Gaz glanced up at the clock and frowned. Her classes were going by rather quickly, it seemed. It was only 10:15 and she was already on her way to the cafeteria. She entered the noisy room with ill-concealed contempt etched on her face, but she located Zim easily enough. Dib, however, was nowhere to be seen.
She sighed and sat across from the alien as he opened a paper bag. "You brought lunch today?"
"Yes, yes," Zim replied, waving a hand distractedly as he pulled out a sandwich. "But that is not the issue! Nay, the problem lies with the time. I believe that your planet is malfunctioning. Everything is going faster than normal."
"That's because it's a half-day, stupid. We go home after this period," a Freshman walking by shouted. Gaz groaned as she saw the outraged look stamped on Zim's face.
"You dare call me stupid? You stupid, filthy earth-stink! You aren't worth my sped-up time!" Zim shouted. "Ow! What was that for?" he demanded as his companion kicked him under the table. He took a huge bite from the sandwich that had the Irken symbol burned into the bread.
"You're too loud. And where's Dib?" Zim took another bite of his sandwich before answering.
"Your brother informed me that he was going to sit with one of the many stupid human females in this pathetic skool," Zim replied. "And he said also to tell you that he is meeting her when skool is finished, as well."
Gaz clenched her small hand into a fist. "I see. Nice to know that he so conveniently figured that I would see you today. The jerk could have given me the message in person." She caught the confused stare Zim was giving her and sighed. "Forget it. It doesn't matter. I'll see you later."
She stood to go as the bell rang. "We might as well go together," Zim said as he walked to her side of the table, finishing his sandwich.
Gaz gave him a long look. "Don't you have to go doom something or other? Or plan for world domination?"
Zim clenched his jaw. "No." They stared each other down for another few seconds before the human lost interest in the game and shrugged.
"Okay. But I'm not taking the bus. I'm walking."
"Good. I don't see why anyone would want to ride that smelly contraption in the first place!" Gaz bit back a chuckle, and seemed to strangle herself in the process. Zim's eyes widened in mild alarm as he pounded her on the back until she coughed. "Did you suddenly forget how to breathe?"
"No. You're stupid." She couldn't help but let the laughter out this time. He was glaring at her when she pulled herself together enough to notice. "Oh, don't take it so personally."
"I do not understand why you insist on laughing at me," Zim complained. "Although it was interesting to see you doing something other than scowl for once," he added as an afterthought.
"I was laughing because you say the weirdest things sometimes. I forget that you're still trying to learn stuff about this place, even though you've been here so long. And what I do with my face is none of your concern." They lapsed into silence as their feet moved on the cement. "Are you still failing in your attempt to rule Earth, or did you give up trying?" she finally asked after ten minutes.
"What I do with my mission is none of your concern," he spat in a mocking tone.
Gaz muttered an obscenity under her breath. "I was just trying to make conversation so I wouldn't die from boredom."
"Then perhaps, stubborn worm baby, you would find it easier to carry on such idle conversation by not being such a callous bitch," the invader said breezily. Gaz froze and stared at him with unbelieving eyes. Did he dare call her that hated term?
"You…you miserable excuse for an invader! I'm going to unleash so much pain upon you!" with that Gaz swung her arm, her fist connecting squarely with his jaw in a vicious uppercut. His head snapped back and he glowered at her, blocking her next punch. "You stupid asshole! Why do you have to be that way?" she shouted as he pinned her arms down. She resorted to kicking, landing a few good blows before he forcibly slung her over his shoulder and marched into his house.
"What is your problem?" he shouted back as he dumped her unceremoniously on the floor. She got up slowly, gritting her teeth against the pain radiating from her back in dark blossoms.
"You're my problem, Zim!" She tried to attack him again, but this time he pinned her against the wall, using two of his metal legs to block hers, and his arms to secure her wrists. He increased the pressure slightly, attempting to intimidate her into submission.
"That came out of nowhere! I have done nothing to invoke your wrath, you pathetic Earth-monkey. Stop being so stupid!" Her eyes widened at his words and she had to bite her lip to keep from crying. Every little thing that had been pestering her over the past few weeks had slowly begun to build up. Now she was at her maximum capacity for stupid things.
With a muffled sob she gave up fighting Zim and slumped to the floor when he backed off at her uncharacteristic show of emotion, the metal legs retracting into his PAK. He looked at her in something akin to concern. About to speak, he was interrupted by Gir returning home. The robot immediately went to Gaz and wrapped its arms around her.
"Aww, Gazzy's leakin' master. We should fix her!" Gir said sadly. "I don't want her to be broken no more."
Zim sighed. "Very well, Gir." He forced Gaz to stand and led her down into the bowels of his base where she would not be seen by prying eyes in such a state of contemptible weakness. He had Gir lead the way to its toy room, which was filled with an odd assortment of junk that included a beanbag couch (apparently the only useful item in the entire room). Gir went to find a present to cheer its friend up with and Zim took a seat beside Gaz, turning to face her. "I think it is time you told Zim what is bothering you, Gaz-human."
Gaz rubbed at her eyes irritably. She glanced at Zim and tried to figure out where to begin. "Take off that lame disguise first," she demanded to buy time.
"I hardly see how that is relevant," Zim replied. "But I guess I will. These horrible contacts itch so badly." He removed the contacts and slipped them into his pocket. The wig was also a relief to remove. He ran a hand over his antennae. "Ah, much better. Now enough stalling, continue!"
"My emotions," she stated numbly. "I'm sick of feeling things for people that I don't want to feel. Maybe it's just hormones or something, but I hate whatever it is. I never cared about anyone before, really, and I don't need some stupid hormone-driven teen to make my life any more miserable than it already is."
