Confessions
Alright…. So this is in Edward's perspective as that is what got the most votes… There is going to be a massively long (and I do mean massively long) Authors Note at the end… Please take the time to read it (or at least skim it!) as it is important!
Edward could hear his phone, incessantly ringing in the other room, and ignored it. He sat on the edge of the toy car bed and watched his son as he dreamed. Things in life had gotten so complicated, so complex, watching Emmett made him think of life when it was easier.
Easy wasn't a word in his vocabulary anymore.
He knew that when he moved from this room, he would have to face the inevitable: to admit to his wife that he had broken his vows. While the thought of what was to come, and most likely the aftermath was not a comfort, the thought of Bella in his arms was.
He knew from the moment that he first saw her that things were going to change. It terrified and thrilled him. The moment their bodies and lips touched, and the spark was felt, he knew his relationship with Tanya was doomed.
Edward had always pictured himself as a family man, the thought of a wife and child thrilled him more than he admitted to his friends. Edward wasn't the cheating type and as some women would say he was safe. He dated casually in high school before beginning a serious relationship with Tanya.
They had met in college in one of those humanities classes that every student had to take. Edward could tell instantly that she was smitten with him. He was taken with her too. It didn't take long for their mutual appreciation to grow and soon they were dating.
He proposed a year later and hadn't looked back.
Looking back now, Edward wondered if he had rushed into marriage a little too quickly and eagerly. He wouldn't take it back though, because if he were truthful with himself Emmett made it all worthwhile.
Edward looked at his sleeping son one last time before forcing himself to get up. Leaning over he placed a gentle kiss on his son's forehead and brushed the stray hair to the sides.
"I love you." He whispered softly as he made his way out of the room.
Edward could hear Tanya moving around in the bedroom, probably getting up from her nap as well. Leaning his head against the wall he took a deep breath, composing himself. It wouldn't do any good to go in with guns blazing, he needed to be calm.
Closing his eyes Edward pictured Bella sitting in the chase at the hotel, his t-shirt on and her hair tangled and matted from their activities. The image was calling to him, all of him. His heart, mind, and soul were with her. Now he just needed his body to be as well.
The first step was the hardest, but once he got his feet moving they led him easily to the door. He stood in the doorway and watched as she moved lazily around the room for a moment. This was going to be difficult.
"How was your nap?" Edward questioned softly.
"Wonderful," Tanya answered looking at him over her shoulder as she threw her pajamas into the hamper. "How was your thing with Jasper?"
"We actually need to talk about that Tanya." Edward whispered as he moved into the room and sat down on the bed.
She seemed to look at him for a moment before sighing. "Is Emmett still asleep?"
"Yes," he stated.
"Then forget talking," Tanya purred "there are other things I would rather be doing."
She walked in front of him then and tangled her hands in his hair as she straddled him. Tanya leaned in to kiss him and he found himself responding out of habit. It only took a moment for him to realize what he was doing, and instantly pulled back.
"I'm serious Tanya, we need to talk."
Tanya made a pouting face, as she tried to grind herself into him. He couldn't handle the wave of nausea that hit him and quickly picked her up placing her on the bed beside him.
"What is so important that I can't have my fun?" Tanya asked her voice nasally and whiney.
Edward sighed, running his hand through his hair and tugging on the ends a bit as he turned and looked at her.
"Don't be absurd, Tanya, please. There really is no easy way to say this; I'm not even sure how to begin." Edward stuttered his voice fluttering through the air.
"Just spit it out already so we can move on." Tanya replied tugging on the hem of his shirt as she spoke.
"I wasn't with Jasper…I broke our marriage vows, Tanya. I had an affair." His hands reached out to gently grab hers, pulling them away from the hem of his shirt.
"Okay." Tanya replied sitting for a moment and digesting the information. He watched as hurt and anger fluttered across her face and then he saw determination.
"I forgive you," Tanya whispered squeezing his hands as she spoke. She moved to straddle him again and his hands reached out to stop her.
"That is very kind of you," Edward answered softly "but I want a divorce Tanya. I love her."
"What are people going to think? To SAY?" she seethed. "All of our friends and family, the people I work with. How could you?"
"I truly am sorry, Tanya, I never meant for this to happen." He whispered his eyes cast downward.
