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A/n: Thank you so much for reviewing! A couple of you are right on track with where this is going, so I hope this lives up to your expectations. Please let me know what you think!

As Easy as Pie

A story by Ryeloza

Part Two: Revenge

Chapter One: A Plan

Susan stretched up onto her tiptoes to look in the top of the kitchen cupboard. She honestly wasn't even sure if she had a blender or where it would be if she did, but Julie and her friends wanted to make milkshakes and she'd promised to track one down. As her hand grazed the top shelf of her cupboard and came up empty, she sighed. Bree would have one; she'd have to borrow it.

Stepping back, Susan grabbed her sweater from the back of one of the chairs and pulled it on. Come to think of it, they didn't have any ice cream either. She'd have to stop at the market too. Just as she picked up her purse to dig out her car keys, Susan heard Karl come in the front door. She thought there was a good chance that she could coerce him to go to the store for her, but as she opened her mouth to call for him, she suddenly heard his voice loud and clear. He was on the phone. Despite herself, Susan couldn't help but listen in.

"I know it's hard keeping it in your pants," Karl said as charming as usual, "but we just have to hold out a little longer. I'm sure the other guys are breaking down." Susan frowned at the words and in her distracted state she backed into the counter. The sharp edge drove into her hip and she let out a howl of pain. "I gotta go," she heard Karl say quickly and before she knew it he wandered into the room. He took one look at her holding her hip and rolled his eyes.

"Jeez, Susie, learn to walk."

With a scowl that Karl didn't even seem to notice, Susan said, "Who were you on the phone with?"

"When?"

"A minute ago."

"Oh." Karl shrugged. "Just Carlos. We're all getting together at his place to watch the game on Sunday."

"Oh really?" Susan gave him her best suspicious gaze, but Karl just raised an eyebrow and took a couple steps toward her. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he leaned into her personal space and said, "Yeah. Really. So find a different mystery to solve, Nancy Drew."

Susan ran her fingers through her hair, actually tugging at it in frustration. She was pretty sure it made her look crazy, but Karl was so aggravating that a physical response felt necessary. "You…You…"

Karl tweaked her nose. "Chill out, Susie Q. You'll get wrinkles. Or maybe I should say more wrinkles."

All Susan could manage was a shrill groan as Karl walked away laughing.


"Have you noticed anything weird about the guys lately?"

"You mean weirder than usual?" smirked Lynette. Gaby grinned.

Mary Alice reached out and put a hand over Susan's comfortingly. "Is this going to be like the time you told us that you caught Karl hiding your panties?"

"No." She paused, considering the evidence. "Well, maybe. I overheard Karl on the phone yesterday and he was having this bizarre conversation…It sounded like…"

Gaby leaned forward, obviously intrigued. "Yeah," she prompted. "Spit it out."

Susan squirmed. "It sounded like he's not having sex with me. On purpose. And the way he was talking…It was almost like a conspiracy. Like there are other people in on it."

"What?" asked Lynette, amusement still in her voice. "Like a bet?"

"Yeah. Exactly."

Mary Alice, who didn't seem to find the idea nearly as funny as Lynette, asked, "What makes you think that our husbands are involved?"

"He told me he was talking to Carlos. And they've all been palling around lately."

"Carlos has been acting weird," admitted Gaby. "Yesterday I caught him jacking off in the shower and he didn't even ask me to give him a hand."

"Gaby!" Bree's eyebrows arched almost into her hairline; she was clearly scandalized.

"Oh come on. We've all been there."

"That doesn't mean we have to discuss it."

Gaby looked like she wanted to argue, but Lynette cut in before she and Bree could get into a war of words. "Tom was a little cagey before he left," she said thoughtfully. "But that's not exactly proof."

"Hey, if Susan says that Karl mentioned it then I believe her," said Gaby. "I mean, have any of you actually had sex in the past two weeks? I sure haven't."

The girls exchanged furtive, hesitant looks that said it all and Susan suddenly felt a surge of relief. As annoyed as she still was by this entire escapade—which, she feared, was probably all Karl's idea—it felt good to know that she wasn't in this boat alone. It wasn't her imagination; she wasn't crazy. And Karl was definitely going to suffer for this one.

"I'm going to give him a reason to not have sex with me," she growled, verbalizing her thoughts. Bree nodded in agreement, but Gaby shook her head.

"You're thinking too literally. If we want revenge, we have to hit them where it hurts," she said. Susan furrowed her brow, confused, and Gaby sighed. "They're trying not to have sex with us, right? So all we have to do is make their lives a living hell."

Mary Alice frowned. She'd been uncharacteristically quiet. Susan suddenly got the impression that this bothered her even more than the rest of them. "How?"

"Easy. We do what we do best. Make them want it so bad that it hurts. If they're really keeping it in their pants then it'll be torture."

Lynette laughed. "She's good."

"Do you really think that will work?" asked Bree skeptically.

"Oh, trust me. They won't know what hit them."