Blinded By Love
By Serena Kenobi
Author's note: I just had a huge writing splurge on this fic and wrote over twenty pages of it a few days ago. Despite having surgery and experiencing the most pain I've ever felt before, I got a lot written, and I'm happy where it's going. Reviews are welcomed!
Disclaimer: Me no own Star Wars. You no sue me. Capiche?
"Milord!"
Darth Vader turned from his position to looking at the stars. "You found something, Admiral Piett?"
The young Admiral shook his head, embarrassed. "No sir, but the Emperor demands that you make contact with him."
"Move the fleet out of the asteroid field so that we may send a clear transmission," Vader ordered.
Piett nodded. "Yes, Milord."
Vader turned to leave –
"ANAKIN!"
Vader stumbled, grabbed a nearby wall for support, his breathing louder and heavier than usual. "Padme…" he breathed.
Piett frowned, startled. "Sir, are you… are you well?"
Vader's inscrutable helmet turned to look at him, and he swallowed. "I… I am fine, Admiral." He straightened and continued down the corridor.
Piett watched him warily, wondering what had just happened back there and who Padme was. He resolved to find out.
Vader walked down the hallway, brooding. He thought that he had managed to rid himself of thoughts of his long deceased wife. But now… he was not so certain. But it had felt so real! It was as if she had cried out to him across the galaxy directly into his tortured mind. But she would have to be alive for that to even be possible. But that was impossible. She was dead.
Deciding that it was merely a lapse in mental strength, he resolved to purge all thoughts of Padme and focus on the conversation ahead of him.
"Padme."
My head shot up. Was that… Anakin? No. Anakin was dead. But it had felt so real! It was as if he had cried out to her across the galaxy directly into her tortured mind. But he would have to be alive for that to even be possible. But that was impossible. He was dead.
Or was he?
I rubbed my temples. It could be that the records were wrong. I wasn't sure. Well, with Anakin, anything was possible. He could do anything. Survive anything.
I sat in my private quarters on Polis Massa given to me by Doctor Taronel. Turns out my accounts still had plenty of credits in them, even though no one had used them, other than my family. My family… I hadn't seen them in over two decades. But had they been part of this plot? Did they know I had been encased in carbonite? I needed answers, and I needed them soon. No one here could help me. But first, I had to find my children. I had to know they were safe. That they would be all right.
"Milady?"
I turned towards the sound of the voice. "Yes, Doctor Taronel?"
"Milady, how many times have I asked you to call me Corlif? According to your records, you were a queen and a loved senator, I am a simple doctor."
I smiled. "If you've forgotten, Doctor, you're the person who has brought me back to life. I am in your debt."
"Not at all," he sounded offended. "Please, Milady. I don't want you to think you owe me anything. Everything I've done is merely my duty. And I'm honored to serve the former queen of Naboo."
I detected fondness in his warm voice, fondness that was bordering on the edge of more than just a friendly fondness. This wasn't good. "Thank you for everything, Doctor Taronel," I said sincerely, "From the bottom of my heart I thank you. If you don't mind, I'd like to ask a favor of you."
"Of course!" He exclaimed, seizing my small hand in his own.
Now I was certain my instinct had been correct, unfortunately. "I need you to buy me a ship," I said. "Just a small one, not too expensive. I can give you the money."
There was a pause. "You wish to… leave?"
I nodded, uncertain of his emotions. "Yes. I'm sorry, but I have to."
"But why? Padme, do you realize how dangerous it is out there? You won't have anyone to look after you, to protect you!" His tone was urgent, and he grasped my hand tighter. "Padme… I don't want to say this, but as your friend, I must. You cannot survive out in the galaxy all on your own, especially because of your… condition."
"I will do what I must," I snapped, pulling my hand back. My face softening, I continued more quietly, "Thank you for your concern, Doctor, but I'm sure I'll manage. All I'll need is an R2 unit and maybe a protocol droid to help me." I smiled as I remembered Artoo and Threepio. "I can give you money to buy those, too."
"But why do you wish to leave us?" He demanded. I heard him rise to his feet and begin pacing the room. "We've given you everything here – we've – I've- given you your life back! Would you really give all that up? And what for? What's left for you out there?"
"Plenty," I replied coldly. "I am a grown woman, and despite my condition, I am a free person and will go and do as I please. And in case you've forgotten, I once was the Queen of Naboo and can take perfectly good care of myself, with or without my sight." I folded my hands in my lap decorously.
"And I am your doctor," he returned. "And I have the right to say whether or not my patient is in her right mind. And I'm not sure you are. You're so torn up about your lover, Anakin Skywalker, who's been long dead, that you're not capable of making rational decisions."