"Yeah," Tanya answered her voice full of malice "that makes two of us. I was hoping to be able to tell you the good news, but this sure puts a hamper on it."
"What are you talking about?" Edward asked confused by her rant.
"You're going to be a daddy again, Edward."
He sat in shock for a moment, unable to move. Edward seemed to find his voice before his brain was ready.
"How is that even possible?"
"Well you see Edward," Tanya sneered "when a man and a woman…"
"I haven't slept with you in months, Tanya, and I thought you were on the pill."
"I may have forgotten to take a few." She replied shrugging her shoulders. "I hope it's a girl."
"How long have you known for?" Edward asked.
"Awhile," Tanya answered "you were so distant and cold. I thought you just needed some time, so I gave it to you."
"This isn't something you just put on the backburner, Tanya. How far along are you? I've seen you drinking wine on more than one occasion."
She sighed in annoyance before hopping up off the bed and turning to glare at him. "I'm a good mother, don't you dare make it seem otherwise. A little wine doesn't hurt; you and your medical degree should know that."
Edward's shoulders sagged as he took in what she was saying. He could feel tears prickling in his eyes and he thought through his options.
"I guess this changes everything," he whispered.
"I figured as much," Tanya replied tersely, quickly leaving the room.
Edward sat on the bed his face in his hands. He could feel the tears beginning to fall, could feel his heart breaking slowly. He couldn't divorce her if she was pregnant, he wouldn't do that to her.
He pictured Bella in his lap as they sat in the chase, the way the smile fell across her face when he told her he would leave his wife. His heart ached at the image and he had to bite his lip to stifle his cry.
He was going to break her and he hated himself for it.
Edward listened to the beep of his phone, pushing the bile back that was steadily rising in his throat. He could hear Tanya moving around in the kitchen, most likely getting lunch ready. He picked up the phone in a daze, and numbly punched his security code in, listening to the message.
"Edward, its Bella." He could hear the waver in her voice and knew that she had been crying. Edward could feel the worry building up in him but he pushed it down. He had to remain numb, indifferent or this would kill him. "Things with Mike didn't go very well," she sobbed again and the tug still remained "he kicked me out. He is trying to take Alice away from me, Edward."
He listened to her cries, feeling each one like a punch to the gut. It suddenly hurt to breathe.
"You're probably busy talking to Tanya, so I will just talk to you later. We're staying at Angela's so give me a call when you get this. I love you."
The message ended and he sat quietly staring at the phone. His hands began to shake. He couldn't do this to her, he couldn't tell her, couldn't hurt her, hear her cries. Edward placed the phone next to him on the bed, his hands tugging on his hair.
"Lunch is ready." He heard Tanya yell up the stairs.
He didn't move.
Ducks head, Cowers in corner…
Thanks again to all of you who reviewed! I emailed everyone (that I could) who reviewed a sneak peak at this chapter and it got an overwhelming response… So I want to ask… Do you want me to continue with the preview/sneak peak?
Now on with the difficult stuff:
I spent quite a bit of time the last two days hashing over Chapter 13 (the next chapter) and the events that unfold (and whether or not to stay true to what happened to Kat or to stray from the story)… After an hour long email fest with Ashlyn and Ashley I have decided that I need to put up a note before posting the next chapters.
Why you may ask?
I'm going to quote Ashlyn on this one and then talk some more:
"Oh myGod. You've managed to make me hate Edward. I just want to chop his head off."
I was a bit surprised… until I actually sat down and read why she felt that way… No matter how much I defended Edward, explaining his side and point of view it would still seem that way. Without understanding the emotional state he is in, he does in fact come across like an ass. I suddenly realized that Chapter 13 wasn't going to work unless you see both sides and into both minds…
So, there will be two Chapter 13's one from Bella's perspective and one from Edwards. I've written them both and I will most likely be posting them at the same time. (So next update will be 2 chapters instead of 1)…I want to go ahead and remind people that this is and EDWARD AND BELLA story! (and if that isn't a big enough hint I don't know what is!)
Sometimes things take an unexpected turn in life and we just have to strap ourselves in and go for the ride… Since I'm writing this long ass note anyway I just want to say: Thanks for taking this ride with me!
"Strap yourself in because it's going to get bumpy!"
Rockbandstar
