Chapter 13- Longing (BPOV)
Mood Music: Beethoven's Romances- #1 in G, #2 in F, Reasons to Love you by Meiko
She looked in the living room and noted that Mike sat on the sofa silently staring out the window. Her rings no longer sat on the table in front of him.
"I'm taking Alice with me until we can get something figured out," Bella stated ignoring his eyes which were now boring into her. "I'm not comfortable leaving her here when you are obviously angry. I will most likely be staying at Angela's if you need me."
"What not going to rendezvous with lover boy?" Mike asked sneering.
She let the door slamming behind her do the talking for her.
-Present Day-
"Good morning, Bella." Dr. Parker smiled softly looking at her over his glasses. "How are you feeling today?"
"Alright, I suppose." Bella stated shrugging in response as she twirled the notebook in her hand.
"How did the assignment go?" he prodded pointing towards the free chair in front of him.
Bella sat down, leaning back slightly to get comfortable. "It was interesting."
He smiled at her answer before commenting. "Is interesting a good thing or a bad thing?"
"A good thing, I think." she smiled softly before reaching out and placing her notebook on the desk in front of him.
"I will only read it if you're sure you want me to." He held it in front of him, binding still closed. "I want you to be able to trust me Isabella. I want to be able to help you."
"I understand." Bella whispered softly "You can read it."
He looked at her over his glasses once again before quietly nodding. He held the book in front of him opening it gingerly. While he read, Bella looked around the room noting the pictures and plaques on the wall.
After what seemed like an eternity, Bella heard the gentle clearing of his throat and she brought her gaze to him.
"Very good Bella, I am truly impressed. You were open and honest and came to some very good conclusions. There are a few things I feel we should discuss from in here, though. Would that be okay?"
"Yes," she blushed softly "that would be fine."
"I'm going to start off with a few simple things before we delve right in. You were open and honest in here and you shared your feelings and concerns. Thank you for taking this assignment seriously. Your conversation with Angela was a real turning point for you; it's obvious from your writing. You've answered some questions that not only I had but you had as well."
"Now that you understand better why you had an affair and how that affected you, I think we need to talk about how and why things ended between Edward and yourself."
Bella could feel her heart pounding on her ribcage and she took in a deep breath fighting back tears. "I'm not sure I am ready for that."
Dr. Parker sat the notebook down on the desk in front of him and looked up at her a small frown on his face.
"Bella you have been coming to see me for over a month now and I think that this is an important issue we need to discuss."
"I'm not ready."
"You may never be ready until you face it head on." He replied.
"I can't."
"You can, Bella. I am here to help you and to help you we need to discuss this. Tell me, Bella, why is it that you blame yourself for the events that led to your split with Edward? This was a situation where you had no control over what happened, no blame to be placed on you. Yet you write as if the split was your fault."
Bella could feel the tears stinging her eyes and she swiped at them automatically. "You don't understand."
"Then help me understand. From what I see and from what you have told me none of this was your fault. Neither of you knew that Tanya was pregnant and if you had would it have really changed how you felt? You loved him Bella and he hurt you."
"He was just trying to do the right thing," Bella cried softly "I couldn't fault him for that."
"But you can fault yourself?" Dr. Parker questioned. "Tell me, Bella. Tell me why it is that you blame yourself for the events that followed?"
"Because I let him walk away." Bella answered.
-Four Months Prior-
Bella awoke from a deep sleep to find that she could hear her phone ringing beside her head. Reaching to grab it, so that it didn't wake Alice, she looked at the clock realizing it was way too early for anyone to be calling her. Looking at the caller ID, she rolled off the bed and tiptoed out of the room.
"It's 4 am." She grumbled into the phone plopping down on the floor in the hallway.
"I know and I'm sorry," Edward whispered "but I needed to talk to you."
"It's been a week, Edward." Bella's voice broke softly as she spoke. Whether from sleepiness or hurt, she wasn't sure.
"I know," he answered. She was surprised at how distant he sounded. The thought seemed to twist the knife, which had been present in her heart, just a bit further. "I've had to deal with some things before I could call you."
"I understand," Bella whispered "This will all be worth it in the end, when we can be together."
"I know its early Bella, but do you think Angela could watch Alice? I need to see you, to talk to you."
"Hold on," Bella stated pulling herself up and avoiding the nagging feeling in her gut that told her not to go. She gently knocked on Angela's door,
"Bella?" Angela asked opening the door a crack, her eyes squinty from sleep.
"I have to go help a friend," Bella whispered trying not to wake up Angela's husband Ben. "I'm sorry to ask, but can you watch Alice until I get back?"
Angela stepped out and closed the door behind her looking at Bella and the phone in her hand.
"Are you sure there isn't something else going on?"
"Angela you know I wouldn't ask unless I absolutely had to."
Her friend looked at her for a moment before sighing and nodding softly. "Drive safely, Bella."
--
Bella made it to the hotel quicker than she anticipated and she sat in her car for a moment steadying her hands. She knew something was wrong, her heart and gut were telling her that. She took a few deep breaths before hopping out of the car and heading inside and to the room he had texted her.
She raised her hand to knock, before deciding against it and trying the door. He had left it unlocked.
He sat in a chase chair similar to the one he had found her in the last time they had stayed in this hotel. His head wasn't turned towards her, but instead was facing away and towards the window.
He looked exhausted.
"Edward," Bella murmured making her way to him.
His head turned to look at her and she was surprised when she looked into his eyes, which were void of anything.
"Bella, you made it."
His hair was tousled on his head and it looked like he had been continually running his hands through it. She held her arm out and gently brushed his hair off of his forehead. His face winced slightly at the contact.
"What's wrong, Edward?" her voice wavered as she spoke.
He looked into her eyes and she saw a flash of something cross his face before his lips were on hers. He grabbed and pulled her to him, pressing her against the wall in the process, molding their bodies together.
Neither said a word as they continued to kiss, neither willing to admit defeat. Her fingers played with the hair at the nape of his neck and she suddenly realized he was losing control. His hands tangled into her hair and his lips folded over hers, their tongues wresting.
She heard a whimper escape his mouth and she tugged on his hair, shivering from the sound. He snaked his hands under her shirt, lifting her up and wrapping her around him. His mouth was on her lips, her cheeks, her eyes, and then her neck and ears. He gently kissed and sucked and nibbled and as he did she could hear his ragged breathing.
"Edward?" she whispered in his ear.
He seemed to ignore her, pulling the t-shirt off and throwing it on the floor. He continued to paw her clothes off and then his own, not letting go of her for a moment.
He entered her quickly, grunting in the process. His eyes were clenched tight, his jaw strained and Bella wrapped her legs around him pulling him closer, deeper.
The wall scratched against her back, but she didn't mind. She could feel so much more this way, her labored breathing matching his, feel his heart beating against her skin. It was all too much and she found herself crying out. He opened his eyes and looked at her then, the intensity of his stare startling her.
"Bella," he cried a tear falling from his eye as he pressed his forehead against hers. "Oh god, Bella."
"Edward," she whispered against his lips, never breaking eye contact "I love you."
"I love you too," he moaned as he released inside of her. He carried her over and sat in the chase her body wrapped in his.
"I love you, Bella," Edward whispered "god do I love you. But you are going to hate me."
Next up Desperation: Edward's Perspective of the events of this chapter...
I just wanted to say thanks for your response to the last chapter... I love reading all of your reviews!
