Chapter 15
April went by in a blur of spending a lot of time with Will. Soon May came, my favourite month because of my name being Mae. Then came June, and with it, the last days of my fifth year at Hogwarts.
On the last day, I packed up and met with Will. We planned on being in the same compartment on the train because we wanted to see each other as much as we could before we left for the summer. We ended up in a compartment with Orion and Ella, but when they spent the first ten minutes eating each other's faces, we decided to leave.
Somehow, we found an empty compartment. Almost right away, Will leaned over and kissed me. I still got butterflies.
We were not left alone for long, of course. Ella came bouncing in, wondering where we'd gone, Rose came in saying something about learning during the summer, and James was looking for Orion. Ella happily directed him back to their compartment, but she was soon back because with James there they couldn't snog, so what was the point?
Then Will said he was going to visit his friends, but he promised to be right back. While he was gone, Al came into our compartment. He had a strange expression on his face.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing," he mumbled.
"It's not good to keep things bottled up," I informed him.
He gave me the most penetrating look. "You have no idea."
I furrowed my brow, confused by his attitude. I didn't want to start another row, so I said nothing.
"Goodness, you're in a foul mood," Rose said. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Claire and I… broke up," he finally said.
Rose went into her cousin-but-almost-a-sister mode, trying to comfort and encourage him. The strange thing was, he didn't look upset, exactly. It was more disappointment. Another thing was that he kept glancing at me, like he was expecting a reaction. I pretended I didn't see. When Will came back, Al said something about it being too crowded and left.
When we got to Platform 9¾, my parents were right there, ready for hugs. I was happy to see them. After I was welcomed home, I introduced them to Will. I was somewhat nervous, but he charmed them both. I told them I'd be right back, and Will and I left to meet his parents. They weren't there yet, so Will pulled me aside and kissed me again.
Will's parents still weren't there yet and I heard my own parents calling, so I said goodbye. He watched me leave through the crowd. I kept turning around until I finally couldn't see him anymore. I will miss him greatly, I thought to myself.
The strange thing was that I found I didn't miss him. I didn't know why. I asked Rose and Ella for their opinions, and they didn't understand it, either. So one day I got up the courage to write him a letter about how I felt. Layla flew back into my room with a reply a few days later. Will sounded heartbroken and I felt awful, but it was the truth. I didn't know if he'd hate me later or want to be friends. After many tries, I sent a reply and then left to spend the day with Ella.
In July my family and I visited some American cousins, and in August I was mostly at home, glad to be back after such a long trip. Suddenly it was time to go to Diagon Alley for supplies. I was looking forward to seeing everyone, as Ella was the only one I'd been able to visit over the summer holiday.
As always with the Potter and Weasley families, greetings involved crushing hugs and exclamations over how all of us were growing up. But then I saw Al. He had been the same height as me for awhile, but now I had to look up a bit at him. His shoulders and chest were broader, and his facial features were more defined.
A strange feeling came over me. I found myself a little afraid to talk to him. He was so different! But as soon as he opened his mouth, he was the same old Al, except with a slightly deeper voice.
Sometime in the middle of shopping, I saw a familiar sight: Will. He was with a woman who seemed to be his mother, and they were leaving a shop and coming our way. Wanting to know how he felt, I waited for him to see me. He finally did, giving me a look that combined sadness and anger. I sighed.
"Wasn't that Will just now?" Al asked.
"Yeah," I said, turning my back on the direction Will had gone.
"Why didn't he say hi or something?"
"He's probably really mad at me."
"Why?"
"Because… I sort of ended it," I said after a moment.
"You did?" Al sounded shocked.
"Yeah, didn't I tell you? Oh, I guess I didn't, now that I think on it…"
"When did this happen?"
"Um, late June, I think," I said.
"Oh. Well, I'm sorry to hear it," Al said, not sounding very sorry.
"Thanks, but I'm fine," I said, continuing my shopping.
Later, we all went to a restaurant to eat and talk. Well, except for Orion and Ella. They mostly snogged.
Al was rather quiet. However, it wasn't the usual brooding quiet; it was more of a comfortable silence. A few times, when I looked at him, he smiled quickly and seemed to turn red, but I couldn't tell for sure.
The next week went by quickly and it was September 1st, time for my sixth year at Hogwarts. As time went by, I became more confused at what was going on between Al and me. It felt like the line between friends and more-than-friends was blurring.
I felt this way particularly strongly one day in late September at a Quidditch game. It was Gryffindor vs. Slytherin, the biggest rivals at the school. It was a really close, really tense game. In the midst if it, I realized how much I kept my eyes on Al. Usually I watched the main action, but this time I kept missing great plays.
The score was tied, but as I watched, I knew Al had seen it. He dived and came extremely close to the ground, at the last minute pulling up. He sailed around in a victory lap, waving something in his hand. I saw the sun shining on the Golden Snitch. The crowd of Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs, and Ravenclaws went wild while the Slytherins booed and scowled.
Everyone poured onto the pitch. Al was being lifted on the shoulders of his teammates, beaming. When they put him down, I raced over and gave him a congratulatory hug.
