The vice principal stood at the podium and looked down at the sea of vile teenagers that had plagued her skool for the last four years, all dressed in different colored robes as the idiots on the skool board panel had decided it would be more fun for the graduates to choose their own hues. They all looked like precious shades of the rainbow.

How disgusting.

Thank goodness there was only one speaker left and then the diploma-giving could ensue and everyone could go home.

She cleared her throat and glanced down her nose at the note cards before her. "As you all know we are gathered here to offer congratulations to the students of this high skool. You survived your sentence of four years. Now we are going to release you onto the unsuspecting world. God help us all."

No one spoke.

"And so we have our final speaker to offer you tidbits of useless trivia that some will consider wise. I have the pleasure," her mouth sneered at the word, "of announcing that the last words I will ever have to hear from any of your mouths will come from none other than –" She stopped and rubbed her eyes. "Excuse me." She picked the note card up and peered at the writing. There was no doubt that it was her script, but when had she written that name?

She cleared her throat once more. "I give you, Zim…the Mighty."

Murmurs rippled through rows of students and proud parents alike.

Zim stepped onto the stage wearing a dark purple robe with the Irken symbol drawn on with permanent marker. "Thank you all. I know, I am amazing. But, please, you may all shut your noise tubes now and stop talking about how truly awesome I am."

Dib, sitting center from the stage, couldn't keep the grin off of his face.

"While I am disappointed, perhaps even depressed, that I did not have the opportunity to destroy you all at my earliest convenience, I must admit that I have learned some things from you disgusting worm babies." He paused for dramatic effect. "I have certainly never doubted that I understood feelings such as loathing and contempt, but I learned even more important emotions. Accomplishment. Yes, the sweet feel of knowing that I have defeated you all at one thing or another gives me a sense of being filled with goo. Satisfaction goo. And yet I have learned something even more important."

He looked up at the audience, but did not see Gaz.

"I learned humiliation and compassion. If it had not been for the one girl that did not care that I was different from you, I would not be here before you today. Her name is Gaz. And if any of you so much as look at her in a way that I do not like I will rip your heads from your bodies and use your intestines as jump rope for Gir. Do you understand?" he bellowed into the microphone. A collective gasp went through the student body. "Oh, and I am going to keep your heart in a jar because I've always wanted one of those. I may start a collection." A boy in the center made a mad dash for the door, but couldn't get by the others. Zim waved his arms in the air. "Calm down, dirt child, I don't even know who you are. But that doesn't mean that I can't find out! I am telling you all that Gaz is mine."

He stepped away from the podium and began to walk across the stage. He paused in mid-step and performed an about-face, returning to the podium once more. "Oh, and I love you, Gaz and I apologize for what is to come, if you are in the audience. Thank you, that is all."

Gaz sat next to the Holo-Dad and stared down at the alien, not quite sure what to think. Certainly his speech was unexpected, as was him being announced Valedictorian, but she had thought that there would be more to it than that.

Most importantly, however, he had just said that he loved her in front of the whole skool. If he had done it any more romantically than that she would have had the urge to vomit little chocolate hearts.

"Now, Gir!" Zim shouted from the steps leading to the main floor.

The tiny robot pulled a cord and a large banner that spanned the stage unraveled, revealing the words Zim + Gaz Forever Glorious. Below that, Gir had added Piggies are my friends. Trap doors that had been installed on the ceiling the day before flew open, unleashing thousands of rubber pigs and jelly donuts onto the heads of the unsuspecting students and family members. Gir giggled with joy as the squeaky toys and powdered treats fell, running about the stage to collect as many of his prized possessions as he could.

Students screamed as jelly donuts exploded on impact and rubber pigs pummeled them from above. Parents and staff members could only stare on in horror as their precious children were buried beneath Zim's surprise.

Gaz could not find the inner strength to keep from laughing. It was perfect.

Then the lasers came on.

People lacking sense stared directly at the evil rays of light and howled in pain as their eyes felt as though they would melt while others forgot about the pigs and jelly and focused on the pretty lights. Gaz saw Zim pull Dib from the flood below and watched as they ran behind the curtain, probably to freedom. She wormed her way through the crowded balcony as the adults shook themselves of their stupors and began screaming for their offspring. She managed to lose the Holo-Dad and ran outside, dislodging a jelly donut from her hair.

Her communicator beeped and she held her wrist up. "I just got out. Where are you guys?"

"We're a few blocks away," Dib replied. "Go to your left and hurry up. We have to head for Zim's house before the mob gets loose."

"Wouldn't going to Zim's be a stupid idea?" Gaz demanded as she jogged in their direction. "Everyone knows where he lives. His house doesn't exactly blend in with the neighborhood. It's turquoise."

"Force field!" Zim panted beside Dib. "Are they after us yet?"