"How dare you!" I shouted, enraged. "How dare you talk about him like that! He was more than my lover, he was my husband!"
There was an awkward, stunned beat before I continued, "I thank you for your concern, Doctor Taronel, but I will be leaving, whether you like it or not. And if you will not do as I ask, I will find another person in this facility to aid me."
Taronel sighed. "Very well. I will help you, Milady."
I nodded regally. "Thank you."
Two days later, I had packed my few things and was getting ready to leave Polis Massa for the planet of Hoth. I knew it was dangerous and foolhardy to go directly into enemy territory and a war zone as well, but I had to find out where my children had gone, or if they were still alive. I needed to find the Rebellion.
I was walking to the ship, accompanied by my now faithful new protocol droid, ironically C4-ME2, whom I just called See-Four-Me. I wonder if Taronel had named her (the droid had a female personality) that on purpose. The astro droid also had a female personality, and I was free to name her. I named her Artoo- DeeFive, or Dee for short. It was nice, having droids again. It was like having a piece of home. Home. I felt bad for not wanting to go to Naboo first – after all, it was my home-planet, and my family was there. Except for my children. And as far as I knew, my Nubian family was fine. They had done without me for the past twenty-one years, they could continue to do so. My children needed me. And I needed them.
No, I was going to Hoth.
"Padme, I really wish you'd reconsider," Taronel jogged up next to me as I held tightly to Cee-Four-Me's metal limb as we walked to my ship. "Think of what you're doing! All the risks!"
I turned to face in his direction. "Doctor… Corlif. Listen to me. I have to do this. There are some people out there who need me. Very much. And I can't let them down."
"But what if I need you, too?" He asked softly.
I slowly reached up with my free hand, touched his face. I heard him inhale sharply and exhale. I rested the hand on his cheek. "You don't know me, Corlif," I stated gently. "You don't know what I've done or who I am. I have a family who needs me. And I need them. I have to find them before other people do." I dropped my hand, but he caught it.
"Padme, please," he begged. "I do know you – I love you!"
My heart began to beat faster, but not because of the effect he was having on me, but because of the effect those words - when another had spoken them to me - had had on me. "No," I said sharply, recoiling. "You don't know me - you don't love me. We've only known each other for a few weeks."
"But Padme-"
"I'm sorry, Doctor. I have to go." To See-Four-Me, I said, "Hurry! Let's go!"
"Padme, no! You're making a mistake!" He cried.
"I'm trying to correct one," I retaliated, hurrying up the ramp as fast as I could; but I heard him following me. "Taronel – go back!" I ordered.
"No!" He said stubbornly.
"Go back, now!" I replied forcefully. I didn't need this!
"You can't make me!" He said obstinately. "You can't even see me – how can you expect to make me leave – I'm trying to save you!"
I froze. "That's exactly what Anakin said," I whispered hoarsely, feeling suddenly weak.
"You still haven't gotten over him yet?" He said rudely.
I lashed out and managed to catch a cheek, snarling, I said, "How dare you! I thought I could trust you – I thought you had decorum and honor!" I bit my lip. "I guess I was wrong to believe that you were a good man, Taronel."
We both stood there for a minute, breathing heavily, both irritated, both indignant. The only difference was that I was not in love with him, as he claimed to be with me. I inhaled deeply and lowered my head before raising it up to meet his. "If you wouldn't mind…"
"I'm just trying to protect you, Padme."
"I know, Doctor. But I can handle this on my own. This is my life. I will live as I choose."
I heard him sigh. "Fine. But I'm coming with you."
"What?" My eyes narrowed.
"Just to wherever you're going. I just want to see you settled in, and then you can decide if you want me to leave… or… or stay."
I shook my head. If he knew I was going to Hoth, he would never let me out of his sight. "No, you shouldn't. You have the facility to worry about, and-"
"I'm sure my interns can take care of it fine. I need to make sure you're all right."
I glared. "You can't just abandon your patients and this place because you think you're in love with me, Corlif!"
"I have to make sure you're going to be all right, Padme," he insisted.
I turned away from him. "No, really don't. Go, Corlif. I need to do this alone. See-Four-Me, start the engines. We're getting out of here. No." I turned back to him. "I'm getting out of here. Alone."
He apparently wasn't listening. "Just as far as to wherever you're going, and then I'm gone. Please, Padme, it's my duty."
No, it's really not. I saw that it was useless to argue with him, as he was too obstinate to be swayed. "Fine." I wouldn't tell him where we were going. "Just as far as the system, and then you're going back."
"Of course." He sat beside me in the co-pilot's seat. "Would you like me to pilot?"
"I'm blind, not a child," I snapped, angry at his condescending treatment.
"Of course. I apologize."
The rest of the day was spent in silence.
