that squeezed at my airways. "You're not supposed to tell people that, not people who love you like I do." My body was quaking, every inch unstable from fear and panic.
"But, Smee, I just-" Al took a step forward, lifting his hands to try and grasp my elbows.
"You were just being honest, of course you were." I felt angry, and dropped my arms quickly, removing myself from his reach. "But I can't believe you would ever say that, ever even think that. You can't think like that, Al. You can't." I shook again as another barrage of tears thundered forward. "You're supposed to protect the people you love from the things that would hurt them, how could you not know that would hurt me?" He stood silent, I could tell he was confused. His bewilderment made me angry again, surely this was simple?
I wanted him to understand, to feel what I was feeling. I wanted him to know how I'd been affected by what he'd said. I wanted to show him.
I took quick steps forward, raising my palms and feeling the still buzz as I brought my hands to rest either side of Al's face. Even before I'd made contact, he reacted. He moved quickly, reaching forward and placing both hands either side of my waist, pulling me closer.
He ducked slightly, and his lips pressed against mine.
In my head at least, the next couple of chapters are the beginning of the end.
But endings are often the funnest part. ;D
Review please, I've missed you all!