Gaz glanced over her shoulder and almost tripped as she began to laugh at the sight of a mass of bodies surging through the hall doors, a cloud of powdered sugar following in their wake, punctuated by neon purple lasers. Everyone was either red and sticky or red and sticky with pigs stuck to them.

"They definitely don't look happy," she replied and picked up the pace. She caught up with them and Zim led them through a series of shortcuts to get to his house.

The three teens burst through Zim's front door, pushing the robotic parents out of the way. Gaz slammed the door shut after Gir and locked it. Zim looked relatively unharmed from the onslaught of jelly and rubber. Dib, on the other hand, had unfortunately been trapped in the middle of the downpour and was unable to escape from the writhing mass of stupid people that did not how to react to the situation with sense. He was red, white, pink, sticky and kept rubbing at his eyes.

Gaz herself was fine, except for where that donut had oozed its innards all over her head. "Zim, I know that you hate water, but do you have showers?"

"Hm?" The alien looked at her, distracted. "Oh, yes. There are some in the labs. All of you humans are just filthy and I can't have dirty specimens in my observatory. What would the others think?"

"Right. Lead the way?" She gave him a tiny shove and he smiled, patting her on the forehead, where the jelly was not. "How did you manage to put all that together without anyone realizing?" she demanded.

"Were you impressed, my love-squeaky? I remembered that you said meat would cause problems, so I figured that jelly donuts were the best alternative. And Gir just had to add those infernal pigs. I don't know how he found so many." Zim shook his head.

"If you ever call me 'love-squeaky' again I will squeeze you until that is the only sound you will ever be able to make again," Gaz threatened. "But, yes, I was impressed. That is the most original thing I've seen all year, I must admit." The trio came to the showers at long last and Dib jumped into the first stall, slamming the door shut behind him.

Gaz headed over to her shower and smirked at the Irken. "Too bad you hate water, or I'd ask you to join me," she teased.

Zim glared at her. "You are so cruel."

She blew him a kiss, allowing her brain to go OOC for just a second, and entered the stall.

--

Gir settled on Gaz's lap as they sat sprawled about the living room. The mob of angry students, parents, and teachers had tried for over an hour to get onto Zim's property to no avail. It had been quite amusing to watch them grow more frustrated by the minute.

"I still don't understand how you came out Valedictorian," Gaz grumbled.

"I had a perfect grade point average, my affectionate worm baby. At least I did once I was done with the skool records," Zim added with a malicious laugh. "That is what they all get for thinking they are smarter than me, ZIM!" He laughed again until Dib and Gaz yelled at him to shut up in unison.

"What about the note cards?"

"Oh, she kept raving on about her speech while I was in skool yesterday so when she wasn't looking I sent Gir in there to modify the name. He is quite good at plagiarism, believe it or not."

"And why did you choose rubber pigs and jelly donuts?"

Zim shuddered. "The pigs were all Gir's idea and the jelly donuts…" He shuddered again, more forcefully this time. "They make me think of unpleasant things. You do not want to know," he added, waving his hand in Dib's direction to cut him off. "It is far too gruesome for me to explain to you, in detail, how rancid jelly donuts are."

"I hate it when he does that," Dib grumbled.

"So basically you hate jelly donuts and that was the worst torture you could come up with?" Gaz demanded. "After all of those plans I showed you that I had come up with, you choose food. I guess I shouldn't be surprised."

"Gaz, I expected you to be proud of me. Was their reaction not worth it? First they couldn't believe that I stood up for you, and then to be pelted with disgusting, sugar-infested treats? Perfect, I tell you! Perrrrrfect!" He indulged in his maniacal laughter once again. "Although I did add the lasers as an afterthought. The Tallest was ever so fond of lasers," Zim commented.

"The lasers were definitely awesome, but I guess jelly donuts are okay. Although I'm confused as to why the pigs stuck to anything with jelly on it," Gaz said.

"Oh, that's because I reconfigured the molecules in the jelly to attract pigs."

"But they were made of rubber."

"A pig is a pig. If it looks like a pig, and it squeaks like a pig, and Gir plays with it like a pig, then it is a pig."

"Pigs don't squeak."

"A small technicality, easily ignored by me." Zim smiled and nudged her with his foot. "Wait 'til you see what happens at midnight."

"What do you mean?"

"Exactly what I meant it to mean."

Gaz rolled her eyes. "I'm not waiting until midnight," Dib spoke up. The other two glanced over at him.

"I don't believe you were invited to stay," Zim replied. "You would probably become grossed out by what I am going to show your sister." He grinned wickedly. "She may be as well."

"Whatever. I gotta get home anyway to make sure that the HoloDad is okay." Dib stood. "Take care of her, Zim," he muttered as he passed the alien. Zim nodded.

"So now what?" Gaz asked, shaking her foot idly.

"We wait."

"Sounds fantastic."