Zim frowned as he tried to comprehend what she was saying. He was learning about the human anatomy in biology class, so he knew the meaning of "hormones", but he sensed that there was something else to it. "You are going to have to explain what you mean by 'hormone driven,'" Zim said. "I have a feeling that you do not mean what you say literally."
Gaz sighed. 'Figures I would confess to a guy that hasn't the slightest clue as to what anything means,' she griped silently. Out loud: "Do you understand human relationships? Like dating and all that stuff?"
"A bit; I have studied up on some of your mating rituals…purely for scientific reasons, I assure you!" Zim yelled.
"Good. Well, if you know the basics, then I'm not going to go into too much detail. This guy in my art class asked me out on a date, under the pretense that he was both physically attracted to me and that we seemed like we might be companionable." Gaz paused, feeling rather odd about explaining all of this to an alien. "As it turns out, he didn't want to be with me. He simply wanted to…get in my pants."
Zim turned his gaze down to the jeans she was wearing. "From my observation of your species, the males seem to be larger than the females by a usually noticeable amount. How would he fit into your pants?"
Gaz groaned at his ignorance, but a quiet snicker escaped from her mouth anyway. "I don't mean literally. I mean…he wanted to have sex with me. And that's where the 'hormone-driven' thing comes in. The urge is caused by hormones." One of his antennae raised slightly, a sign she took to be he was confused. "He wanted to mate," she added flatly.
Zim understood that well enough, but there were still some things that were not so clear. "Is that not the purpose of going on a date though?"
"Well, I guess it is, in the end. But you usually do that after several dates. It's supposed to be about more than just the physical aspects of being with someone. There's an emotional attachment as well. You're supposed to see if you're compatible or not." She stopped, thinking. "Most animals on this planet mate for the sole purpose to create offspring. Humans, and some other animals, however, mate as a leisure activity as well. Supposedly it feels good. Nowadays mating is a little more casual. Strangers do it often enough, and that's fine if you're careful, but I don't like being lied to about what someone wants from me."
"Something else must have happened besides him just deceiving you though," Zim interjected. "I don't see you as the type of human that would be so easily upset over that. You would just doom him."
Gaz allowed herself to smirk. "Fair enough. The problem lies in the fact that I was somewhat attracted to him. And when I turned him down, which I actually tried to do nicely, he said some obscene things to me and started acting like a complete jerk. And to top things off the next day he was outside every single one of my classes with some girl he was already dating, spreading rumors about me."
It was silent for what felt like a long time. Zim stirred uncomfortably on Gir's sofa. "You humans and your pitiful emotions," he said at last. "Your race confuses me, Gaz-being. Everyone spouts out nonsense words of love and peace, but they do just the opposite. I've been reading up on your history. All you seem to do is destroy things and make each other unhappy."
"That's one of the reasons I question your mission, Zim. We seem to be doing a fair job of killing ourselves off. What's the use in interfering with the inevitable?" Gaz asked quietly. "And for another thing, why am I even here? It's not like we're friends or anything." She was angry again.
"Shut up. It is not my fault that you do not wish to be allies. I actually tried on several occasions, much to my surprise, but you don't want anything to do with me unless you are forced into it. I even went so far as to give you my favorite lighter. So don't start up about how you're all alone on this stupid dirt ball," Zim interrupted her before she could even begin. "If it makes you so unhappy to be here, then leave."
She looked at him in surprise. "You're kicking me out?" She glared down at her hands and shook her head. "This isn't how it's supposed to be going. It isn't right."
"What are you going on about?"
"Zim. Irkens don't feel, right? You told me once that your race has no need for emotions." She looked at the alien as he nodded his head.
"Yes, that is correct. When we are 'born' we are given a PAK which stores memories, information, et cetera, as well as suppressing whatever hormones and other unknown substances are used in the creation of feeling emotions. It also downloads a preprogrammed personality." He paused, an antenna raising thoughtfully. "Of course there are always a few Irkens that get stuck with a faulty PAK. No one really knows what happens or how one lives with such a thing. Nine times out of ten either the PAK is replaced or the Irken is put to death. There is no use in the empire for a Defective."
"What about the other one time?" Gaz asked, forgetting what she had been trying to get at.
"Banishment, I guess. Exile." He gave Gaz a look that she didn't like. She wanted to move away from him, but found she had no energy left from crying like a little girl. "What are you trying to get at, human?" He waited impatiently for her answer.
"I don't want my emotions anymore. I want your help in getting rid of them. You said it yourself, human emotions are pitiful. I'm sick of being pitiful."
"What, do you think I just attach a PAK to your spine and you'll be right as rain?" Zim asked incredulously.
"I don't know how it works. You tell me," Gaz replied evenly.
"One, your brother would kill me. Two, it's extremely painful once you're not a smeet anymore. Three, that means going back to Irk and I cannot do that."
"What the hell is a smeet?"
"Baby, or small child. Something like that in your Earth language. And aside from those reasons, you have chosen wrong in finding help with this problem."
Gaz tilted her head up to glare at him. "What do you mean I 'chose wrong'? You're the one that insisted on knowing why I was upset, and now you say I chose to find help in the wrong place? I don't know why I even bothered."
Zim stood and hoisted her up as well. "I believe it is time for you to leave, human." He pulled her along the hallway to the elevator. Once at the house level he pushed her towards the door. "Get out. And if I hear that you have breathed one word of what I told you, I will kill you."
Gaz looked at him searchingly and decided that he wasn't joking. "Fine. Stupid jerk." She left and slammed the door behind her.
On the walk home she contemplated telling Dib all that she had learned about Zim's PAK, but almost immediately decided against it. If she said something, not only would Zim maybe kill, but he could do worse: he could tell everyone that she had cried over a boy.
She narrowed her eyes. That was not allowed to happen under any circumstances. She altered her course. She needed to think.
