DISCLAIMER: I don't own Inuyasha and, unless I magically win the lottery, I doubt I'll ever will.
A/N: I really recommend reading the poem before the chapter. I found it very beautiful in its own way.
The song is "Throw me a rope" from KT Tunstall (Obviously I don't own it!). It's a very beautiful song from a very talented writer. An hour of hearing it repeating itself over and over again and a chapter was made.
A/N: Beta: Little R
If there is one thing we can be certain of in life, it's that eventually we will die
DEATH
By: Anne 79
Chapter 4
Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
Cristina Rossetti
Hesitant in Inuyasha's regard, Kagome took the guitar and let her fingers strum the cords while she tightened them to get the right sound.
"So you are some kind of prodigy?" He asked, amused.
They were on the Hospital's rooftop. He had seen her fade away the last couple of days with the increasing number of tests and authorization forms to sign. She had grown quiet, never sharing with him more than a few necessary words. He knew she wasn't mad at him. Yet, he hadn't realized how much he depended on their daily spats and her quick remarks.
As a doctor he was worried as well. Depression was never a good sign.
She smiled without looking at him.
"My dad taught me the guitar," she explained. "I'm not even half as good as he was". She strummed slowly the guitar before picking up a rhythm. She was sitting in the pliable chair he had brought with them. He sat at her feet, satisfied with his location because it allowed him to admire her without being obvious.
He felt her humming some unnamed melody. Her eyes connected with his behind her bangs. He felt his heart skip a beat, his face turn warm and his stomach fluttered. She smiled at him openly for the first time in the last couple of days.
"Thank you," she murmured as she resumed her song in the guitar.
"Keh!?" She giggled at his antics. "I just noticed you were a little blue."
"Isn't that a sign of cyanosis?" She asked with an amused grin. He grinned back.
"Smartass."
"My ass thanks the compliment," she threw back. He shook his head in defeat.
"Didn't you promise to repay me?" He asked after her laughter died. She remembered the promise she made him when she asked him to let her go outside. She told him she would do anything – she insisted in saying anything- if he would let her. She blushed softly. He smirked pleased. "I am an impatient man, you know?"
She laughed.
"If there's something I know about you, Inuyasha, is that you are anything but patient," she granted. She shivered in spite of her hat, jacket and scarf.
"Maybe we should get inside," he offered trying to stand up. She pushed him back. He fell on his ass and she laughed hysterically. "This is what I get for trying to be a gentleman". She giggled and brushed off the tears in the corners of her eyes.
"Didn't you want me to repay you?" She asked as she wiggled her eyebrows. He swallowed. She chuckled at his expression. "I'll sing you a song my mom made for my dad before they got married," she muttered, embarrassed and blushing as she avoided his eye.
"She was a musician too?"
"She played the piano, the guitar, the violin… she was a prodigy," she commented proudly. "She was going to be a grand violinist before she met my dad. They met, fell in love and got married. She left concerts and took a teaching position. I have her diaries; I don't think she ever regretted it. She loved my dad very much," Kagome sighed. "If she hadn't died, she would have taught me everything."
Inuyasha then felt guilty for all he had in his life. So many things he didn't cherish as he should. His parents were both alive and growing old together. He could count on his older, half-brother if he needed him, not that he ever would swallow his pride to ask him for help. He had a good job, he had great friends; Kagome no longer had anything.
"I just wonder sometimes how things would have been different if she had lived".
He couldn't bear to think that maybe she would be so far that he couldn't touch her. Or that maybe she would be in someone else's arms, with another man's children demanding her attention. Yet maybe then she would be happy, complete, and overall healthy.
They stayed in silence. She then took the guitar and resumed the tune she had been playing since they got to the rooftop.
"She wrote it to him while she was in New York on her last concert," she explained. "Then she came back and asked him to marry her". She smiled remembering the look in her father's eyes when he told the story. Then she opened her lips and the song left her lips naturally.
"I want you between me and the feeling I get when I miss you,
But everything here is telling me I should be fine,
So why is it so, it bothers below that I'm missing you every time?
I got used to you whispering things to me into the evening,
We followed the sun, and its colors, and left this world,
It seems to me, that I'm defiantly hearing the best that I've ever heard.
Inuyasha sat near her his eyes never leaving her form, from her lips to her finger tips. He was amazed by her beauty and how the song seemed to take life with her sweet voice carrying it. She kept her eyes closed keeping her in the intimacy of her memories.
So throw me a rope, to hold me in place,
Show me a clock, for counting my days, down,
'Cause everything's easier when you're beside me,
Come back and find me,
'Cause I feel alone.
