Hiding

Mood Music: Sleep by Meiko, Let me Sign by Robert Pattinson, Bittersweet Memories by Ray Lamontagne, and Beethoven's symphony (Scherzo) number 9

A few quick things… Forgive me for the mistakes I didn't have my beta read this as I wanted to get it posted quickly for you guys since you had to wait all weekend…Also Italics are dream sequences NOT memories!

-Present Day-

"Let's talk about the nightmares you have been having." Dr. Parker stated as he stood from his desk and made his way across the room, pulling a book off of a shelf before making his way back to his desk.

"I would rather not." Bella replied softly.

He sighed for a moment before pulling his glasses off of his face and rubbing his eyes. "Bella, tell me why you are here."

"I am here because my other doctor felt that I needed an outlet, somewhere to voice my problems and concerns. It was also recommended by the courts to help Alice deal with the transition."

"And do you agree with that assessment?"

"Does it really matter?" Bella snapped.

"Obviously it does." Dr. Parker replied setting the book on his desk. "I can't help you unless you let me."

"We've spent quite a bit of time discussing Mike and Edward but I don't think we have really gotten to the root issue of why you are having these nightmares."

"I divorced my husband and the father of my child to be with another man who was unavailable. I think stress is the least of my problems."

"Sarcasm is a good defense mechanism, Isabella, for those who can't see through it. Keep that in mind."

--

-Three Months Prior-

He leaned down to touch her and her body shivered in anticipation. His lips met hers roughly, pressing her further into the wall as they melted into each other. Her tongue wrestled with his and a low moan escaped his lips. His hand snaked up her legs and wrapped around her waist pulling her tighter to him.

Bella woke from her dream, her breathing ragged. She placed her palm over her slamming heart trying to calm the erratic rhythm. Shaking her head and silently cursing herself she crawled out of bed and made her way down the hall, careful not to wake anyone up.

Her feet made a gentle padding noise as she made her way down the stairs and into the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of water. As she gulped the glass of water down, she could feel her heart rate slowing and sighed in acceptance.

This wasn't the first time she had dreamed of Edward, hell it wasn't even the first time that night. The dreams seemed to be haunting her with such precise cruelty that they were crippling in effect. She could feel more than hear the presence of Angela and turned to look at her friend, softly frowning.

"I didn't wake you did I?" Bella questioned.

"Not exactly, but I had a feeling you would be up. Jesus, Bella it's three in the morning."

"I know," she sighed softly running her hands through her tangled hair and wincing as her fingers pulled on the tangles.

"You haven't gotten a solid night of sleep in awhile, Bella. I'm getting worried about you. You won't tell me what is going on, but I can see that something is bothering you, it's eating you alive."

"I'm fine."

"Says the walking zombie," Angela replied her tongue clucking softly. "I'm here if you need me, Bella, and so is Ben. I just wanted to let you know that."

"Thanks Angie." Bella whispered to the empty doorway, knowing she would hear.

Bella found herself sitting at the kitchen counter staring at the phone. When she found her thoughts and feelings concurring she reached calmly towards the phone. Unconsciously she started punching in the number she had memorized before snapping back to reality. Sighing she hung the phone back up and made her way to the living room. She lay on the soft couch staring at the ceiling.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you too, Edward." She whispered against his mouth. He thrust into her causing her to cry out. His movements were erratic and he was panting above her. His eyes were scrunched closed as if he couldn't bear to look at her.

He released inside of her before pulling away, face scrunching up in agony as he looked at her for a moment. "My wife is pregnant what in the world am I doing?"

He hopped up and pulled his clothes back on turning to look back at her and shaking his head softly.

"I'm sorry Bella, but you can never be her."

Bella bolted off of the couch barely making it to the bathroom. Placing her head against the toilet seat she let the contents of her stomach fill the bowl. Her eyes burned with unshed tears and she laid her face against the cool tile, her body in agony. She could feel the scream catching in her throat, feel her heart beating against her ribcage and her mind wandered.

What if she had asked him to stay, begged him not to leave her. Would he really have left his wife, his family, and his friends for her? Was that cruel fate's one chance to change the future and if so why had she ignored it? Bella found herself counting the tiles on the ceiling, finding the mundane task calming and relaxing.

Bella stood up, using the tub to help support her weight as she looked at herself in the mirror. She didn't even recognize the person she saw anymore. Her hair was matted and twisted around her, knotted and caked with sweat. Her eyes were puffy and red from fighting off tears, their vibrancy now gone. Wincing at the image in the mirror she returned to her bed and the constant tossing, turning, and nightmares that seemed to plague her.

It had been a month since she had last seen Edward in the motel room. A month since she had felt alive, since she had felt anything. Sleep was eluding her and Bella found herself tormented by the images of her dream. The numb feeling that had taken residence as of lately was being burned out by a steady pain in her stomach.

It didn't help that she had to deal with Mike on a daily basis now. After having time to cool off he was still bitter enough to want full custody. It wasn't going to happen, even if Bella had to fight dirty she wasn't losing her daughter. Angela had helped her acquire a divorce lawyer named Rosalie Hale who had promised to do everything in her power not to let that happen.

It did little to assuage her concerns.

Rosalie had told her that Mike's defense team was focusing on her relationship with Edward and the affect it would have on Alice in the long haul. They were trying to say that Bella was an unstable source in Alice's life and were trying to use Edward as proof of that.

It was absurd.

And to make matters worse Rosalie had dropped a major bomb in Bella's lap, unconsciously of course. Mike had subpoenaed Edward to the trial, on his behalf. While Bella knew in her heart that Edward would only have good things to say about her as a mother, the fact that she would have to be in the same room as him and face him made her more than just a little nauseous.

Bella had almost passed out when Rosalie had told her, and the poor girl looked so confused and flustered. So Bella told her everything.

It was the first time she had admitted to anyone other than Mike that she had an affair. It seemed to bond them somehow. Sure, Rosalie had read the case file and knew that there were some "marital issues" including adultery but she didn't know the full story.

It felt good to talk it out, but Bella couldn't help but wince as she saw the look of pity on the woman's face. Pity was the last thing she needed, especially from her lawyer. Some good had come out of the conversation, though. Rosalie thought that she could convince the judge to have a closed trial. This meant no smearing of Edward or Bella's names in public.

That was something she could live with.

Bella's stomach seemed to lurch and she found herself once again planted in front of the toilet. Her stomach was empty; the dry heaves proof of that. The muscle spasms only seemed to make her dizzy and she found herself closing her eyes and resting her head against the side of the tub.

"Only a few more hours until morning," Bella whispered softly to herself. The statement seemed depressingly hopeful. It was at that moment she realized how truly lost she was and how truly lonely she was without him. It didn't take long for exhaustion to overcome her and she was asleep against the tub.

Thanks to all of you who reviewed, added to your alerts, or made this story a favorite! You guys are amazing! The Sneak Peek idea is a hit.. so I am going to continue sending them out, so be looking for them in your inbox!

Twifanficfreak created a forum for this over on Twilighted. She is kind of lonely over there so you should definitely go talk with her… If you want to discuss this with others or just hear my thoughts/feelings on the characters/chapters than check it out! I posted the link in my profile!