Misery- EPOV
Mood Music: Old Letters by Company of Thieves, Dreaming with a Broken Heart by John Mayer, and I Lie Awake by Quietdrive
"Sometimes I remember
secrets that you said
In places nobody could trace
Ooh you creep around my head
With all the things you said"
Old Letters by Company of Thieves
Edward sat on the hood of his car, watching the sun rise. He knew where he was although he had gotten there unconsciously, driving in circles all night before parking here. He knew that he was asking for trouble coming here, but his heart and mind both seemed to lead him to this location.
It had been a month since he had seen Bella. Edward had sat in his car and watched her exit the motel, watched her break down, the tears cascading over her face. The image haunted his thoughts and dreams.
He loathed himself.
The paperwork that sat on the passenger's seat of his car only reminded him of all the trouble he had caused. The paperwork was the current cause and relief to his tormented mind. Edward would have to face Bella and know that she was there because of him. But he would get to see her!
Tanya had opened the envelope and merely chuckled, throwing them on the counter in front of him. He couldn't help but cringe at the gloating look on her face, as if she had won. It made him sick.
After a brief argument, a very common occurrence lately, he had stormed out of the house and to his car the paperwork clenched tightly in his fist. He was angrier than he should have been; at least that is what he told himself.
His marriage was a sham, they both knew it and his family was starting to see it. Edward was beginning to question every decision that he had made that had led him to this point in his life. He thought back to the previous week, when he had met his parents for dinner.
---
"Is everything alright, dear?" Esme asked concern filling her voice.
"I'm fine, mom." Edward replied running his hand roughly through his hair, trying to push the images of Bella's tear streaked face out of his head.
"It's too bad Tanya couldn't join us tonight."
"Yeah," Edward muttered "too bad."
His mother's face seemed to twist into concern for a moment and he watched as she shared a look with his father, Carlisle.
"When is her next doctor's appointment?" Carlisle questioned.
"No clue," Edward answered shrugging his shoulder "maybe you could ask her and let me know. She obviously wants me kept out of the loop."
He noticed the concern on his parent's face and frowned; trying to ease the mood he shrugged his shoulders and forced a smile. "Hormones."
Carlisle chuckled in response, but Edward knew that it was forced. He didn't want his parents to be caught up in his problems, in his self hatred.
---
The rest of the dinner had remained fairly quiet. They talked a bit about Emmett and how he was doing, as well as how Jasper's new business was going. The conversation was forced and it wasn't until later that Edward realized why.
---
"Son, can I talk to you for a moment?" Carlisle asked as his mother made her way to the restroom.
"Sure, dad, what's up?"
"A lawyer named Jessica Stanley got a hold of me today, she was looking for you; trying to get in touch with you."
"Did she say what it was about?"
"She told me that it involved a custody case over a Miss Alice Newton and that it was urgent. She wouldn't give me specifics but she said that you needed to get a hold of her as soon as possible."
Edward was drinking as his dad spoke and he felt the water shoot out of his mouth. He coughed for a moment, covering the shock on his face with the napkin.
"Are you going to be honest with me and tell me what is going on?" Carlisle whispered concern on his face. "I don't have to tell your mother but I need to know why I have lawyers calling me at home looking for you Edward."
"It's not what you are thinking, dad."
"So Alice isn't yours?"
"I wish," Edward mumbled. His face in shock as he realized he had spoken out loud.
"I'm not sure what is going on, Edward. I'm a little concerned that you won't tell me but I do have a few things I need to say before your mother gets back to the table. It is pretty obvious that you and Tanya are having problems."
Edward found his mouth opening to protest but he couldn't find it in him to do so.
"That's what I thought," Carlisle mumbled "I hope that you aren't staying in this miserable marriage because you feel you have a duty to your mother and I. Yes, we are friends with Tanya's parents, but above all our concern is your happiness."
Carlisle looked around the restaurant for a moment before looking at his son.
"I got a call from Jacob Black about a month ago; his father is a good friend of mine. He wanted to ask if your divorce got dirty if I would be willing to testify. You were going to divorce Tanya, weren't you?"
Edward sat in shock for a moment, unable to move before nodding his head clearing his throat.
"She told me she was pregnant that night."
"Well that is interesting," Carlisle muttered. "A bit too convenient, if you ask me."
His mother arrived back at the table then, smiling at them as she sat down.
"I swear you boy's gossip worse than us girls."
---
The words of his father seemed to swirl around in his head, only building his anger. Edward knew that Tanya's timing was bad, but was there really more to it than that? Carlisle suddenly had him wondering. After all, he hadn't gone to any doctor's appointments or even seen any ultrasound pictures. Things seemed fishy.
He and Tanya would have to have a serious discussion.
Edward placed his head in his hands for a moment, looking around at the empty park. How pathetic was he for coming back here, reliving the memories. He was startled out of his thoughts by the buzzing of his cell phone. Pulling it out of the pocket he was unsurprised to see it was Tanya. Throwing the phone through his window, into the passenger's seat, Edward made his way along the well worn track and away from the road.
He needed time to think.