She opened her eyes slowly, hesitating to continue. It was the first time since her father's death she dared to play the song. She had never showed it to anyone else. It was a family treasure meant only for the ears of those special enough. Inuyasha was special.
And whenever you go it's like holding my breath under water,
I have to admit that I kind of like it when I do,
Oh but I've got to be, unconditionally,
Unafraid, of my days, without you,
She believed love, real, mind blowing, life changing love only came to a few lucky people. Her parents included. She had never shared anything so precious as how she felt about him. It had taken her by surprise in her lowest emotional moment. She knew she was in love. She didn't need a dictionary or any other book to know it. She was sure of the sincerity in her feelings.
So throw me a rope, to hold me in place,
Show me a clock, for counting my days, down,
'Cause everything's easier when you're beside me,
Come back and find me,
That's why it hurt so badly to be near him now. She knew she didn't have much time. She shouldn't be doing this, making him love her in return to leave him alone in a couple of months. She wasn't worth his love. It was a selfish thing what she was doing. She was going to hurt him.
Whenever I'm falling, you're always behind me,
Come back and find me,
'Cause everything's easier when you're beside me,
Come back and find me,
'Cause I feel alone".
She felt tears collecting in her eyes. She felt pain in her chest, like she had never felt before. She shut her eyes. She didn't want him to see her like this. How would she explain him that she loved him and it was because of this love she had to push him away?
She felt his hand touching her. He was probably worried.
"Kagome?" He called. She opened her eyes when she collected herself.
"My mom had a better voice," she excused giving him a sheepish smile. He frowned confused.
"That was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard," he confessed honestly, trying to catch her eyes. She avoided looking into his amber eyes, afraid of finding love in them. She knew she would kiss him if he continued to say that type of things.
His pager started beeping. She sighed relieved. He checked what it was and gave her a confused glance.
"I have to go," He stood up quickly and gracefully. He took her hand in his and helped her up. He placed the guitar in its case and shoved it under his shoulder as he didn't want to let her carry anything, nor did he want to let go of her hand.
He had tried soothing her with small caresses in her arms. He felt her rigid under his touch. He knew she was scared. He had assured her it wouldn't hurt; she would only feel the pressure. He joked around telling her he was quite an experienced man, many would be jealous to be in her position.
She just told him one thing before he proceeded. "I trust you". His heart warmed at her confidence. He took her hand and gave it a squeeze before letting himself out of her grasp. He took the anesthesia and injected her quickly. He kept his mind blank trying to forget his feelings for the girl before him. He noticed her wince slightly; he didn't need to see her to know she was biting her lower lip, nervously. He handled the residues to Sango who exited the room, leaving them alone.
"Step one, done". He heard her mutter.
"See? I told you I was experienced," he said smugly. He walked to the other side of her bed to check on her while the anesthesia took effect. Her eyes were shut. He took her hand and she opened them slowly.
"How long does it take?" She asked her eyes drifting slowly.
"A few minutes," he answered while tracing his fingers with his. He took the chair so he could sit near her. She was on her side looking at him intently.
"This is the last one?"
"This is the last test," he confirmed. His heart sank looking at her eyes. Her eyelids fluttered tiredly. She opened her azure orbs to stare at his golden ones with determination. They stayed for a couple of seconds studying the other, drinking all they could from each other's presence.
"Inuyasha…I don't know how you do it," she whispered while licking her lips. His eyes followed her tongue's path.
"Do what?" He whispered back. He hadn't realized how close they were. He took a deep breath taking in her sweet fresh scent. Even when it was mixed with all the chemicals it still made him feel calm.
"Make me feel this way," she confessed in a whisper so soft that it was only made for his ears. "Just one smile of yours and I feel so … complete," she continued whispering and ended with a sigh. He couldn't register anything else besides their bubble. He leaned closer to her until he felt her soft lips over his.
Their lips caressed themselves slowly, caringly, wanting to expand the satisfaction of their first encounter as much possible. They parted slowly only to take the air their lungs demanded before resuming the mission they were in. Her lips parted to allow his tongue in. A whole new world opened before him: the sweetest taste, the addictive feeling of belonging. He felt her moan beneath him. He hadn't realized he had started pushing her back.
Something in his mind clicked then. He was in her room - her hospital room. He was her doctor. She was his patient to whom he was about to do a very delicate procedure; a patient who was under heavy narcotic influence. Shit. He pulled from her embrace harshly and quickly left the room, glancing back only once, taking in an image he would forever regret: Kagome with her lips, red from his ministrations, her hair, messy from his wandering hands, and her eyes, opened wide first in confusion, and then hurt.
Shit.