"That was brilliant!" I shouted over the noise of the crowd.
"Thanks," he grinned.
That's when it got really awkward for some reason that I didn't understand. I couldn't tell if the redness in both of our cheeks was because of the excitement of the game or something else.
"I'll meet you back at the common room," Al said finally. I nodded and left to find Rose or Ella.
That sort of thing kept happening, and, although I tried to act normal, I was finding it difficult to keep things as they were before. For example, one day at dinner we both reached for the same food and our hands bumped. I laughed and said, "Oops, sorry," like I would have if it was anyone else, but I was really wondering why it made me feel tingly. Another time, Al told me he had a dream about me.
"Really?" I asked, immensely curious. This might be a clue as to what was going on. "What happened?"
"You and me and Ella and Rose were playing Quidditch, and we beat James and Orion's arses," Al said.
We both laughed, but for awhile after that, Al was staring off into the distance as if he was thinking hard about something. I felt like he'd lied about his dream, but how was I to know?
Later that day I walked into the common room to find Ella and Orion sitting at a table, not snogging. Ella looked up when she heard me come in and said, "I discovered something wonderful! I like Wizard's chess!"
"You only just now found out about Wizard's chess?" I asked, very surprised.
"No, I knew about it before, I just didn't know I'd like it!" she explained, returning to the game.
"Wow," I said as I watched Ella concentrating hard on what to move next. I got tired of watching them sit there, so I left to entertain myself with something else.
The next day Ella told me how Orion and she had bonded over Wizard's chess, and how much more she liked him now.
"That's good," I said, only partly listening. I was engrossed in thinking about Al's behaviour. He was focusing most of his attention solely on me, or at least that's what it felt like. Then there was the bigger question of whether I was actually falling for my best friend. I was confused.
One day in mid-October, Al and I were partners in Potions class. I was so preoccupied with analyzing his every word and action that I almost put the wrong ingredient in the mixture.
"Mae, wait!" Al exclaimed, grabbing my wrist before I poured it in. "That doesn't come yet," he said.
"Oh, whoops," I blushed at my clumsiness. "Well, that would've been really bad."
"Yeah, it would've," he looked relieved at avoiding the near-disaster. He still had a hold on my wrist.
"Um, you can let go now, Al," I said, getting that tingly feeling again.
"Oh, right." He dropped my arm quickly and looked at me out of the corner of his eye. When I met his gaze, he reddened and went back to his work.
Finally, I asked Rose and Ella about it as we were studying in the common room. "Have you guys noticed Al acting a little different?"
Ella's head shot up suddenly. Her chocolate brown eyes sparkled suspiciously.
"No, not at all," Rose said without looking up from her essay. "Why?"
"Well, he just seems like he's acting weird around me. I didn't know if he was doing that to everyone," I answered.
"I haven't noticed anything," Rose maintained, looking me in the eye. Ella seemed like she was about to burst.
"Alright, what is it?" I asked after a moment.
"Mae, you're so stupid sometimes," she said.
"Ella," Rose warned.
"No! I'm telling her because at the rate she's going, she'll never get it!"
"Get what?" I was confused.
"Exactly my point," Ella said. "Mae, it's really obvious that Al fancies you."
"What? No he doesn't," I said, although my stomach flipped and I was blushing. I looked to Rose, thinking she'd deny Ella's statement. She said nothing.
"Of course he does. Everyone can tell," Ella nodded, knowingly.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I huffed, leaving them so I could ponder this news. How did I know she wasn't making it up? All the thinking and studying was getting ridiculous, and it was building a wall between Al and me. I decided to assume it was like it always had been: we were really good friends.
That didn't last long, however. Only one week later, I was certain I fancied Al, and I wanted to know if the feelings were mutual. I was determined to unlock the mystery.
That night, I reread the poem Al gave me on Valentine's Day in fifth year. It was all about the beauty of nature. He'd written about snow-covered mountains, new buds on trees, green meadows, and deep forests. Then at the end, it said:
And all of nature pales, white as a dove,
When I compare it to the beauty of the girl I love.
When I'd first read it, I knew he said he'd written it for me. What I didn't realize was that it was about me. He'd been working on it in fourth year, I recalled, and gave it to me in fifth year. If he'd felt strongly about me then, no wonder he'd seemed disappointed in my lack of a reaction. But it didn't mean he still liked me now.
I had to ask him how he felt; I needed to know. The wondering and guessing had to end. Al was alone in the common room when I got up the courage. "Al, I want to ask you something."
"Sure, go ahead."
"How do you feel about me?" I asked outright.
Al went pale. "You really want to know?"
"Yes."
"Alright," Al sighed. "Wait here a moment." He went to the boys' dormitory and returned holding a book, which he handed to me.
"What's this?"
"Your answer."
"Is this a journal?"
"Yes, just read it."
"Are you sure?"
Al nodded, giving me a small smile. Then he left me standing alone in the common room, staring at the book in my hand.
Please review! All Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling. All other characters (Ella, Mae, etc.) are mine.
