It's baack! I lost my ability to write real stories so I'm back to this. Here's #101-115! Also, sorry about #108 I just couldn't stop it's a problem. I don't own any recognizable characters or whatever

101. Deeks is not allowed to draw a face/put a wig on Kensi's box and call it "little fern"

102. Attaching air fresheners to his body is not a substitute for showering. Nobody enjoys his new car smell.

103. On the reverse, he is not allowed to use the showers excessively, hoping Kensi will walk in on him

104. he may not put a "coloring station" with paper and crayons in the break room.

105. He should never explain what sex wax is because the look on Kensi's face is too priceless when Hetty talks about it.

106. being bitten by any of the following is not an excuse not to come in to work:

A vampire

His neighbor's pet snake Steve

A werewolf

A raccoon with rabies

A radioactive spider

Edward

His pet snail with mad snail disease

And alien child

Sam

A one-eyed one-horned flying purple people eater

107. just for your information, Nate does not accept bribes, especially to "evaluate" a certain coworker for mental illness

108. When going undercover as a waiter, he should not tell the customers any of the following:

a. "If you want the special sauce, you have to come get it. If you know what I mean.."

b."There, choke on it."

c. "We ran out of steak, but we found a nice looking deer in the back, I hope you don't mind"

d. "You did say snot soup, right?"

e. "You want to speak with my manager? I'm sorry, he fell in the soup pot last week. God rest his soul."

f. "For only $7 extra you can have a container of that same soup, it's a great souvenir."

g. "Welcome to Hooters, my name is Jenny, what can I do ya for?"

h. "You want a different waiter? I'm sorry sir, did I not bring you enough kiddie menus?"

i. "Shh! No talking in the library"

j. "You want the kids pizza, sonny? This is a breakfast restaurant, we don't make fuckin pizza."

k. "I don't care if this is a Chinese restaurant, If you can't pronounce it you can't have it. And that's probably for your own good."

L. "Thank you for choosing Bob's grill, pick up your complimentary barf bags on the way out. Come again soon!"

m. "Your doctor's on the telephone. He told you not to eat that."

n. "Our special today is the you-shouldn't-eat-this soup. It's got 5 varieties of vegetables and a hearty serving of you-don't-want-to-know"

o. "You want the cheeseburger? Great choice, it comes with a free heart attack."

p. "Would you like to sit in a chair or in a booth? I recommend the booth, the chairs have a weight limit."

q. "Try our new pizza: "Everything and the kitchen sink" No literally, we have an extra sink in the back. Please take it."

r. "Here's your super-brownie-fudge-sundae, keep in mind the AED is located at the front desk."

s. "I'm sorry, we have temporarily removed half the items on our menu because the health inspector is paying a visit."

t. "In the event that someone is choking, we encourage you to videotape it."

u. "All scraps can be fed to the alligators in back."

v. "Restaurant? Oh no, this is a taxidermy business, the only chicken here is stuffed. Ask about our special on goldfish!"

w. "What do you mean your punch tastes weird? That's not punch-wait, you do know this is a funeral home, yes?"

x. "Compliments to the chef? I'm glad you liked it, but he just picked it out of the trash from the hospital next door."

y. "You barf it, you buy it"

z. "Welcome to Denny's, I'm Mike, I'll be your server today. I'm also a stripper on weekends"*pulls business card out of pants*

109. He may not go around telling people "Have a great day semicolon closed partenthesis"

110. He also may not go around telling people "Help! I'm trapped in an incredibly sexy man's body!"

111. He may not create a "Who's hot & not" list and post it around the mission where his and Kensi and Monty's names are the only ones on the "hot" list, and on the "not" list is everyone including Steven Tyler.

112. He is not allowed to EVER sing "I make them straight boys go gay"

113. No more references to Eric being gay because he IS NOT!

114. When in any pool or ocean with the team, he should never grab Nell's ankle because everyone knows how traumatized she was from Jaws (no matter how funny it may be)

115. He cannot graffiti the bathroom walls "Kensi wants the D(eeks)