Edward followed the shrouded path that Bella had once shown him, feeling the gentle breeze brush across his face. He could hear the gentle lapping of the water against the rocks before he could see it. The sound seemed to instantly relax him and he found himself lying in the grass looking up at the clouds through the trees.
Edward thought about the last time he had been in this location. The look on Bella's face as she lay in the grass, the feel of her hand in his, the taste of her lips as they met his.
A small groan escaped his lips.
He couldn't keep doing this to himself, thoughts of Bella tormenting him.
"I couldn't stop thinking about her then, what makes me think I can stop thinking about her now." He whispered to himself as he flung his arm over his eyes, blocking them from the sun.
"I'm going to kiss you Bella." Edward stated looking over at the children for a moment before scooting closer and wrapping his hand around her head, pulling her gently into him.
He leaned in slowly his lips meeting her softly, just barely brushing hers. She brought her hand that was cupping his face around his neck and wrapped it in the hair that lay there. He continued to place gentle kisses on her lips the emotion of the moment filling him completely.
He leaned his forehead against hers as he deepened the kiss, causing her hand to tug on his hair and him to nip her bottom lip. She angled her neck adding more pressure and he moved so that he was lying over her, his lips never leaving hers.
After a moment he pulled away panting slightly and brushed a gentle kiss on her forehead before burying his head in her hair.
"Let's just lay like this for awhile." He murmured.
"I would like that," Bella replied softly resting her head against his chest and curling her hands against him over his heart.
Edward awoke with a start his breathing ragged. He looked around him for a moment, in confusion. The sun was above him in the sky and he realized he must have dozed off for a short time. His hands ran through his disheveled hair and he found he couldn't catch his breath. His eyes met his reflection in the water and he suddenly realized he was crying.
His hands swept the traitor tears from his face and he found himself digging his palms into his eyes.
'I don't deserve to feel this way.' Edward thought angrily. 'I deserve the pain.'
He found himself on the path before he realized he had moved, his legs angrily taking away from the peaceful lake. Edward's shoes kicked the gravel up as he walked, the noise stirring the peace of the woodsy area.
His feet stumbled as he walked path a bench, images flashing before his eyes.
"If you want," she replied softly "I can get up and walk back to my car and you will never have to see me again. If that is what you want, tell me now, and save us both the hassle of getting hurt."
She had walked away from him and he had followed her, his heart aching at her absence.
"Do you have any idea what you do to me?" he asked "Watching you walk away from me." He let out a growl then and reached his hand behind her head tangling it in her hair and pulling her into his lap.
"I want you," he groaned in her ear.
"I want you too," she replied breathily as she ground herself into his lap causing both of them to throw their heads back.
Edward was growling and panting by the time he got back to his car. The images burned through his thoughts and caused his heart to ache.
'Coming here was fucking stupid.' He chastised himself as he yanked his car door open, slamming it behind him as he placed his head against the steering wheel. Edward was thankful it was still early enough that the park wasn't full of kids, they didn't need to witness his breakdown; his demise.
Edward's phone buzzed in the seat next to him and he groaned in annoyance.
"GO AWAY!" He yelled into the empty car "Can't I have five fucking minutes to myself!"
Picking up his phone he growled into the phone "What?"
"Don't take that tone with me," Tanya bitched on the phone "You never came home last night."
"Do you have a point?" Edward snapped.
"My point is you never came home last night," Tanya's voice rose as she continued to talk "I'm not sure where you are or who you are doing but you need to pull your pants up and get back home."
"You have no fucking idea what you are talking about." Edward growled into the phone "I've been driving around for most of the night."
"Sure, fine, whatever. Get home."
"Are you okay?" Edward asked suddenly concerned about the baby. "Is the baby okay?"
Tanya's giggle could be heard from the phone and he suddenly felt stupid for feeling so concerned. Of course she was okay; she wouldn't be calling him if she wasn't. Tanya was manipulating him again.
"What's going on?" Edward questioned trying to keep his tone calm.
"The interior decorator will be here in fifteen minutes to go over plans for the new nursery and you promised you would be here." Her voice was nasally and whiney making him cringe.
"I don't really think you need me for that." Edward muttered "Since you can't seem to include me in any of the other baby stuff."
"Edward," Tanya snapped "both of our mothers will be here in fifteen minutes and I swear to god if you aren't home when they get here there is going to be hell to pay!"
Edward thought of his mother with Tanya and him not being present. He started his car.
"I'm on my way."
"I knew you would see things my way." Tanya replied smugly. He hung up his phone and threw it in the backseat.
Looking at his face in his rear-view-mirror he rubbed his hands on his cheeks, trying to erase the tear stains. He threaded his hands through his hair and took a deep breath. Edward looked at the forced smile now present on his face and hoped he would make it through the afternoon.
Special thanks to my super-awesome, very patient beta Ashley (meluvpirates)!
Thanks to all of you who reviewed, added to your alerts, or made this story a favorite! You all are amazing at motivating me! Next chapter is back to Bella! The sneak peek should be out tomorrow night so be looking for that!
